Every day for this past year has been hell. Okay maybe not everyday. My son was born this past year. Joanna is doing a great job being a great mother and I try to be the best father possible. I’m still not talking to Justin and Juliet. I know they left the ball in my court but sometimes I think they can just keep it. I’ve never imagined my life without Justin in it. He’s still a big part considering I co-own a clothing line with him and I still see Juliet almost everyday but we keep everything strictly business.

I know she feels guilty for doing what she did. Granted not guilty enough to stop seeing Justin or to stop being with Justin. I told her off the other day. She didn’t deserve it but I really don’t want to hear about their wedding plans and all that crap. She tries to talk to me but I always give her the cold shoulder. Maybe I should be nicer I mean I got a good life, I got a good girl, and I got a perfect son…I got everything I ever wanted except Juliet.

I still love her. I will never stop loving her. I don’t think it would have hurt so bad if she had hooked up with some other guy but it was Justin. The one person who always had my back no matter what. The one person I could turn too, who was more like a brother to me than a friend. She still looks happy and content with him. I guess sometimes I just wonder why she wasn’t happy with me. Why did she never try to make it work? I would have tried. I would have taken her back. She knows that. Justin knows that. I guess that’s why he did what he did that night at his house. He knew I would never be able to let her go without seeing her that way.

Joanna is the one person who should be able to help me get past this. The one person I should love and the only person I should love but I think about Juliet all the time. Sometimes I wonder what she’s doing like when I’m alone or… and I shouldn’t say this… but when I hold my son I wonder what my children would have looked like with Juliet. I think I was too clingy. Look at the way I’m talking right now.

“Trace, here are the new design layouts for the website. Just take a look at them, think about them and get back to me tomorrow so I can start putting them together.” Juliet tells me as she lays out the different design layouts in front of me.

“Juliet, can I talk to you for a minute?” I ask her with a sigh as she sits down across from me with a confused look on her face.

“Sure, about what?” She asks as she crosses her legs giving me her undivided attention.

“I guess in order to move on I just need to know why you didn’t want to try and save us? Why didn’t you try to love me?” I finally tell her realizing I should have ask this long time ago, it would have saved us all some heartbreak.

“Because Trace, there was nothing to save. I was with you but I loved Justin. I always have…its just he was dating Cameron Diaz and then Jessica freaking Biel when you asked me out… I said yes because I knew Justin would never look at me the way you looked at me. At that time you loved me when he didn’t. I never knew he felt the same way about me. If he had told me I would have probably never said yes to being your girlfriend and breaking your heart. I never wanted to hurt you; you have to believe that even after all the bullshit went down I always wanted to make sure you were okay. If I could change the way I feel about Justin I probably would sometimes because it freaking scares me how much I need him. It terrifies me everyday that he could find some actress or singer or model and leave me for them. I never had to worry about that with you. You were safe when Justin wasn’t. But I can guarantee you that even if he left me today everything between him and I would have been worth it. Being in love with him would have been worth it. Having him love me would have been worth it.” She tells me as she looks straight in my eyes and I know she means what she’s saying. She loves him more than she ever loved me.