His bare arms curl around the young boy and he moves his legs a little so that his small diaper padded jean covered bottom doesn't slip to the side. With one arm curling around the boy's tummy, the other reaches for a smaller version of the while and black sneakers that he has on his own feet. Holding him and getting the shoe is the easy part, but actually attaching the shoe to his son's foot is a trick that JC hasn't quiet mastered yet.
Moving his head so that his lips are near his ear, JC moves his longer curly hair out of his face then tucks his chin down so that he can pull the boy against his stomach. "Don't fight me on this one Jonah Sebastian," he whispers, speaking to the toddler as if he's going to speak back. Father and son struggle for a moment as JC pulls the small leg of Jonah's pants up, tugs on his sock a little to get it put into place then JC holds him in place with his upper arms as he reaches with both hands to open the shoe up, pulling the tongue back farther than necessary making the act of guiding his son's foot into place possible.
With their heads next to each other Jonah calms down and looks to be emulating his father's look of concentration. Each narrows their eyebrows and puckers their lips and neither of them blink as JC's fingers tie a knot on the top of the tiny sneaker. "First," he says, "First you take your laces and make bunny ears." He pauses for a moment when he moves the laces to tie then. "Then you take the bunny ear to the right and put it over the left bunny ear, which will form a kind of x thing, but with bunny ears." Jonah babbled a "bu" sound mimicking the word bunny. "Now, pull both of the bunny ears tight."
He repeats the process to get the other shoe on explain again to his son about the bunny ears.
Jonah keeps babbling and JC stops and looks at him. While most parents would laugh at their children's babbling, JC's mouth forms into a frown. He leans and kisses Jonah's temple. His eyes close and he breathes in the scent of baby powder.
I know what he's doing. He always does this when they are together. He holds on tight and wishes with all his heart that things were different and that life hadn't thrown us such a harsh curve. I know that he'd never push blame on either of us, but the weight of what has happened in the last two and a half years comes down to one little thing. One little thing that has changed our lives forever and crushes most of the dreams that JC has for his son, for me and for our family.
Finally, just when I think he might have fallen asleep, since his eyes are closed so long, he stands up and turns Jonah around to tuck him against his body. "Just a little more buddy then we'll go and play, oky?"
Jonah smiles at him and I swear I see tears in JC's eyes from where I'm watching them in the doorway.
"You almost ready?" I ask walking into the room pretending like I haven't been watching them the last few moments.
"We just need to comb our hair and--" He looks away from me towards the dresser.
Jonah sees me and reaches for me. "Nana. Nana."
"Oh no buddy," JC says perking up. "You're mine for a few more minutes before Grandma gets here."
I watch him take Jonah to the dresser and set him on the edge. He holds a hand to his stomach as he opens one of the drawers and pulls out a t-shirt.
"Do you want me to hold onto him so you can get dressed?"
"No," he says very possesively. "I've gotta get a handle on this. Only a week until I'm home for a while and I need to learn how to do this so you don't have to always be the one to do it." Still holding his hand to his son's stomach he shoves the shirt over his neck. He pulls one arm into the armhole then switches hands and puts the other arm through.
"See Mommy," JC says with a sweet baby voice for Jonah's benefit, "We've got it under control."
I laugh a little. "I guess so." I move across and grab my sweatshirt to put on then find Josh reaching for the two things that Jonah needs to make his outfit complete.
"Are you ready to put on your ears?" JC asks Jonah. The baby only smiles.
"Can you--?"
"I've got it," JC snaps as he grabs what he needs and goes to sit down again. He puts Jonah in his lap, much like he had him in his lap to get his shoes, but this time he concentrates his attention on his head instead of his feet.
It's painful to see JC struggle with the tiny hearing aids that Jonah wears during the day. I know he hates them and hates that his son can't hear and having to deal with it hands on I know is a struggle.
"Jonah Sebastian," he finally says when the hearing aids are in place. Jonah looks at him and smiles.
"Jonah," I say testing to make sure that they are working. Jonah turns and looks at me with a smile.
"You ready?" I ask.
"Yeah," he says reluctantly. He kisses Jonah's cheek then puts him down on the floor and he runs over to me. I pick him up and kiss him and smile at him.
"Tell Daddy thank you," I say to Jonah.
I can see JC start to protest me talking for Jonah, but he stops when Jonah speaks. "Dayyey," he says in a small voice.
"Josh?" I ask when JC stands frozen in front of me.
"Did he--?"
"Ask him," I say hugging Jonah to my side, "Ask him who you are and he'll answer."
"He can?"
"I'm not sure if its a combination of that and you being here, but when you leave he walks around the house downstairs saying Dayyey."
JC looks shakey as I start to speak again. "Jonah, who is that?"
"Dayyey," Jonah babbles. "Dayyey. Dayyey."
The look on my husband's face is amazing. Josh lost a lot when we found out that Jonah couldn't hear. Josh's life has been music for as long as I've known him and it was a huge blow to find out that he couldn't hear. For him to be able to say his father's name puts Jonah on a higher ground and hopefully closer to his heart.
"Want to sing Jonah?" I ask.
"Honey, don't."
"No," I say, "Listen. We've been working on this for a while now."
"No," he says.
"I love you," I start to sing the Barney theme song and Jonah joins in humming more than speaking, but you can tell that he can hear the change in pitch and tone of my voice. "You love me--we're a hap-py fam-i-ly."
"He's singing," JC says in shock.
"Bird song," I say.
"Bird song?" he asks.
"He's like a baby bird," I say with a sappy tone, "He just needs to learn the songs--"
At three in the morning I roll over in bed and find it empty next to me. I look around for a moment then hear a noise in the next room. Thinking that maybe JC has gone to the studio I move out of bed and into Jonah's room.
I find them both sitting there in the rocking chair. JC has moved it over towards the dresser and is holding a sleeping Jonah against his chest with his left hand curled around him so he doesn't move while his right hand scribbles onto a pad of paper.
"Sweetie what are you doing?" I ask him.
"Writing my bird a song," he says with a smile and kisses Jonah's forehead.
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