Blame don't shoot me
Just a boy who's
Getting dressed, and going home
Blame you confuse me
It was your rule
That we both wake up alone

Seven hours later, I’m sitting next to my son in his bed, my back against the headboard, my arm curled around him as he flips the pages in the book we’re reading, barely giving me time to read the words before he grows tired of the picture and wants to see the next one.

It’s 9:30 and way past his bedtime. But, we got off to a late start this morning.

“The end.” I say and he whines for one more story. “No, no buddy, it’s bedtime.”

I climb off his bed and lift up the covers and he reluctantly crawls under. “Night Mommy.” He mumbles.

I lean down and kiss his forehead. “Night Baby, I love you.”

“Luv you too.” He curls up on his side and I tuck the blankets around him. Stopping to flick on his night-light before shutting off the lamp and pulling his door almost all the way closed.

I’ve pretty much come to the conclusion that Justin won’t be calling and that is probably… no definitely a good thing. I make my way through the apartment, picking up stay toys and putting them in the playroom before I start to tackle the dishes in the sink.

Then I hear a knock at the door and my breath hitches. I have no idea who could be at my door, but when I peek out the peep-hole my stomach leaps into my throat. ‘How did he find my apartment?’

Justin is standing there, his hands shoved in his pockets, rocking back and forth on his heels and glancing up and down the hallway of my apartment building.

My initial reaction is shock, and then I’m angry that he would come to my home. My son is here, this is my space and he has no right to come here.

He knocks again and I breathe in, and open the door.

“What are you doing here?”

He smiles. “You know why I’m here.”

“How did you even find out where I lived? Justin this is ridiculous. What did you think was going to happen when you got here.”

He brushes past me and enters my apartment, shrugging off his coat and tossing it over the back of my couch. I’m furious, but when he turns around and smirks at me I get a rush.

He has this power over me. I close my eyes and will it away. I need him to leave, because this is wrong. This is so wrong. If he had called I would have told him not to come, but of course he probably knew that. He also knew that if he showed up I wouldn’t be able to resist him no matter how wrong it is.

When I open my eyes again he’s standing right in front of me. He whispers my name and his head tilts and lowers so that he can meet my eyes.

“This can’t happen.” I say, my voice not nearly as strong as I need it to be.

“Sure it can.” He nods his head once and inches closer. His hands reach for mine and lift them up and around his shoulders, then his fingertips dance up my arms and down my sides coming to a stop on my hips and he holds me steady as he steps forward.

“No.” I shake my head, and my eyes land on his lips when his tongue darts across them and they turn up in a grin. “It’s not right… it”

“Feels so good.” He finishes my sentence before one hand wraps around my jaw and those lips lower to mine. I can’t fight it. I’ve never been able to.

His lips brush mine softly and his nose nuzzles mine, tilting my head a little before he reclaims my mouth again. His hand slides into my hair and he steps forward until my back is against the wall. I feel his tongue slide across my bottom lip and he coaxes my mouth open, deepening the kiss.

His other hand lifts up the hem of my shirt and slides against my stomach, tickling up my side and hiking up the fabric until his hand reaches my breast. He presses his hips into mine and I can feel him getting hard.

This is all moving so fast but I don’t have the will to stop it.

“Bedroom?” He questions, easily pulling my shirt off over my head and lifting me into his arms. My legs wrap around his waist and his hands grip my ass.

“End of the hall.” I mumble against his lips. When we make it to the bedroom, he sets me on my feet again and his fingers fumble with my belt. I pull up his shirt and he stops what he’s doing long enough to raise his arms up and let me pull it off before he returns to his previous task.

I kiss his neck and my hands roam over his chest, sliding down and scraping my nails along his stomach and stopping at the waistband of his jeans. He groans and in a fury of roaming hands we remove each others clothing and he’s pushing me back onto my bed. Crawling above me he grins down at me.

One of his hands reaches between my legs.

“You’re so wet. You ready for me?”

I push on his chest and roll him onto his back. Climbing on top of him and straddling his hips. His hard dick falls back against his belly and I take it in my hands, stroking it slowly, I smirk when his breath hitches.

I nod. It’s too late to stop this now, I don’t think I can and I don’t think I want to. His hands rest on my thighs and his eyes scan over me.

“You’re so fucking hot.” He says. “Fuck…” He reaches down to position himself at my entrance and I stop him.

“Hold on.”

“Girl… c’mon.” He whines.

I lean over him and I reach into the little drawer of my nightstand and pull out a condom, tearing open the foil wrapper, but his hand reaches up to stop me.

“I wanna feel you.”

He says, pushing up his hips. I shake my head. “I won’t risk it.”

“You’re not on the pill?”

“I am, but sometimes that just doesn’t work.” He groans when I take him in my hand.

“C’mon Babe, you know it feels so much better without it.”

I lean down, and look him in the eye. “No glove, no love.” I raise my eyebrow and almost want to laugh because I actually said those words.

He relents and his head presses back against the pillow. “Just get on with it already. I need to get inside you.” His hands tighten their grip on my thighs and I roll the condom on before I lift up and slide down over him, he groans when he slips inside and my eyes shut and my jaw hangs open at the feeling of him filling me up.

It’s been so long since I’ve had sex. Not since before I knew I was pregnant with Lucas. “Oh my God.” I stutter out.

“Fuck.” He groans. “You’re so fucking tight. It feels so fucking good.” He slides his hands up to my hips and he keeps me from moving. He pushes his hips up, working his way in as deep as possible.

His eyelids slide open just a bit and he looks up at me, eyes dark with lust and need and the pressure of his fingertips lessen as he slides out a little and then pushes back up, a tilt of his head encouraging me to move.

My hands on his chest push and I lift up, circling my hips before dropping back down. His hands move to my breasts and he rolls his thumbs over the hard nubs there. He sits up a little his mouth replacing one of his hands and his tongue swirls around the bud. When he lays back again I follow him forward, still rolling my hips into him and the change in angle causes him to touch a spot inside me that makes me shiver.

His hands slide around my back and he flips us over so that he’s now above me, nestled between my legs that now tighten around his hips as he quickens the pace, pulling out and then pounding into me.

He makes a trail of wet kisses up my chest, pausing at my neck and nipping there before continuing on a path that ends when he kisses my lips his tongue searching for mine. His hands are everywhere, sliding up my calf and around my thigh and he lifts my leg over his shoulder, thrusting into me even deeper and I groan into his mouth.

“Shit girl.” He grunts.

“Fuck.” I choke out, barely able to breathe with the pace he’s setting.

“Does it feel good?”

“Fuck yes Justin.” It does. It feels so good. When he suddenly slows down, pulling almost all the way out and pausing, my eyes open wide.

“Look at me.” He says, his voice even. I lock eyes with him and he holds my gaze as he slowly slides in again, then out, and slowly in again.

Between his heavy gaze and the languid thrusts I feel like I’m drunk.

He reaches for my hands, raising them up above my head and holding them there with one of his, while the other snakes between us to rub at my clit, he circles around it, just holding steady inside me. Then he pulls my other leg over his other shoulder.

“Hold on girl.” He says before he drops his mouth to mine and starts pounding into me at a furious pace. The only thing that keeps me from crying out is his mouth on mine and I can’t believe how amazing this feels.

He rolls his hips and it sends me over the edge. I moan into his mouth and my walls clench around him, pulling him crashing into ecstasy right behind me. As he comes he slows down his movements finally coming to a stop and releasing his hold on my wrist. His arms move and my legs fall so that my feet touch the bed and with my knees bent I rest them against his hips. One of his hands slides between my head and the pillow and he kisses me slowly. I wrap my arms around him and my fingertips slide idlely up and down his back. The sweat cools on our skin and he drops his forehead in the crook of my neck.

“Shit.” He mutters and kisses my shoulder. “That was fucking…”

I just as much at a loss for words as he is.

He lifts his head up to look at me, but I tilt my head to the side and stare out into the darkness, trying to calm my breathing and forget about the feel of him still inside me.

He pulls out and rolls off of me onto his side and one of his hands slides over my stomach. He tries to pull me closer to him and I look towards him, noticing his eyelids starting to drop, and he is ready to fall into a post-coital pass-out.

He can not stay here.

I scoot away from him and climb out of my bed, crossing the room quickly, grabbing my robe from the hook behind the door and wrapping it around my naked form.

“You have to leave.” I say as I stand at the side of the bed.

His eyes open and he gives me a ‘yea right’ kind of look. “What are you talking about? Get back in bed.” He pulls the sheet over himself and holds the end up, expecting me to crawl in next to him.

“No. This was only sex. It shouldn’t have even happened in the first place.” I close my eyes tightly and will away tears. “Where does your wife think you are anyway?”

“I told her I was out for the night with my boys. Why do you care anyway?” He starting to get annoyed now, and that’s probably a good thing. Maybe it will get him out of here.

“Justin, I think you need to go.”

“Baby come on. Just get back in bed. Let’s take on round two.” He rolls onto his back and winks at me. “You know you want more.”

I scan the floor and find his boxers, picking them up and tossing them to him.

“No.” My brain has finally clicked on again, and even though I want nothing more than to forget the reality, I know he isn’t my husband and he belongs somewhere else. I can’t risk Lucas waking up and coming in here in the morning. I just can’t.

“You need to go home.”

“Fuck!” He swears loudly and this time it’s not out of passion, but anger. He throws back the covers and stand up, pulling on his boxers and searching for the rest of his clothes.

“I can’t believe you’re doing this. What the fuck?”

“This shouldn’t have even happened.”

“It’s a little too late for that now!”

“I swear to God Justin if you wake up my son!”

He lowers his voice, but there is still fire in his eyes. He stalks out of my room and down the hall, to grab his coat off the back of my couch.

I follow him.

“You keep fucking saying this shouldn’t have happened, but you know you wanted it just as much as I did.”

“That doesn’t matter Justin.”

“Like hell it doesn’t. You love it when I fuck you senseless. When you can’t think of anything but how good it feels.”

His angry eyes meet mine and trap me.

“I know this isn’t perfect.” The fire dies just a little. “But dammit all, there’s a reason it feels so good. I know you feel that too. If it’s so wrong, it wouldn’t feel so great.”

“Just go Justin.” I say.

“Fucking fine. Whatever.” he glares at me once more before storming over to the door and ripping it open. I rush over to it, just to keep it from slamming shut.

I stand just outside the door to my apartment building and watch him walk away, heavy steps echoing down the hall as he turns the corner to head down the stairs. I hear the door at the bottom slam shut. Tears slip down my cheeks and my hand brushes across my forehead and runs through my tangled hair. Guilt stronger than I could have ever imagined possible is pulling knots in my stomach.

He may be angry now, but I know he’ll call again. I already know this won’t be the end of it.

What have I started?

All the little movies
That we made
Don't have endings
Funny how
They all began in bed