JC sat on his patio nursing a bottle of beer and stared out at the hills below. It was hard to believe that two days ago he was digging out of 15 inches of snow, and now he sat here in shorts and a tank basking in the California sun. It was hard to believe his time in Minnesota even happened. It was all so surreal.
How he could miss someone so much after only 24 hours he didn't know. But in some way, he felt he knew Hannah better than any of the people he had been hanging around with for the past few years. He had been alienating himself. He knew it. The people he had been hanging out with were party friends. Hangers-on. People who liked him for his celebrity. They weren't people who really knew him on a personal level. They weren't people he would have deep and endless conversations with.
There were only three people in his life that he felt he could tell anything to. One was his brother Tyler. Ty knew everything about him. One was Justin - but they had slowly been rebuilding their friendship after a few shaky years, and they weren't quite back to that level yet. The other was Tony. But after JC's drunken antics, they hadn't talked in a few months. It killed JC, but he wasn't sure how to fix what he had done; so he took the easy way out and avoided the situation all together.
And suddenly, out of nowhere, he felt he could add Hannah Janssen to that short list of people.
He never wanted to add a woman to that list before. He wanted to sleep with them and then send them on their way after a few months. He never wanted to be friends with them. And he wouldn't lie - he did want to sleep with Hannah. But if sleeping with her meant he couldn't be her friend, it wasn't worth it.
"Oh fuck it. Just suck it up Chasez and talk to her."
JC grabbed his phone off of the side table and brought up her number. His fingers nimbly typed a text message. <i>Its 80 degrees and sunny here. Not a snowflake in sight.</i>
There. He had done it. He contacted her.
He set the phone back down and took a deep swig of his beer. He closed his eyes as a warm breeze washed over him. His phone buzzed.
<i>Not one in sight here either. It is 60 and all the snow melted. Hi :)</i>
Oh God. Was she flirting with him? 'No Chasez, just saying hi dumbass.'
<i>Hi :) MN is odd</i>
<i>Thats why I love it</i>
It had been two minutes and they'd already exchanged four text messages. JC was about to just give her a call when his doorbell rang.
His phone buzzed again, but he didn't get to respond.
<i>I never actually expected you to contact me</i>
--------------------
JC never got a chance to text Hannah back. Justin unexpectedly showed up at his door and they bounced around some ideas for a few new songs. Now it was two days later and JC felt like scum for not getting back to her. Especially when she told him that she didn't expect him to contact her.
He sighed deeply, and dug her business card out of his wallet. He sat down at his studio computer and decided to send her an e-mail. It was easier than calling her. He wasn't sure why he was such a coward all of the sudden.
From: joshua.scott@gmail.com
To: hjanssen@janssenspub.net
Date: April 5, 2007 at 10:58 p.m.
Subject: none
I'm really sorry I never texted you back the other day. Justin stopped over and we were working on some songs...Anyway, I could have taken a few seconds to write you. I don't want you to think I'm a jerk, and I don't want you to think I wouldn't contact you. I couldn't just ignore you after what you did for me.
I've decided that every time we e-mail each other, we tell each other something about us. And not something like, "my favorite color is blue" (which it is), or "my favorite food is sushi" (which it also is). But something real. Something important.
And since I don't really have a question, I'll just try to think of something you might want to know...
I finally realized that I happy NSYNC never got back together. The media, and us to be honest, blamed Justin. We were upset with him for years. But when I really think about it, I'm glad we were done when we were. I'm not mad at Justin anymore, in fact, he always has and always will be one of my closest friends. I told him that when he was here the other day - that he was right, and he made the right decision. He almost looked like he was going to cry. He came over and hugged me - and not one of those manly, pat-on-the-back hugs. A real hug. I knew it meant a lot to him, because he's still on shaky ground with the other guys. I don't think any of the others have told him "You did the right thing." There is still a lot of blame there.
I'm not sure why I felt the need to share that, but for some reason I did.
Anyway, here is your question. Who is that one person in your family that you don't really like, but you act like you do because they are family? I know you have one, we all do.
OK, that's all for now. Talk to you soon.
-C
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From: hjanssen@janssenspub.net
To: joshua.scott@gmail.com
Date: April 6, 2007 at 3:06 a.m.
Subject: Re: none
OMG, YOU HUGGED JT! AHH! j/k ;)
I was not expecting to come home to such a serious e-mail when I got done with work this evening. I guess in a way I feel honored that you would share this with me, that you would be so honest. I don't know what it is that makes you want to talk to me, but I like it. I haven't been able to <i>really</i> talk to anyone in a very long time, so I'm glad we found each other. I think it is great that you and Justin are building you friendship back up. I just assumed you were still tight after that picture I saw from your birthday, but trust me - I understand there is a difference between hanging out with someone and really having a solid friendship, and I'm happy to hear that you and Justin are getting that back. I'm honored that you would trust these secrets to me. I want you to know that nothing you ever tell me will leave this computer or my mind. These secrets are ours to keep. I just know how awful it must be to never know if you can really trust someone. And I'm not sure if I can convince you, but I want you to know I will never share them with anyone.
I'm a little tipsy and kind of rambling.
But to answer your question - man, this will make me sound like a horrible person, but its the truth - I don't like my brother. I put on a good act of course, and people ask about him all of the time because he's in Iraq. We never had much in common except for hockey, and when I quit playing our relationship became even rockier. Then two years ago, I lost all respect for him. Jens was always fighting for attention from our father. He felt that dad loved me more, cared about my hockey career more, etc., even though that wasn't true. But Jens always felt he needed to impress our dad. Now my dad was a huge conservative and a big supporter of the war. I am adamantly against the war, and Jens was too. But when dad got sick...wow, I've never told anyone this before...when dad got sick, Jens joined the Army as a way to finally make dad proud of him. And it worked of course. My dad was so proud that Jens was in the service, but it makes me sick inside to know that Jens went against everything he believed in just to make dad love him. Ever since dad died, Jens and I don't really speak much, even though we own this bar together. In fact, I got a letter from him the other day that said, "Mom said you are selling artwork at the bar now. You know dad would hate that. That hippy-dippy shit better be gone when I get back." That is all it said.
Um yeah. So there is my secret. Want to know another secret? I bought your cd. "Lose Myself" is stunning, but nothing beats the stripped-down, live version :)
My brain is too fried to think of a question right now. I will e-mail you in a couple of days.
-Hannah
P.S. I love purple and my favorite food is sushi, too :)
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JC sat in shock as he read Hannah's e-mail. He never in a million years thought she would be so open and honest with him. He wanted nothing more to wrap her in his arms right now. She had told him that her dad died, and that her brother was in Iraq, but he had no idea of heartache she was going through. He expected her to say she didn't really care for her Aunt Phyllis because she forced Hannah to eat her disgusting deviled eggs. Or her Uncle Jack because he smelled bad. Not this. He needed to do something for her. Something that would make her smile through all of this pain.
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From: joshua.scott@gmail.com
To: hjanssen@janssenspub.net
Date: April 10, 2008 at 4:26 p.m.
Subject: Re:re: none
Attachements: 1
I recorded it just for you. I hope it brings a smile to your face.
attach: losemyself-stripped.mp3
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From: hjanssen@janssenspub.net
To: joshua.scott@gmail.com
Date: April 11, 2007 at 1:35 a.m.
Subject: Re:re:re: none
Attachements: 1
That is the kindest thing anyone has ever done for me. I would hug you right now if I could.
I've attached the wall 'o celebrity picture for you. We look adorable if I may say so myself.
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JC smiled as he sat down at his computer and glanced at the picture sloppily taped above the monitor. Hannah was right. They looked damn adorable. He need to remember to take it down though. Justin was coming over in a few hours to work on a song, and he wasn't quite ready to share Hannah with anyone yet.
Five new e-mails. He sighed. One was from someone at Jive and he wasn't ready to read it. In fact, he was dreading it. He knew it wasn't going to be good.
It was easy to ignore because there was one from Hannah - even though technically it was his turn to respond.
From: hjanssen@janssenspub.net
To: joshua.scott@gmail.com
Date: April 15, 2007 at 6:34 p.m.
Subject: :)
I've been asked to be a speaker at the Independent Bar Owners Association conference next week because someone backed out at the last minute. It is in L.A. Do you think I should accept? :)
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From: joshua.scott@gmail.com
To: hjanssen@janssenspub.net
Date: April 15, 2007 at 7:06 p.m.
Subject: Re: :)
Absolutely, I do.
