The night before the tour kicked off again, everyone went out to dinner. This was much more exciting than the party at the beginning of the tour; they took up half of the restaurant.
Kristi was on her second drink when JC stopped her. “Remember you told me to keep you away from alcohol?”
Kristi smiled. “I’m not gonna get drunk, Jayce. I’m not even that stupid, to get drunk the night before tour starts…”
Joey had overheard the conversation. “So you’re saying I’m stupid because I did on our last tour?”
Michelle giggled. “No comment,” Kristi said.
When Ron and Johnny were taking care of the bill, JC leaned towards Kristi and said, “I have a surprise for you…”
Kristi wanted to know what it was; JC was tempted to let her squirm. “Please?” Kristi gave him puppy eyes. And truth be told, JC couldn’t say no to Kristi.
“I got us Red Sox tickets for our night off in Boston!”
Kristi nearly lost it. “Are you serious?” JC nodded, beaming. “I’m going to Fenway Park! I’ve only been there once! I have to call Mom and Dad, Jeff, everyone back home…” She jumped up to give JC a hug. “Thank you!”
“No problem.” JC would do almost anything to see Kristi smile. He leaned in and whispered, “Don’t you still have some packing to do?’
“No, I”yes, I do!” Kristi turned towards the others, who were just as engaged in their own conversations. Justin and Joey were fighting about something; Lance was talking to Michelle, Lauren, and Meghan; Beth was on her cell phone; Chris and Madi were holding hands, talking about something. Kristi said loudly, “We’re going to go pack! Good night everyone!”
JC grabbed her hand and they headed towards the door.
“Like they’re really packing…packing my ass…” Justin said; he was greeted by laughter.
Justin was right; Kristi and JC were not packing. JC was fast asleep, breathing deeply onto Kristi’s shoulder. She didn’t mind fibbing to everyone; they knew they weren’t packing, but it’s so much better than saying they’re going to have sex. Although JC insists on saying, “making love”, since they’re in love, but whatever. Kristi moved her head until she could see JC. Her breath caught in her throat. It hit her hard; she was in deep. Kristi was scared.
Glad that JC couldn’t sense what she was feeling, something he was good at while awake, Kristi thought. She loved JC, she really did; she loved him more than anyone or anything, even dancing. But was she really ready to settle down, even if it wasn’t marriage? Kristi didn’t know the answer to that. The guys had told her that they had never seen JC this happy, and Kristi knew she had never been this happy. So why question the relationship? This is what Kristi did; she never did what was best for her. Never. Now was as good a time as any to start, right?
JC woke up to hearing the radio in the bathroom, Kristi singing along with it. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, thinking that Kristi sounded adorable. He caught a look at the clock and asked, “Kristi, are you almost done?”
“No!” She called loudly over the noise. “I just finished shaving!”
“Kris, you gotta hurry! We have to stop by your apartment!”
Kristi had forgotten about that; her thoughts were occupied by one thing: not screwing her relationship up. She knew she might regret the invitation, but she shouted, “Get in with me, because it’ll be at least another 5 minutes!”
A second later, JC was pulling back the shower curtain and entering the shower. Kristi saw the look in his eyes, and knew that this would not be any faster than taking separate showers; it would be more fun, though.
JC wrapped his arms around Kristi’s waist and backed her against the wall. Kissing her neck, he asked, “Why are you up so early?”
“Couldn’t sleep well…” Kristi didn’t want JC to stop, but they needed to get going. “Jayce…” He started nibbling on her ear. Trying hard to stay focused, Kristi said, “We need to shower! You just said it yourself! We’re in a hurry.” JC didn’t seem to be listening. Kristi shoved him away. “You weren’t listening!” Was the response Kristi gave his hurt look.
Eventually, both Kristi and JC made it out of the shower clean. They managed to finish packing last minute things, eat breakfast, stop by Kristi’s apartment to pick up mail and even arrived at Jive on time.
Kristi pulled Michelle aside while the buses were being loaded. “I need to talk to you…”
“What’s up?” Michelle asked. She was a bit distracted, as Mike had just dropped her off.
“Mike dropped you off I see…things are going well?”
“Yes, they are. He told me he loved me last night!” Kristi started to smile, but then Michelle said, “You’re the one who wanted to talk…what about?”
Kristi took a deep breath. “I’m afraid I’m going to mess things up.”
“What?”
“With JC…I never seem to do what’s best for me, and what makes me think I can start now? I don’t want to hurt him…I’m scared I will.”
Michelle’s smile faded. This was the Kristi she had hoped that JC had buried; the unsure, timid Kristi. “Kristi, the only thing that would hurt him is if he lost you”and you’re the only one who can control that.” Michelle knew she wasn’t telling Kristi anything she didn’t know. “It’s all up to you, babe.”
“Yeah…tell me to choreograph Swan Lake”no problem! Tell me not to mess up the best thing to ever happen to me”that’s a different story.” Michelle knew there was some truth to that statement.
“Well, where’s the girl who told JC she loved him? And where’s the girl who made the relationship public?” Kristi shrugged. “Kristi, I know you can do this. Know why?” Kristi shook her head. “Because you love JC, and he loves you. Everything is in your head, you know”it’s always been in your head.” Sighing, Michelle continued. “No one can hold your hand through this, but if you ever need to talk…I’m here.”
“Thanks Miche…you always say everything I need to hear.”
“That’s what I do. I’m actually quite good at it too…”
Once Kristi had talked to Michelle, the fear of screwing things up had fallen to the back of her head. It might have been the rhythm of tour that soothed her worries, or the fact that she was so incredibly happy with JC. She wasn’t sure which one it was, although she hoped it was the later of the two. Before she knew it, two weeks had passed.
It was a surprise when JC approached Kristi about the Sox game.
“Mike’s going to come with us, for security reasons, but he promised not to do or say anything embarrassing”“
“Does he know anything embarrassing about us?” Kristi asked. JC turned pink.
“About you, no…”
”Mike and I will be having a little chat soon…” Kristi smiled at JC.
He regained his composure and continued. “It should be fun. We have 1st base line seats”“
“No way!” Kristi was too excited. She leaned against JC, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, playing with his hair. “I could get used to this celebrity hook-up thing…”
JC smiled. “I wouldn’t get too used to it…Johnny Damon happens to be a huge music fan…anyone can call him, and he’ll get you tickets…assuming he likes you enough…”
“I would have believed you if you hadn’t said that!.” Kristi giggled; JC was too honest for that. “I always knew I liked Johnny…”
JC knew Kristi would freak out at the next thing he said. “Well, you’ll like Johnny even more…he’s going to get us into the clubhouse after the game!”
Kristi was silent for a moment; then she exploded. “Are you serious? That’s amazing! Should I bring things to get autographed? That would seem too obsessive, wouldn’t it? I can’t believe it! I get to meet Nomar and Manny and Johnny and Pedro”“
“Just promise me you won’t leave me for any of them!” JC kidded.
“I don’t like athletes…they’re too masculine…” Kristi smiled innocently at JC. “By the way, your dancing was really good last night…”
JC smiled; she knew just how to play him. And that made him happy.
“Mr. Chasez?” JC looked around for the person who addressed him so formally. His eyes fell upon a man with a microphone standing with a camera man.
“Mr. Chasez,” the man continued. “Hi, I’m Eric Donnelly; I’m a reporter with the Red Sox TV program. Would you care to give an interview?” That probably wasn’t the best way to pose the question, as Kristi knew JC didn’t care either way.
JC and Kristi had been enjoying a good game against the Oakland Athletics. The score was tied, 5-5, but it was only the 7th inning. Mike was currently getting the two food; he would have had to go with JC anyway, so he just went by himself.
JC didn’t want to interrupt his nice evening with Kristi. They were having a nice, private evening; they hadn’t expected any interviews. He knew that he and Kristi were public, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to flaunt his relationship. He looked at Kristi, trying to get her opinion on the situation without talking. JC lost what he was thinking about; Kristi was wearing his coat and she looked so cute.
Eric decided to break JC’s train of thought. “And who’s this lovely lady?” JC looked from Eric to Kristi, and then looked back at Eric again.
“My girlfriend.”
“Oh,” Eric had been hoping for a more friendly answer. “We’d love to have her in the interview too!”
JC finally caved in. “Sure, why not?”
“Great…” Eric moved closer, so that the camera blocked the game. “We’re going on in 5, 4, 3, 2…”
“Call my JC, by the way…”
“Good evening Sox fans! Enjoying this tight game are JC Chasez of *NSYNC and his girlfriend”“ it just occurred to Eric he didn’t know Kristi’s name. “JC’s girlfriend.” Eric caught himself. “So, JC what brings you to Fenway tonight?”
Kristi gave him a look to be serious; she knew he wanted to answer, ‘the game’. “We’re in the area for the tour and Kristi is a huge Sox fan…”
“Kristi, did you grow up in Boston?”
It took Kristi a moment to recover; she hadn’t thought she’d be expected to talk. “No, I grew up in Chicago, but my parents are Sox fans.”
“Wow, so you’ve got double the disappointment…”
“Yeah, sure…” Kristi didn’t really understand what was going on.
“JC, why don’t you tell us a little about the tour…”
“Well, we’re performing in Foxboro starting tomorrow night for two shows…”
Kristi’s thoughts trailed off. Would they ever not be bothered one night that they went out? Probably not, but you knew that! Kristi had to smile at the voice inside her head; it wasn’t letting her make excuses.
“Thanks to both of you, and enjoy the rest of the game!”
When Eric finished, he shook both of their hands and left.
JC slung an arm around Kristi’s shoulders, and she leaned in to him. “That wasn’t that bad, was it?”
“Not at all, especially since I only had to say one thing!” Kristi smiled up at JC.
“Are you having fun?”
“Of course! The game is great, and the company’s even better…”
“I’ll have to tell Mike that…”
Kristi giggled and hit JC in the stomach. She turned her attention back to the game; Manny was up to bat with two runners on, the game still tied.
The Red Sox won the game, on an RBI double by Johnny Damon. The park was going wild; no one wanted to leave.
JC and Kristi made their way to the press room to await Johnny, who would introduce them to the players. Kristi couldn’t have been more excited to meet the players.
“JC!” Johnny shouted over the crowd. He made their way over, and shook JC’s hand when he got there. “Good to see you again!” Johnny clapped him on the back, and then turned to Kristi. “And you must be Kristi…”
“Yep…it’s nice to meet you!” They shook hands.
“Nice to meet you too.” He paused. “But I have some bad news…Texas changed our batting practice time tomorrow, so we’re all heading to Logan right now…I’m sorry, guys.”
Kristi tried to hide the disappointment on her face. She wasn’t sure if it worked.
“That’s ok…we understand.” JC said. “Thanks for trying.”
“But, I did get a few guys to sign these for you!” He pulled two baseballs out of his duffle bag. “I hope this makes up for the cancellation…”
“Definitely!” Kristi piped up. “Thanks Johnny!”
“You’re welcome. I gotta run, but it was good to see you guys!” He left, heading towards the door with the rest of the team. Kristi stared at the ball in her hands, looking at all of the signatures, her eyes lighting up.
JC laughed and shook his head. “You are so cute!”
Kristi looked up at him. “Do you know how amazing this is?” JC knew she was going to ramble for several minutes if he didn’t do something to stop her. So he did; he kissed her.
From somewhere behind Kristi, JC was sure he heard a whistle coming from Johnny Damon.
Kristi talked about the game for days; everyone got sick of hearing about it, but they tolerated it because they loved Kristi. She had put the baseball in a plastic bag that stayed in her suitcase, and only took it out to look at it or to show it to others, then the ball went straight back into the suitcase.
Things were going very well overall; the tour was incredible. Every show was sold-out, the performances were incredible, and the crowd went wild. Kristi and JC were happy. Madi even came out to visit the tour; she and Kristi spent one morning pouring over Bride magazines.
“This dress is gorgeous! It’d look amazing on you!” Kristi held a picture up to show Madi.
“Thanks…we’ll put it in the ‘to be looked at later’ pile.”
Madi leaned back into the couch and sighed.
“Anything wrong?” Kristi asked, concerned.
“No, no, just…it’s hard to believe, you know?” Madi tried to find the words to describe her feeling. “I’m so happy and excited and…the last time I was this excited about something so far away was…prom in high school, maybe?” Kristi had to laugh at that. “So how are you and JC doing?”
“Huh? Oh, we’re great.” Kristi thought this was an awkward transition.
“I hear he took you to a Red Sox game…”
“Yeah, it was amazing…” Kristi proceeded to tell Madi the story she had told so many times, she knew it by heart. This allowed Kristi to think while she talked. Did she want what Madi had”what Madi was getting? Did she want a future filled with award shows and public appearances, people interrupting their dates to talk to JC?
Surprising herself, Kristi had just finished her story, and asked, “Madi, is it worth it? The endless number of appearances, the award shows, people interrupting your dates?”
Madi knew exactly what was going through Kristi’s mind; she had struggled with the same questions a year ago. “For me, it is. Chris is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. But everyone has to decide that for themselves.”
Madi hoped Kristi chose what everyone knows she should: JC.
Kristi replayed that two minute conversation with Madi hundreds of times over the next week. “For me, it is. Chris is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. But everyone has to decide that for themselves.” Was it worth it? She knew she loved JC very much…but was love enough? Kristi did whatever she did whenever she was confused, sad, upset, or mad; sit in the bathtub listening to CDs. She knew she should talk about this with JC, or at least Michelle, but she didn’t. Kristi didn’t want JC to start doubting her, even if she doubted herself, and he was so busy, he didn’t need to know a little thing like this. Although Kristi knew that JC would want to hear about her concerns, and that it wasn’t a little thing.
So why didn’t Kristi go to Michelle? Kristi couldn’t answer this question. One reason she told herself was that Michelle was freshly in love; why bother her with silly worries? Michelle would have told Kristi to go talk to JC and that she was being stupid, anyways, nothing too helpful.
Kristi thought she might call Kate Summers, but then decided against it. She knew that Kate would listen to her, and probably offer some good advice, but Kristi never finished dialing her phone number. Kate was busy filming a new movie, and wouldn’t have time to talk.
She immediately ruled out anyone else on tour, as word might get back to JC. Even if she swore that person to secrecy, things happen. Kristi was very close to talking to Lance; he’s sensitive and a great listener. She also ruled him out; he was one of JC’s best friends, and the tour was so time consuming.
So, Kristi had ruled out just about every possible person she could talk to who would have perspective on both parties. This is what Kristi did; fall into a whole, and then refuse to ask for help. She hadn’t quite given up on talking, though; Kristi came very close to spilling to her sister, Jess.
“…and Sam took the kids to the park, just to get away from mowing the lawn! Who woulda thought?”
“Smart move on Sam’s part if you ask me…” Jess knew something was wrong; Kristi never wasted a second when insulting Jess or her husband, Sam; and she had just passed up a perfectly good opportunity to.
“What’s going on Kristi? Spill…”
How does she do that? “Nothing…why?” Kristi knew she didn’t sound believable.
“Nothing my ass…what’s going on?”
“I’m just…” Kristi wanted to say, “I’m thinking about leaving JC because I’m scared and afraid I might hurt him.” But instead, she said, “worried about…Michelle! Her and Mike finally told each other they loved each other, but now they’re away from each other…”
Jess knew Kristi was only being partially honest; they hadn’t been sisters for 24 years for nothing. Jess also knew not to push Kristi, because instead of producing something positive, the bridge that led to Jess in Kristi’s mind would be set on fire.
“So how’s that boyfriend of yours? When do I get to meet him?” Jess listened to Kristi talk about the Red Sox game they went to, complete with Johnny Damon, and JC’s parents’ anniversary party in a few weeks. Deciding to let this slide for now, Jess said, “Well, I have to go mow the lawn…”
“I take it Sam will be sleeping on the couch tonight?” Kristi asked, amused.
“Oh yes…but if you ever need to talk, I’m here…ok? Just because you’re off tearing up the country and I’m in Chicago doesn’t mean that I’m no longer your big sister.”
Kristi rolled her eyes, although Jess couldn’t see it. Jess never let her forget she was older. “Thanks…bye!”
Kristi managed to hold onto her feelings for another three days. She did a good job pretending nothing was bothering her, and that her most taxing thoughts were about making sure Chris remembered how to dance and what she would wear to JC’s parents’ anniversary party. They were very wrong.
JC and Kristi were leaning against the headboard of their bed, watching TV. JC’s hand was rubbing Kristi’s, their legs intertwined.
JC broke the silence. “I never showed you the storage half of the basement, just the recording studio, right?”
“Yeah…there’s more to the basement!”
JC laughed. “Yeah, but it’s ugly and pointless, so there’s no point in including it on the tour…But I was thinking, I found a use for it.”
“Really, what?” Maybe JC would get an indoor pool, or a sauna…that’d be fun.
“A dance studio…” JC had expected Kristi to be excited, not the reaction he was getting.
“What?” Kristi stood up from the bed, backing away from JC. “What?” She said again. Kristi was breathing heavily. She repeated the idea to herself, just to make sure she had heard correctly, “A dance studio?”
JC was getting worried; had he done something wrong? Kristi was freaking out. “Yeah, this way you can dance at home, and not worry about hitting furniture…”
Kristi was backed against the wall. Did JC expect her to move everything out of her apartment? He expected her to move in and be his girlfriend, full-time. “Jayce, you can’t do that…”
“Why not?” JC was getting frustrated. He was trying to do something nice”something that hadn’t even been done yet! “It’s my money!”
Kristi noticed he didn’t say, “My house”.
She sat back down on the bed again, but far from JC. “We need to talk…”
JC didn’t like the sound of this. “Listen, if you don’t like the idea, we don’t have to do it; it’s not like I hired a contractor yet…”
“Jayce, this isn’t just about the dance studio.”
“It’s not?”
“No, it’s not.” Kristi took a deep breath. She was about to break two hearts, but this idea proved that she was getting in too deep when she didn’t know what she wanted. “Jayce, I can’t do this anymore.”
“Do what anymore?” JC was confused; she wasn’t saying what he thought she was saying…was she?”
“This, our relationship, us…I just…I can’t do it anymore!” JC was silent, so Kristi continued. “It’s not that I don’t love you”because I do…”
“Then what is it?” Tears were forming in JC’s eyes; he was close to losing it.
“I…I”please don’t make this harder than it already is…I just…I need to leave…”
“Don’t you dare leave this room Kristi.”
Kristi froze over the bed; she was half way standing up.
“You won’t even tell me why you’re breaking up with me?” He stared at her; her silence gave him his answer. He started yelling, fully aware that she was standing two feet away. “What are you doing? Did Wade do something? I can’t believe this…Think about this! You’ll realize that you’re making a mis”“
“Don’t say mistake, please, don’t.” Tears started streaming down Kristi’s face. “If I thought I could tell you, then I would.” She was crying now. Why was this hurting her so much? She had convinced herself this was the right thing to do…so why was her heart breaking? “With the dance studio, and Chris and Madi and…” Kristi trailed off.
JC started crying too. All he wanted to do was hold Kristi in his arms and listen to her say “fooled you!” and then reprimand her for pulling such a bad joke. He knew that wasn’t going to happen. “Kris, talk to me!”
Kristi started hiccupping. She shook her head and headed towards the door; she needed to get out of there.
“Kris, think about what you’re doing…” She had stopped walking, but wouldn’t turn around. JC was desperate. He asked quietly, “Why?”
Kristi’s shoulders shook as she turned to face JC. “Jayce, you’re talking about dance studios and meeting your family while I’m talking about baseball…” JC had no idea where this was going. “We want different things!”
JC grabbed her arm before she reached the door. “We’ll compromise, figure something out…just”just don’t leave like this…” He was pleading; she couldn’t look at him.
“Just please let me go. It’ll be easier if you just let go…”
“Not until you give me a valid reason!” JC was getting angry again.
Kristi threw caution to the wind. “I don’t deserve you! I’m going to end up hurting you!” She wrenched open the door and left; stopping herself from looking back at the heartbroken JC standing in the doorway took all of her energy.
She started running down the hall towards Michelle and Beth’s room. She started banging on the door. People were poking their heads out of their doors; they had undoubtedly heard the commotion. Kristi didn’t care.
Michelle opened the door to see Kristi, a mess. Her face was tear-stricken, her eyes puffy, face pale, hands trembling. “What happened?” Michelle ushered Kristi in. Beth was on the phone; she quickly said good bye and hung up at the sight of her friend.
“What’s going on?” Michelle asked again.
Kristi just left the two of them staring after her as she made her way to the bathroom, slammed the door shut, and sat down in the bathtub. She lost all composure she had left. The pain in Kristi’s chest intensified; her sobs became louder and she was having trouble breathing. If this was the right thing to do, why did it hurt so much?
Kristi heard something going on in the main room, but she didn’t care. Then she heard a banging on the bathroom door. “Kristi, open up!”
Her heart jumped; it was JC. Why did he come after her? Why wouldn’t he just let her go? “Go away!”
“Not until we talk!”
“We already did!”
JC opened the door; he didn’t look any better than Kristi. He approached the tub, squatting. “What’s going on? Talk to me, Kris.”
She couldn’t look at him; she stared at her hands. “I can’t be with you…”
“Stop saying that! It’s not true!” JC wasn’t going to let this happen.
“Jayce, just please, go! It’ll be easier if you let go…”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
Kristi knew this would be hard, but she didn’t think he would be this difficult to get through to. “Go away! Don’t you get it? I can’t be with you!”
“Kris, I love you…and I know you love me…we can make this work…”
JC’s words were cut off by Kristi; she had broken down and started sobbing.
Justin and Michelle poked their heads into the bathroom, seeing a sour scene. JC was squatting by the tub, crying; Kristi was sitting in tub, beyond crying. Michelle and Justin looked at each other. They both knew nothing was going to change in this moment, and the best thing would be to just get JC out of there.
“C, let’s go…” JC was so miserable and upset, he let himself be steered out of the bathroom.
“Kristi, what’s going on?” Michelle asked as she shut the door.
Kristi looked up, her eyelashes sticking together as she tried to focus on Michelle. “It’s over…” Kristi wrapped her arms around her knees, huddling in a little ball.
Michelle was shocked; she’d assumed that if Kristi was thinking anything stupid like this, she would have talked to her about it first. Now was no time to think about that though, she had to focus on helping Kristi.
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