Packing day.

What a mess.  Half the one bedroom apartment had been pulled apart.  Her clothes were laying all over the place, shoes piled in a tupperware container in the doorway leading to the living room.  Her CD collection had been strewn across the apartment so badly that it looked as if there was no flooring below the tiled CD cases on the floor.  She could almost make it from her bed to the door without stepping on the CDs, but had a feeling that when she reorganized them after the move that at least one or two of them would have cracks in them.

She pulled the box out of the storage closet that was attached to the bedroom.  It was clearly an add on to the room.  The support column of the building had left a dead space in the corner that someone had framed out and made into a tiny closet almost useless closet.  The only thing that would fit in there was a few 18 inch by 18 inch boxes stacked up on one another.  It almost would have worked as a bathroom.  It was about as big as an RV bathroom space.

She took a deep breath, pushed her hair out of her face, then pulled open the clear tape that had been keeping all her old things into one nice little corner of her apartment.  It wasn't that her things were going to walk themselves across the apartment or anything, but it was the only spot in the apartment that she allowed old things to be.  Since she'd gotten her new job, her entire life had changed, not only including her apartment, furniture, but her interests too.

Her nose itched from the cardboard dust that flew into the air with the movement.  She was surprised that it hadn't happened before considering how much dust was being kicked up now that she was going through all her things.  She was a fairly neat person on a day to day basis, but anyone seems to find hidden dust when they pack their things to move.  Her eyes watered as she moved the folds of the box aside and started to pull a few things out.

Thank God, her son was being taken care of that day or she'd really have a lot to deal with.  A two and a half year old was too curious to be in a house where every little piece of their lives were out on display and out for little fingers and toes to land upon.

If she was going to move, it was time to get rid of some of her past, starting with this neatly packed box that had been sitting in her storage closet for the last two years.  The act of getting rid of this stuff was more of an emotional need than a physical one.  The new apartment would be roomy enough for all her things as well as all of her fiance's things, but she knew that what lay in this box would take up all the oxygen in the place if she didn't get rid of it now.

Half crushed newspapers hid the contents of the box.  She pulled them back and quickly scanned the articles that had been in the Sunday edition from two years ago.  Nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary.  The prices of gas might be different and the agenda of the presidency might be a little different now, but the basic human interest pieces in the newspaper were the same.

When she finally focused on the top of the pile, her breath caught in her throat.  Why she had been anal enough to pack the old pictures placing them face up in the box was probably to torture herself if she was to ever open this box again.

It was bad enough that he was still famous and popped up on the news every once in a while.  She'd known when they'd parted ways that there would be some things she never would get away from.  It was inevitable that when a person dates a celebrity that there was going to be at least one person on the planet that would have something to say about that person.  The first year had been the worst.

The news of their breakup had been all over the airwaves.  In the first year of their separation she'd refused to watch Access Hollywood or Entertainment tonight.  She could avoid those shows, but she really couldn't avoid life.  She'd been followed for a long time, trying to catch her cheating, she guessed.  She'd seen that he'd been followed as well, but that didn't make it any easier on her. She'd even been told that the internet was hopping with info about the whole thing.  There were as many hate sites for her as were support sites.

Feli-City.com had become her favorite.  The webmaster had actually set up a little interview with her a few months ago to update all her "fans" as to what she was up to.  It was the first time that she'd ever had a "press release" sent out about herself.  She figured that after she moved and things got settled with her fiance that she'd write the girl a little email and update her on the new job and on the new life she'd set up for herself.

What she needed was support now.  This wasn't going to be an easy task, but it needed to get done.

She sank to sit on her knees needing to sit while she pulled things from the box.

The two picture frames that lay at the top of the pile made her stomach churn, not in a good way, or a bad way, actually she was probably a lot more nervous about anticipating her reaction to the whole thing than she was to her actual reaction she would have had seeing the old pictures.

The first was a shot of the two of them, in what she referred to as the Camelot days, when things were perfect and they were the happy little couple. The framed photo was them on the set of one of the videos for the group, his arm around her looking very plastic in his stage make-up, but the genuine smile he had and the one she returned showed that neither of them were at all plastic when it came to their relationship.

The second, and more important picture next to it, was the group standing outside of the 2000 Billboard awards posing on the red carpet. He had that same happy look on his face, which was important, but also the picture had caught her in the background looking upset about being there. No one ever noticed the frown on her face or the slight dimness of her eyes, but she was drawn to it over and over again as she stared at the picture.

The third was the worst.  It was a picture of her and him and their son.  She still couldn't believe that he'd given up his rights to their son.  The picture had been taken the day that the papers had been signed.  He'd promised her child support, but she'd refused.  Instead she'd granted him the right to set up a trust fund for their baby, but with the strict instructions that if he wanted any kind of contact with the baby that he go through the leagal system to do it.

Suddenly the room filled with music and she looked over to see her alarm clock radio lit up as the song played loudly in the room.

This time, This place Misused, Mistakes Too long, Too late Who was I to make you wait Just one chance Just one breath Just in case there's just one left 'Cause you know, you know, you know

Her eyes brimmed over with tears.

Talk about bad timing, or maybe good timing.  It was his voice coming out of the radio.

She'd heard that he'd moved onto shaping up his own group.  The sound of this new stuff was a little harder rock than his old NSYNC days.  He'd been fiddling around with new instruments when they'd been together and it looked as if guitar had become his new passion.

[CHORUS] That I love you I have loved you all along And I miss you Been far away for far too long I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore

"Felicity?"

Her heart stopped as she heard her fiance coming in the front door.  She'd been expecting him, but hadn't been paying attention to the time and thoguht that she would have had another half hour at least before he showed up.

"Damn this place is a mess!" she heard him say as his footsteps came towards the bedroom.  He kicked his way along through the stacks of CDs and boxes.  She could hear the crunching of plastic as he moved.  She even heard him step on the roll of bubble wrap that she'd left near the couch after she'd wrapped up the candlesticks her mother had given her that last christmas.

"Crap!"

"Hun," she said loudly.  Her hands moved the picture frames to the box.  Her hands pushed the sides of the box closed then moved to push her to a standing position.  Instinctively she moved across the room to shut off the radio.  "I'm in here."

"Figured that," he said coming in the room with a casual air.

Just as her fingers moved to press the button to shut off the radio his voice filled the half empty room.  "So I guess you heard the new song?"

"Umm," she said and looked at him pausing in her attempt to turn off the radio.

"Leave it on," he said and moved his head to the song, "It sounds like it's gonna be a good one."

"If you say so."

"You ok?" he asked.

Her mind reeled at the simple question.  She couldn't tell him the truth about the true state of affairs.  He'd have answers to her questions and concerns and diffuse the situation faster than the NSYNC public relations machine.  He had been taught for years to slip and slide out of situations like this and just because she'd been with him for a few years didn't mean he'd use his tricks on her.

Her mouth moved into a smile.  It was a long time since she'd though of the NSYNC public relations machine.

"Yeah," she said and moved her hands to her hair for a moment.

I wanted I wanted you to stay 'Cause I needed I need to hear you say That I love you I have loved you all along And I forgive you For being away for far too long So keep breathing 'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore believe it Hold on to me and, never let me go

Part of her wanted to go running and screaming from the room.  Part of her wanted to push him away and search her address book for her ex's number.  She wanted that song to be off the radio and the pain in his voice to be gone.  She knew that the both of them had parted ways thinking that things couldn't be worked out.  Part of her wanted to try, even though her fiance was standing right there in front of her.

"You sure you're ok?" he asked.

She smiled at him and took a deep breath.  She moved her hand and shut off the music, shut him out of her life.

"It's just been a long day."