*~* 5 *~*

Renee Sears sat at the table in the Starbucks with a nervous composure and a sullen face. Her lips were pulled into a tight line and as she gazed around her surroundings, her weary eyes gave off the impression of her being older than twenty-three. It seemed to Renee that many times the cause of her stress was founded in the well-being of Zaria. If Zaria was unhappy or depressed, she would lay her burdens on Renee, but Renee then had no one to release the added weight onto.

And that had been the way most of the years of their friendship had gone. She wouldn't call Zaria a selfish person, per se, but she was so emotionally needy, that you could forgive her for overlooking the anguish and pain of others. Renee couldn't really remember a time when Zaria had been a beacon of comfort for her in a hard time. Renee was so used to being there for Zaria, maybe she contributed to her being incapable of helping others through hurtful situations.

And now here she was again, going out on a limb for the friend who was never all there when Renee needed to get something off her chest. It was a one side relationship, but Renee felt needed by Zaria, and it would hurt Renee to much to pain Zaria by forcing her to see how blind she was to the people around her. Renee couldn't help but feel Zaria's emotional depravity captured in the ongoings between her and Justin now. Zaria was used to having pity parties, and God knows she deserved them to an extent, but to deliberately push people away- people who were trying to help you- that was a mistake in Renee's eyes, which was partly the reason for her sitting in the Starbucks.

A call from a distressed Justin wondering what he had to do to break into Zaria's self-imposed prison prompted a meeting at the coffee house. Ever since the inception of Justin and Zaria's relationship, even in the awkward beginnings where they were just feeling each other out, Renee had been a sort of guide for Justin, helping him better understand Zaria's mood swings and her personality. She was rooting for Justin. He was a good guy and he deserved to be treated right. Not only that, but there was also the fact that if Zaria allowed Justin to become closer to her, she might learn to live apart from the past and to lighten the load she laid on Renee.

Her fingertips tapped at the wooden tables. There were dried rings of coffee embedded into the grains, and she could imagine the many people who'd sat down at the table and felt just as distraught as she was now. The bell over the door rung and she looked up to see Justin. He spotted her quickly and walked over.

"Renee." He breathed out, as if relieved to see her and now all his problems would be quickly solved. She had a problem solving aura about her. People just wanted to tell her their life stories.

She stood and hugged him lightly. They sat simultaneously, he across from her. Renee opened up the floor with, "How are you doing?" She asked because she really wanted to know. He looked composed if one ignored his eyes. But his eyes, his previously melodic eyes, they looked tortured and haggard. Renee could tell he'd been doing a lot of thinking over the subject of his relationship with Zaria.

"I've been better." He breathed heavily and ran a hand over his cheek. She nodded silently, her thumb rubbing at the edge of the table softly. "Do you want something to drink?" He blurted out, turning his head to view the menu that hung behind the ordering counter.

"I had a cappuccino."

"Oh." He brought his eyes back to hers. There was silence between them with the exception of Renee's fingernail tapping against the side of her empty styrofoam cup. "I'm really lost right now." He finally said. The reason they were sitting in a scantily populated Starbucks was finally brough to a head. "She's... has she talked to you?"

Renee pulled the corner of her bottom lip under her teeth. "She's not really talking right now."

Justin nodded. He rubbed at his eye with the side of his index finger. "Do you think I'm coming on too strong? Because I know I can do that sometimes. I have a tendency to get wrapped up in my girlfriends." His words were hurried, and sincerely so, the urgency behind them awakening something inside of Renee that made her empathize all the more with Justin.

"I just want to know her better, t-to love her better." He spoke forcefully, meaning behind every word. These weren't just empty ramblings rom someone trying to get inside of Zaria's pants. These were the real concerns and emotions of a man struggling with and girlfriend he didn't know.

"Justin, Zaria is the kind of person that you can know forever and still never know. You feel me?" He nodded and she continued. "I've known her forever, basically. She talks to me more than anyone else she knows, but there's still this partition that I've never been able to get through, and I'm not sure anyone has been able to get through." She added without thinking, "Except maybe Chris." and then cringed at the words she had spoken.

"Who's Chris." Justin's eyes were upon her instantly.

Renee hesitated to speak, she didn't feel right relinquishing to Justin the things Zaria took such pains to hide. However, educating Justin a bit on Zaria's relationship history could aid him in his quest for Zaria's heart. She isghed and began. "Chris is Zaria's last boyfriend. It was almost two years after they broke up when she hooked up with you."

Justin raised an eyebrow, surprised, but not not completely, at the idea of Zaria going so long without somebody. He figured she had tons of eligable men running after her. The hurt must have run deep, for her to be so affected. "What did he do to her?"

"I'm not even completely sure." She began in a low droning voice, as if containing the I know that he was the closest she's ever been to anybody and then something happened between him and his parents and them not approving of him dating Zaria because she was black. I think they threatened to take away their monetary support of him if he didn't stop dating her, and him being in college, no job or any idea how he would make it, he chose the money." She rubbed her index finger against her lower lip and paused. "I think it was especially painful to Zaria because he was the only man she ever loved, the only man she had ever let close enough to seriously hurt her. Unfortunately he did hurt her and that definitely left a mark."

Justin was silent for a moment, soaking in the revelation bestowed upon him. He had asked and he had received more information regarding Zaria's past and he couldn't say he was pleased about it. He was caught between bewilderment that any man could do such a thing to a woman he loved, let alone Zaria, and empathy for the hardships Zaria had endured. "God, was it really all of that?" Astonished, he asked quietly. Renee shrugged as if saying that was only the half of it.

"That was probably the third worst moment of her life... She was pretty low at that point."

"And the other two?" Justin's interest was piqued at this illusion to other traumatic moments in her life.

Renee looked away. "I've already said too much. You should ask her about it."

*~*

Zaria strolled through the aisles of the grocery store with a wandering intent. She was unfocused on the task at hand, shopping for groceries, and taking longer than she would have liked. It seemed as if she had been standing in front of the rows of juice for five minutes, pondering which brand and flavor to buy. It was a simple task- or it could have been if she had a clear mind. Unfortunately her mind was wandering in a pattern that went like this:

And then her mind would loop into another version of a similar conversation with herself. She might've continued in her pattern for a few more rounds if she hadn't been interrupted.

"Excuse me, I need to reach that."

She turned and saw a young man pointing to a container of juice that she was blocking. She stepped back. "I'm sorry."

He looked at her and reached for the drink then placed it in the basket he held in his hand. He looked at her again, rather intently for a stranger and Zaria felt unable to avoid his eyes.

She knew this man. The close cut sandy brown hair, and the brown eyes with their placating depth. She followed the line of his jaw, deeply set and angular in the tan skin. She looked into his eyes. This could not be happening.

Recognition lit up his eyes as well and he seemed to follow the same sequence Zaria did in her acknowledgment of him as an old aquaintance. Her eyes were on his lips as they opened and spoke and a rush of vivid memories swept over her in a wave of euphoria and distress. "Wow... Zaria?" His voice reopened wounds that had never really healed. He was breathless and amazed.

Zaria was cautious and restrained. This on top of Justin? She was already struggling with the present, she didn't need ghosts from her past to wake up old feelings. Zaria knew a mess was beginning to form before her, and she wasn't sure she would be able to find a way out of it.