"Well look who finally crawled in. Have fun on the Walk of Shame?"

"I'm sorry, remind me whose house it is I just walked into?" I give Trace a very emphatic flipping of the bird and throw my jacket at him. This is my home, my dominion; I do not have to explain a damn thing to anyone here.

"Like I give a shit. Where the hell did you get to? Rach is threatening to kill you for ditching, so I hope the ass you got last night is worth dying for."

"Dude," I say in disgust. I mean, I can be pretty crude when it suits me, but that really is crude.

"Whatever. She's upset and angry and when she's upset and angry I'm the one who gets my ear blown off while she rants and rages about what a dick you are. I don't appreciate that and I'm holding you responsible. Where were you?"

"You know, it's weird, I could have sworn that I was a grown ass man and that you were not my mother."

"Yeah, your mother don't know half the shit I do. Stop avoiding the question."

"For fuck's sake, I partied too long and crashed out. Big deal. I'm a big boy now."

"And if you think I'm buying that for a second, you seriously underestimate me. Who was the girl?"

"For God's sake Trace, can I not get in the door of my own house and maybe get a coffee before the Inquisition starts?"

"No. I hope you didn't bed another one of those groupies."

"So what if I did?" I sigh.

Trace may think I underestimate him, but actually I've got him pegged. He will take what I just said as a confession and will immediately start on that track. He will have no idea what I did or who I was actually with, thereby keeping my shit private while still managing to get him off my back because he's got his little lecture out of his system. Unfortunately, this plan while effective still requires me to suffer through to his little lecture. The lengths I have to go to get some privacy are ridiculous.

"How many times have I told you, JT? Those one night stand girls are nothing but trouble."

"Yeah. No strings sex, how terrible." You see how I'm not actually lying but am deftly avoiding the truth? I got mad skills.

"Yeah, they say it's no strings. But you know as well as I do that they say yes to that because they're convinced that once your throbbing member lets out its love between their quivering thighs your souls will merge as well as your juices and you'll realise they're the one…"

"Fuckin' A, what the hell kind of Harlequin shit you been reading?" I'm thoroughly appalled by what he just said, it sounds ridiculous.

"Actually Nate discovered some sex thing on the net some fan wrote, thought I'd be amused. She's got some seriously deluded ideas about how big a penis is supposed to be, I gotta tell ya. Real life is gonna disappoint her."

"Oh, oh," I spit out in disgust. I'm not sure which is worse, the idea of 'juices' or Trace reading about me having sex. That's almost like him walking in on me while I'm having it, it's disturbing and gross. "Cut that the fuck out, man."

"Yeah, well the point stands. These girls think you're giving them something more than a roll in the sack and when you don't they get pissed and they call the tabloids."

"If I say I'm sorry and I won't do it anymore will you swear never to say any of that freaky shit again?"

"Will you mean it?"

"No."

Trace lets out a huge sigh, scratching his head and pulling an expression like he's some long suffering martyr. Why the guy feels the need to be up in my business like this anyway I'll never know. "Fine, fine. Be a dumb ass. Just don't say you weren't warned and don't expect me not to gloat about how I told you so."

"Wouldn't dream of it," I mutter as I abandon my thoughts of coffee and instead head for the shower.

Maybe it's childish, but I'm fuming and stewing a little as I yank off my clothes and turn on the water. Normally when I step under the shower I find the water mentally as well as physically cleansing. I scrub at my skin and simultaneously scrub away all the confusing thoughts until my mind is a little clearer and I don't feel so irate. This time it's not working though, and it's all Trace's fault. Apart from the fact that he is not my keeper or my conscience, he knows how much I dislike it when he plays that card. He's done it before; he knows I find it gross to think about, so he trots it out every time he wants to take a cheap shot.

Though if I'm honest, as repulsive as his turn of phrase was he has a point and if I had in fact gone and had a one night stand with a groupie, he would be dead on. Since, however, I did not go and sleep with a fan, he's way off base. To be honest I think what I did actually do probably wasn't the best plan either… man, I really hate having a conscience. It's okay when you're drunk and the alcohol shuts the damn thing up for a while, but when you wake back up more sober and it's yelling at you it really sucks being in possession of one.

Addy seemed a bit confused about why I made my excuses and cut out of there so fast; I don't think she saw the big deal, but I do. It's kind of stupid to me that I should feel at all guilty or hesitant about this. I've slept with women outside of a relationship before, nothing disastrous happened. I've had friends with benefits before, and it's always been fine - except for that one time my idiot self failed to spot that she wasn't really in it for the same thing I was and was secretly hoping that somewhere along the way I'd start reciprocating her feelings. Once upon a time when I was fourteen or fifteen I had big ideas about sex and true love and all that but as I got older I learned that it's entirely possible to be in a healthy sexual relationship without being madly in love, so long as you know when to quit.

Heck, I've had that relationship before with Addy, for crying out loud. Given that once you've already had sex with somebody it's a lot easier to fall into the sack with them again, it's amazing it took us this long. But we were drunk, we were being silly and things got out of hand. Or, more accurately, various things got into people's hands and… let's not get graphic. We left the club because we got bored of hiding in VIP and figured that we could continue acting like idiots with much more space and comfort at her apartment. We were continuing to goof off and run around like we were five years old and shit escalated to things that five year olds should definitely never do. She was drunk, but so was I. It was a good time, and since neither of us had been there for a while it was certainly an enthusiastic and kind of dirty time. Once again, nobody got used or taken advantage of, we gave each other moral support and then later a physical release, something that on both counts we had both needed. So why the fuck should I feel wrong about it?

I guess maybe it's because I can't return to where we were on Adora as if nothing's changed. That thing we had was great, and I meant it when I said in other circumstances I'd have loved to give it a real shot with her, but part of what made it work was that it had a shelf life. It could never be any more than what it was and neither of us could get caught up in wishing or wanting it to be. Addy seems to view what happened last night as if it's no different, but I can't. Like she always used to tell me about the tourists, they get to go home and forget but you can't because it's your life, not a vacation. As much as I hate to be a girl about it, I think this is dangerous emotional territory.

She wants me to go back over there later this afternoon. I said "maybe," and I'm still in two minds about whether I really want to and whether I really should. It's not going to help if the answers to those questions wind up being contradictory. I mean, fuck, I think it's obviously how much I like her. We connect, simple as that. I can't get all deep and spiritual about it because it's not something really that deep or spiritual; we just instinctively get each other. Not everything about each other, but the important stuff we got covered. Still, I've learned the hard way that the right person at the wrong time works out no better than the wrong person.

Addy is here, where I live, and there's a possibility of her sticking around. This isn't a nice neat little island bubble where I can pretend I'm not who I am with all the incumbent fame bullshit. There's no expiry date here, no boundaries, and I'm really not comfortable with that. Not for myself and definitely not for her while she's got so much other emotional shit going on. So now I have to feel guilty for having great sex with a hot girl who's offering more great sex up on a silver platter. That's ridiculous. We're adults, we both know what we're getting into, so why should I have to sit here and second guess it as though I'd be doing something wrong? Why am I wrong for enjoying a little fun? Damn my fucking conscience.

Cockblocker.

My phone rings as I'm wrapping a towel around my waist and shaking out my hair. Haphazardly I grab it and lift it to me ear. "Hello?"

"Cocksucker. Where'd you get to?"

"I'm sorry, when I went to find you I couldn't and then I got drunk. Crashed at Addy's."

"Hmm. Never saw her all night either. Why must I be saddled with such shitty friends? Lucky for you I'm such a social butterfly who can ingratiate myself whatever bunch of strangers I get dumped into."

"I'm sorry, Rach," I plead in my most pitiable tone of voice. "Forgive me?"

"After that hissy fit and stomping off like that? Hell no, the baby voice isn't going to cut it, pal."

I sigh. "I'm going to be buying you shit, aren't I?"

"I could use a new house."

Shit, I really did piss her off. Normally she only goes so far as some designer bag or big car. "I really am sorry, I was full of impending doom and beer; it's a bad combo."

She gives a little sigh over the phone. "So did Addy freak or what?"

"She hid out in the VIP room most of the night like we predicted."

"Oh well. Anyway, that was why I called. I was going to suggest we made it up to her tonight with something more like it. I got us a private room at that Indian place Matt was raving about; Trace can make it this time. I did ask her roommate too but when I called she sounded like she was dying."

"She was throwing these fruity umbrella things back last I saw her. They looked deceptively strong."

"That'll be why. Seriously, you think Addy would be up for it?"

This may be the answer to my problems. I will still see Addy so can't be accused of avoiding her, but I won't be alone with her either so there is no chance of awkward conversations or ill advised sex happening. The problem with ill advised sex is that it's always that much more tempting because it's risky, so the best way to avoid it is to put yourself in a nice public situation so you can't have it. See how smart I am?

"Sure. I'll call her now."