You know, Granny always used to say to me that "one lie begets another," and I had no idea what she meant. How does one lie mean you have to tell another? Do they reproduce themselves by mitosis, do they procreate and give birth to lots of little baby lies, what? Of course they don't, that's just stupid. Besides, I try not to lie anyway since in my line of work it usually comes back to bite me in the ass - no point lying when your lies go into print and on file and can be recalled by a quick Google search even if it's years later. So, with all this I figured it was some stupid old people cliché that was best to be ignored.

Well now I definitely know what the fuck she meant and she was fucking right.

I told one tiny, insignificant lie. If you think about it, it was a pretty superficial and unimportant lie. A person's career doesn't necessarily say all that much about them; there are always lots of stereotypes, but those are always bullshit and you can always find a ton of people who don't fit them. Really, in the big scheme of things, telling her that I was a banker instead of a musician hasn't done all that much to affect the way Addy and I have built up our acquaintance. We rarely talk about that shit anyway, we shoot the breeze and hike and surf. Yesterday we also played ping pong and a girl beat me, which is embarrassing. But you get my point - my career isn't a particularly relevant topic, so one tiny little white lie to bring me some peace of mind really shouldn't have been a big deal. Everything else Addy and her friends have come to learn about me is very much on the level.

The problem is that the one little white lie I'm talking about was not just told to Addy. It has been told to other people. She has told other people, other people have asked and I've been forced to lie again for continuity. When they ask for details, I have to make up further falsehoods to fill in at least a few blanks even if I switch subjects as quickly as possible. With that, I then have to 'readjust' other details of my life to be more in keeping with the idea that I'm a banker, because the job I described does not really match up with my true salary and lifestyle… unless I'm also a drug dealer on the side, anyway.

Now, I'm preparing to tell yet another untruth. It's a bigger one too, since this one requires premeditation. It's a lie that requires some serious preparation and a lot of acting skill. Once again if I had thought for more than two seconds before opening my mouth then I might not have had to do this, but as Granny says one fucking lie begets another shitty fucking lie. Well, Granny says that except she doesn't swear so much. The swearing is all me.

Addy asked me to go to dinner with the gang to meet another friend of hers. I said sure, that sounded great. Since I'm avoiding the tourist spots and there's only one restaurant in this village I've been eating whatever I can cook - that gets boring, so I was looking forward to it. This was all well and great and I was pretty psyched (yeah, me who dines in the most exclusive restaurants all over the world was getting pathetically hyped about going to some total stranger's house where somebody else would cook) until Addy mentioned who the friend was. The information didn't really sink in until I'd already signed off from the conversation and Addy had disappeared, but this friend is from back home and is just visiting.

Yeah. 'Back home' being England where I've had two number one albums, two sell out tours and am fucking famous - not for being a banker. You see my problem here.

Well, it's too late now, and since I was too stupid to dig the details out of her first before agreeing to it (better watch it or next time I'll be headed for the tourists before I even realise it) I am now going to have to perjure myself yet again to get out of it. Did I mention I'm sick of telling tall tales already? The moment of truth has arrived, since Addy has just knocked on my door - or should I say moment of untruth? I take one last glance in the mirror and hope I look crappy enough to pull this off.

"Hey, Justin," she says as I open the door.

"Hey." I smile pitifully at her, giving her my best hang dog expression. I really hope I look wretched enough, but her face scrunches up when she looks at me so here's hoping that's good.

"Christ, you don't look too good mate. Are you okay?"

"Ugh, it's my own stupid fault," I sniffle. Wait, you don't sniffle for stomach complaints do you? "I wasn't thinking about what I was doing and I got myself a nice glass of water from the sink instead of the fridge. I only took a little before I remembered so I figured I'd get away with it, but…"

"Oh yikes." Addy grimaces, knowing full well what the tap water around here will do to someone.

The leaflets in the hotel all warn that you can expect nausea, headache, fever, stomach ache and probably the runs even with a small amount of water from the taps here. It's like Mexico in that sense. I was careful to specify that it was only a little bit otherwise she'd probably have tried to get me medical attention. Thankfully the likely effect on my digestive tract will discourage her from visiting my bathroom, in which she would find not the gross smell of stomach issues but a pile of steam - the one that has given my face its lovely clammy appearance and makes me look like I'm sweating from fever. The bloodshot red eye look was much more painful; I've been rubbing my eyes like crazy for the last five minutes and it is not pleasant. They weren't itching before, but they sure as hell are now. The rest is all in the slump of the shoulders and looking weak.

See? I said this lie was going to require some performance.

"Is there anything I can do?" She asks sympathetically.

I shake my head. "Carlotta said to just drink lots of water - but bottled this time - and try to sleep it off." Yep, it's true; I even made a fake call down to reception for advice. Look everyone how well I cover my tracks…

Addy puts a hand to my forehead. "Ugh. You're warm; looks like you're running a temperature. Do you feel hot?"

"It's more my stomach than anything. I kind of want to rip my bowels out."

"Thank you for that lovely mental image," she says, shuddering. "No problem, you just go back to bed and I'll make your apologies to everyone."

"I'm sorry," I lie, "I was really looking forward to it."

Ugh, I feel like a total asshole looking at her. She's smiling at me and she's just oozing undeserved sympathy and I hate deceiving her like this. I just wish I'd realised who the friend was before I agreed, I'm sure she would have understood if I'd said I'd rather not intrude. Oh well, too late now - once again, I must continue to play out my stinking dirty fib. Fuck, I think this little display of acting is probably better than any of those I've been paid for in the past.

"Don't worry, it happens," she says with a wave of her hand. "Just do as Carlotta said and you should be fine, but I'll come and check in on you tomorrow."

Note to self: tomorrow I need to look a little fragile but still over the worst of it. "Thanks. You look pretty by the way."

She does. Clearly this dinner was a nice thing, she's put on a skirt and jewellery and everything; she lives in shorts and vests and swim suits whenever I see her. I was under the impression it was more casual - good thing I'm not going then, might have looked awkward when I opened the door in a t-shirt and jeans.

"Oh, thanks. Anyway, go get some sleep mate. Night Justin, feel better."

"Night," I call weakly as I shut the door and breathe a heavy sigh of relief.

Fucking hell, I do have a talent for causing myself grief.

***

"So…" I say quietly as Addy and I walk along. "How was last night?"

She came up at around noon to check on me as promised, and I've been doing my best to look a little tired but otherwise okay. I pretended I skipped breakfast and turned down lunch, when actually I gulped down no less than three bowls of cereal this morning (in my defence, their bowls are tiny). I asked if she'd mind walking with me, said I wanted some fresh air but didn't think I should go alone. She acquiesced easily but I'm thinking I need to get off the subject of me being ill before I pile it on too thick.

"It was good. We missed you though, Lily was very disappointed."

"Why?" I ask. "What did you tell her about me?"

"Nothing. All she needed to hear was that you were male and her Cupid face came on."

"Oh," I chuckle quietly. "I have friends like that. Annoying, huh?"

Normally the hiking trail we take goes up one of the hills, you wind up with the most fantastic view of the bay, but since I'm supposed to be delicate we take a slower and less taxing one that just circles the village. It's still cool though, I get to see the school she teaches in (looks just like any American school) and we walk by some of the houses and I get to see a little more of the area. The residents here all let their dogs run loose, so we see a lot of them on our travels too.

"Yes." Addy rolls her big brown eyes at me. "I'm fine being single and I have no problem finding guys if I want them, so I find it insulting when people try and shove them down my throat. Even if it is you," she adds hastily.

"And she saves it in the nick of time," I tease. It's not like she offended me though, that scenario is very familiar. Of course, with me it's the world media who try and play that game as well as my friends. It gets kind of ridiculous when after all these years I still open up magazines to find they're linking me to every woman I'm pictured within ten feet of, even Rachael who is my fucking cousin for crying out loud. They should know that by now.

"Nah, it was all pretty much the same as when you came to that party at my house," she shrugs. "We drink and chat, mostly. You'd think it would get old by now."

"With good friends that never gets old." She looks at me and I smile at her, but she clearly wants to say something. You know that look people get, the one that says they're desperate to say or ask something but aren't too sure if they should? That's the one on her face right now. Her mouth keeps twitching like she wants to open it. I just walk on in silence, staring at my feet. She'll talk when she's ready.

"Speaking of friends…" Addy says casually as she pulls her hair back into a ponytail. It's a very dark colour, her hair, still discernibly brown but nearing black.

"Yeah?" I say as I pick up a large stick and start swiping at the dirt and stones with it while we walk.

"I'd say we're friends now, right? Been hanging out for what, like three weeks?"

"Uhh… if I had to label it I'd say 'friends' works," I reply, a little puzzled by the question.

"You know, we're hanging out pretty much constantly and I feel like I'm getting to know you better…"

"Well… yeah. Me too." Clearly she's doing that thing where she starts out with small agreements and works her way up to bigger ones. That is true, but I'm kind of saying it because I know it's expected and it sounds rude if I don't.

"So I think it's about time you told me the real deal."

If I had been taking a drink just now, I would have just spat it out - or possibly choked on it. I stop dead.

"I'm sorry… what?"

"Look, Justin… this might not be any of my business but I'm not stupid."

Oh shit, oh fuck. How could she have possibly found out? Did my full name come up with this Lily chick or something? Did she tell her? The perspiration that I had to fake last night is now genuine, my palms feel moist. The fact that it's mid afternoon and the sun is beating down with impressive ferocity doesn't help. I thought I'd known heat before, living in Florida and California at various times and coming from the South, but this place rivals even them for the hottest place I've ever been. Sweat is pouring off me, especially with all the walking, and it's not helping my discomfort here.

"What do you mean?" I ask cautiously.

Addy sighs a little, swiping her sneaker clad foot along the ground. Clearly she's a little nervous about this - she's not sure if this was a good time or if she's done this too prematurely.

"You've been here around three weeks. You're showing no signs of leaving and you're not even sure when you will. Nobody gets to just casually take open ended vacations from work, even if they've got some time banked. And you're here by yourself and for a while there you were so… well, reclusive. Practically a bloody hermit, even. It's not hard to figure it out, you know."

"Figure out what?"

"You know as well as I do."

"Humour me. Figure out what?" My mouth is dry, the words a little raspy.

"That something happened and that's why you came out here, to get away from it. Was it the bank, did something happen with your boss?"

The relief is so palpable I could kiss the ground in thanks, I'm so damn glad that's all it was. That dread feeling of being seriously fucking rumbled was upon me. Actually, you have to hand it to the girl, she's astute. She may have believed the banker thing but other than that she's got me pretty much figured out on the 'his whole presence here is weird' score. I'm just really fucking glad my secret's still safe.

That's true actually… she's pretty much hit the nail on the head. Clearly the girl's perceptive; maybe that means she'd be a good person to talk to? I was even thinking earlier that the banker lie was pretty superficial, maybe I could still confide in her about some of the shit that landed me here. I mean, obviously some details may have to be altered slightly to stay in keeping with my little finance yarn there but haven't I been doing that anyway? Wasn't I bitching that I had no one to talk to who was unrelated and unbiased but not a trained psychiatrist? Maybe Addy is the answer to my prayer here. If I word this right, I can confide any problem I feel like to her but just do it euphemistically, without referencing the fame side of things. I think I could manage that.

Lord knows I could do with venting.

"It was… well… nothing I can really put my finger on," I say slowly as I start walking on again. Addy falls into step beside me - I try not to look at her too much, but when I do she seems like she's paying attention.

"How so?"

"I was just unhappy. I was successful, I had great friends, a girlfriend, good family, there was nothing obviously wrong in my life and yet I'm a miserable bastard."

"Really?" She asks. I nod in response. "Wow. You hide it really well. I mean, obviously I worked out that the way you arrived alone was a little weird but just, you know, in yourself, you don't seem obviously unhappy."

My laugh rings sharp and loud. "I'm a good actor. Though since I started hanging with you I have felt better anyway, I haven't been dwelling on shit so much. Not like it goes away, it's still waiting for me to figure it out, but it's like I can at least forget it for a little while and have some actual fun."

Addy nods and it seems like she gets it. Her face is still open and quizzical but not confused. "So you really haven't been able to pin it down to anything? Not even when it started?"

"No." My head shakes vigorously. "If I knew when it started then I might have been able to work out what changed, but it just kind of snuck up on me. It's just… my whole life, you know?" I keep poking the stick into the dirt as we walk along, even making a few shapes when the pace slows sufficiently. "On paper, I should have been feeling like the luckiest bastard alive, but I just gradually started feeling like something was wrong and ever since I haven't been able to shake it. Like, I started arguing with my girlfriend a lot after and I wondered if it was maybe that, but I broke up with her and I still feel shitty. I don't miss her and I don't regret it, so I figure it was probably a good thing anyway, but I'm stuck. I love my friends and my family and my job, so I can't work out what's bugging me and it's driving me insane."

"Is it maybe just, I don't know, you putting pressure on yourself to be happy because on paper you think you should be?"

That actually makes a lot of sense, but it's not that. My lips scrunch together as I think how to explain this to her. "I always was though. Up until this all started, I fucking loved my life. It didn't change though, I did. I feel like some switch inside me flicked and I can't figure out what or why or how to switch it back."

"Huh." Addy pushes a hand through her hair and looks at me thoughtfully.

I'm grateful that her heart's not obviously bleeding for me, when people do that it makes me feel feeble somehow, but she's obviously a sensitive person and I appreciate it right now. Sometimes too much sympathy just feels like pity, and nobody wants to be pitied. Well, at least I don't.

"I wish I knew what to suggest." Her tone is almost apologetic, like it's her responsibility to solve my shit. "I've had a run in with depression myself but it was always obvious what started it."

"Guy broke your heart? Tourist?"

Her bottom lip gapes open slightly. "Well I suppose the anti-tourist rants were probably a huge tip off."

"What happened?" I ask.

"Usual. I got a little too attached, but he kept coming back whenever he could afford it and he made me think he was seriously moving out here. Then one day his fiancée followed him; between visits he'd met someone new and the arrangement had changed and it was her he was planning a new life with instead of me. Except he forgot to mention that we were over to me first - thank fuck he changed his mind about moving."

"Asshole," I reply consolingly. "Unrelated to my most recent break up, but somebody cheated on me with one of my best friends once."

"It bites, huh?"

"Hell yes."

All this time we've been gently strolling along, but now we're coming back towards the sand and soon we'll have completed our loop of the village. Addy sticks her hands deep into her pockets, looking down at the ground as she strides along.

"So, never mind what might have happened to cause it… what changed? What I mean is, what changed in the way you feel? Apart from just generally feeling like shit?"

"I don't know. Just… no energy. This nagging feeling that something was missing or not right. My mojo totally fell off at work too." That's not a lie; it was just in the studio not on the bank floor.

"Ahh, so that's why your boss agreed to you taking time out?"

"I'm pretty much my own boss," I answer truthfully. "There were various people I had to inform just out of courtesy but it was my call."

"Fair enough," she says as she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. "So was the plan to just stay here until you figure it out?"

"I was hoping that the distance might let me just chill out and relax enough to find some perspective." Finally I dispense with the stick, tossing it into some bushes. "I might not realise the answer until I get home but I was hoping some time to unwind might do me some good. Hence why it's all so open ended."

"Well… I don't know what I can say, but if I can help just ask. I wish I had some great piece of wisdom to give you but I really don't."

"Hey, I'd rather you say that than just feed me some trite bullshit because you felt obligated," I reassure her. "Thanks. It's kind of a relief just to get it off my chest."

"It's a shame you couldn't have met Lily," she says breezily as we hit the beach. "She's like this natural therapist. She just has this aura around her, you see her and stuff just starts coming out. She'd have you fixed in no time, but she's going home tonight."

"Yeah," I mumble weakly. "Shame."