Alone in this house again tonight
I got the tv on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine
There’s pictures of you and I on the walls around me
The way that it was and could have been surrounds me
I’ll never get over you walkin’ away
Josh sat in the leather armchair by the fireplace, idly swirling the wine around in his glass. He watched the burgundy liquid make its thousandth trip around the glass before taking a small sip. The flickering television on his left caught his eye briefly before he turned his attention back to his wine.
Sighing he glanced up to look at the picture of a smiling couple on the mantle of the fireplace. A quick look around the room revealed more pictures of the same couple. In all of the pictures the pair were smiling and looking into the camera. Josh shook his head and took another sip of his wine. They were so happy before she walked out. One day, out of the clear blue sky, she told him she wasn’t happy, she had a different boyfriend and then she walked out of his life.
I’ve never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought being strong meant never losing your self-control
But I’m just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry
A single tear slid down Josh’s cheek and he didn’t stop it’s path. He considered himself a proud man but without her, his pride didn’t matter anymore. He hated that she made him do this, made him feel like this. Like he was worthless, like he wasn’t worthy of love. The tears came more rapidly now and Josh didn’t bother to stop them. She was gone and he didn’t care if he wasn’t strong. He just wanted to cry.
Would it help if I turned a sad song on
“All By Myself” would sure hit me hard now that you’re gone
Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters
It’s gonna hurt bad before it gets better
but I’ll never get over you by hiding this way
Picking up the remote, Josh turned off the television, he wasn’t watching it anyway. He briefly considered turning on the stereo, but quickly decided against it. He took another sip of wine, wondering if this was the bottle of Chardonnay he bought in Napa Valley. He thought it was of no consequence and took a longer drink, almost draining the glass. Josh stared into the fire for a dozen heartbeats and wondered where she was right then. Deeming that train of thought to be dangerous, Josh quickly rose to refill his wine glass. With that menial task completed, he started back to the armchair. An old cigar box on the coffee table caught his eye and he went over and opened it. He pulled out a piece of paper that was yellowed with age. He didn’t need to unfold it to know what it was. It was one of the many love letters his father had written to his mother while stationed in the rice paddies of Vietnam. Josh smiled softly and laid the letter carefully back in the box. He returned to the armchair and sat down, reaching for his cell phone at the same time. He hit the correct number on the speed dial and listened to the phone ring.
“Hey this is Chris, you know the drill.”
Josh sighed and hung up before the beep sounded. Of course Chris wasn’t home, it was a Saturday night. Just cause Josh was miserable didn’t mean that the whole world ended, just his. He placed the phone back down on the arm of the chair. He stood, suddenly determined to get on with his life, not wanting to waste another minute in the armchair.
Josh bounded up the stairs, taking two at a time. He burst through his bedroom door, not stopping until he reached the master bathroom. Turning on the shower, Josh stared to hum. Getting the temperature just right, he stripped out of his clothes, kicking his underwear off of his foot. They landed behind the door. Smiling, he stepped into the hot spray.
Josh quickly washed his hair and soaped and rinsed his body. He got out of the shower, dried off, shaved and ran gel through his curls. He walked naked to his closet and stood before the rows of clothes weighing his options. He chose a pair of strategically ripped jeans and a fitted black tee shirt. Grabbing socks, a belt, and his black boots he went out the door. He put on the socks, boots and belt then returned to the closet to grab his Kenneth Cole watch. Strapping it on his left wrist, he grabbed his wallet off of his dresser. After running back down the stairs he grabbed his cell phone off of the arm of the chair. Dialing, he grabbed his empty wine glass and started into the kitchen.
After two rings the phone was picked up. “Hey Spazz. How’s it hangin’ dude?” Justin’s voice came through the line loud and clear.
“Just wondering what you guys were doing.” Josh put the wine glass in the sink and leaned up against the counter. He could hear the wind blowing through the earpiece of Justin’s phone.
“Not much man. Me and Chris were gettin’ ready to go out. Why, you wanna go with?” Josh could hear the smile in Justin’s voice.
“Uhh, yeah. If you guys don’t mind.”
“We’ll be there in ten. Will you be ready?” Justin slapped Chris on the arm and mouthed, “go get C”. Chris smiled.
“I’ll be waiting.” Josh hung up smiling.
I’ve never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that being strong meant never losing your self-control
But I’m just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry
Josh sat back down in the armchair to wait for his friends, or his saviors as he thought of them right then. As he glanced toward the door, the photo on the mantle caught his eye again. And once again tears immediately sprang to his eyes. He let them slide down his cheeks until they reached his jaw, then he wiped them away, decided right then those were the last tears that he cried over her. It would do him good to get out of the house, especially with two of the funniest people he knew. He smiled at the thought.
Without warning, the tears stared again, even harder than before. Josh laid his head down on his knees and sobbed, not caring that Justin and Chris were due to arrive any moment. They could catch him crying for all he cared. They were two of his best friends and would never tell. He smiled through his tears at the thought of their loyalty.
The door burst open and Chris ran in shrieking, followed closely by Justin, who had apparently been wronged somehow. Upon seeing the tears on their friends face, the two immediately stopped goofing around and went to Josh. Justin sat on the right chair arm, and Chris was on the left. Chris reached his right arm around Josh’s back and began rubbing in smooth comforting circles. Justin leaned over and kissed in Josh’s curls then laid his head on top of Josh’s.
It’s gonna hurt bad before it gets better
But I’ll never get over you by hiding this way
Josh smiled through his tears and leaned into Chris’ arm, grateful for the support. Maybe, just maybe, he would be able to get through this with the help of his friends. Josh smiled as Chris ran his thumb under Josh’s eyes, effectively wiping away the remnants of his tears. Justin kissed his curls again. Then the three rose to leave, Josh turning off lights behind the other two. He paused at the door, looking back toward the mantle and the smiling couple in the picture. He smiled and followed Chris and Justin to the car. Fin. The end. Another chapter behind him. Now, those were the last tears that she was going to get.
Tonight I Wanna Cry
song by Keith Urban
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