It was all a dream, JC thought as he awoke the next morning. I’ll open my eyes and see Kristi next to me. He knew he was kidding himself; the heavy feeling in his chest gave it away. JC had no desire to get out of bed; he had no desire to do anything. He rolled over, thinking about how miserable the previous night had been.
Kristi avoided everyone as much as possible during the concert; she wouldn’t even look at JC unless they were dancing on stage. And on stage, there were times when JC thought he had seen a flicker of hope or something to make him think Kristi was still his; it must have been the performer in Kristi shining through, because she left the venue without a word to anyone.
Beth had appeared at JC’s door, asking to come in to get Kristi’s things. She gathered things from around the room, an awkward silence filling the room. When Beth was leaving with Kristi’s luggage, she looked as if she wanted to give JC a hug, but thought better of it.
JC sighed. He knew he’d need to get up eventually. Everyone knew what had happened last night, and there’s no way the guys would let him get bed sores. Right on cue, his phone rang.
“Good morning JC!” It was Justin. How could he be cheerful in a time like this?
“What?”
“This is your wake up call! Breakfast will be”“
“I’m not hungry…”
“We’ll be there with room service in 10 minutes, so at least put some pants on!”
Kristi had fallen asleep in the tub. She had refused to talk to anyone before the concert, barely spoke three words during the concert, and came straight back to the bathtub after the concert. Kristi stretched, feeling a knot in her neck. At least the physical pain would pretend to distract her from the iron fist squeezing her heart.
She got out of the tub and headed to see if Beth and Michelle were awake. Kristi felt as though she owed them apologies; they had re-opened their room to her, and she hadn’t told them anything. Everything they knew came from others.
Kristi saw Michelle and Beth sitting at the table, with room service waiting.
“’Morning…” Beth said.
Kristi passed in front of the mirror and saw she was a mess. Her hair was matted all over her face, as she had cried herself to sleep; her make-up was smudged, her eyes puffy. She decided she didn’t care; there was no one to look nice for anymore.
Kristi sat down and stared at the food.
“Aren’t you going to eat something?” Michelle asked.
“I’m not hungry.”
Michelle and Beth glanced at each other. “Are you going to tell us what happened?”
Kristi sighed. “Yeah…JC said something about building a dance studio for me in his house, and everything’s moving so fast, and Madi and Chris…and I just…I can’t do it! I don’t deserve him!” She had spoken very fast, now staring at her hands.
Beth thought this was a shame; if she had something as special as JC and Kristi had, she wouldn’t let go of it”ever. She and JC shared the same philosophy.
“No chance in getting you to elaborate?”
Kristi shook her head, avoiding Michelle and Beth. She didn’t notice they were communicating over her head without talking.
Five days later, things still hadn’t improved. JC used to love performing; now he felt like it was personal torture. Being that close to Kristi, touching her, singing to her…it was driving him crazy. Performing was a problem for Kristi, too. The sparkle in her eyes was gone; there was now a hollow glow.
They were both physically showing the effects of the break-up. JC had huge bags under his eyes, and was losing weight. Kristi was also losing weight, but managed to look more awake because of make-up.
“They are crazy!” Justin said. “Why can’t they see they’re miserable?”
“I think JC knows that…” Michelle said. They had just gone over JC’s latest attempt to talk to Kristi. He had waited for her after breakfast, hoping to catch her in a better mood; it hadn’t worked. He had, however, managed to squeeze a paper full of song lyrics into her hand. Song lyrics that Kristi had tossed, lyrics that Michelle and Beth had found.
“Who’s one person who can knock some sense into Kristi?” Lance asked.
“Normally that’s me, but she won’t listen.” Michelle felt as though she had failed Kristi and JC; she was the one who had told Kristi everything was in her head. If she hadn’t said that, would they still be together?
“Nobody blames you!” Chris assured her.
“What about a high school friend?” Lauren asked.
“Jeff Rosenthal!” Michelle said, instantly. “They were best friends in high school…”
The next day, there was a knock on the hotel room door. Kristi went to answer it, and her jaw nearly dropped.
“Jeff! What are you doing here?”
“I heard you could use a friend…”
Kristi hugged him, and felt the past week cave in on her. She pulled Jeff inside, and told him everything; things she hadn’t even told Michelle.
“So you broke up with him because you guys don’t want the same things and you don’t want to hurt him...right?”
“Yeah, basically…” Kristi answered.
“Ok…but Kristi, it doesn’t sound like you know what you want…”
Kristi knew this. “But why should I drag JC down while I try to figure that out?”
“Kristi, he obviously doesn’t mind. The guy offered to build you your own studio…guys don’t normally do that…”
Kristi turned away from Jeff. She had already heard this; she didn’t need to hear it again. Getting the hint, he asked, “Do I get to come to the concert tonight?”
Kristi smiled, “Nothing would make me happier.”
Kristi arrived at the venue with Jeff; even if he kept slipping subtle hints that he thought she should get back together with JC, Kristi hadn’t been able to smile since the break up. She was even laughing again.
“Girls!” Kristi called over to the other dancers. “I want you to meet someone!” She motioned to Jeff. “This is my best friend from high school, Jeff Rosenthal.” Kristi turned towards Jeff. “Jeff, this is Beth, Lauren, Meghan, and you already know Michelle.”
“Pleasure to meet you, ladies…” Jeff’s head turned in the direction of the guys.
“Jeff, do you think about anything else other than getting some?” Jeff smiled sheepishly.
“What?” Lauren asked, confused.
Saving Kristi from explaining this, Jeff responded, “I’m gay!”
“Oh!” Beth had to laugh. “It makes sense; you have too much fashion sense to be straight.”
“Thanks, I get that a lot…” He linked arms with Kristi. “Can you introduce me to the eye candy?”
“Jeff, none of them are gay…” Meghan added.
“Maybe I can convince one to bend his line a little…”
Kristi shook her head; Jeff was exactly what she needed right now.
They reached the guys, and JC mumbled something, excusing himself. Kristi didn’t look up from the floor until he had left. Once he did…the guys knew she hadn’t been this excited about something in a while. “Guys, this is my best friend from high school, Jeff Rosenthal! Jeff, this is”“
“I know who they are, silly!” Jeff said. He shook hands with everyone. “It’s nice to meet you all. And Justin, let me tell you, those pants look stunning.” Justin gave him a nervous look; Kristi wouldn’t befriend a stalker, would she? Seeing this concern, Jeff added, “I’m gay.”
“Oh!” Justin breathed in relief.
“So what brings you to tour?” Lance asked, knowing the answer. He had been there when Michelle and Justin had called Jeff.
“Well, I heard from a little birdie,” his eyes flickered towards Justin, “that my girl needed some cheering up…so I took a few days off from work.”
“That’s really nice!” Chris said. “I wish Madi…”
“Congratulations, by the way!” Jeff said to Chris. “I read about your engagement in People…you guys are so cute together!”
“Thanks…”Chris said.
“And Madi takes enough time off of work for you!” Joey added.
Ron approached the group. “Kristi, Wade’s on the phone…”
Her eyes widened and she said, “Tell him I’m not here!” Wade was the last person she wanted to talk to.
“Relax; he said it’s about a dance thing.”
Kristi rolled her eyes and excused herself.
“Hello?”
“Hi Kristi, it’s Wade.”
“What’s up?”
“Well, that section in ‘No Strings Attached’ where JC has trouble singing and dancing” Kristi flinched at the mention of his name. “Tell him he can just not dance then, and pick it back up during the chorus.”
“Will do…” Kristi said through gritted teeth. Wade couldn’t possibly know, could he?
“And…I’m sorry to hear about your break-up with JC…”
“What? How did you know about that?”
“Don’t worry, none of your friends told me…but, if you’re interested in getting back with me, I think I can find it in me to forgive you”“
“You asshole! You didn’t want to talk about the show! You just needed an excuse to get me to talk to you!”
“Think about it Kristi; you’re leaving a wake of battered men in your path of destruction…do you want to end up alone?”
“Shut the fuck up, Wade, and leave me alone!”
She was about to hang up, when she heard Wade say, “Too bad you don’t have your boy toy to keep me away.” Slam. Kristi hung up the phone. Was she really going to end up alone? No, that wouldn’t happen to her; it only happened to mean, horrible people. Kristi couldn’t put her finger on it, but something was telling her she might. Everyone else knew that people who pushed others who loved them away, like Kristi, did end up alone. She took deep calming breaths before heading back towards the group.
“So she said something about not wanting to drag JC down while she figures out life…basically, she’s scared as hell and had convinced herself they’re both gonna end up hurt, so why not end it now?” Jeff quickly told the group”the girls had migrated over”what he had managed to get out of Kristi.
“So JC has to convince Kristi that he’s worth it and that it’s ok to be scared and that they’ll get through everything together, and that everything’s gonna end up ok?” Lance asked.
“Sounds like it…” Michelle said.
“JC’s not a miracle worker…” Justin sounded doubtful.
“But Kristi needs this”and so does JC”they’re perfect for each other!” Joey said.
“And Kristi needs to leap, for once! She needs to get over this barrier, or else she will end up alone, or worse, with a guy like Wade…”
Chris saw Kristi walking towards them, and changed the subject. “So Jeff, what did you say gets rid of wrinkles? I want to look hot for my wedding!”
Kristi laughed. “He’s an encyclopedia, this one!” She didn’t know she had just walked into a group of people who were plotting to change her life.
JC heard accounts of what had happened from Justin, minus the part of the discussion that included him. “So they’re not together?” JC asked, hopeful.
“Definitely not…did you miss the part when I said he’s gay?” JC felt some of the weight that had been crushing his heart lift. It returned, though, when he realized this didn’t make Kristi any closer to coming back to him. “He’s leaving soon…as in,” Justin looked at his watch, “10 minutes his flight takes off.”
JC hopped off of the bed and said, “I’m going to find Kristi…”
JC had found Kristi in her room. She had finally started spending time in the real rooms of the hotel room, not just the bathroom.
She opened the door, not too surprised to see him. “I know you and Jeff aren’t together…”
“And this is relevant because…?” Kristi tried hard to put up an icy demeanor. There had been many times over the past week and a half in which she had wanted to sneak into his hotel room or call him. She didn’t tell anyone about it, because they would tell her to do it. They didn’t get that this was for the best…it was, Kristi had to keep reminding herself.
JC’s face went from hopeful to dejected at her words. “Well, I thought…that…you might”we might…” He trailed off, feeling stupid.
“Jay”JC…” Kristi stopped herself from using his nickname. “Jeff came to cheer me up. That’s it…I don’t know what the others told you…”
Fuck this, JC thought. “You don’t miss me at all?” Kristi stared, stone-faced into his eyes. “Not even a little bit?”
“Of course I miss you!” She quickly defeated the triumphant look in his eyes. “But I can’t be with you! I told you that!”
JC turned and left Kristi standing in the doorway. What was he thinking? Kristi was stubborn, and obviously something had convinced her they’d be better off without each other. She had sworn to him it wasn’t Wade…so what else could it be?
JC sadly decided there was nothing else he could do; he had professed undying love, offered her everything he had, and she still wasn’t budging. Every time he even looked at her, his heart hurt more; it was unbearable to try and get her back. He made up his mind; tears starting falling when he realized what he was thinking. Maybe it would be easier if he just let her go…
There was a knock on Justin’s door; he opened it to see a tired JC. Justin said good bye to Kate, who had been talking to, and let JC in. “What’s up, C?”
JC had been crying. “I’m done…I can’t keep doing this; it hurts more than the actual break up.”
“What?” JC couldn’t give up on Kristi, not when they were so good for each other.
“She won’t talk to me, look at me, she won’t even breath in my direction!” JC took a deep breath, trying to keep his emotions in check. “I love her, but how can I keep doing this? It’s like my heart breaks more every time I try to talk to her, look at her…Maybe it’ll be easier to live again if I just do what she says: let her go…” JC was staring out of the hotel window.
“So you’re saying you’re done?”
JC nodded, obviously sad. “It’s up to her…I’ll never stop loving her, but there’s only so much I can do, right?” JC got up and walked to the door. “I just wanted to let you know because you’ve been there for me since…”
“You were 13?
“Yeah…from the beginning.” JC had a real smile on his face for the first time in almost two weeks. It lasted only a moment. “Thank you…for everything.”
“No problem man, it’s not a problem at all.” When JC left the room, Justin called Michelle to let her know the new development.
The next day, Kristi couldn’t take it anymore. The constant looks of pity from her friends, the nervous glances exchanged between them; she needed to get away, to clear her head. She had the morning off, and they were in Virginia…why not go to the beach?
It was a gloomy, cold day, exactly as Kristi felt. She had gotten a ride from Ron, on his way to the venue. The ride had been silent; Kristi stared out of the window. Ron didn’t take her silence personal; she didn’t talk to anyone.
Kristi didn’t bother to lay out her towel, set-up her beach chair, or put suntan lotion on. She wasn’t here to have fun; the rhythm of the waves hitting the shore calmed her. Life had gotten so confusing and dare she admit it”lonely. She didn’t have someone to cuddle with, someone to wake up to, and someone to love.
She settled down near the water, shivering a bit in her sweatshirt and shorts. She buried her feet into the sand, wiggling them to see the sand fall between her toes. The wind whipped at Kristi’s face; it was refreshing and woke her up. The wind carried her brown hair off of her shoulders, blowing it out behind her head.
Kristi didn’t know how long she sat there, arms wrapped tightly around her knees as if someone was trying to break into her body, looking out to the ocean. She enjoyed the solitude and calmness. She knew here friends wanted what was best for her, but didn’t they think she knew what it was?
She thought she heard footsteps behind her; no one in their right mind would come to the beach today, so who was it? Kristi didn’t want to turn around, in case it was JC. If it was JC, she didn’t think she’d have the will power to turn him away. Breathing deep and preparing herself for the worst, Kristi turned her head and saw Justin walking towards her.
She smiled as he began singing the song that had calmed her so many times as she watched them perform from backstage.
Well it's not far down to paradise
At least not for me
And if the wind is right you can sail away
And find tranquility
Oh, the canvas can do miracles
Just you wait and see
Baby believe me
It's not far to Never-Never Land
No reason to pretend
And if the wind is right you can find the joy
Of innocence again
Oh, the canvas can do miracles
Just you wait and see
Baby believe me
Sailing takes me away
To where I've always heard it could be
Just a dream and a wind to carry me
Soon I will be free
Justin sat down next to Kristi, but still continued to sing. With Justin and the ocean, Kristi felt more calm and in control than she had in weeks.
Fantasy
It gets the best of me
When I'm sailing
All the world in a reverie
Every word is a symphony
Won't you believe me?
Sailing [takes me away] takes me away
To where I've always heard it could be [where I wanna be]
Just a dream and a wind to carry me
Soon I will be free
Soon I will be free
Justin stopped. He looked at Kristi. “What are you doing out here?”
She smiled. “I could ask you the same question…”
”I’m looking for you!”
Kristi sighed. She knew she was going to tell Justin; it was so hard to look at him though…JC was his best friend. “I just needed to get away from everything…Do you ever want to do that?”
“All of the time!” Justin knew he wasn’t going to change Kristi’s mind about JC today, but he did want her to be happy, or close to it. “Wild, screaming fans everywhere, cameras in my face…it’s enough to make anyone want to run.”
“I’m not talking about that.”
“I know, but think of it this way; those are things you don’t have to deal with. JC does, and that’s topped off with getting a broken heart FedEx’ed to him.”
Why was he bringing JC up? Everyone knew she didn’t want to talk about him. “Justin, listen, I really appreciate you coming here, but if you want to talk about him”“
“I want to talk about you, he just happened to come up…” Seeing the look on Kristi’s face, Justin continued hastily. “I’m worried about you. We all are.”
“Thanks for your concern, but I’ll bounce back eventually.”
Justin highly doubted this. “Whatever you say…but Kristi, if you ever need to talk, or need anything…I’m here…nothing changes that.”
She looked at him grateful. “Thank you…that means a lot to me.”
“You welcome.” He paused. He wanted to cheer her up. “So are we just gonna sit here, or are we gonna do something fun?”
Kristi had come to the beach to be by herself; obviously, Justin didn’t plan on leaving without her. “Can we just sit here?”
Justin smiled and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “Of course…shall I continue serenading you?”
Kristi nodded. She rested her head on Justin’s armpit. It immediately struck her how tired she was. She didn’t know how much more of this she could take.
Performing had lost its joy to both JC and Kristi. It had gone from being something they loved to just another job. They were merely coworkers working together. Kristi thought it would be better to switch dance partners, as she knew everyone’s choreography, but she knew no one would agree. So she continued to not talk during the concert, trying to become invisible.
This concert was just another one for Kristi; until she saw something that made her heart break even more, if possible. She was watching one of the slow song segments from the side of the stage like she normally did; ‘Sailing’ always calmed her down. What she saw…she didn’t want to believe.
There's a thousand words that I could say
To make you come home
Oh, seems so long ago you walked away
Left me alone
I remember what you said to me
You were acting so strange
and maybe I was too blind to see
That you needed a change
JC was crying. He was crying on stage, and he didn’t care who saw him. He was miserable. He had told himself, and Justin, that he was done chasing after Kristi, but he knew that he would never stop loving her, and he would never forget her.
Was it something I said
To make you turn away?
To make you walk out and leave me cold
If I could just find a way
To make it so that you were right here
But right now..
JC would give anything to go back in time to figure out what had gone wrong. If he had said something differently, or did something wrong…there was no use in thinking this way. He couldn’t turn back time (he agreed with a Backstreet Boy song!), and he was just torturing himself in thinking this way.
I've been sitting here
Can't get you off my mind
I've tried my best to be a man and be strong
I've drove myself insane
Wishing I could touch your face
But the truth remains..
Kristi’s eyes started tearing at the sight of JC crying on stage. She couldn’t let herself go back to him; it would just make the end more painful.
You're gone..
You're gone..
Baby you're gone
Girl you're gone, baby girl, you're gone..
You're gone..
You're...
I don't wanna make excuses, baby
Won't change the fact that you're gone
But if there's something that I could do
Won't you please let me know?
Time is passing so slowly now
Guess that's my life without you
and maybe I could change my every day
But baby I don't want to
All JC wanted to do was get off stage and go hide in his hotel room. Even when the concert was over, he was sure the guys wouldn’t let him wallow by himself, especially since he knew they all saw what happened. Yes, he told people he was done with Kristi; but everyone knew he wasn’t. He just couldn’t keep getting his hopes up…
So I'll just hang around
and find some things to do
To take my mind off missing you
and I know in my heart
You can't say that you don't love me too
Please say you do
I've been sitting here
Can't get you off my mind
I've tried my best to be a man and be strong
I Drove myself insane
Wishing I could touch your face
But the truth remains
Kristi wanted to tell JC the truth; that she was madly in love with him, and she was pretty sure no one else would ever come close to him…but she couldn’t. She wouldn’t let herself become that needy, dependent type of girl.
You're gone..
You're gone..
You're gone
You're gone...you're gone.. you're....
Gone
Oh what'll I do
If I can't be with you
Tell me where will I turn to
Baby who will I be
Now that we are apart
Am I still in your heart?
Baby why don't you see?
That I need you here with me
JC was lost; he didn’t know what he wanted to do anymore. 12 days later, his heart still felt like it was on fire. Why couldn’t she see he was nothing without her? And why couldn’t she see that she needed him?
I've been sitting here
Can't get you off my mind
I've tried my best to be a man and be strong
I've drove myself insane
Wishing I could touch your face
But the truth remains
You're gone..
You're gone..
You're gone
You're gone
Gone
You're gone..
But the truth remains
You're....
JC wiped the tears away from his eyes; there was still half a show left. He glanced towards the stage wing and saw Kristi, wiping something away from her eyes too.
Kristi and JC both retreated to their hotel rooms after the concert. They both turned on their radios, tuned them to the same station, and heard the same song, “I Just Don’t Think I’ll Ever Get Over You” by Colin Hay.
I drink good coffee every morning
Comes from a place that's far away
And when I'm done I feel like talking
Without you here there is less to say
I don't want you thinking I'm unhappy
What is closer to the truth
That if I lived till I was 102
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
I'm no longer moved to drink strong whisky
'Cause I shook the hand of time and I knew
That if I lived till I could no longer climb my stairs
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
JC flopped down onto his bed, thinking this song conveyed his emotions better than any lyrics he had written since Kristi had broken his heart. He would never get over Kristi; but he would have to learn to live without her, as much as he didn’t want to.
Kristi slid into the bathtub, this time to take an actual bath. She listened to the lyrics of the song; they were true. Life seemed to have lost its vibrancy and didn’t seem exciting without JC. There were many days Kristi didn’t even want to get up. She sighed, knowing that the song was correct; she would never get over JC.
Your face it dances and it haunts me
Your laughter's still ringing in my ears
I still find pieces of your presence here
Even after all these years
But I don't want you thinking I don't get asked to dinner
'Cause I'm here to say that I sometimes do
Even though I may soon feel the touch of love
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
If I lived till I was 102
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
Kristi slid further into the tub, hoping her tears would mix with bathwater. She didn’t care that Michelle and Beth weren’t there; they had rarely left her alone in the past week and a half. She would be fine, Kristi kept telling herself. She would be, she just needed time to wallow, and then she would bounce back. Even though she put forward a false bravado, she knew she’d never fully bounce back.
JC climbed under the covers, trying not to think about Kristi. This was a lost cause; 5 minutes could barely go by without thinking about her. Everything reminded him of Kristi; it was hard not to think about her. He remembered her laugh and the way she looked at him. Shaking his head, he thought about his parents’ anniversary party next week. He hadn’t told his parents he wouldn’t be bringing Kristi as a date; saying the words would make it real, permanent. He scolded himself for thinking this way, but he thought if this didn’t escape into the real world, it wouldn’t be real.
After the concert that night, Justin hosted the first official meeting of the “JKBU””JC and Kristi Break Up”club in his room. They all had met and plotted before, but now it was time to get serious; JC had admitted defeat. They weren’t worried about Kristi or JC walking in; both rarely left their hotel rooms. They were probably lying in bed, preparing for another restless night.
“So what are we going to do?” Chris asked.
“We can lock them in a room together until they make up…” Meghan suggested.
“We could try and make them jealous of each other, ya know…tell JC Kristi’s dating Wade again and that thing…” Joey said, realizing how stupid the idea sounded.
“We could if we wanted JC to hate Kristi forever…the guy practically raped her!” Michelle seemed to be taking Kristi and JC’s break up personally. “Sorry…I’m just…worried.”
“We’re all worried Michelle.” Lance added. “We just need to be smart…if they start to suspect something…”
“Did Kristi suspect something when Jeff came?” Chris asked.
“No,” Beth said, “She thinks Michelle called him.”
“That’s kind of true” Lauren said.
“I can’t believe JC is giving up!” Joey exclaimed. “I thought he had balls, would fight for the woman he loved…” As tense as the situation was, everyone had to laugh at Joey.
“And Kristi needs to get some balls…” Lance observed.
“Lance!” Meghan was shocked with his sudden outburst.
“It’s true, though…” Justin thought aloud. “And I know the four of us can help JC find his balls…”
“Ok, we’re done talking like that!” Lauren said.
“And we just need someone to make Kristi see what an idiot she is…” Chris avoided Michelle’s stare. “Miche, you don’t always kick Kristi into line…we need someone who does that…someone who isn’t afraid to piss Kristi off, someone who likes pissing Kristi off.”
“I know just the person!” Michelle exclaimed. “Her sister!”
“Excellent!” Lance was excited.
“Go get her phone number!” Meghan said.
“She has a husband and kids…would she really be up at this hour?” Beth asked; it was 2 in the morning.
“Would she want to know Kristi is royally fucking up her life?” Michelle asked.
Two more days passed until their plan went into action.
“Kristi!” Jess called into the phone. “I’m in the lobby! Come get me!”
“What?” Kristi was shocked. “You’re here?”
“Yes, now come get me!”
Kristi ran into the hallway and jogged towards the elevator. She got into the first one, not noticing it was heading up rather than down. On its way down, the elevator stopped at her floor, opening its doors to reveal JC.
“Oh, hi…” Kristi said awkwardly.
JC mumbled something as he stepped into the elevator, eyes on the floor. An awkward silence filled the cabin for a minute, until the doors dinged open. It pained JC to be in an elevator, specifically, with Kristi; he remembered when Luis caught them making out…to think that three months ago, that had been their biggest worry.
Kristi bolted out of the elevator, surveying the room; she spotted Jess and ran towards her. “Jess!”
Jess gave her a bone-crushing hug. Kristi was going to hate her for what she was going to do, but it would make her happy in the long-run. “Kristi! It’s so nice to see”you look horrible!”
“What a nice way to greet a sister you haven’t seen in months!” Kristi said.
“Well, it’s true. You’ve got huge bags under your eyes, and you’ve lost weight, I know it!” Jess continued. “If you’re going to shed some weight, use mine next time!”
Kristi shook her head. Jess complained that her pregnancy weight was never going to go away, when they had realized a long time ago, Kristi was naturally thinner than Jess.
“Want to go upstairs?” Kristi asked her sister.
Kristi and Jess were seated at the kitchen table in the hotel room Kristi shared with Beth and Michelle; the two had mysteriously disappeared.
“Is Sam off of the couch?” Kristi asked, remembering their last conversation.
“Yes…Kristi,” Why beat around the bush? “What’s going on?”
“What do you mean?” Kristi asked, trying to play dumb.
“Don’t be thick…you know exactly what I’m talking about!”
Kristi felt betrayed. “Who told you?” She already knew the answer.
“Your friends are worried about you!” Jess said.
Kristi’s eyes widened. “Did they call Jeff too?”
Jess nodded, silently. Kristi was crushed; how could they do that to her? Because they care a voice in her head; it was the same voice that told her to go back to JC.
“They told me you’re having some problems…with a certain someone.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Well, honey, you don’t have a choice, since I flew two hours to come talk to you!”
“I didn’t ask you! I didn’t ask you for help!”
“That’s the thing!” Jess was going to say everything; this was too important. “You never ask for help…even when you know you need it! With math or boys or car troubles…you never do”you’re independent to a fault! And this need to protect yourself has made you push away the best thing to walk into your life!”
Kristi sat silently, not saying anything. So Jess continued. “What the hell where you thinking when you dumped JC? You were so happy! You keep saying you can’t be with him; but like Michelle said, that’s all in your head!”
“I can’t be with him!”
“Why not?” Kristi didn’t respond. “WHY NOT?”
Kristi started crying. “BECAUSE I’LL HURT HIM, ALRIGHT?” The truth finally came out. Kristi got up and walked towards the bed; she sunk onto it, her hand wiping away her tears.
“Kristi, you’re already practically killing him! If we all thought you really wanted this, we’d leave you alone”“
“Really?” Kristi asked, skeptical.
“Ok, not me or Michelle, and maybe Beth…I like Beth”but that’s not the point! We know this isn’t what you want!”
“How do you know that?”
Jess got up and sat next to her little sister. “Because I know you. And your friends know JC. And you’re both incredibly miserable.”
Kristi wouldn’t look Jess in the face. “Why would you wind up hurting JC?” Jess asked quietly.
Kristi started sniffling. “I never do what’s best for me, even when I know what it is…”
“There’s no time better than now to start!”
“He hates me…”
“No he doesn’t!”
“He doesn’t talk to me…”
“Would you want to talk to you if you were in his shoes?” Silence followed. “Kristi talk to me…”
“What if I don’t want to get married and have his kids and be the superstar’s wife? Or girlfriend? What if it’s not worth it…?”
“First, you know JC would never pressure you into anything like that”“
“He wanted to build me a dance studio in his house!”
“The house you moved into?” Kristi was quiet. “The house that has a recording studio for JC, so he can work at home?” Kristi saw where Jess was going. “He wasn’t being pushy or controlling, he was being considerate…”
“I don’t know if I want that life!” Kristi said, miserably.
“You do! And know how I know? You’re fighting so hard against it; you’ve always been independent, you’ve never needed anyone. And now, you’ve finally found someone you need, and it scares you.”
“No it doesn’t!”
“Yes it does! It scares you that you might have found someone you’d risk getting your heart broken for! Someone you may want to spend the rest of your life with! It scares you!”
“No, it doesn’t!” Kristi inhaled sharply. “WHAT SCARES ME IS THAT HE’LL WAKE UP ONE MORNING AND DECIDE HE WANTS SOMEONE ELSE!”
Kristi had shocked herself. Was that really the reason she left JC? She was scared he’d hurt her? All this time, Kristi had thought it was because she was afraid she’d hurt him. Maybe it was both…
“You’re scared you’ll both get hurt?” Jess asked quietly.
“Yes…” Kristi started crying again. Tears fell down her cheeks, but she didn’t notice. She was too involved in her revelation. She looked up at Jess. “I can’t be with him…”
Jess was getting annoyed. How thick was Kristi? “Kristi, you can’t ignore him! You’ve got to leap, take that chance on someone! Give your heart up! You half way did, but then you took it back! Who knows? You may even find yourself a soul mate…or you’ll pack up and look for someone else! Either way you won’t know unless you risk it…”
”I’m scared…”
This was just plain ridiculous. “KRISTI, YOU’VE GOT TO TAKE THIS CHANCE BECAUSE YOU’LL END UP HATING YOURSELF IF YOU DON’T!” Jess lowered her voice. “You said you don’t deserve him; if you run away from an amazing guy like JC, who loves you, then yes, you don’t deserve him. Kristi, be the girl who is more than deserving…”
Kristi thought for a moment. “What do I do?”
“Well…” Jess had to smile; they were making progress. She put her arm around Kristi. “First, tell him you love him”you do still love him, right?” Jess was reassured when Kristi nodded her head vigorously. “And explain everything you told me to him.” Kristi opened her mouth to ask a question, but Jess was a step ahead of her. “He still wants you; I know he does. Explain that you were scared and stupid, and tell him you’re going to learn from your mistake, and always talk over everything with him”even if it’s about buying new curtains…” Kristi laughed; JC could use some new curtains in his house. “And that you want this to work. Even if you don’t know exactly what you want for your future, you want him to be apart of it, right?”
“Yes…” Kristi wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand. “How did you get so smart?”
“The joys of motherhood…” Jess knew she needed to text Justin, letting him know Kristi was ready to make up. “Go wash your face, I’ll pick out something cute for you to wear, and we’ll go get your man back.”
Kristi got up and smiled. “Thanks Jess, really.” They hugged. “I love you.”
“I love you too Kristi.” She smiled. “Now get going!”
Justin wasn’t getting through to JC; no one was. The guys had spent the past 10 minutes trying to convince JC to go after Kristi one more time. He wasn’t budging.
”I know you said you were done…but what’s one more try?”
Joey said, “Go for it! You love her, don’t you?”
JC stared at his friends, stone-faced.
”You guys are so stubborn…” Lance said.
”C, you love her. This is someone you could spend the rest of your life with, right?” JC didn’t say anything, he didn’t have to. “Then she’s worth fighting for!”
They were running out of time; Jess had just texted Justin, telling him they’d be there in 5 minutes. Throwing caution to the wind, Justin exploded. “JC, her sister flew here to slap some sense into her! I just got a text from her; they’re on their way down! She really does want you back, I swear!” JC sat in disbelief.
“C, here’s your chance to sweep her off her feet!” Lance said, trying to excite JC.
“I don’t believe you! Nothing has changed…I couldn’t change her mind, Michelle couldn’t, Jeff couldn’t, and nothing her sister can say will!”
“C, man,” Chris began. “I know what it’s like putting yourself out there! But it’s worth it, I promise!” Chris had a look of pleading on his face; he wanted JC to have what he had with Madi.
JC thought for a minute. His face was expressionless. “She’s really coming back?” he asked quietly. The four men standing with him nodded excitedly…JC was coming around. “What am I going to do? I don’t have time to think of something! I”“
They all smiled; JC was back. Joey spoke up. “Man, we’ve got everything planned out.” Five heads went together, filling JC in on the plan.
“Jess, why are we going to the practice room?” Kristi asked her sister as they opened the door to the practice room in the hotel.
Jess didn’t say anything; she just smiled. Kristi turned her attention to what had made Jess smile. Her breath caught in her chest and she became dizzy.
The music started, and tears filled Kristi’s eyes. This song…was he really going to sweep her off her feet…again?
I just don’t understand
Why you’re running from a good man, baby
Why you wanna turn your back on love
Why you’ve already given up
See I know you’ve been hurt before
But I swear I’ll give you so much more
I swear I’ll never let you down
Cuz I swear it’s you that I adore
Tears started falling down Kristi’s face. How could she even have imagined leaving JC, let alone actually do it? A feeling was swelling up in her chest; she wasn’t sure what that feeling was.
And I can’t help myself, babe
Cuz I think about you constantly
And my heart gets no rest over you
What should I do?
Kristi’s face was emotionless. JC tried desperately to read it, but he couldn’t. What was going on in her head?
You can call me selfish
But all I want is your love
You can call me hopeless, baby
Cuz I’m hopelessly in love
You can call me imperfect
But who’s perfect?
Tell me what do I got to do
To prove that I’m the only one for you
JC had been too busy watching Kristi to realize he had begun to sing. This did Kristi in; she burst into a smile.
I’ll be taking up your time
’Til the day I make you realize
That for you there could be no one else
I just gotta have you for myself
Baby, I would take good care of you
No matter what it is you’re going through
I’ll be there when you’re in need
Baby, believe in me
Somehow, JC had managed to make her knees weak, again. He had taken a song and made it theirs; he knew she had never been serenaded before, and he used it time and time again to get through to her.
Cuz if love is a crime
Then punish me I would die for you
Cuz I don’t want to live without you
What can I do?
JC’s voice started doing that thing that made Kristi want to faint; it cracked, but it was sexy. Tears were still flowing from her eyes; she didn’t care. The only thing she cared about was that man on stage.
You can call me selfish
But all I want is your love
You can call me hopeless, baby
Cuz I’m hopelessly in love
You can call me imperfect
But who’s perfect?
Tell me what do I got to do
To prove that I’m the only one for you
Justin smiled at the girls; Kristi was standing there, smiling at JC. Jess gave Justin a thumbs up and went back to watching her sister. Justin knew this was a good idea; the look on JC and Kristi’s faces told him so.
Why do you keep us apart?
Why won’t you give up heart?
You know that we’re meant to be together
Why do you push me away?
All I want is to give you love
For ever and ever and ever and ever
You can call me selfish
But all I want is your love
You can call me hopeless, baby
Cuz I’m hopelessly in love
You can call me imperfect
But who’s perfect?
Tell me what do I got to do
To prove that I’m the only one for you
Kristi tried to hold back; she didn’t want to be sobbing before she had even talked to JC. It wasn’t working though, her emotions were getting the best of her, like they had been lately.
Selfishly, I’m in love with you
I’ve searched my soul
And know that it’s you
Kristi was gone; JC was the one, and she knew it. Why had everyone known it before her? Jess was right; Kristi’s independence was her own enemy. She was ready to let that enemy go.
To prove that I’m the only one for you
So what’s wrong with being selfish?
JC and Kristi met halfway across the room, barely after the music had ended. JC pulled Kristi into a hug, tears forming in his own eyes. The sound of her voice in his ear surprised him; “There’s nothing wrong with being selfish.”
He couldn’t control himself any longer; he had been wanting to kiss her for two weeks. His lips found hers. His hands caressed her face, trying to memorize it all over again. They would talk later; anything she had to say”they could work everything out.
It must have been several minutes until the two separated; everyone else had snuck out of the room. “I love you Jayce.”
”I love you too, Kris.” He smiled at her. She took his hand and brought him over to a table with chairs.
”We need to talk.” JC nodded, knowing that she would be doing most of the talking. She took a deep breath, tears still falling down her face, grasping JC’s hand.
”Jayce, I’m a coward and an idiot and stupid and…” She looked upwards, regaining her composure. “Jayce, I lied to you when…that happened.” Kristi couldn’t bring herself to say the words ‘break up’. “I was scared of you; you were so open and ready…I just…shut off. And I was scared I’d hurt you eventually, so I thought ending it then would make it hurt less…I thought you would wake up one morning and decide you didn’t want me anymore…” Kristi sighed. “Of course, I was wrong about that too…but, I may not have my whole life figured out…and I’m ok with that. But I do know that”that, what I want”I want you.”
JC smiled at this. These were the words he’d been hoping to hear for two weeks. He let her continue.
“I love you Jayce, and no matter what happens, I want it to happen with you. I don’t know anything other than that…in the whole world! I just know that I love you.” She took a deep breath. “And…I do deserve someone amazing like you. If I settled for anything less, Alex would be right, again.” JC remembered that night when Kristi had told him of her high school sweetheart. “Jayce, I was so stupid…I don’t know what made me think like that…maybe it was my tendency to do whatever I can to mess up my own life unknowingly or that I’m so independent it scared me when I realized I needed you in my life…for the first time, I really needed someone…it scared me, and I ran…I was so stupid, and I promise, if I start to feel anything like that ever again, I’ll talk to you. I’ll talk to you about anything! I love you Jayce…this is going to work. I’m going to learn from what happened…and this is going to last…I love you too much to just let it all go…”
JC stood up and hugged her. “Kris, I love you too. And this is going to work.” JC captured her lips with his.
A few minutes later, they heard noises coming from the hall; “Shh!” and “move out of the way!”, “It’s my turn!” rang through the room.
They heard Jess’s voice; “I want to know! I’m asking.” She started shouted. “Are you guys back together yet?”
Kristi and JC shouted “Yes” together and they heard some celebratory shouts from the hall.
The two smiled. Their friends had done anything and everything to help them get back together. Tears were still falling silently down Kristi’s cheek. How could she have been so stupid? She almost let everything slip away…that wasn’t going to happen again. JC wiped a tear away from Kristi’s cheek. “Shall we go greet our cheerleaders?”
They left the room to see nine eager faces. Kristi smiled and hid her face in JC’s arm. She knew she owed her friends all of the gratitude in the world, but all she wanted to do right now was go upstairs and kiss JC until her lips no longer functioned. JC was thinking the exact same thing; he said to everyone, “I guess ‘thanks’ would be the right word…”
Justin went to JC and gave him a huge hug, then moved on to Kristi. They eventually hugged all nine trouble makers; Kristi and JC owed them their happiness. When Jess got to JC, she said, “Hi! I’m Kristi’s older sister…nice to meet you!” She held out her hand for a shake, but JC pulled her into a hug; she was the one responsible for turning Kristi around.
Three hours later, Kristi and JC were lying on the bed, still kissing, when there was knock on the door. “Are you guys decent? We’re coming in…”
Nine people entered the room, making it feel like a family reunion taking place in a crowded hotel room. Kristi and JC still lay on the bed; they didn’t need to move as they were still fully clothed.
Jess sat down on the bed, moving Kristi’s legs over. “Way to spend time with your sister when she flew out to see you!” JC could immediately see the similarities between Jess and Kristi; they had the same brown hair, same cheek bones, and same stubbornness. JC made a mental note that he liked Kristi’s eyes better.
“Somehow, I didn’t think you’d want to watch this…”
Everyone laughed, but Justin talked over the noise. “We have to go to the venue in a few minutes, but first…Kristi, JC, if you guys ever break up, again, we may have to kill you…”
Kristi thought they were joking, but JC knew better. “We’re not joking…” Michelle added for Kristi.
She laughed and rolled out of bed, pulling JC with her. “Sounds good…”
They all went to leave the room, when Michelle pulled Kristi aside.
“Miche…”
“Kristi, we’re not talking about JC right now…we’re talking about another man…”
“Mike?” Kristi hadn’t heard any news about him in weeks.
“No…Wade…” Kristi’s smiled faded. Why was she bringing him up, now? “I know, he’s the last thing you want to think about, but he’s gonna be there tonight, at the venue.”
“What? Why…” Kristi couldn’t string together her thoughts. This was the last thing she needed; not now, not when she had just made amends with JC.
“He’s in the area with the Brittany Spears tour, so he wants to check out the show, see how it’s going.”
Kristi was determined to not let this deflate her good mood. “Then I’ll deal with him…I’m sick of this…but we’ll deal…”
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