Chapter 2: Putting Up A Wall
I storm back into the middle of the premiere party stomping my way across the floor in search of a familiar face. She wasn’t supposed to be here; I was far from prepared to run into her. I haven’t seen or heard a thing from Elli in nearly three f**king years. And what were the chances that she would show up at Joey’s premiere; she doesn’t even really know him. She had to of known that I would be here, but she acted shocked to see me. And, my God, she smokes now! My little Elli smokes! I know she swears too because she cursed at me. What the hell happened to her innocence?
You don’t think that I’m the reason for this sudden change do you? That can’t be. I’m sure it has to do with her new found celebrity. That was a shock to my system on it’s own. It was Trace who told me about her. He came running into my dressing room one night before one of my concert shows. After he caught his breath he informed me that he just saw Elli on Access Hollywood or something and she had just released a single. I didn’t believe him at first, that is until I heard that single of hers. It was called ‘Before He Cheats.’ The song is basically about a guy cheating and what she does to his car”something about slashing his tires, keying his car, and smashing in his headlights and carving her name into his seats”it wasn’t a very nice song and I’m sure it was written just for me. As disturbing as the song was for me to listen to I have to admit that she sounded amazing. I knew she could sing, but damn. I bought her CD and she impressed me even more with every song she sang.
I HATE MYSELF FOR LOSING YOU
I’M SEEING IT ALL SO CLEAR
I HATE MYSELF FOR LOSING YOU
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR
AND STARRING AT YOU IS WHY SHE’S NOT HERE
“Hey man,” Trace greets me, patting my back. “You’ll never guess who I just ran into.”
“Elli Montgomery?” I answer with a roll of my eyes. I’m really not in the mood to talk about her right now. Trace knows I don’t like to talk about her. Thinking about Elli tares me apart, so I do my best not to. Surprised? I guess you wouldn’t think that from the way I acted out there with her. Well, I guess I’m just good at hiding my pain.
IT’S KILLING ME INSIDE
AND NOW I DREAD EACH DAY
KNOWING THAT I CAN’T BE SAVED
FROM THE LONLINESS OF LIVING WITHOUT YOU
AND OH, I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO
NOT SURE THAT I’LL PULL THROUGH
I WISH YOU KNEW
“How’d you know?” Elisha asks, making her presence known to me. “Did you see her?”
“I ran into her, literally.” I sigh moving across the room to sit at a table that’s set off to itself. They follow and both sit on the opposite side of the table from me. Did I mention that Trace and Elisha are engaged? That was pretty exciting. I kind of hate seeing them together sometimes though. It just pisses me off that they’re so happy when I’m left all alone. “She almost fell flat on her face.”
I HATE MYSELF FOR LOSING YOU
AND OH, I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO
NOT SURE THAT I’LL PULL THROUGH
I WISH YOU KNEW, I WISH YOU KNEW
AND OH, I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY
AND I DON’T KNOW ANYWAY, ANYMORE
NO, NO
“Same ol’ Elli.” Trace chuckles.
“Not really,” I mumble. Trace and Elisha look at me questioningly. I was hoping they didn’t hear that. As I just said, I don’t really feel like talking about her right now or ever again for that matter. We didn’t exactly end our relationship on the best of terms and you saw what a bitch she was to me outside. I guess I deserved what I got, but it still stung to hear her talk to me like that. “She smokes and swears and….”
“Drinks.” Trace adds, making me want to through my hands up in the air in frustration. I feel like I don't know this girl anymore or maybe I just never really did.
“What the hell happened to her?” I grumble, downing a glass of champagne that was sitting on the table.
“You.”
WHAT DO YOU SAY, WHEN EVERYTHING YOU SAID
IS THE REASON THAT SHE LEFT YOU IN THE END
HOW DO YOU CRY WHEN EVERYDAY YOU SAID
DON’T EVER BRING HER BACK AGAIN
~*~*~*~
“Hey El, how was the big premiere?” I ask from my perch on the couch. I can feel her eyes turn to look at me, but I don’t look back at her. I just pick at my pint of Ben and Jerry’s Dutch Chocolate ice cream”Elli’s favorite”before turning back to the television.
I still can’t believe that Elli is famous sometimes. Every once and a while it’ll just hits me, like tonight when I saw her on Entertainment Tonight. It’s really weird, but in a good way. I’m really proud of her. I mean she’s come a really long way. She so much more confident now and she’s not so scared of everything anymore. I never thought in a million years that she would ever be able to get up in front of a crowd of thousands and sing her heart out. I’m just really proud and I get to witness this new her each and every day. After she got her recording contract and put out her first single and CD I moved out to Hollywood with her and became her PA. We were a little apprehensive about living and working together, but we don’t get in many fights at all. That may just be because of the size of our house”we each have like our own floor.
“Tiring,” She whispers, a little too quietly. I turn to look at her to make sure she’s all right, but she's already halfway to the stairs and all I can see is her back. “Hey Liz, I’m just gonna go to bed.”
“Tell me all about it tomorrow?” I call after her retreating figure. When she doesn’t answer I know that something is wrong. Normally, when she gets back from these things she spills all her frustrations with the paparazzi on me, but is still smiling and laughing the whole time. I wonder if…no that can’t be it. He wasn’t supposed to be there. Dropping my nearly empty ice cream carton and spoon to the coffee table I flip off the TV and move to follow her footsteps to her room.
BECAUSE OF YOU
I NEVER STRAY TO FAR FROM THE SIDEWALK
BECAUSE OF YOU
I LEARNED TO PLAY ON THE SAFE SIDE
SO I DON’T GET HURT
BECAUSE OF YOU
I FIND IT HARD TO TRUST
NOT ONLY ME, BUT EVERYONE AROUND ME
BECAUSE OF YOU
I AM AFRAID
I knock lightly on her door, but she doesn’t answer. Her sniffling stops though and I’m sure she’s trying to pretend she’s asleep, but I know better. I’ve known her like my whole life and I can tell when she’s lying. I know her like the back of my hand. I knock again and inform her that I know she’s in there. Still, nothing. Finally I reach for the doorknob, which I’m assuming, is locked so you can understand my surprise when it turns in my hand. Silently, I push open the door and step inside. My heart nearly breaks at the sight before me. My poor little Elli is curled up on her bed grasping one of her ex’s old sweatshirts. Tears are streaming down her already tear stained cheeks as she hiccups through her sobs.
I CANNOT CRY
I’M FORCED TO FAKE A SMILE, A LAUGH
EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE
MY HEART CAN’T POSSIBLY BREAK
WHEN IT WASN’T EVEN WHOLE TO START WITH
I walk slowly to her side and sit on the edge of the bed. She doesn’t move a muscle or even look up at me. She just continues to stare straight ahead at nothing. Reaching one of my hands out, I gently brush her hair back from her forehead before doing the same to her tears.
“What happened?” I asks softly, though I pretty sure I already know. My bet is Justin showed up unexpectedly and either completely ignored her or was just a jerk.
“He was there.” She whimpers pathetically, finally moving her gaze to focus on me.
“But honey,” I sooth, trying to smile despite my breaking heart. “You’re over him. It’s been three years.”
That’s a lie if I ever heard one. I honestly don’t think that Elli will ever be completely over him. Oh God, you should have seen her after she got back from confronting that asshole about cheating on her. Her mom called me over to the house because Elli was so hysterical and she couldn’t calm her down. She was f**king in love with him and broke her heart. I swear to God that if I ever see him again I’ll….
“It’s just”” She hiccups, moving to sit up with her back against the headboard. “I just”I wasn’t prepared you know.”
BECAUSE OF YOU
I NEVER STRAY TO FAR FROM THE SIDEWALK
BECAUSE OF YOU
I LEARNED TO PLAY ON THE SAFE SIDE
SO I DON’T GET HURT
BECAUSE OF YOU
I TRIED MY HARDEST TO JUST FORGET EVERYTHING
“I know sweetie.” I sooth, peeling the sweatshirt from her grasp and balling it up in my lap. I can’t believe she still has this thing. I thought I got rid of all traces of him. “But you can’t let him get to you. He doesn’t deserve your tears.”
“I’ll be fine tomorrow.” She assures somewhat convincingly and I believe she will be okay tomorrow or at least she’ll pretend she is. She’s an expert at that”hiding her true feelings and just putting on a smile for everyone else’s sake. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
BECAUSE OF YOU
I DON’T KNOW HOW TO LET ANYONE ELSE IN
BECAUSE OF YOU
I’M ASHAMED OF MY LIFE BECAUSE IT’S EMPTY
BECAUSE OF YOU
I AM AFRAID
“There is nothing wrong with you.” I sate firmly. “He was your first love.”
“I just…I….I hate him.” She whispers with wide eyes as if she just shocked herself with her own words. “I’ve never hated anyone before.”
BECAUSE OF YOU
BECAUSE OF YOU
BECAUSE OF YOU
“I know.” I smile sadly, pulling her into a hug. She returns my embrace, resting her chin on my shoulder. I pull back and try to smile again. “How about we have a boy bashing party tonight?”
“Okay,” She laughs through her tears and nods her head in agreement. I pull her from the bed and lead her to the bathroom and instruct her to get cleaned up while I go grab her pajamas.
I think I may just have to pay Mr. Timberlake a visit.
Song Credits: Before He Cheats--Carrie Underwood
I Hate Myself For Losing You--Kelly Clarkson
Because of You--Kelly Clarkson
TBC....
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