All the little movies
That we made
Co-star you babe
Yet I'm the one
Who's messing up the bed

His hands slide to my hips and pull down hard as he thrusts up, pushing into me, touching that spot that causes me to moan out his name.

“Justin…”

“Yea Baby…. Fuck me.” He lifts me and pulls me back down, we work together in a steadily increasing rhythem. “Who knows how to fuck you good?” He grinds out, the pressure on his fingers gripping me brings a delicious wave of pain, but it mixes with the pleasure coursing through me in a sweet deadly combination.

I roll my hips and elicit a grown from deep within his chest.

“Do it again.” He groans and I oblige, releasing a sound all my own, as his fingers walk across my stomach and then down, pinching my clit and sending me over the edge. I cry out and ride the waves of pleasure that follow. His hand grips my hips again and he lifts me up and pulls me back down once more before he let’s go, shooting into me, coating my walls and finally going soft and I collapse on top of him.

The sweat on our skin, cooling as we struggle to catch out breath and I can hear his heartbeat slowing, the beats in sync with mine…

The shrill ring of a child shouting “Mommy!” drags me out of the haunting dream suddenly, haunting because dreaming of that memory never bodes well for the day to come. I fight with the realization that it was just a dream before ‘mom’ mode kicks in and I scramble out of bed to find out what is causing my son to scream.

Across the hall and into his room, stubbing my toe on a toy train in the dark, I sit down on the edge of his bed.

“Baby… what’s wrong?” He climbs onto my lap and his arms wrap around me as tears stream his cheeks and my heart is beating so fast.

“Lucas… Luke… Baby, did you have a bad dream?”

“Dere’s a mostner… a mostner unner my bed.”

A soft smile of relief soon follows his words and I hog him to my chest as I stand up, his legs immediately wrapping around me as I hold him on my hip and one hand turns his face up to look at me, and I brush the tears off his face.

“Baby, do you wanna come sleep with Mommy?” I ask him, expecting the following nod. And I walk back across the hall and lay him down in my bed I climb in myself and pull the covers up over us and kiss his forehead. “Go back to sleep Baby Boy, Everything is going to be alright. Mommy loves you.”

“Luv you too.” He mumbles already his eyelids are drooping and he curls up on his side against me.

I smile at him and even though he’s already out like a light again I lift my hand and brush it against his cheek. This little boy is my world.

And I seek just as much comfort out of him as he does out of me.

I look at the clocks digital red numbers shining 2am as I try to push away the fading dream of a night I wish I didn’t remember, but it hangs over me like a premonition of something soon to come.

It’s not so much the night that needs forgetting, as it is the man that never seems to stay gone.

Hours later I’m stepping out of the shower and the phone is ringing. I tuck the towel around me and cross my room. My son stirring under the covers; the sound of the phone dragging him from his dreams.

“Hello?” I grab up the phone and listen to my mother on the other end, asking me if I was ready to go yet.

Sunday’s are generally our grocery shopping days. There are few things that I let her help me out with anymore, after all I am an adult with a child I should be able to take care of myself. But she insists on chipping in to keep her grandson happy and healthy. So she comes grocery shopping with us. At any rate, whether I let her help out or not, it’s nice to know that I will at least see her on Sunday if not before then.

“Not yet mom, we had a rough night. Luke had a bad dream and was up in the middle of the night so we slept in a little. He’s waking up now, I’m going to get him dressed and we’ll have some breakfast and I’ll call you back.” To which she responds with the assurance that she’ll bring the breakfast, and I’ll see her shortly.

I hang up the phone and see that he has simply flopped onto his back and drifted back off, to which I’m thankful because it gives me a chance to get dressed before he needs my constant attention. He is such a momma’s boy, especially in the morning. He isn’t a fan of them.

I get dressed quickly and run a brush through my hair, hoping I’ll have the chance to blow-dry it once my mother gets here and then sit down on the edge of my bed.

“Lucas… it’s time to wake up.” He whines a little and I lean over him, wrapping my hands underneath him. “Gramma’s on her way over.” His eyes blink open and he slowly allows the dreaded morning to hit him.

“Gramma?”

“Yup. It’s Sunday, we’re gonna go shopping.” He loves Sundays.

“Yea?”

“Yup. You gotta get up and get dressed. Gramma’s bringing breakfast.”

Soon enough he’s dressed and we’re in the kitchen, he’s content to sit at the table with his juice cup and a picture book for a while until the door opens up and then he runs to meet his Gramma. Then forty minutes later, he’s seated in the faux-car attached to the front of the grocery cart that my mom is pushing through the aisles.

We successfully make it to the end of the cereal aisle before his little eyes spot something that he wants and he takes the first opportunity he has when the cart rolls to a stop to climb right out and make a dash for it.

At the end of the aisle there is a display of Bob the Builder fruit snacks that he runs straight for. “Luke!” I shout and then quicken my steps to keep up with him.

He grabs a box and holds them high. “Mommy!”

“Luke, Mommy doesn’t like it when you run off like that.” I reach down and pick him up.

“I wanna try these Mommy.” He smiles and I really don’t have the heart to say no. I pluck them from his hands.

“Only if you promise you won’t run off like that again.” My mother has made it down to the end of the aisle now and stops beside us.

“I won’t.” he says dutifully and I know there’s no garuntee but I accept it and put him back down and hand him the fruit snacks.

“Okay, climb back in there and you can hold onto them until we check out.” I tell him, hoping that the pictures on the box will keep him occupied for at least a little while. As I stand back up again a strange feeling washes over me.

The one you get when you know someone is watching you, and I look around, my jaw dropping a bit when I lock eyes with a familiar face, and I think my heart stops.

His eyebrows raise and his head tilts.

“Mom, take the list I’ll be right back. I see someone I know.” I hand her the list and she looks over my shoulder and gives me a disapproving look.

“Don’t Mom.” She shakes her head but does what I asked and I reach down into the car and ruffle the shaggy dirty blond mop of hair on my sons head. “Baby, you stay with Gramma, Mommy will be right back.” He pays me no mind as he traces his finger over the letters on the box pretending to read.

I wait until my mother has turned the cart down the next aisle before I actually make my way to where Justin is standing.

“Hey.” He says as I approach. I knew that dream was a bad omen. I suppose I didn’t have to come over here, but it’s too late now.

“Hi.” I stuff my hands in my jean pockets and loop my thumbs through the belt loops. The man behind the meat counter says his name and hands him a white paper wrapped package which he sticks into the cart in front of him.

“How’re you doin?” He asks “It’s been a long time.” He says.

Just about three years actually. “Yea.” I agree. “I’m doing good.”

“You… is that your son?” He asks, one eyebrow raises just slightly.

I nod slowly. “Yea… yea, his names Lucas. He’s two.” I reply.

“He’s cute.” Justin replies, smiling slightly. “I didn’t know you had a kid. Are you married now too?”

“No.” I say. “The father… he didn’t want to be involved. So it’s just me and Luke.” I shift uncomfortably on my feet. “You’re the family man, where’s the wife and baby?” I ask.

He leans back and forth on his feet and clears his throat. “The girls are at home. Haylee just turned 3.” He nods. “And whoever that guy is… is an asshole.” Our eyes lock and we stare at each other.

His gaze is soft, blue eyes dark and I can feel myself slipping into them. He’s dangerous. He’s my first love, and it’s so easy for me to drift back into the dream of us. I need to get away from this.

It seems like he’s uneasy too.

“Well I should get going.” I say and point off behind me.

“Yea, yea me too. But it was good seeing you.” He holds open his arms and even though I know I shouldn’t, I walk into his embrace and close my eyes, inhaling the scent of him.

My cheek rests against his chest and his hands lock around me, I can feel them clasped at the small of my back. He breathes in deeply, and I know this hug has already lasted way longer then it should.

“I miss you.” I hear him whisper in his exhale.

“What?” I lean back, my eyes wide. What the hell?

“I want to be with you.”

I can’t believe what I’m hearing, this has got to be some cruel joke. Those are words that I have always been dying to hear. But this can’t happen.

I bide my time studying the floor tiles and I hear him breathe in again and start to apologize, and before I know what I’m saying… “I miss you too.”

His voice strengthens. “So why don’t we just…”

“Justin, no. You’re married! You have a kid! I have a kid! This is just…”

“My family hasn’t stopped us before.” He pitches and I glare at him.

“That was a mistake.” I hiss out, remembered the moment that haunts my dreams. Two weeks after his daughter was born, he called me. Saying he was in over his head and he needed someone to talk to. Stupid me, agreed to meet him and somehow that turned into sex. I still feel guilty about it. Apparently, he does not.

His voice lowers. “That’s not what you said back then.” His hand cups my cheek and his thumb brushes my lips. “Do you still have the same cell number?” he asks and I nod.

“I’ll text you later. We can catch up.” I don’t have time to protest because the next thing I know, I hear my son yelling ‘Mommy!’ as little feet pound towards me and I turn around just in time to bend down and lift him into my arms.

“Hey Baby.” I wearily grin at him and look over my shoulder to see my mom walking towards us slowly.

“Gramma sez we all done shoppin’. She said we kud go get ice kreme.”

“Does she?” He nods enthusiastically. “We’ll see. Maybe later this afternoon.” I turn to Justin when he speaks.

“Hey little Dude.” He bends down just a little to be eye level with Lucas and I almost want to turn away. I’m not sure I want them interacting. I don’t want Lucas to get attached when I know Justin is only ever in my like temporarily. “I’m Justin, a friend of your Mommy’s.” He says.

“Hi.” Lucas replies.

“Okay Luke, say bye-bye we have to go.”

“Bye-bye!” Luke waves.

“It was good talking with you Justin.”

“I’ll be in touch.” He winks and he reaches out to touch my shoulder, his fingertips trailing down my arm softly. I have no doubt that he will. I turn away from him and approach my mother.

She opens her mouth to speak, but I shake my head. “Not now, please.” She bobs her head and reaches for Luke, passing the cart off to me.

“Did you tell your Mommy about the ice cream?” She smiles and I muster up some small laugh as we start walking and my briefly look back over my shoulder to see Justin watching us walk away.