I'd recommend that you maybe use spell check and be a bit more careful with grammar and whatnot. Generally people aren't as willing to read your material if the presentation is bad; even if the story itself has potential

I think that you have a good idea going here but I would say that your description and grammar need work. Use punctuations at the end of your sentences and be sure to spell check. Also you need to use capitalizations at the beginning of your sentences. Hope this helps! :)