“Lindsey, I have your first official assignment!” Melinda poked her head into Lindsey’s office, very excited.
“Really?” Lindsey asked. “What is it?”
“*NSYNC needs help with promoting their album and tour, so you’ll be helping me with that.”
Lindsey laughed. “Like they really need help with promotion…”
Melinda smiled sheepishly. “I just want to make sure you get to know the ropes before we throw you out there.”
“Thanks…it should be fun at least, right?”
Melinda smiled. “You have no idea.”
“Lindsey’s really going to be working with us?” Joey asked.
“Yes.” Johnny nodded, and tried to continue so the boys could get back into the studio. “Now, tomorrow…”
Once Johnny had left, Joey turned to JC. “Are you sure you’re not calling dibs? Because if you’re not, then I’m going after her.”
JC smiled. “No, I’m not.”
“You’re letting Joey win that easily?” Lance asked.
“Hell no!” Chris began. “Joey cannot win like that! At least fight or something!”
“Joe, I don’t think it’ll matter who goes after her…she’s not looking for anything close to a relationship.”
“What?” Justin was confused. “How do you know this?”
JC sighed. “We went out to lunch yesterday, because I wanted to talk to her about something…and she told me.” JC conveniently left out that he wanted to talk to her about his lack of a serious relationship.
“Damn, how old is she?” Lance asked.
“24” JC answered.
“And she’s already given up on love?”
JC nodded. “Yep.”
Justin smiled. “I’m assuming you know why, but can’t tell us.”
JC nodded again. “It’s not my thing to tell.”
Chris shook his head. JC was falling hard and fast. Anyone could tell by the way he smiled when someone mentioned her name, or how his face lit up when she came into the room the other day.
Lindsey began working on *NSYNC’s publicity team and this meant she started working closer with the guys. She enjoyed this part of the job very much; the guys were really nice. The one thing Lindsey didn’t like, however, was this growing attraction to JC. It wasn’t just physical”anyone could see he was gorgeous…he never brought up what they had talked about at lunch, he never pushed her, and he was so sweet.
At first, JC tried to fight this attraction to Lindsey; she had said she didn’t want anything like that in her life. But the more time JC spent with her, the more he thought about how to convince her to give him a chance.
“Lindsey…” JC whined as he sat on the desk in her office. “Come out with us tonight!”
Lindsey smiled but shook her head. “I can’t JC; I have an early meeting tomorrow.”
JC raised an eyebrow. “Does that mean we have an early meeting tomorrow too?”
She laughed. “Nope, the meeting is only for important people.”
“Hey!” JC laughed and hopped off her desk. “Fine, be a party pooper! But you’ll start coming out with us eventually…no one can resist the Chasez charm for long!”
“Really? I wasn’t aware the charm existed…”
JC exited with a smile.
Oh my god…I just flirted with a man…why did this make Lindsey so uncomfortable? She had flirted with men since she had broken up with Rick, but she had never considered breaking her vow of forgetting about love until now. Her brain told her to set JC straight now, so he wouldn’t get his hopes up. Her heart…her heart was telling her to grab on with both hands and never let him go. Lindsey was so scared, she didn’t listen to either. She sat down, put her head in her hands, and tried to forget about everything she was feeling inside.
Every time Lindsey and JC were in the same room, he would sit next to her or talk to her. Everyone could see the attraction; JC was the only one who could always make Lindsey laugh. Lindsey was the only one who caused JC’s face to light up when she entered the room. They would look at each other constantly, stealing glances when they thought no one was looking. JC would stop by Lindsey’s office, sometimes not returning for an hour or so. The guys teased JC because they spent the hour talking. JC didn’t care what they did, as long as he was with Lindsey.
Two weeks had passed since Lindsey had her first run in with JC. She hadn’t cried since; the five guys she now worked with kept her smiling.
“Justin, you need to stand still for the photographer!” Lindsey called while Justin was squirming around while the photographer was trying to take shots for posters.
“Why does this have to take so long?” Justin whined. Justin was very mature for his age, but it was times like these that reminded you that he was only 20.
“Because the whole world enjoys torturing you.” Lindsey smiled. She shook her head and was about to continue teasing Justin, when a pair of arms wrapped around her waist. She tensed up; Rick used to do that to her. Lindsey stopped breathing until she heard a laugh”a laugh that definitely didn’t belong to Rick; it was so full of life.
JC rested his chin on Lindsey’s shoulder. “Enjoying teasing the kid?”
Lindsey felt herself smile. “Yes, it’s my new favorite past time.” She turned her head so she could look at JC, and realized how close their lips were. Unconsciously, Lindsey wet her lips. JC didn’t realize how much he wanted to kiss her until now. Just my luck, he thought, I fall for the girl who never wants to fall in love again.
Not knowing where the courage came from, JC asked Lindsey, “What are you doing tonight?” Lindsey looked away when JC didn’t move his chin or arms.
“I don’t know…why?”
JC smiled; he knew Lindsey was only pretending that he didn’t affect her the way she affected him. “Do you want to catch a movie?”
Yes was what Lindsey thought of immediately. She almost answered, then stopped. She didn’t want to lead JC on”who said he was even interested?”and she was looking for nothing involving a relationship at the moment. Lindsey didn’t realize she said yes until JC was asking when he should pick her up.
Shit. “Umm, how about you come over to my place?”
“Great!” JC was very excited; he had expected Lindsey to say no.
Lindsey was pacing in the living room in her apartment. She was so nervous; she hadn’t been alone with a guy that was interested in her that way since Rick. Her stomach felt like it was full of butterflies, and Lindsey was embarrassed just thinking about how she had acted trying to get ready for tonight. She had tried on 10 outfits before settling on a nice pair of jeans and tank top; she cleaned up her apartment, something she hadn’t done since she moved in a month ago.
There was a knock on the door; Lindsey felt as if she would be sick. Moving slowly to answer it, Lindsey took a deep breath. She reminded herself that she had control of the situation; nothing would happen without her consent. Opening the door, she saw an equally nervous JC.
“Hi!” JC moved inside the apartment, revealing Chinese food containers and a movie. “You ready for a movie?”
Lindsey led the way to the TV and asked, “Chinese food?”
“Only the best…”
JC set up the movie while Lindsey got plates for dinner. They ate in front of the TV while watching the movie. JC had rented Cruel Intentions. He hadn’t expected it to be so freaky, but almost didn’t mind because Lindsey kept inching closer and closer every time something weird happened, as if JC could protect her from the movie.
“Ryan Philippe is so hot!” Lindsey exclaimed as she got up to rewind the tape.
JC rolled his eyes. “And I’m not?”
“I didn’t say that…” Did Lindsey just flirt with JC? What am I getting myself into?
JC smiled. “You think I’m dead sexy…just say it.”
I think you’re gorgeous. “Whatever you say.” Lindsey answered. She was beginning to like this flirty side of her. She had never been like this with Rick. Rick”stop thinking about him! Lindsey was on a date with another man; she should not be thinking about her ex, especially with after all he did. But because of JC, she had been thinking more and more about Rick; not about how much she missed him, more about all of the things she had missed while she was with him.
JC started to clean up from dinner, when Lindsey looked at her watch. “It’s only 9:30…we could watch another movie or something?”
This was exactly what JC had been hoping for. “Or something?”
Lindsey’s stomach fell; did JC expect something now? JC’s not like that. “Yeah, like talk or…”
JC laughed and pulled Lindsey down to the couch with him. Looking her in the eye, JC pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. JC almost shuddered at the sight of her eyes; they contained pain and sadness. Before he could stop himself, JC said, “Lindsey, I’m not him.”
This shocked Lindsey. “I know…but why does that even matter?” Playing dumb might get him to drop the subject.
JC sighed; he didn’t want to talk about dating like this. “Lindsey, I’m gonna be honest, ok? And don’t interrupt until I’m done, ok?” Lindsey nodded. “I like you, a lot. I’m attracted to you. I enjoy spending time with you. Lindsey,” JC took Lindsey’s hand. “I want to date you.”
Lindsey started to say something but JC continued. “I know that you’ve been hurt before, but I’m not him. What I don’t understand is why you’re letting what that asshole did prevent you from being happy.”
Lindsey’s eyes widened. Who did he think he was? “Excuse me? You don’t know what you’re talking about!” She jerked her hand out of JC’s. “You have no idea!”
“Then tell me…make me understand.” JC again took Lindsey’s hand in his.
Lindsey closed her eyes; she wanted to tell him, open up that part of herself to him. But what would happen once she did? Taking a deep breath, Lindsey told her story. “I met Rick at Syracuse…we were both communications majors. We hit it off right away, but didn’t start dating until we both graduated and were living in Boston. He was my world; I’d ditch friends to be with him, drop everything, arrange my schedule to fit his…basically, he knew I’d do anything for him and used that to his advantage.” JC didn’t know what to say. Who could do that? “He proposed after one and a half years dating…I don’t know why he did now, since he had no intention of being with one woman for the rest of his life…but then I thought we were soul mates and he was the man I’d love forever. I went to surprise him one day”I got out of work early”and I walked into his apartment and he was sleeping with Molly…”
She didn’t realize tears were falling on her cheeks until JC’s thumb was wiping them slowly. “He doesn’t deserve you.”
Lindsey nodded, comforted by the feel of JC’s hand on her cheek. “But I pushed him away…I made him think”“
“Stop right there.” JC scooted closer. “You did nothing wrong. He’s the one who fucked up. You are not to blame.”
Lindsey smiled. “That’s what everyone said…but what am I supposed to think?”
“Remember when you told me that I wasn’t stupid or whatever when I asked the same thing about long term relationships?” Lindsey nodded. “There’s nothing wrong with you”in fact, to be doing so well after this…it’s incredible.” JC added quietly, “You’re incredible.”
“Thank you.” Lindsey responded just as quietly.
JC knew he was pushing his luck, but he couldn’t resist. He leaned forward; Lindsey froze, unsure of what she should do. She hadn’t kissed a man in 10 months. As JC leaned closer, she leaned further away. “JC…I’m sorry…I can’t do this.” JC looked down, embarrassed. Lindsey lifted his chin up so he looked her in the eyes. “I can’t do this yet. It still hurts too much. I don’t want to ever hurt like that again.”
“I won’t hurt you.”
“JC, can you write that down for me? A contract, maybe?” JC smiled. He knew what she was talking about, but he didn’t like that.
“I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.” Lindsey nodded. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Lindsey!” Justin caught up to Lindsey down the hall. “Wait up girl!”
“Hey Justin, what’s up?”
Justin looked at the floor; he knew she wouldn’t want to talk about this, but he didn’t like seeing JC so determined to get something they were all pretty sure he wouldn’t get. It was if he had a one track mind, now and it was all Lindsey. Justin knew Lindsey was aware of this, and he couldn’t understand for the life of him why she wouldn’t give JC a chance. “Why won’t you date JC? He’s a great guy…you won’t find anyone better…”
This was not what Lindsey had expected. “What?”
“We all know he wants to date you…”
“He told you?” Lindsey was upset; she had told him everything in confidence.
“No, we just know…I’ve known him for 11 years, I can tell when he’s falling for a girl.” Lindsey breathed a sigh of relief. “So why won’t you go out with him? Is he too ugly for you?” Justin laughed while Lindsey tried to smile.
“I can’t. JC understands why…or if he doesn’t understand, he knows why I can’t.” Lindsey patted Justin on the shoulder. “It’s really sweet you’re concerned about JC…”
“We’re not just worried about JC, you know…you’re now part of the family too.”
“Wouldn’t that be incest then?” Lindsey laughed.
Justin rolled his eyes. “You got out on technicalities this time…but look out for next time!”
Lindsey was losing a fighting battle. She knew she was falling for JC; she couldn’t lie to herself anymore. But she could lie to him, right? Lindsey sighed; she knew she wouldn’t be able to. He was getting through to her, and she didn’t like it. But with her new job and suddenly roaring social life, Lindsey didn’t have the energy to pretend she wasn’t feeling anything for JC.
Lindsey was storming down the hall when she ran into something hard. She fell down, dropping her papers everywhere. “Fuck!” Lindsey started scrambling around for her papers, not bothering to look up.
“That’s not a very lady-like thing to say.” Lindsey’s mood lightened considerably when she heard that voice.
“I’m sorry, JC…it’s been a very bad morning.”
JC sat on the ground next to Lindsey, who had stopped moving around and slumped against the wall. “Wanna tell me about it?”
Lindsey sighed. “I don’t like people.”
JC tried hard not to laugh; his attempt didn’t work. “I think that’s a little harsh…”
“Fine, I don’t like men.”
“Come on honey, we’re not all that bad.”
“Well, I just came from a meeting with someone from the t-shirt company, and he spent the whole hour staring at my chest.” JC glanced down to see what the salesperson had been looking at. Lindsey was wearing a modest shirt that didn’t leave everything to imagination, but definitely did not constitute a stare. “Don’t you go looking too!”
Lindsey’s voice caused JC to look from her chest to her eyes. The anger had melted away and playfulness had replaced it. “Wouldn’t you rather have me staring at your chest than some random sketchy guy?”
Lindsey laughed and rested her head on JC’s shoulder. His arm slid around her waist; he marveled at how natural this position felt. JC kissed Lindsey’s cheek, and let his lips linger. “Come out with us tonight. We’ll have fun.” JC really meant was, ‘come out with me tonight, let me show you what we could be.’ Lindsey just nodded.
JC’s jaw dropped open when Lindsey answered her door. She was wearing a mini-skirt with a shirt that was basically backless. Her outfit hugged her curves and JC knew it would drive him crazy all night.
Lindsey had decided that tonight, she would have fun. She would dance with whoever asked and see where the evening took her. Lindsey had never been much of a drinker; in college, it took her 4 beers to get drunk. But she wouldn’t say no to a drink if someone offered tonight.
“Hey there handsome, are you ready?” Lindsey asked as she slid her coat on.
JC was speechless for a second; did Lindsey just flirt with him on her own? “I am, and you look amazing, by the way.”
Lindsey smiled. “Thanks.”
JC smiled; he was very excited for the evening to come.
Two hours later, JC sat at a booth with several beer bottles near him. He glared at the guy who was dancing with Lindsey. The second he and Lindsey walked in the door, she had been whisked away. At first, it was just the guys dancing with her, so JC hadn’t minded. But then other men started asking her, and they’d dance and then buy her a drink. JC hadn’t had any time with her all night. He sighed and started picking at a scratch in the table.
Justin rolled his eyes and slid into the booth. “Jayce, man, what are you doing?”
“Feeling really stupid.” JC looked at Justin; Justin was surprised to see that JC really hadn’t had that much to drink.
“What’s going on?” Justin asked even though he knew the answer. Everyone knew JC was falling for Lindsey, and for some reason, she wouldn’t give in.
“I haven’t even talked to her since we walked in.” JC sighed. “She’s been dancing with everyone and not me…”
Justin laughed. “Have you asked her?”
JC was silent for minute. “No, but I figured it was obvious I wanted to spend time with her tonight…since I asked her and all.”
Justin thought JC was being stupid, but kept this comment to himself. “Why don’t you go ask her now? This guy’s been all over her for a while now, and I’m pretty sure she’d rather be dancing with you anyways.”
JC looked over towards Lindsey, who had been dancing with the same guy for a while. She looked exasperated, but this guy was persistent. JC thanked Justin and made his way over to the bar, where this guy had left Lindsey for a minute.
“JC! I’m so glad to see you!” Lindsey hugged him quickly then said, “Help me! This guy won’t leave me alone.”
JC saw the guy coming back and whispered, “Play along.”
“Lindsey, who’s this?”
“Hi, I’m JC…thanks for taking care of my girl, I was running late.” JC offered his hand to shake the other man’s.
“I’m Stew…” Stew shot a look at Lindsey who shrugged and said, “C’mon, baby, let’s dance.” She grabbed JC’s hand and dragged him out to the dance floor.
“Thank you so much! He kept trying to feel me up and asked me to go back to his place.”
“Eww, sketch ball!” JC hoped that Lindsey saw him as more than just someone to pretend to be her boyfriend. “So, we’re here, are we going to dance?”
Lindsey smiled, “I think I can keep up with you.”
Another hour had passed and Lindsey and JC were still dancing. “Those two are perfect for each other.” Lance commented. The other three guys nodded as Patty and Mary, Chris’s girlfriend, slid into the booth with them.
“Why won’t she date him?” Mary asked.
“We have no idea.” Chris answered as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders.
“She’s crazy.” Patty commented. “I’d date JC in a heartbeat.”
“Excuse me?” Lance asked.
“That was…if I wasn’t madly in love with you!”
“Nice save Patty.” Joey said.
“When I asked her, she said she couldn’t, and that Jayce understood why.”
Joey rolled his eyes. “Does she not know that he won’t take no for an answer?”
They all laughed. “I guess not.” Chris said as they watched JC grab Lindsey’s hand so she couldn’t walk away.
“JC, I’m tired, I want to go sit down.”
JC sighed. “You had no problem dancing with those other guys.” He hadn’t meant to sound mad.
Lindsey rolled her eyes. “We’ve been dancing for an hour!” Lindsey continued, even though she knew she should stop. “And it’s not like I’m your property or anything.”
JC could feel the sting in her words. He wrapped his arms around Lindsey’s waist. “Linds, you know I didn’t mean it that way.”
“Do I?”
JC took a deep breath. “I know you don’t belong to me, you never will.” Lindsey was shocked at these words. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to date you. I want to, more than anything. I want to be able to walk into the club and see my girl, waiting to dance with me.”
Lindsey took a step back. “I’m not your girl.” She wanted to add, ‘and I never will be,’ but she didn’t know if that was the truth anymore. Lindsey turned away and headed back towards the booth.
JC ran a hand through his hair and headed to the bar to grab a drink. It was going to be a long night.
“Hi Lindsey.” Stew spotted Lindsey sitting with Patty and Mary, no men in sight. Lindsey liked the two women, and wouldn’t mind spending more time with them. She had both of their numbers, which was good, because right now, she had six friends in Orlando and five of them were pop stars.
“Hi Stew.” She wanted him to go away. But the guys were nowhere in sight, and JC was pissed at her. She understood why, and she wished she could take back what she said, but she learned a long time ago that there was no point in living in the past.
“Where’s your boyfriend?”
Patty shot Mary a confused look; they knew better than to say anything at the moment. “He’s in the bathroom…”
Stew smiled; he’d seen Lindsey walk away from JC on the dance floor. In his mind, she’d be going home with him tonight. He knew it from the second he saw her walk in with JC. “Do you want to dance?”
Lindsey was trying to think of a good excuse that would get Stew to leave her alone. Nothing was coming to mind. Stew was smiling. A person appeared behind Lindsey that made her smile grow bigger than Stew’s.
“Stew, is it?” JC said. Stew whipped around. “I think I may have to ask you to leave my girlfriend alone.” Now Patty and Mary understood what was going on.
“I think Lindsey can make up her own mind…whether she wants me to leave her alone tonight.”
Lindsey got up and slid her arm around JC’s waist. “I choose…never talk to me again.” She and JC headed to the dance floor. “Thank you JC…and I’m sorry for everything I said before…I was rude.”
Even though JC knew she wouldn’t regret the meaning of her words, it hurt to hear. “It’s ok…I would never leave you for the sharks.”
Lindsey smiled; she didn’t know how much longer she could resist JC.
The next hour consisted of hips moving together, body lines blending together. Lindsey hadn’t felt this attractive in a long time…or this happy. JC did that to her. She looked at the man she was dancing with; take away the money, fame, and fans, and you had a sweet, kind, dedicated, caring man who loved music more than anything.
JC wanted to know what was going on in her mind. He wanted to know if he would ever get a chance to prove her theory about relationships wrong. She knew he’d never done anything long term, but who said you had to be experienced to make things work? JC didn’t know, but he did know that he would do a better job than Rick.
“Lindsey…” JC needed to ask. If he was never going to get a chance…why waste his time? He didn’t want to be the friend who pretended to be her boyfriend when she needed to escape guys’ attention. He wanted”needed to be more than that.
Lindsey looked at him; after having hurt him, he still came to help her, no questions asked. And now, he was going to ask the question she had been dreading; would he ever have a chance? She wanted to tell him to be patient, that she still needed time to set herself straight. That she cared for him more than she wanted to admit, that she knew she would fall for him, whether she wanted to or not. Knowing that her words wouldn’t express her true feelings, Lindsey kissed him.
JC stood still in shock; this was the last thing he expected, not that he was upset she had kissed him. Lindsey pulled away, fully aware of what she had just done, and more aware that JC hadn’t responded. She looked down, trying to fight the tears she knew would come. She felt JC’s hand under her chin, raising her head. He looked into her eyes and kissed her back.
Lindsey clung to JC like her life depended on it. When his tongue entered her mouth, she did everything she could not to moan. His hands were on her bare back, and driving her crazy. Lindsey’s hands snaked around JC’s neck. Lindsey didn’t care that she was in the middle of a dance floor, or that she had sworn off men; all she cared about was showing JC how much she cared about him, since she was incapable of telling him. Lindsey bit JC’s lower lip, one that she had been dreaming about for days then soothed it with her tongue.
“Baby,” JC’s voice was low and husky. “We should stop.” He placed one soft, sweet kiss on Lindsey’s lips before adding, “We need to talk.”
Lindsey nodded, not trusting her voice. She took the hand JC offered and allowed herself to be steered towards their coats. They left without saying a word to anyone. In fact, they weren’t aware anyone had seen their little display.
“Holy shit, is that what I think it is?” Justin asked, catching sight of what Lindsey and JC were doing on the dance floor.
“I guess he’s not her pretend boyfriend anymore…” Patty whispered to Mary. Unfortunately, the others overheard them.
“Pretend boyfriend?” Lance asked.
“Would one of you care to explain?” Chris added.
Mary and Patty glanced at each other. “There was this one guy who wouldn’t leave Lindsey alone, and JC pretended to be her boyfriend to keep him away.”
“That devil!” Joey and Justin were all smiles. Lance and Chris knew a bit more about relationships, and they didn’t think things would immediately fall into place for JC. There was obviously something holding Lindsey back.
“I hope he knows what he’s doing.” Lance whispered as JC and Lindsey left the club.
JC had no idea what he was doing. The ride back to Lindsey’s apartment was silent, except for the radio. JC held Lindsey’s hand, but he wish she would just tell him what she was thinking, instead of making him guess.
When they got to Lindsey’s, JC leaned against the wall next to her door, his arms crossed. He smiled; as confused as he was, he knew that Lindsey was feeling the same things he was. “Are you going to tell me what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?”
Lindsey blushed and asked, “Do you want to come in? I can put some coffee on…”
“Is it going to take us that long to figure things out?” JC asked, joking. Lindsey’s face fell; she obviously didn’t realize it was a joke. “Linds, it’s a joke honey.”
She nodded and unlocked her apartment. She headed into the kitchen to make coffee while JC got comfortable in the living room. Lindsey came in a few minutes later with two mugs of coffee. “I didn’t know how you like your coffee so I brought in some cream…”
“Linds, I don’t really care about coffee right now.” She nodded and sat down next to JC. He sighed, knowing he would have to start. “Lindsey, what happened tonight?”
Lindsey took a deep breath. “JC, you probably know by now that I’m…not as…unaffected by you as I may act.” JC smiled at this. “You’re one of the sweetest guys I know, and you keep surprising me”in a good way. After I was an ass to you, and you still came to help me, this damn I’ve been building cracked. And it’s a pretty large crack…but it’s not gone. Lots of the water is still left.” She paused, knowing what she would say would be bitter sweet for him. “JC, I want to try this with you…I really do…but I don’t think I’m ready. I’m so afraid I’m going to drive you away or get hurt…”
JC took Lindsey’s hands and pulled her closer. “Honey, there’s nothing you can do to drive me away.”
Lindsey was skeptical. “I was a maniac…all I talked about was the wedding and I got mad if he wanted to hang out with his friends instead of me. I needed him too much.”
JC sighed. How was he going to get through to her? “First, we’re not getting married, so we’ll have no wedding to obsess about…I see my friends all of the time…I work with them, hell, sometimes I even live with him! Trust me, free time is all about you.” He took the chance of kissing her quickly. She just sat there, miserable; she didn’t want to be here, with him, but she did. Lindsey was so confused she wanted to rip her head off. “And I don’t think there’ll ever be a time you could ‘need’ me too much.”
Lindsey didn’t know what to say. How could she let herself take this risk? How could she not let herself? Quietly, Lindsey said, “You’re not him.”
JC smiled. “No, I’m not.” JC wrapped his arms around Lindsey and pulled her onto his lap. She leaned her head against his collar bone. “Baby, tell me what you’re thinking.”
Sighing, Lindsey obliged. “I’m thinking if I can’t try this with you, then who? I’m thinking that I’m scared shitless, and I don’t want to ever feel like I have since it happened again. I’m scared, JC.” Lindsey looked JC in the eyes. He could see tears were forming, but none fell. “I need time.”
JC nodded. He didn’t want time, but if she needed time, he would give her that. “I can do that, but I’m not going to wait forever...if it’s been awhile, and you still haven’t made up your mind, then we’re going to try this, and you can figure things out as we go.” Lindsey smiled; he was so cute when he was determined. JC shyly asked, “Can I have a kiss to sustain me?”
Lindsey touched her lips to JC’s, and felt her heart explode. Her heart was beating in rhythm with JC’s, and his hands were roaming her back. Lindsey knew she would have to stay away while she figured out what she wanted, and she wanted her fill before then. She started to lie down on the couch; JC broke the kiss, giving her a questioning look. “Don’t worry, silly, I just want to kiss you.” JC had no problem with this. They lay, exploring each other’s mouths for a half hour, before JC broke the kiss again.
“Baby…” Lindsey loved it when he called her that. “We need to stop before it goes too far…” It looked like this was killing JC to say.
Lindsey nodded. She sat up and leaned against JC’s shoulder. “Thank you for giving me time.”
“I didn’t really have a choice, did I?” JC smiled. He got up, grabbed his coat, and walked to the door. He opened it and turned around before leaving. “Good night, and think about it, ok?”
JC left before Lindsey nodded. She flopped back against the couch, running her hands over her lips.
Thinking about this night…Lindsey started shaking. Tears formed and fell down her face. What was she doing? She didn’t want anything to do with men, let alone make out with one, then tell him she’d consider dating him. She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them to try and stop herself from shaking. She was so confused, torn between moving on and trying this and protecting herself. Not knowing what else to do, she picked up the phone and dialed Jen’s number, then hung up. She hadn’t talked to Jen, her best friend in Boston, since she had moved; Jen thought she was running away from her problems, and they hadn’t been on good terms since. Lindsey instead dialed Patty’s number.
“Hello?”
“Patty? It’s Lindsey.”
“Hey! What’s up?”
Lindsey proceeded to tell Patty everything that had happened. The tears were still falling, but Lindsey wasn’t sure why.
“Are you still in love with Rick?” Patty’s question shocked Lindsey.
“No, why would I be?”
“Well, he cheated on you, yes, but it’s really hard to control your feelings.”
Lindsey thought for a moment; did she still love Rick? “I don’t think I do…not anymore.” She knew Patty wasn’t convinced. “Things were falling apart before the whole cheating on me thing…we were becoming distant and arguing more…I feel like we didn’t break up because of comfort and well…the engagement.”
“I know you were hurt Lindsey…but don’t let him run your life. From the sound of it, he pretty much did that when you’re together…don’t let him take this away from you.”
Lindsey nodded even though Patty couldn’t see her. “Thank you.”
“Your welcome.” Before Patty went to sleep, she said a silent prayer that Lindsey would conquer the demons that were keeping her from JC.
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