Great job! I really enjoyed this story, the idea was original and I really, really liked it! To offer a bit of constructive criticism, you had a few spots where you didn't use periods (or full stops if you're across the pond) so it was kind of hard to let it flow naturally. But other than that it was really good! Wonderful plot line/idea. Keep it up!!

Author's Response: Omg Thanks no one ever criticize my writing and that\'s what I really want. so thanks for that I\'m glad you enjoyed it.