16 >> Dancing In The Dark
The six o’clock hour was approaching when Justin arrived at Rie’s home in Sherman Oaks, already irritated by the relentless paparazzi that had followed him from West Hollywood.
Dressed to the nines in a black on black William Rast suit, he strolled up Rie’s walkway, his shades covering his frowning eyes, and walked into the house. He knew that Rie had left the door open since he’d called her from the road. “I am here, my love,” he announced proudly, stepping into the foyer. “And I know I’m a little early, but there was an accident on the 101, so I thought I’d better hurry up.”
Rie came traipsing down her staircase in a black and white print Anthropologie dress that accented Justin’s suit in all the right ways. Her black and purple hair was elegantly pulled into a large bun and her makeup was understatedly complementary. “Hey, sexy,” she beamed. “You look fantastic.”
“Likewise,” he smiled, planting a kiss on her lips when she reached the bottom of the staircase.
“Lord, I hope so. I haven’t been to a wedding I wasn’t working in ages.”
“You look great,” he assured her.
Brushing her bangs to the side, her smoky eyes focused on him adoringly. “Thank you, sir.”
“Are you ready?”
“Yeah, I just need to get the gift out of my car, and we’re good.”
“I’ll get the gift,” he offered. “It’s not another one of your water bottle thingies, is it?”
“No,” she giggled. “It’s a silly gift, but I think they’ll like it.” Rie grabbed her shimmery white clutch from her mail table, shoving her key and BlackBerry into it, following Justin out of the door.
“Who’s getting married again?” he called back to her.
“One of the actors in the movie I was working on with Jess?” she reminded him, locking up the house. “Malinda Williams.”
Justin nodded hesitantly at the mention of Jessica’s name. The more he came into contact with his thoughts of her, the guiltier he felt about what was going on. So he went on to ask, “Oh yeah, I remember her. She was in ‘The Wood,’ right?”
“And some other stuff,” Rie laughed. “Yes.”
“I thought she was married to Mekhi Phifer.”
“Well… not anymore,” Rie finished.
He stopped at Rie’s Jeep, pulling out the clear gift bag that contained two small boxes, as well as an envelope, and then escorted his girlfriend to his new dark grey Audi convertible, opening the door for her. He carefully placed the gift behind her seat and entered the car with a sigh. “Another wedding in Malibu.”
“You all right?” Rie had noticed the photographers lurking in the not-so-distance, so she knew he couldn’t have been too happy.
“Yeah…”
“Listen, if you don’t wanna go, we don’t have to. I’m not a big fan of weddings myself.”
“No, no, it’s fine,” he chuckled.
“You sure?” he pressed. “Because I know there are a lot better ways to spend Valentine’s Day than going to a wedding reception.”
“It’s just a few hours,” he shrugged, pulling out of Rie’s driveway. “I’m sure we’ll make it.”
“Good, because everyone’s excited that you’ll be there,” she intimated excitedly.
“Oh Lord.”
“Don’t worry, the paps won’t be able to get in,” she giggled. “They’ll just have to make up shit about you and Jess like they usually do.”
“Exciting,” he laughed, heading for the freeway. “I guess I didn’t realize that Jess would be there.”
“Oh yeah, everyone from the movie will be there, so Jess, and Jake, and James…”
“James?”
“Marsden,” Rie nodded. “He’s such a cutie.”
“Mmm, I don’t know who that is.”
“I’m sure you do,” she decided for him. “Maybe you just don’t know him by name.”
“Maybe so…”
“At any rate, the gang’s all there.”
“Should be fun,” he supplied gloomily.
“It will be. We’re gonna dance, and laugh, and eat, and pretend we actually like the people we’re about to spend the next three hours with,” she described, nothing like she hoped for their first Valentine’s together. “You’ll love it.”
“I’ll love it,” he repeated.
“You know what, though? I think I gave them too much money with their gift…”
“How much did you give them?” he glanced to her, stopping at a red light.
“Three fifty,” she winced.
“What?!”
“So it is a lot?”
“For someone who’s already rich and on their second marriage? Hell yeah it is.”
“Seriously?” she laughed. “’Cause I don’t wanna be cheap.”
“That is more than enough, Rie,” he began to chuckle as well.
“All right, but… I think I’m gonna leave it. I can’t show up to a wedding with Justin Timberlake and give them, like, a waitress tip.”
“Girl, you need to put me on your payroll if you’re ballin’ like that. Shit.”
“You are so silly,” she couldn’t stop laughing.
“I try,” he grinned.
“Plus, I’d rather give too much than too little.”
The irony of her statement caught him off guard, and made him think a little too much. Suddenly, the guilt was just too much to bear, and he had to blurt it out. “Rie, I slept with Jessica.”
She flinched at his statement, and her smile immediately disappeared. She swallowed hard, because she kind of knew that it was coming. She didn’t necessarily know what ‘it’ was, or when ‘it’ would arrive, but ever since Justin’s birthday on the boat, she knew she should be prepared for some secret that would inevitably fuck her shit up. For those two weeks, she told herself that whatever it was, she would be able to handle it. That she wouldn’t run for cover at the first sign of trouble. But nothing really prepares you for something like that, and so, despite all the vows she made to herself, her shit was fucked up, and she was ready to run. She didn’t know what to say, so she just turned toward the window.
After a few minutes of silence, he couldn’t take it anymore. “Are you gonna say anything?” he asked softly.
She didn’t answer. She just kept her head turned towards the window.
“Rie, I am so, so sorry,” he proclaimed. “And I know that doesn’t make it better, but it was just a moment of extreme stupidity, and I swear, it will never happen again.”
“Stop the car,” she directed, her voice already thick with her regrets.
“What?”
“Stop the fucking car,” she shouted, reaching far out of her own usually placid temperament.
He was in the middle of Van Nuys Boulevard, so he pulled over to the lane next to the sidewalk, putting on his hazard lights, and slowed to a stop. He watched Rie remove her seatbelt and exit the car, taking her purse and her heart with her.
“What are you--.” He was cut off by her slamming the door, so he rolled down the passenger window and asked, “Rie, what are you doing?”
She ignored him and began to walk. And with every step that her black stilettos hit the pavement, she felt like her heart was being stabbed by the repetition of Justin’s words.
“Rie, get in the car,” he told her, slowly following her along the sidewalk.
“Just go, Justin.”
“Rie, I’m sorry.”
She glanced at him briefly, and she knew that he was, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. It didn’t mean that this all suddenly made sense. “Please, just let me be alone,” she finally told him.
“I can’t just leave you here.”
“You can,” she countered. “Just drive.”
“Let me at least take you back home.”
“I’m going to the wedding,” she told him as if it were obvious.
“So you’re gonna walk to Malibu?”
“Leave me alone!” she finished, stopping at the corner of Van Nuys and Ventura.
Justin stopped the car in front of her, catapulting out of it to plead with her. “Get in the car, Rie.”
“No.”
“Please,” he said sternly, walking towards her. “Just get in the car.”
“NO.”
“What do I have to do?”
She refused to give him an answer. Mostly, because she didn’t have one, but partly because she just didn’t want to look at him anymore. She retrieved her cell phone from her purse and began to Google the closest cab company. Glaring at him, she made sure that he was aware she was calling a cab, and to assuredly prove that in no way was he irreplaceable.
“You can leave,” she stated with finality.
>>>>>>>>>>
Around 7:00 PM, Rie finally arrived at Malinda’s wedding, and much to her chagrin, Justin was waiting for her at the top of the wide, winding driveway. His head was lowered, he was holding the couple’s gift, and even though darkness had fallen, his sunglasses still covered his eyes.
“Is this the part where I say I’m impressed?” she greeted him sullenly.
“You don’t have to say anything,” he answered softly. “I just want to be here with you.”
“Why?”
“Because I love you and I want you to know--.”
“Oh, hell no,” she shook her head in very apparent irritation. “Don’t you do that to me.”
“Don’t do what?” he questioned, confused.
“Don’t you fucking patronize me, Justin. Don’t say those words in the middle of all this.”
“What did I say?”
She gave him a bored look and gently took the gift bag from his clutches. She didn’t have the time or patience to figure out whether or not he was being genuine. Two hours ago, she wouldn’t have figured he had the capacity to lie so easily, but now, she didn’t know what to think. But maybe “ just maybe “ he happened to blurt out some real feelings just then. Which, in turn, made all of this so much harder for her to deal with. If he loved her “ like, for real “ how would she ever figure out how to begin hating him?
“Let’s just get through this,” she finished, leaving him to walk towards the house.
Justin cautiously followed behind, his hands nervously stuffed in the pockets of his suit as they entered the ostentatious home. The couple was met by two ushers that escorted them to the backyard, where a large tent was situated and several guests dotted the outside.
Being that most of the attendants were black, it didn’t take very long for Rie to spot Jessica and the rest of the guests that Malinda knew from the Nailed film set. Justin wanted to avoid them “ namely, Jess “ at all costs, but Rie gravitated towards them, greeting Jake Gyllenhaal, Tracy Morgan, and Kirstie Alley as though she didn’t have a care in the world.
Justin tried his best to fade into the background, allowing Rie to be the star of the show, making sure to mainly speak when spoken to “ and even then, only minimally. He even kind of enjoyed not having to be front and center for a while, and found himself engaged in Rie’s engagement with everyone else when he felt a bump to his elbow. He thought for sure it would be Jessica, but was nervously surprised to see Ryan staring back at him.
“I see you got sucked into this too,” he commented to Justin.
Paranoia was on the brink of getting the best of Justin, but he pushed it back down and smiled breezily. “Yeah, man… you know how it is.”
“All too well, all too well.” Ryan downed his cup of whatever he had been drinking and stood beside Justin, witnessing the reunion that was taking place before them. “It’s amazing, isn’t it?”
“What’s that?”
“How we’ll do anything to keep depositing in the sex bank,” Ryan chuckled.
Justin laughed obliviously, as his focus was mostly on Rie. “Ain’t it the truth.”
“Hey, I wanted to ask you, are you guys doing anything the first weekend in March?”
“For Jess’s birthday?”
“Yeah,” he nodded, gazing at his own girlfriend. “I mean you and Rie, obviously.”
“Umm… I dunno. I don’t think so.”
“Cool, cool,” Ryan nodded. “We’re gonna do a weekend in Cabo, and so it’d be great if you guys could join us.”
Justin wasn’t even sure he would make it to tomorrow, much less March 3rd, but he agreed nonetheless, rather hopeful that it could become a reality. “Yeah, that’ll be fun.”
“What’ll be fun?” Jacqueline interrupted, joining the two men in the middle of the yard. She offered Justin one of her two drinks and glanced at them quizzically.
“I was just telling Justin about our trip to Cabo,” Ryan informed her casually. “He and Rie are gonna come with us.”
“Oh really,” Jacqueline eyed him suspiciously.
“Well I haven’t checked with Rie yet,” Justin appended, “but I’ve tentatively agreed, yes.” He frowned at her expression as he took a sip from his drink. “Are you going?”
“Yeah… I think I will,” she decided right then. “It’ll be fun, right?”
“Dope,” Ryan concurred.
“Justin, can I talk to you?” Jac demanded, taking him away from Ryan before he could respond.
“What in the hell are you doing?” he queried, being pulled to a secluded corner of the crowded backyard.
“No, what are you doing?”
“I was talking to Ryan,” he recalled. “If that’s all right with you.”
“It’s not,” she quipped. “How dare you plan some trip for you and Rie when you’re keeping this big ass secret from her?”
“Jac,” he frowned.
“And don’t tell me it’s none of my business, because it is. Rie is my best friend, and I swear to god, I will cut off your balls if you don’t stop this shit.”
“First of all, I’ve already told her,” he intimated. “Second of all, if you’re her best friend, where the fuck have you been for the past three months?”
“I’ve “ I’ve been around,” she stuttered. “She’s the one that doesn’t return my calls.”
“Gee, I wonder why.”
“Because she was too wrapped up in you, believing you were actually a nice guy.”
“Oh, so that’s why you’ve attached yourself to Jessica,” he nodded sarcastically. “Got it.”
“Why do I feel like you’ve hated me since the day we met?”
“Funny, I feel the same way about you,” he retorted.
“I didn’t have any problems with you until you started screwing my friends.”
“Well, honestly, I could take you or leave you, but I’m not sure what this has to do with anything.” He tilted his head to signify his boredom with the conversation, and watched in the background as Jessica strolled out of sight with her boyfriend. “Listen, Jac,” he announced quietly, “I made my mistake, I told Rie about it, and now we’re dealing with it.”
“How are you dealing with it? Showing up to a wedding like nothing’s wrong? Avoiding the situation altogether?”
“If you wanna be Rie’s friend, or Jessica’s friend, or Ryan’s friend, or whatever the hell your purpose is here, by all means, go… advise them. But I’m handling me, so thank you… but, no thank you.” He began to walk off, but she grabbed his sleeve before he could escape. “What?”
“I’m serious, Justin. Don’t hurt her.”
He gave her a slight nod and began to walk back towards the party before mumbling, “It’s too late.”
He was trying to keep a pleasant face on, in spite of all the drama swirling around him, and so he joined Rie and the rest of her friends inside the tent, where everyone was gathering round for a toast from the matron of honor.
Rie took a seat at one of several tables and Justin stood behind her, resting his hands on her shoulders. It made her tense up, but she closed her eyes and pretended to be all right, because she had no other choice. She had to pretend that Jessica wasn’t just a few feet away, avoiding them just as much as they were avoiding her.
She had to pretend she wasn’t about to explode into a million little pieces, and that the four cloth walls of the tent weren’t closing in on her. That Justin’s touch wasn’t causing her skin to heat up, or that his presence alone wasn’t suffocating her. And that the shreds of pain she began to feel when he revealed his secret weren’t turning into massive amounts of hurt.
Admittedly, she had done a lot of pretending with Justin. Pretending that she didn’t trust him, pretending her feelings were ever platonic, and even nonexistent; pretending she wasn’t jealous when she saw him kissing Talis, or that she didn’t sleep with Huch just to make him pay attention; pretending she hadn’t been falling in love…
And maybe her defense mechanism had just betrayed the hell out of her, but she wasn’t about to stop now. So she smiled and pretended everything was fine, even though she could see Jessica out of the corner of her eye, who was pretending herself, that she and Ryan were so happy together. And so was Justin, pretending he didn’t break hearts. Rie wondered if Ryan knew, too, and if he was just pretending to be all right, just like the rest of them. At any rate, she figured the silver lining in all of this was at least she wasn’t alone… yet.
“And so it starts,” the matron of honor began, holding up a half empty glass of champagne. She smiled widely at the newlyweds beside her and then looked out to everyone else. “This one surprised us, I gotta say. Because we were all sure that Malinda was done with men and relationships and love altogether after the last dude she was with, who shall remain nameless,” she emphasized with a chuckle. “We all told her, ‘You can’t live your life on hurts from the past, Lin. You’ll be alone forever, girl.’” The guests laughed “ everyone but Rie and Justin, that is. “But y’all know Lin; she didn’t wanna hear it. She was like, ‘I hate men; what I need with a man?’ And of course, none of us could answer that question.
But lucky for her, and for us, Derrick came along to answer and he saved her from all the bad guys in the world, all her preconceived notions and resentments. What he did was he taught her to trust the soul of a man again. And about kindness, and patience, virtue, and forgiveness, true commitment, and… true love. D, you saved my baby sister from her own worst enemy “ herself. We love you for it. And more importantly, we truly cannot wait to see you two spend the rest of your lives together. Here’s to you… Malinda and Derrick.”
A round of applause commenced and people began to down their drinks, but Rie quickly left the room before her tears could come crashing down. Justin wasn’t sure whether to go after her, or if he should leave her alone, but the other option of staying in the same room with Jessica was much less appealing than going after her, so he inconspicuously escaped the tent as well.
He walked outside and found her standing solitarily at the edge of the yard, which overlooked the ocean, and the February breeze had created a chill that matched the coldness between the two of them. Still, he continued to take steps towards her, trying to figure out what the hell he would say when he got there.
“This isn’t gonna work,” she told him, sniffling. She turned and gave him a look of regret, shaking her head. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault,” he told her quickly. “I’m sorry.”
“Why did you…”
“I don’t know.” He joined her at the concrete balcony, taking her hands into his. “I was trying to be the good guy to Jess and I turned myself into the villain in your story.”
She tried to wrestle her hands out of his grip, but he wouldn’t let go. “Let go of me, Justin.”
“I can’t, Rie.”
“Let me go, or I’m gonna scream.”
“Do it,” he challenged her.
She continued to contort her hands, but he wouldn’t let go, and instead, she just ended up holding his hands as well. “Justin!”
“Rie, I’m sorry,” he said for what felt like the hundredth time that evening. Darkness had fallen over Malibu, and her tears glistened against the moonlight, illuminating her pain, and causing him to feel even worse, if that was possible. “I will do anything to make this up to you.”
“You can’t.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Don’t do this,” she pleaded. “Just let me go.”
“No!”
“Let me go.” She squeezed her eyes shut, tears falling down her cheeks, and her voice was shaking as she begged him to release her. “Let me go, Justin.”
“Rie, look at me.”
“Let me go.”
“Open your eyes,” he directed.
“I hate you,” she opened her eyes, but she refused to look at him.
“I know you don’t mean that.”
“Yes, I do,” she continued squirming. “I told you I didn’t trust you, and fuck you for doing this to me.”
“I never said I would be perfect--.”
“I never said I wanted you to be perfect, but you went and lived up to all my expectations from October until now…”
“And I stumbled,” he nodded, holding on tightly. “I stumbled and fell flat on my face, but here I am, trying to pick up the pieces. Because I have what I want in my hands right now, and I’m fighting to hold onto it. What about you?”
She finally stared into his eyes for a moment, trying to read them through the blur of her tears, but it only made her cry more. “People are gonna come out here soon.”
“I don’t care about people; I care about you, Rie.”
“You can’t sweet talk me anymore, Justin.” She was shaking her head and sniffling. “All this time… I thought I was saving you from Talis, but what the hell makes you any better than her?”
“Rie.”
“You know, like, maybe you learned something from her after spending five years together… Or did she learn it from you?”
“That’s not fair.” He finally let her go, staring down at her with pain-filled blue eyes, just as dark as the ocean in that moment.
“Justin,” she reconsidered, “I know this isn’t the type of man you are, but you knew I didn’t trust you. You knew I was doing all this relationship shit for you, so… that’s what hurts the most. I know you’re better than this, and… it sucks that you had to experiment on me…”
“I’m sorry.”
“I believe you,” she sniffled. “But your favorite red drawers just suddenly turned into a big red flag, and I need to get out before you do anymore damage.”
“Why? Why does one mistake equal all or nothing?” he pressed. “One bad decision on one bad day and it’s over? What happened to life getting dirt on it and you figuring out how to handle it once you do?”
“Don’t do that,” she shook her head. “Don’t throw my shit back in my face like that.”
“I’m not. I’m just reminding you of the promises you made to yourself,” he replied. “I know I’ve fucked you up with this, and I can’t take it back in a matter of three hours, but I’m standing here, pleading with you, because I’d spend the rest of my life making it up to you if I had to.”
“No, you wouldn’t,” she smirked.
“I would, Rie, because it’s quite possible that you’re it for me.”
“Clearly, I’m not.”
“But what if you are,” he maintained. “What if… I dunno. What if I’ve been building up all these expectations, and making all these mistakes, and spending nights with the wrong ones… just to learn what to contrast you against?”
She didn’t have an answer for that, so she replied with a question. “Why didn’t you forgive Talis?”
“Because,” he shrugged, “she…”
“I recall you saying that she couldn’t have made a mistake, because, and I quote, ‘You don’t fuck someone else by accident.’ Isn’t that what you said?”
“That’s what I said,” he granted with a lowered head.
“So now, maybe you can understand her position, as well as mine,” she looked down as well. “And as much as I would like to forgive you, or hell, wish I didn’t even know this, I know myself, and it’s just “ it won’t be the same.”
“Rie…” She covered her face with her hands, and he knew she wasn’t as sure about this as she was letting on. “Listen, if you know what you’re doing, I’ll walk away right now and I’ll find some way to move on with my life one of these years. But I really feel like you’re using this as an excuse to run. In which case, I’ll be behind you, waiting for the moment you realize you’re ready to stop.”
“I’m not sure of anything,” she admitted. Her words were muffled as she spoke from behind her hands. “I haven’t been in a long time, apparently. And I know you mean well, I know you’re a generally good guy, I know you didn’t sleep with Jessica on purpose,” she went on. “But all I’m gonna wonder now is whether or not I’m competing with her. Whether it’ll happen again, or if she’s on your mind when you’re looking at me. Whether you’re in love with her, or if I’ll ever really be good enough for you.”
“You have to know by now that you are so much more than good enough,” he shook his head.
“I know that, inherently,” she nodded. “But you sleeping with her just reminds me of how wrong we are for one another. It reminds me that you should be with a movie star and I should keep my head out of the clouds.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Let’s just call this what it was, Justin.” She finally looked at him again, and she quickly realized that the more she stared, the more she wanted to forgive him. But… “It was a fling. It was never destined to be a happily ever after, and the sooner we realize that, the better off we’ll be. It’ll hurt less.”
“What’s… why are you saying this?” A couple of tears had dropped to his jacket and he worked quickly to wipe them away. “Rie, you are not your job, or how much money you have in your account at WaMu. You’re not the Jeep you drive, or all that hair you have, or where you eat your dinner. You are Rie Torrey, Whomever Extraordinaire, and I wish that you saw in yourself what I see in you.”
He pulled her into a tight embrace, and felt her melt against his body, as though she actually needed him for support right now. “So we’re different. Guess what? Everyone is.” She sighed at the beat of his heart against her face, so he held her tighter. “And I made a huge mistake. You know what? We all do, and if we’re smart, we learn from them. So you’re right, I didn’t forgive Talis the way I should have, but please don’t make the mistakes I did. Don’t throw away a good thing because you’re scared of what else could happen…”
She shook her head against his chest and exhaled sharply. “I already took that chance, Justin. I was fragile “ I even came in a box with the words marked in red “ and… you broke me anyway.” She gave him one last squeeze and then let go, just as an overly upbeat song began radiating from the reception tent. “So… the damage is done, and… I guess I’ll be leavin’.” She turned to walk away for the second time that evening, but this time, she left her heart, and took his with her instead.
Story Tags: interracial unrequited boyfriendj love fiancej vulnerablej
