*~* 4 *~*
Zaria sat alone in her bedroom. Confined inside the four walls. She confined herself. The room was her sanctuary and her prison. It held her most private moments and her darkest secrets. Just to look at it, however, one wouldn't presume so much could be held within four slabs of dry wall. It wasn't very large and upon entering one was faced with a twin bed before them. To the left was a window with a dresser below it. On the right, was the closet and a clothes hamper. The walls were bare with the exception of a Flaming Lips poster. The room was barren and so was her life. She slid further down the wall beside her door, her palms biting into her wrinkled forehead, her fingers grabbing at the roots of the hair begging to fall into her face. She was so confused. She was so disappointed. Her brow furrowed even deeper into the valley between her eyes.
"What are you doing Zaria?"
She shook her head. She didn't know anymore. She stopped really living a while ago. After he left her heart in a wreck it had been a steady decline into ritualistic living. Wake up, go to school, study, sleep, and repeat. Maybe a little liveliness with her friends thrown in on any given day.
And then she'd met Justin. It wasn't supposed to be like this. He wasn't supposed to be everything he was. His patience was beginning to wear thin, but he had patience. He was a presence in her life that made everyday an exciting event, and she hadn't felt that way about anyone in so long that she'd been frightened at the thought that Justin might be able to give her what she'd been missing. Real love and a shoulder to cry on. An ear to listen and a comforting touch. Zaria moaned out loud. What was she doing to herself? And to him? She could only imagine the strenuous task of cracking her shell.
But she still wasn't reaady to tell him... at least not the whole.
Her father had called earlier in the day, about noon. His voice had brought a thunderous pack of memories crashing down onto her shoulders again. They had argued. She hung up on him, as so many of their conversations seemed to end.It was a love-hate relationsip with them. She couldn't stand the idea of him marrying another woman, but still, he was her father she had deep daughterly love towards him. Unfortunately, it never seemed to show. She had cried in her pillow after she hung up, but mainly she had longed for Justin.
Why wouldn't the right words ever come out of her mouth? In reality she wanted to fall into his arms and release every secret she had into the space between them, but she'd become so good at at hiding her feelings, that now she couldn't speak about them with the one man who might be able to heal her.
*~*
