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Reviewer: fallenangel7575
Signed
Date: 01/23/07 - 05:42PM
Title: Chapter Twenty-Seven A Bad Day
Although I won't be as blunt as the review below me (even if she did have some good points) I just have to say that your grammer and run on sentences make this hard to read. If you want someone to help you proofread it, I'll be happy to help. You would probably get more positive reviews that way.
Reviewer: Hankboynotgirl
Signed
Date: 12/21/06 - 04:41PM
Title: Chapter Twenty-Seven A Bad Day
This story makes me lose faith in the human race. You have put your sick fantasies on the internet in hopes that people find it enjoyable. Have you heard of the fanfiction term, Mary Sue? Look it up, I am sure you will identify with it. If you do not learn the proper way to use punctuation I will kill myself and blame you in my suicide note. You received bad reviews on the first chapter, why the fuck did you continue to write this garbage? You may be asking yourself, "If this person does not like my story, why are they reading it?" Here is your answer: I like to mock horrible fan fictions on Livejournal. You have just made the list. I do not feel sorry for you. Note all of the punctuation in this review.
Author's Response: why don\'t u stop reading this story if u feel that way and by the way my story is not garbage I got good reviews and u have no right judging my story at all
Reviewer: Savannah
Signed
Date: 12/12/06 - 08:56AM
Title: Chapter Twenty-Seven A Bad Day
Nice chapter. For a second there I thought we were gonna have a widow on our hands. He's okay. Whew! Keep it up!
Author's Response: You know when I was typing it I thought should I kill JC off or let him live everytime I read a fan fiction in which JC dies I cry so I decided to let him live and see his children and wife.
Reviewer: vanessa
Anonymous
Date: 09/20/06 - 05:37PM
Title: Chapter Twenty-Three The Chasezes Go To Challenge For The Children
Hey girl...its pretty good...it could use a little more drama cause thats how life really is but other than that its was good..its kinda hard to read because the words are close together
Reviewer: Anonymous
Anonymous
Date: 09/16/06 - 07:34PM
Title: Chapter Twenty-Three The Chasezes Go To Challenge For The Children
I see that you have gotten some reviews on your grammar, etc. I would like to offer up the idea of getting a beta reader. They can read it over and help with these things. I know that I would be lost without mine.
Reviewer: Me
Anonymous
Date: 09/15/06 - 08:17PM
Title: Chapter One Josh and Ashley the high school years Part A
Oh, boy. I really just can't even read that. At all. Punctuation is your friend. Periods at the end of sentences. Commas. Dialogue should be broken up into separate paragraphs when a new person is talking. Get rid of the ten million "and"s and make your paragraphs into what they're supposed to be -- a group of sentences. If I were to give this a rating, it would be a 0 out of 10, with 10 being the best. Author's Response: U got to keep in mind this was my first fan fiction ever so I can\'t help that I made so many mistakes if u don\'t like reading this story stop reading!
Reviewer: Marie
Anonymous
Date: 09/14/06 - 05:02PM
Title: Chapter Twenty-Three The Chasezes Go To Challenge For The Children
this is a really good story.... i cant wait to see what happens next
Reviewer: kelly
Anonymous
Date: 09/12/06 - 10:07AM
Title: Chapter One Josh and Ashley the high school years Part A
you really need to seperate into paragraphs...its really difficult to follow along when its start to finish like that with no breaks
Reviewer: Anonymous
Anonymous
Date: 09/07/06 - 04:54PM
Title: Chapter One Josh and Ashley the high school years Part A
Just a thought! Please take a few moments and separate into paragraphs. It will make it so much easier to read. It is hard to follow when all one big block of text.
Maybe someone could beta read it for you.
Author's Response: Sorry I was sleepy when I wrote the part of the story.
Author's Response: Sorry I was sleepy when I wrote the part of the story.
Reviewer: Sindi
Signed
Date: 09/05/06 - 05:33AM
Title: Chapter One Josh and Ashley the high school years Part A
Ashley, it's just one big block it's getting difficult to read. If you use paste, click paste as plain text and not just right click and press paste. I'm having that problem too. But it is sounding good keep it up.
Author's Response: Thank you for the review I\'m learning how to write better fan fictions this is my first one keep in mind but I\'ll work on it thank you.
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