One:
"Julie's on the phone."
Lance tried to control the sick feeling that suddenly formed in his stomach as Justin's words sunk in. An acidic taste rose in his mouth as his stomach churned. He felt like he was going to puke.
Julie. It was Julie, again. What was that? Her fifth call that day?
Looking up at Justin from a pile of paper work that he'd scattered on the kitchen table Lance forced a smile on his face. He'd been doing it all week, but now he knew that his smile might be noticed by his friend. He'd been trying to work on some scheduling for Free Lance Entertainment for most of his afternoon off, not because it had to be done, but because he could stay away from the others for the time he needed to work. He'd gotten pretty far without being interrupted; a feat considering that his four other band mates were all home.
"Lance, are you going to take this?" Justin's voice had cut into his thoughts. He was still trying to figure out how to get Meredith a gig for the Fourth of July weekend. It was already May and he needed to get her schedule set before he left for his own tour for the next three months.
Usually he couldn't get much work done while everyone was in the house, but that afternoon he'd gotten sparked with some sort of inspiration and the rest of the group had gotten into a video game marathon leaving him alone in his mini-office in the kitchen. He'd been so involved in his reading that he hadn't even heard the phone ring in the next room. It had rung earlier in the day, but after about three calls he'd turned on the machine and hoped that the others would answer it if it was something important.
Throwing down his pen in frustration he reached out and took the cordless phone from his friend before he flipped over the page he was looking at. He stuck his ear to the receiver and without looking up from the page he was in the middle of reading he said, "Don't call me again."
Keeping his eyes on the paper he finished the paragraph then clicked the phone off and set it on the table. "If she calls back I'll get it."
"Ookay," Justin said drawing out the word then left the room. His voice sounded a little shocked, but Lance knew that Justin wouldn't question his request to be the one to answer the phone. Everyone seemed to sense the drama that had occurred with Lance and Julie and knew that it was a touchy subject. Lance was normally a very laid back type of guy, but the guys had realized in the last week that there were some subjects not to approach Lance with and his ruined relationship was definitely one of them. They'd already tried to be helpful and keep him out of the house and to not leave him alone, but that afternoon he'd needed to be away from them.
Lance tried to finish reading the page, but found himself staring at the phone as it lay atop some of the paper work he'd already gone through that had been sent from his office in Mississippi. He'd been doing well in the last week since their breakup but the call really sent his mind spinning. He could still hear the words that had broken his heart and had banished any hope from his mind of finding his true love?
"You work for who?" He'd asked after hearing her talking on the phone that afternoon that he'd taken her out.
"Trans--"
Before the word had gotten out of her mouth Lance's heart was in a million pieces. He'd prayed the first time he'd heard her say the word into her cell phone that he'd been mistaken, but her admission to him about her employer was something that Lance thought he'd never get over. It was an arrow straight to the heart. For the first time in years he'd had a peaceful relationship, but the new revelation seemed to put out the fire and the passion that he'd been warmed by for the last year.
Lance wasn't that experienced in the relationship or the love department and hadn't been looking for love. The night of the party he'd actually had turned down a date with a girl he'd been seeing. He later had thought about just staying home, but had gone with the others to a house party and had been in the right place at the right time and had met up with Julie.
JC would quote later from a horoscope in the newspaper saying that love was looking for Lance even if he wasn't looking for it. JC had thought that the whole moment had been brought around due to fate. Lance had been sick all the week before the party where he'd met Julie and had only decided to go with everyone at the last moment.
Lance snapped back to the present when Joey came into the kitchen to get something out of the refridgerator.
"It's a day off Lance, give it a break and come and hang out with all of us," Joey said pouring coke into a huge coffee mug."
"I'm almost done," Lance said shortly then turned back to his thoughts.
He remembered the rest of his conversation with Julie and how their year-long romance had ended in almost a minute?
"You work for Lou Pearlman?"
The astonishment in his voice made Julie make a face.
"Yeah, how did you know?" She smiled as if nothing was wrong.
Lance thought for a moment that either she was completely stupid or completely naïve when it came to paying attention to things. "Do you not read the papers?" Lance had immediately gotten an angry tone to his voice, which he instantly hated, but at the same time couldn't help. It was his only defense now.
"Lance!" She said sternly at the tone he'd used with her. "I know about the court case, but what?"
Lance had to grit his teeth together to keep himself from yelling at Julie. "Lou Pearlman and *N SYNC spent months in court battling each other because that asswh-?"
"What does that have to do with me?" she cut in, "I started working for him after all of that?"
Lance had stared at her with wide eyes, not being able to comprehend that she couldn't understand the enormity of the situation. Instead of trying to explain it to her he'd folded his napkin and placed it on the table. "I'll call you a cab."
Lance grimaced as he remembered his behavior that afternoon. Normally he would have been a gentleman and would have driven her home himself, but he'd instantly had the feeling that he needed to remove himself from the situation. The court battle with Lou Pearlman had taken a lot out of the guys and having her connected to that emotional turmoil was something that he thought would make him go over the edge. Almost eighteen months after the case had been settled out of court he still couldn't think about Pearlman without being angry and that anger had transposed itself from just focused on Pearlman to being directed at anything or anyone connected with the man. He hadn't meant to be so rude by cutting their date short, but any kind of discussion was going to make their misunderstanding into a huge fight. He didn't want to deal with that kind of drama in a public place.
"You okay?" JC said from the doorway of the kitchen breaking into Lance's thoughts.
Lance leaned back in his chair and let out a long sigh. "Yeah." His friend looked tired and Lance wondered if Justin had woken up JC from one of his naps to come and talk to him. He didn't blame JC or Justin for their concern, but he'd wished that they wouldn't make such a big deal about the break up. Lance hadn't yet let his personal drama effect his job performance and didn't want the others to spend their free time worrying about his troubles either. They only had three more days off before they started their next leg of the tour and he wanted and needed for the time to be peaceful.
"Justin told me that Julie called." The concern in his friend's voice was nothing new. He and the others had been friends for almost five years now and JC always seemed to be the most sensitive one in the group. He'd already approached Lance earlier in the week to ask if he was ok. They'd been on a promotional trip to New York City and Lance had told JC that they'd talk later about it. JC hadn't really understood due to the normal openness that was an unspoken rule between the five group members, but Lance explained that it wasn't the time or the place to discuss the issue. Beside, he didn't want to make his personal life more important than the purpose of their trip to the city.
"Yep," Lance said then picked up his pen and drew circles on the page in front of him. He could feel an uncontrollable frown forming on his face and tried for a moment to not let it take over the expression on his face, but didn't get to far with his battle.
"Want to talk about it?" JC offered taking a seat at the round table with him. JC scratched at his arm for a moment then settled himself into the seat. If Lance hadn't known his friend better he would have thought that it was a formal interview or something. The only thing that made it not feel that way was the fact that JC was wearing a wrinkled T-shirt and jeans, much like his own "day off uniform."
"Not really." Lance felt tears sting his eyes and looked at the papers in front of him instead of his friend. Lance could feel JC's stare on him and he avoided making eye contact for a long time before JC spoke again.
"I don't get you."
"Don't get what?" Lance looked up and stared angrily across the table. He knew what JC was going to say, but didn't want to hear it. Lance was acting a bit crazy and his friend was concerned, but Lance thought that he was justified in his actions and feelings considering the strange twist that his life had taken.
His life was completely and utterly unique so why shouldn't his love life and personal matters be the same way? He'd never thought that he would fall in love with someone who worked for a man who was so totally against what Lance's life was all about. The only worse thing that could have happened would have been if Julie had been Pearlman's daughter. Thank God for small miracles.
"Two weeks ago we were talking about how you and Julie might get engaged and now you won't even speak to her."
"She works for Pearlman C and that is something that I can't forgive her for."
"It's not her fault that she works for him."
"It's her fault that she didn't tell me though." Lance began to collect his paperwork up and pile it in one pile in front of him. Keeping his hands busy and his mind on making the pile neat was delaying the tears that began to well up behind his eyes. He'd battled so hard in the past to just keep a relationship going. He was almost twenty-one and the idea of keeping a relationship going at all was nearly impossible due to his occupation and when Julie had shown so much understanding when it came to him leaving town all the time he'd thought that he'd found the one. She didn't mind his crazy schedule and had given him the assurance that she'd be there when he was home and whenever he could get to see her. He'd known from their first parting that he loved her?
Lance had been running late and Julie had called him just as he was heading to the airport to fly out to LA to meet up with the tour again.
"When is your flight?" she'd asked.
"At eight this morning," he'd said into his cell phone as he and the others packed up the van that was taking them to the airport.
"What airline?" she asked.
For a moment Lance had thought that her questions meant that she was checking up on him. They'd known each other for just over two weeks by that time and he dreaded that she'd turn out to be too clingy. He liked her, but wanted to keep things fairly casual, the way that they'd been in the time they'd spent together since their first meeting.
"United 1127."
"Mind if I show up and say good-bye in person?"
That had been a first for Lance. No one had really ever asked if he minded if they did things. "Sure," he said getting into the van with the others, "We're heading over there right now."
At the airport Julie had been hesitant about talking with him. She'd been at the gate when they arrived. He'd seen her sitting calmly near the windows in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt holding onto her purse. He'd thought that she'd looked nervous and he didn't blame her, but what really stunned him about her was the way she handled their departure. Instead of running over to him and the others she made her way slowly and nervously stood with them until the boarding process had started.
"I know that I said we'd stay in touch, but I can't make any promises," Lance had said.
"I know. Don't worry about it."
At first Lance thought that she didn't care about him leaving, but she got a sad look in her eyes when Johnny Wright, their tour manager, had told the guys to get on the plane.
"I'll give you a call when I get a chance. I'm going to try to check my email every two or three nights so write me at the address I gave you or you can leave me a message on the cell number I gave you."
He'd expected some sort of tearful departure, but all he got was a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "I'll talk to you later on," she said, "Give me a call whenever."
Most of the time a parting like that would have almost offended Lance, but the shock of having her be calm and so distant made Lance instantly fall in love with her. Everyone he'd dated in the past had made such a fuss over him that it always had left him with a strange feeling about them. He wanted normalcy and Julie seemed to be the type of girl to give him that experience.
"You should at least give her a chance to talk to you about it. From what I heard you sent her packing even before she told you who she worked for. That?s not like you Lance."
Lance bit down on his lip to the point where he thought it might bleed but it didn't help him keep back the tears. "I gotta go."
Lance got up, grabbed his keys off the hook on the wall, then left the kitchen through the side door of the house and went and got into his car. As tears clouded his vision he grabbed the pair of sunglasses that he'd left hanging from his sun visor and slammed them on before he stuck the key into the ignition and turned it causing the radio to come on as well as the engine. He jumped a bit as the radio blasted out a song then angrily punched the CD button on the radio. Next he shifted the 4Runner into reverse to maneuver down the driveway being careful to not hit any of the fans that had been holding vigil at the house's front gate for most of the morning. He backed into the street and sped off. He didn't know where he was going exactly, but he knew that he needed to be alone for a while.
Lance thought about driving home to his parents' house, but the long 14 hour drive to Mississippi wasn't the kind of alone time that Lance wanted. Besides, he thought, his mother's concern when he unexpectedly showed up on the door step would be worse for him than to stay in town and face his friends.
Two:
After an hour of driving Lance still hadn't calmed down much, but he decided that he'd go home. Although he loved the idea of being alone, driving around the city with no real destination had gotten boring. He'd first driven around his neighborhood, but after passing the street where the house was for the fifth time he'd driven across town and had headed out towards the beach, but got to the city limits and decided to turn back. He could have gone over to other friends' houses, but he didn't like to stop in without warning them. Somehow it seemed that whenever he parked the 4Runner a crowd seemed to gather. Most days it was fun to be famous, but with the recent drama in his life, he didn't think that he could handle an encounter with a fan at the moment. People seemed to recognize him everywhere. In just the hour that he'd been away from the house he'd had three different cars of high school aged girls yell at him at stoplights.
Lance was almost back to the house when he thought about going to see Johnny. He needed an excuse to stay out of the house and he knew that the groups' tour manager, or at least his wife, would be home. Their family had an open door policy when it came to the guys in the group and wouldn't mind him stopping by so he turned down the street and made his way to Johnny's neighborhood.
Lance got to their house and found the neighborhood quiet, unlike his own. Johnny had been a famous tour manager long before he began to manage NSYNC, which left him living in a larger more upscale part of Orlando. The neighborhood also was home to other celebrities so it would have been unusual to have anyone notice Lance's 4Runner on the street.
He parked on the street, which somehow had become a treat over the last year. The act of just parking and not looking around before he got out of the car made him feel normal again. He made his way up the winding walk to the huge wooden door hoping that someone would be home.
A moment after he'd knocked Johnny's wife opened up the door with a huge smile. "Come on in Lance." She stood back to let him pass and when he turned around to face her once in the house he could see that her expression had changed. She immediately began to interrogate him. "What's wrong?"
Lance took off his sunglasses, hooking them into the collar of his shirt then gave her a hug. "It?s nice to see you too."
"Oh knock it off," she said candidly, "Just spill your guts."
"Is it that obvious that something isn't right?"
"Lance honey, I love you, but right now you look like you lost your best friend." She gave him a smile then it faded when she saw his reaction.
"I sort of did," Lance said. He'd decided to not bring up his relationship troubles in front of Johnny and his family, but that afternoon he wasn't going to get out of the kitchen without giving her the whole run-down of the situation.
"Did you and the others get into an argument?"
"No," he said. In the past he and his band mates had gotten into arguments, but nothing had ever gotten them horribly mad at each other. They'd made a pact early on in their careers to never go to bed mad.
"Did you and Julie get into a fight?" she asked as she led him into the kitchen. She pointed to the kitchen table then she asked. "Do you want a drink or something?"
"No thanks," Lance said. He flopped down with a thud into the chair she'd offered him. "Julie and I broke up."
"When did this happen?" she asked.
"About a week and a half ago?the last time we were home?" Lance couldn't believe that it had only been about a week. It had felt like an eternity considering that he'd gotten used to coming home and spending time with Julie most of the days that he could get away from work.
"Why?"
Lance took a breath, feeling the tears forming in the back of his eyes again. "She works for Pearlman."
"So what's the trouble? I thought you two were in love."
"We were," Lance said. His voice sounded stressed and he tried to control the emotion.
"James Bass what did you do?" she asked using his first name the way only his mother did.
"I can't date her if she works for him."
Johnny's wife gave him a frustrated look then held up her hands like a balance. "Let's see here." She moved her hands to show the balance. "On this hand you have true love and on the other you have Lou Pearlman." Her "Lou Pearlman hand" was lower than the "true love hand."
"It wasn't true love," Lance said with defeat. He would never had said that a few weeks before, but then again that was before he knew the truth about her. Back then he'd been optimistic about his future with Julie, but at the moment there was no future.
"Sure Lance," she said with sarcasm. "Everyone knows how crazy you are for Julie. JC even mentioned to me the other day that you were thinking about marrying this girl and now you've broken things off due to her occupation. Her job has nothing to do with how she feels about you."
Lance sat there and stared at her for a long time. He was realizing that she was right about the whole job and personal life split, but he couldn't bring himself to admit it just yet. Maybe it was that his heart was really broken, or maybe it was because he didn't know how to fill the major hole he'd gotten himself into.
"Lance, call the girl and tell her that you're sorry."
Lance nodded then said, "I have some more thinking to do before I take her back so easily."
"Lance honey, I'd be worried that she won't take you back, not vice versa."
Lance got up from the kitchen table and a few moments later was back in his car driving home. He realized on the drive home that he really did need to make up with Julie. Even if it turned out that they weren't going to be together any more, he still wanted her to be in his life. He'd spent the last year in heaven, and had been spoiled by that feeling and now that he thought that he'd never get that feeling back he suddenly felt as if he needed to fight for it.
When he got back to the house he pulled into the driveway and watched the gate close behind him before he got out of the car and went into the house. The sun was just starting to go down and when he got into the kitchen he could see JC and Joey out in the backyard with a handful of girls who seemed to be doting on Chris's two pug dogs Busta and Korea. He didn't recognize the girls, but that was nothing new. Lance had been out of the social scene with the guys at home due to his relationship, but he figured that the girls were all part of Joey's personal black book list. He suddenly wondered how the guy dated so much and never got anyone mad at him.
The smell of the barbecue smoke was blowing into the house and for a moment Lance stopped and savored the summery atmosphere. He'd soon be on the road again and moments like that came far and few between considering the lifestyle they all lead when traveling. Lance wouldn't trade his life for anything, but there were points in time when he wanted the balance of travel days more evenly with his normal stay at home days.
"You're back." Chris walked into the kitchen with his girlfriend Danielle on his arm. They were both dressed in shorts and carrying towels. Lance figured that they were headed out into the back to hang out with the others. He suddenly felt very out of place. On the road the guys and he were inseparable, but at home they all went in their separate directions despite spending most nights at the house during their trips home. Joey still had his place at his parents, but never seemed to go home and Chris usually spent a lot of time at Danielle's apartment, but it seemed as if no one wanted to be out and about in the city without someone else.
"Hey guys," Lance said then went to collect up his papers that were still lying on the table.
Lance heard the front doorbell ring and waited for a moment before hearing footsteps pounding on the floor above them. He could tell that the noise was from Justin and mentally pictured the youngest member of the band running his way down the hall on the second floor then down the stairs. A moment later Justin called, "Its for you Lance!"
"I'll be right there!" Lance called leaning around the corner of the kitchen he could see Justin talking to someone at the door.
"Go change and come out back when you're done," Danielle said with a smile before Lance could escape to answer the door. "We haven't hung out in a while."
"What are you talking about?" Chris said, "You've been here all day and were over here yesterday."
"Well if you want me to go home?" Danielle said and walked a few steps away from Chris.
Chris reacted by pulling her into a hug to apologize. The action instantly made Lance jealous. He wished that his relationships were as easy as theirs seemed to be. Danielle and Chris had been together since the group had formed and were going to get engaged sooner or later, if Chris finally would get up the nerve to ask her.
"I'll leave you two alone," Lance said with a sad tone and went to see who was at the front door. He hadn't been expecting anyone.
Three:
Lance could still hear Dani and Chris play fighting in the kitchen as he made his way down the hallway towards the front door towards Justin. He took a deep breath half praying that it was Julie at the door and half praying that it wasn't. He missed her, that was sure enough, he hadn't slept right or eaten right since she'd been gone, but at the same time the scars of the whole Transcon Lawsuit hadn't healed yet and he wasn't about to go opening barely healed wounds by being with her.
When Justin looked at him with a slightly nervous look from where he stood near the door Lance wanted to run up to the second floor instead of answering the door. Somewhere between the kitchen and the door his heartbeat increased into triple time. He felt out of breath, as if he'd just danced a whole concert in a matter of seconds. At some point his head seemed to detach itself from his body and he felt numb. Despite the strange feeling in his body, his feet kept on, inching him closer and closer to the door.
The dreaded moment was about to arrive. He was going to have to face her. He knew it deep in the pit of his churning stomach. His shoulders tensed and he could feel a nervous cottony-mouth forming. He usually wasn't this nervous about anything. There were times when it struck him, but this was something that he should have been confident with. After all, he was the one who did the breaking up. It would have been different if she'd dumped him.
"What too you so long Bass?" Justin asked with a smart-alec tone as he tugged up the low riding board shorts he'd changed into since Lance had seen him last. The smile that had been given to the person on the other side of the door turned down into a frown when he didn't hear Lance break into a laugh.
"Who the hell is at the door?" Lance asked. He stood away from the opening and tried to stall for a moment so he could think of something to say. With all his nervousness he'd forgotten to plan something to actually say to the person at the door.
Justin made a cutting motion across his own neck to tell Lance to watch his language. "It's?"
Lance thought he was going to throw up. For a second he could swear that he'd gone blind. He saw black, but took a breath before it over took him.
"It's Quinn," Justin said.
Lance let out a sigh of relief. It wasn't her. It was Quinn, good old Quinn, someone who he trusted with everything in his being. The type of girl that a guy wanted to bring home to mom, but some how never did. How many times had he heard his mom rave about the girl? It seemed like he never could get his mom to shut up about her.
Lance pulled the door open wider and his jaw dropped.
"I know what you're thinking," Quinn started to say before Lance could speak.
Not looking at the girl standing next to Quinn on the porch, Lance stared at her wide eyed in disbelief. "Quinn, get her out of here. I swear to God?you can come in if you want but Julie?" he looked his exgirlfriend in the eyes for the first time since they'd broken up. He saw enough pain to cause tears to form in his eyes before he looked back at Quinn. "Julie isn't, IS NOT, allowed in this house."
"Lance knock it off! What has gotten into you?" Quinn spat at him then looked over at Julie to try to apoligize to the girl.
"I'm not talking to her and at the moment I'm debating whether to talk to you or not."
"Are you listening to how crazy you sound right now?" Quinn asked.
Lance kept his eyes on her no matter how much the little voice in the back of his mind told him to look over at Julie. Part of him wanted to stare at her, take her in, take one last picture in, before letting her go for good. "Have you forgotten the last year of my life? Have you forgotten how I ended up in the hospital? Or has that slipped your mind because?"
"Stop it Lance." Justin cut in. "Don't take it out on her. If you're mad at Julie be mad at her, but don't pull anyone else into this."
"Justin shut up." Lance turned on his heel and went back into the house. He had more work to do and standing there arguing was a waste of his time.
"Lance wait up!" Quinn called to him.
Lance turned and went up the stairs and Quinn followed. Lance could hear Julie and Justin talking as he went to his room.
Flopping down onto his back he lay on his back and stared at the ceiling.
"Hon talk to me," Quinn said and sat next to him. She put a hand on his chest. "Explain to me how you went from loving this girl to hating her."
"It's easy. She works for Pearlman. Enough said. The End. You get the picture?"
"She doesn't work for him."
"Yes she does."
"She's been trying to call you all day to tell you that she quit."
"What?" Lance sat up and stared at her. "She quit?"
"Yes. She called and gave her two weeks notice the morning after you all fought."
"No?no?no?no?" Lance mumbled and fell back onto the bed.
"What?" she said, "I thought this was what you wanted."
"I can't have what I want."
"Well what do you want?"
"I want Julie to have a great job and I want to be with her, but I can't have both."
"Why not?" she asked. "Justin's mom or Johnny can hook her up with a job."
"That's the point. I don't want her to have a job that I got for her. I want her to do it on her own?which she was doing, before I went in and messed it all up."
"Lance you are making no sense."
"Quinn, what have I always said were my criteria for dating someone?" he asked.
"Criteria. Aren't we using our voacabulary." Quinn's tone was very sarcastic, causing Lance to make a face.
"Whatever Quinn."
"Ok, as far as I can remember she couldn't be in the business," she said, "But you already broke that one when you dated Danielle."
"What else was there?" he said.
She shrugged.
"I wanted her to be independent and if I get her a job then she won't be."
"But Lance, she wants to work in the industry. If you two date it will always look like you got her the job anyway...so why not help the both of you out and get her one."
"Quinn. I can't." he said. "I can't see her."
"You can," she said, "You just won't."
"Why can't we ever be single at the same time? If I dated you everything would be much simplier."
"No it wouldn't Lance. Don't give up on Julie because it got a little hard. You want to fight for her. I know you do. You told me three weeks ago that you loved her and I believe that you still do, although I think you've forgotten about that because you've jumped to conclusions a little too hastily this time."
"Hastily?now who's using their vocabulary."
Quinn patted his stomach. "Are you going to talk to her?"
"Do I have to?"
"Give her five minutes at least," Quinn said. "You know that she deserves at least that?actually she deserves more than that, but five minutes will be a good start."
Lance stared at the ceiling above his head. "Give me five minutes. If I come downstairs then I'll talk it out with her. If not then she needs to give me some time."
"That's a good enough start?" Quinn got up off the bed and headed towards the door. "Just don't think that our conversation is over. I'm not letting you out of it this fast."
"Fine," Lance muttered and closed his eyes as a headache began to form itself above his right eyebrow. He had a lot of thinking to do and not a lot of time to do it in.
Four:
Pushing himself off of the bed Lance let out an exasperated breath and made his way out into the hallway with a frown on his face. He stopped and turned off the light in his room and closed the door, all methods of stalling that he hadn't pulled out of his bag of tricks since he'd been living at home with his parents. He took the stairs slowly with heavy feet not long after Quinn left. He would have stayed in his room the whole time he'd said that he would, but found that he being bored sitting there alone and fuming wasn't helping the situation.
At the bottom of the steps he paused for a moment and tried to psyche himself up for the conversation that lay ahead. He just hoped he wouldn't get frustrated and run out of the room. No matter what any one else thought, he wasn't enjoying being upset with Julie. He loved her deep down but he wasn't sure if loving her would be enough. He had so many ill feelings when it came to the whole Transcon thing that he wasn't sure if he could look past them to see her.
Justin and Julie were in the living room sitting on the couch while Quinn paced. Julie looked really upset and Justin was trying to help, but didn't seem to be getting too far with her while Quinn looked as if she was praying that Lance would come down from the second floor.
"Julie, we need to talk." He spoke the words carefully, making sure at the last minute that he really wanted to say them.
"Amen." Quinn's smile wasn't her most confident, but she brightened when she saw him move his head meaning for her to take Justin with her out of the room.
"Lance?" Julie started to say.
"Let me talk first please," he said harshly. He took a breath and let it out when he thought his lungs were going to explode, "Because if I don't say this to you right now I think I may never say it and if I never say it then I might ruin everything?"
"Honey, you're rambling," she said softly.
"Sorry," he said then let a smile form on his face. She hadn't called him honey in a while and he didn't know how much he'd missed it.
"I'm sorry. Just please don't be mad at me," she said, "I quit my job."
Lance took a seat on the other end of the couch from her. "I should be the one apologizing. I never meant to hurt you, but you know how things were with Transcon. That whole ordeal messed up my life for almost six months. It jepordized everything?" He stopped as the trial and the back and forth of the lawsuit throwing echoed in his ears. "But?" he took a deep breath. "I shouldn't have taken that out on you. At the time I was scared and it seemed to be the perfect way out for me."
"Way out?" she asked.
He scooted down to her. "I love you sooo much," he said, "And I want to be with you, but there is a part of me that keeps me from doing that."
"You still love me?" she asked with a shakey voice.
"Of course I do," he said.
"Well it sure hasn't seemed like it lately."
"I know, and I'm really sorry about that. I've been battling that for a while now. I think that I love you too much."
"How can anyone love someone too much?" she asked.
"I love you so much that I can't breathe sometimes and I know that you hate me being gone and hate the fact that I have girls on my front lawn every day?I just didn't know if I should tie you down to a life like that."
She stared at him for a long time. "That's not your decision to make," she said softly. She took his hand. "I'm the one who signed up for whatever we have between us. I knew full well the lifestyle that you lead and I know that I hate some parts of it, but I'm willing to overlook those things because I love you. Isn't that what love is all about? Isn't it supposed to be unconditional?"
Lance felt tears come to his eyes and he wondered if he was going to regret crying in front of her. He'd definitely get teased about it from the others, but that didn't matter. He just didn't want her to think any less of him, not that he was probably high on her list of people at the moment.
"Lance, please don't cry. You're going to make me cry."
"You already have been," he said, "And it kills me to know that."
Lance leaned in and hugged her, not knowing really if he was forgiven for acting so stupid, but he knew at least for the time being that he was with her again. He wasn't sure if he could make it up to her, but he was going to try to.
There was a noise in the hallway and Lance looked over to see Quinn standing there with Justin.
"If that's what love is, leave me out," Justin said, "Too much kissing and crying for me."
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