Chapter 4: The Truth Shall Set You Free
It took us a week to record that one song. A week. The first day we were supposed to meet I faked an illness. I drove to the studio and got as far as the front desk before I bolted. I called Joey from my car and told him that I wasn’t feeling up to recording. The next two days I milked the being sick story. So Thursday I finally showed up with assistance of my best friend Liz. I kept my composure and I don’t think that even Liz could tell what a wreck I was inside.
All the guys were very friendly and even Justin treated me civilly. I did my best to avoid any type of contact with him. I kept my eyes on my feet or a distant wall the whole time. JC was not only singing, but also producing the album. He told us to be playful with the song, but I was way too nervous. I basically sang like a robot and never once looked away from the lyrics until I would be stopped, lectured, and told to start over. By the fifth time I started over I was nearly in tears. I just kept thinking about what a terrible idea the whole thing was and that I shouldn’t have been there. Liz saved me when I was stopped the seventh time and announced that we were done for the day. I ran out of the studio without muttering a single word to anyone.
Liz knew better then to get on me about the day. I wasn’t going to admit to anything anyway. I know she thinks it was all Justin’s fault. He was part of it, but not the whole reason for my near breakdown. I just really don’t like singing in front of a lot of people.
So why did I get into this business? I love to sing and my mom and Steve really pushed me. They were so proud of me and I couldn’t tell them that I don’t really like it that much. You all know how shy I am. I haven’t really performed much yet and it stills scares me a lot. My single wasn’t released all that long ago and I’m still getting used to all this stuff.
So that Friday I went back into the studio for the second time. I had like zero confidence by then and I was seriously considering backing out on the whole thing. Instead of heading straight into the sound booth as we had the day before, all the guys sat me down to have a serious talk. I thought they were going to tell me they found someone better and that I could go. They didn’t say that though. That said that they were worried about me and they wanted to help me with whatever I was going through. I was touched that they cared so much. I lied and told them I didn’t know what my problem was. Justin offered the suggestion that I just wasn’t comfortable enough with them. I find it amazing how he still knows me so well. I guess I haven’t really changed that much. I mean sure I like to pretend that I’m all tough and don’t care about anyone or thing, but that’s all just an act. I’ve learned to put up this wall so that I won’t get my heart broken again like before. It’s been working pretty good for me the past three years so I don’t plan I letting down my guard anytime soon.
As much as it pained me to agree with Justin I did. So we decided to skip out on recording for that morning and go hang out at a local restaurant. It was fun and it really did help. We went back into the studio after lunch and recorded the song in just two takes. I was proud of myself and if I do say so myself I think it turned our really well.
So now let me take you back to the present. Nsync’s Christmas album was released today with Baby it’s Cold Outside as one of their singles. I am currently sitting next to Liz and my mom at Joey’s house. They guys threw a small part to celebrate and I was invited. I was hesitant to come with Justin being there and all. I got along with him alright while recording but that was different. I didn’t really have to deal with him one on one.
“Uh, honey can you….umm,” My mom stutters looking over my shoulder with a frantic look in her eyes. “Get me a drink?”
I narrow my eyes at my mom and swivel around in my chair to see what she’s so shook up about. My heart sinks and I nearly feel like I’m going to vomit. I can’t believe he came here with her. I mean of all the people he could bring did he have to bring her?
I quickly stand from my chair and without thinking walk right up to Justin and slap him clear across the face. The entire room grows silent. I have tears in my eyes as I look up at him with shock written across my face. I can’t believe I just did that. I look around at everyone staring at me before running out of the room and then clear out of the house and into the backyard.
I really hate myself sometimes.
~*~*~*~
My right hand instinctively rises to cover my throbbing cheek. Well that was certainly unexpected. I didn’t think Elli was even going to show up let alone greet me with a hard slap across the face. I never would have brought Allison with me if I knew Elli was going to be here.
I know what ya’ll are thinking. You’re thinking that I’m an f**king bastard. I’m not dating Allison. We’ve been friends for a really long time”before Elli”and I only gave her a ride here because she knows the guys and they all wanted to see her.
Pushing my way past Allison and through the crowd I follow the path Elli took outside into the backyard. I find her sitting at the side of the pool looking over into the water. Her legs are dangling over the side and since I don’t spot her shoes next to her I think she put her feet in the pool with her shoes on. As thunder rolls above us memories from the past come flooding back to me. It was a night like this in my back yard that she asked me to kiss her and I asked her to be my girlfriend.
“Elli.” I say softly hoping not to scare her. I can just see her getting scared and slipping off the edge of the pool right into the water. I may not have thought that after ‘reuniting’ with her that first night, but the week we recorded together showed that she was the same girl from three years ago. I’ve missed that girl.
“Leave me alone.” She sniffles, wiping furiously at her eyes with the back of her hand.
“I think we need to talk.” I answer back softly. I’m not going to leave her out here like this. I look back towards the door expecting to see her mom or Liz come busting through the door to throw me back inside, but no one is there. I move to sit down next to her at the side of the pool with my legs bent up to my chest. I remove my shoes and roll up my pant legs before dipping my feet into the cool water.
“I don’t want to talk to you.”
“I know, but I need to clear up something with you.” I answer back. “I didn’t cheat on you Elli.”
She scoffs and rolls her eyes and starts to scoot back so that she can get up and walk away from me. I grab her wrist and hold her in her spot. She weakly resists but gives in. She rips her wrist from my grasp and scoots farther away from me.
“I will admit that Allison and I were”uh”we were…”
“Stop.” She interrupts my confessions. Thunder booms again I jump at the sound. I hate thunderstorms. “Just leave me alone.”
“Elli,” I plead desperately. I don’t want her to hate me anymore. I’m not asking for things to go back to how they used to be, but I would like to be able to look her in the eye without feeling shameful. I want to find out what’s going on inside her that has made her change so much. I just want to know her again.
Without really thinking I bring my fingers to just under her chin and turn her head to face mine. The tears streaming down her cheeks break my heart. She bites her bottom lip and lowers her eyes so that she doesn’t have to look at me. I lower my head so that our noses are almost touching”she cries even harder. I lick my lips nervously and move even closer so that my lips graze hers as I speak.
“I didn’t cheat on you.” I whisper breathlessly. She pulls away from me abruptly and looks into my eyes. I open my mouth to explain, but before I can even get out the word ‘the’ she roughly pushes me off the side of the pool and into the cold water below. I surface after a few seconds, sputtering and gasping for air. Elli stands at the side of the pool with her hands on her hips and an angry scowl on her face.
“You're an ass.” She spits before turning and walking back inside. I let out a frustrated scream and slap my hands on the top of the water. I wasn’t lying! I didn’t cheat on Elli, not technically anyway.
Allison and I have been friends a really long time, like since Mickey Mouse Club days. After the whole ordeal with Britney, Allison was there for me….in more ways then one. Our physical relationship was more of a comforting thing”as terrible as that sounds. When I wanted some I would go to her and she would get me off. It was just sort of on and off for years. After I met Elli I became a little more”uh frustrated then normal and I would go see her and she’d go down on me and then I’d zip up and leave. I only did it once with her after Elli and I became official and that was in the beginning. I had gone over to tell her that we couldn’t do what we’d been doing any more and it just sort of happened. And I’ll even admit that I went over to see Allison once when I really needed to get laid, but I backed out at the last minute because I couldn’t do that to Elli.
The pictures were old”from before Elli and I were official. I tried to tell her. I called Elli about twenty times a day for a good month and she wouldn’t so much as pick up the phone.
“Man, what are you doing in the pool?” Joey’s taunting voice breaks me from my thoughts.
“I thought I’d go for a late night swim.” I answer sarcastically as I hoist myself over the edge and out of the frigid water. I can tell from Joey’s tone that he somehow saw Elli push me in.
“Dude what did you do to make her push you in the pool?” He asks, laughter lacing his voice.
I glare at him as I rig out my shirt. I’m f**king soaked to the bone. I peel off my outer shirt and start walking towards the door. Everyone in the room looks at me when I enter. I ignore the curious stares and stomp upstairs to Joey’s room to find something to change into.
Whoever said that telling the truth shall set you free was full of crap.
TBC......
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