Staring blankly out the window of the black Expedition, JC Chasez sighed heavily. His brother Tyler, Tony Lucca, and bodyguard Lonnie chattered on animatedly. It was barely midnight and they were already leaving the club. JC was quite ready to go home and put on his comfy flannel sleep pants and curl up with the book he’d been reading.

For reasons unknown, even to himself, JC was sick and tired of the partying, the appearances, the red carpets, and most of all, the photographers. This weekend was not his idea of fun. Granted, it was for a good cause, nay a GREAT cause. Nsync’s Challenge for The Children charity was definitely a good cause and JC didn’t mind giving his time, but he was truly beginning to loathe these weekends of ‘light-hearted fun’.

On Friday, at the bowling event, JC had to tell Lance to back off. Regardless of how much the younger man wished on stars, JC did not play for his team. He tried to be subtle at first, but finally JC just snapped. Unfortunately, it was in front of the fans, the other guys, not to mention the press. Just thinking about it made JC’s head ache. Especially since Lance had been a complete bitch for the rest of the weekend. Then, earlier that day at the basketball game, Justin had been acting like a diva, and for reason unknown Chris was pissed off at the whole fucking world. Joey was . . . well, Joey was Joey. He was currently the only person that JC was not irritated at. It did help, though, that Kelly had baked him Snicker doodles the day before, otherwise Joey’s incessant smiling possibly could have irritated him a little.

JC leaned over his brother, Tyler, to grab his messenger bag. He dug out a battered pack of Camel Lights and a lighter. Turning his attention back to the window he cracked it about 3inches. He needed a cigarette and he didn’t really give a flying fuck who saw him. He was 29 years old, and management was still trying to tell him what to do. He hated it.

Lighting the cigarette, he went back to staring idly out the window at the people on the street waiting to get into the club. Laughing softly to himself JC shook his head. Little did these people know, but the club was actually boring. Almost as boring as sitting in traffic waiting for the damn light to change. He took a long drag on his cigarette.

Just as the vehicle began to move forward, JC saw HER. The woman of his dreams. Long reddish colored hair, great lips, white skin, big eyes, and Holy God look at that rack! He was in love! His head craned around as the SUV went by. Almost instantly he was leaning over the seat.

“Mike, dude, go around again.” JC grinned at him, knowing that the driver would do anything that he asked.

Mike did what he was told and turned right to make a circle around the block. JC was bouncing in his seat like an over exuberant five year old. A sharp laugh brought his attention back to the interior of the vehicle, but only for a second.

“What Tyler?”

“Nothing man, just wondering why we were going around the block.” Tyler grinned at his brother, knowing exactly why they were circling the block.

The car stopped and JC sighed. Looking out the window he saw that they had stopped directly across from HER. He quickly scanned the girl again and noticed that she looked irritated. Briefly he wondered why. Then JC noticed that she was wearing a corset. For the love of Pete, it was an honest to God corset.

Tyler leaned over JC’s shoulder. “Which one?”

JC could only point.

“Dude, get out and talk to her. You got Lonnie,” he gestured to the large black man to his left, “you’ll be fine.” Tyler was grinning like a moron.

“I can’t.” JC put his head in his hands. “Go around again Mike.”

Tyler laughed. And Mike did what he was told to do. Lonnie and Tony just sat there trying not to grin. JC kept his face pressed to the window, getting lucky because once again, the SUV stopped right beside the woman of his dreams.

“Josh, what in the hell are you doing? You’re JC fucking Chasez. You can talk to anyone.” Tyler was rubbing his brother’s back as he spoke. “Any woman in the world would be proud to be seen with you. She,” he gestured to HER, “would be ecstatic to go out with you!”

“No. It’s not like that Ty. I’m not, I don’t know, Justin. Why in the world would she give a shit about me?” JC sighed and looked out the window again toward his dream woman. “Why would anyone like that,” he made a sweeping motion with his hand and nearly smacked his brother in the head, “be interested in a fucking dork like me? She could have anyone, I repeat, anyone she wanted.” JC leaned his head up against the window and sighed dejectedly.

“Dude! You-fucked-Eva-Longoria! Granted, she was like the creature from the Black Lagoon and no poon is worth that, but still, she is hot!!” Tony grinned at his friend.

“That was . . . dude you . . . Damn it Tony. You don’t bring that bitch up. You know what she did to me.” JC glared at his friend. “I was a complete wreck for like a month and a half . . .fucker!” JC flipped his friend off then shook his head. “Ok, I cave. She was hot and great in bed, but still. Just take us home Mike.”

JC took one last look out the window to his dream girl as the SUV drove away. He made idle conversation with Tyler and Tony and before he knew it, the vehicle was pulling into his driveway. The three men said their goodbyes to Lonnie and Mike and got out of the Expedition.

Pulling his house keys out of his pocket, JC started up the sidewalk toward the door. The three were being none too quiet while walking up the sidewalk. Just as JC was about to put his key in the door it swung open revealing his mother, and she was not happy.

“Joshua Scott, you could be just a little bit quieter, it’s almost one o’clock in the morning. You had better not wake up this baby.” Karen stood just inside the door with her hands on her hips, glaring at the three boys.

“Sorry Mama, but I don’t think that we were being loud enough to wake up Madi.” JC looked at his mother long enough for her to smile and hug him.

Karen hugged Tyler and Tony as they went by her, then she shut the door. Walking into the living room, she saw all three sprawled out, in various stages of undress, throughout the room. JC had his over shirt off, with just his wife beater on. Tyler had taken off his shoes and socks, and Tony had taken his jeans and shoes off and was lounging in the floor in his boxers, socks,and a t shirt.

Karen walked over to the couch and sat down next to JC, who immediately put his head in her lap. She absently began to run her fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp. “Did you guys have fun?”

Tyler snorted, Tony shrugged, and JC just shook his head. “Not really. It was just really...lame. I called Justin and told him not to bother. But he did say that he’d be over tomorrow to see you, Dad, and Madi.” Josh closed his eyes and let the feeling of his mother’s fingers in his hair soothe him.

“Josh isn’t telling you about the girl Mom.” Tyler threw a throw pillow at his older brother. It bounced off of Josh’s stomach and fell in the floor. Josh reached down, grabbed the pillow, and flung it back at Tyler. It knocked a lamp off of the table next to Tyler’s chair. The lamp hit the floor with a crash and broke. A pitiful cry was heard from upstairs.

“Damn it.” JC cursed when the baby started crying. He got up off of the couch and started toward the stairs. “Ty, would you please clean that up? Mama, please make sure that he gets all of the glass up.”

Josh jogged up the stairs, taking them two at a time. Judging by the cries Madi was not a happy little girl. Glancing at the photos that hung on the wall, JC realized that in his house he was a completely different person. The person that he always wanted to be. Sure the fame was nice, but his family was what was really important to him. To them he was just Josh, not JC. In this house, he was just Josh.

He walked into the nursery and picked up the fussy baby. Putting Madison up to his shoulder, he began to hum to her. He sat down in the Jenny Lind rocker and rocked softly, with a smooth,even motion, praying that Madi would go back to sleep. Josh had almost rocked himself to sleep when he felt a little finger go up his nose. Glancing down, he saw bright blue eyes staring up athim. Smiling, he stood and walked out of the nursery.

His mother met him at the foot of the stairs when she noticed that he had her granddaughter with him. Madi was cooing, one hand wrapped up in her daddy’s curls.

“I tried rocking her, but she doesn’t want to go back to sleep.” Josh looked at his mother hopefully. “What would you do? I mean, is there anything that I can do to make her go back to sleep?”

“Well Joshua, I think that she just wants to be awake with her daddy for a while. Just settle down on the couch with her and let her spend some time with you. It probably won’t be too long before she’s out like a light. Then just take her back to her room and lay her back in her crib. She’ll let you know if she needs anything.” Karen smiled at her eldest child. Being a new parent he wasn’t quite sure of himself just yet, but he was getting the hang of it rather quickly. “I’m going to go to bed but if you need anything Josh please just come and get me.” Karen went around the room, kissing each man on the cheek. Madison got a kiss right on the tip of her nose.

“Yeah, I think I’m gonna go on to bed too. It’s been kinda a long day.” Tyler stood and kissed his niece on the head. He started toward the basement then turned, “hey Josh, I’m really sorry about teasing you so bad earlier. You know that I love you.” Tyler jogged down the basement steps to ‘his’ room.

Tony just stood up from his place on the floor and went to the chair that Tyler had been occupying. “Why don’t you give her to me so you can go and change into sleep pants? That way when you two fall asleep on the couch you won’t bitch about sleeping in your clothes.” Tony grinned as his friend stood and put the baby into his arms.

Josh ran up the stairs and into his bedroom. Changing quickly, he went down two doors and knocked softly on his mother’s door.

“Come in Joshua.” Karen called out softly.

Josh walked in and quietly got up onto the bed beside his mother and lay down. “I did see a girl today Mama. She was kinda tallish, with reddish colored hair, light skin and I think light eyes. She was one of the most beautiful women that I have ever seen. When I saw her, it was like my palms started to sweat and my knees went all weak. My hands were shaking.” Josh sighed and cuddled closer to Karen. “I couldn’t talk to her. I feel so stupid, but it was like she was what I have been waiting for my entire life and I couldn’t even say hello.”

Karen stroked her son’s hair and kissed the top of his head. “My Josh. I know that you’re lonely. I know that the situation with Madison and that woman you call her mother has put a great deal of stress on you. It will work out. I promise. When the time is right, you’ll fall in love with a nice girl and settle down.” Karen kissed the top of his head again. “Just know that I love you very much, and so does that little girl down there in Tony’s lap. When the time is right, everything will fall into place just like it’s supposed to.”

Josh leaned over and put his head on his mother’s shoulder. She kissed her son on the head and ruffled his curls. “Everything will turn out fine, even if it’s not with this girl. You are so young Josh, you have your whole life ahead of you.” Karen kissed his head again and swatted his butt. “Get back down there with that little girl and let your poor mother get some sleep.”

Josh smiled at his mom and kissed her on the cheek. “Ok Ma. I’ll see you in the morning then. Love you.”

Josh climbed out of his mother’s bed and walked out the door. Going back downstairs he glanced at the pictures on the wall. Once again, he was thankful that with his family and true friends he could just be Josh, not JC.

He glanced into the living room when his foot hit the last step and saw his best friend sound asleep in the chair where he left him. His daughter was curled up on Tony’s chest pulling on his chest hair. When he laughed quietly her head shot up. He found himself staring into her blue eyes and wondering how it was possible to love someone so much.

He took the baby from his friend’s chest and returned to the staircase. For the third time in an hour Josh went up the stairs. He went down the hall to his bedroom. He went in and laid Madi down on the bed, then climbed in beside her. She crawled over to him and put her little hands on his chest. Drooling a little, she smiled and laughed. Then she lay her head on him.

Josh patted her little back and lifted her up onto his chest. She fisted her tiny hands in his curlsand squealed. It was barely 20 minutes before Madison was lulled to sleep by her daddy’s heartbeat and soft humming. Josh rose carefully and took her to her room. He put her in the crib, leaned over and kissed the soft, down like hair on top of her head, and walked slowly back to his bedroom.

Climbing back into bed, he sighed. The day had been shit as far as Josh was concerned. He fell asleep thinking of the girl on the sidewalk, and wishing that he hadn’t been such a pussy and could have talked to her.

JC sighed and looked around. He thought that is was very nice of his friends, but he really didn’t want them to throw him a party. He was 30, he didn’t want a party. What he wanted was to go back to his house, open a very expensive bottle of wine, and listen to very depressing music. He was 30 and still alone.

He looked around again. He didn’t even know half of these people. Glancing around at the partiers, he caught a glimpse of a slightly tall woman with reddish colored hair. JC’s heart rate sped up. Could it possibly be her? He quickly looked around for his constant companion, his brother. Tyler was across the room, talking up a very pretty brunette.

JC hurried over to him. “Hey Ty, I have really gotta talk to you a second.” Smiling at the brunette, he grabbed his brother’s arm and drug him away.

“Did you see that redheaded girl? She was walking toward the kitchen?”

Tyler just looked at JC. “Dude, I haven’t seen any redheads here tonight.”

“Just look around and minute. Well, help me look. I saw HER Tyler, I swear that I did.” JC looked around frantically. “Please. Just 5 minutes then we can meet back right here. Then you can go back to your girl and I’ll leave you alone.” Tyler looked at his brother’s face and saw the pleading look in his eyes. He just nodded and walked off toward the kitchen.

The search of the kitchen proved futile. As did the search of the utility room, bath room, pantry and all 3 bedrooms.

“Josh, man. No one has even seen a girl here that looked like her.” Tyler shook his head. “Are you sure that you’re feeling ok? Why don’t you just go home and lay down. I can stay with Pete tonight.” Tyler hugged his brother briefly, then pulled away and looked at the sadness on his face. “I know that you didn’t even want a party. Just go home and open your wine.”

JC nodded. He felt like he was going crazy. This wasn’t the first time that he had seen the girlfrom the summer. It was just the first time he saw her with others around. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m gonna head on home. I have a headache anyway.  I’ll see you later.” Josh hugged Tyler and sniffled a little. “Thanks for looking though.” Before Tyler could say a word, Josh quietly slipped out the door.

Driving back to his house, Josh didn’t even turn on the radio. He rode in complete silence, just the hum of traffic around him.

By the time he let himself in, tears were silently falling from his eyes. He grabbed a bottle of wine from the wine rack in the kitchen and a corkscrew. He uncorked the bottle and went into the den. After putting a Chris Botti cd on the stereo, he sat and began drinking straight from the bottle. He couldn’t figure out why he kept seeing HER. It was like she was a ghost, haunting him. He saw her everywhere, but she was never actually there.

Three bottles of wine and two and a half hours later, Josh was completely drunk. He was in bed by eleven o’clock, alone, on his thirtieth birthday.

Josh sat in his basement, slowly strumming a guitar. Writers block was hell. He sighed loudly, causing Madi to look up at him from her place on the floor. When she heard her daddy, the Elmo toy she had been chewing on was forgotten. She stood shakily and wobbled over to her daddy.

Josh picked her up and nuzzled in her curls. He had finally accepted that maybe she was the woman for him. Maybe he just wasn’t meant to be ‘in love’. Maybe he was just meant to love like a daddy. The thought brought tears to Josh’s eyes. He rubbed his face in his daughters curls, wiping the wetness from his eyes.

He sat the little girl back down and watched her toddle back over to her blanket and toys. Josh watched her until he heard a knock at the basement door. He turned his head and saw his mother’s head pop through the door.

“Josh, is it alright if I come down?” Karen looked at her son and smiled.

“Yeah Mama. I’m not working or anything. Just kinda sitting here and watching Madi play.” Josh returned his mother’s smile.

Karen came down the stairs and kissed her eldest son on his head. “If it’s alright with you, PeePee Roy and I want Madi today. She can spend the night too. “ She bent down and picked up her granddaughter, who was bouncing at her feet.

Josh laughed. “Well, lets go pack her bag. I’m am doing absolutely no good down here anyway.”

The three went up two flights of stairs into Madi’s bedroom. Josh grabbed her little ‘going to Grandma’s’ suitcase out of her closet, sat it on her dresser and opened it. He pulled open a drawer and pulled out a tiny pair of pink warm up pants. They were folded and carefully put into the suitcase. Then the matching shirt went into the suitcase. Madi’s pajamas and socks went intothe suitcase next. Josh went into the bathroom and got her toothbrush along with several diapers.

With her bag packed, Josh handed Madi over to his mother. Karen kissed Josh on the cheek and smiled at him. “You’re such a good boy.”

“Yeah, only cause you want my kid.” Josh hugged his mother and kissed his daughter on her pouty little lips. “You be good for MeMaw and PeePee. Daddy loves you.”

Madi just smiled at her daddy and grunted. Josh interpreted it as ‘I love you too Daddy.’   She was probably pooping.

He walked with Karen and the baby outside so he could put the baby seat in Karen’s car. When that was done, he took Madi from his mother and put her in the seat. When she was buckled in he kissed her lips again. Shutting the door he looked at his mom.

“Thanks for taking her Mama. You don’t have to ya know.” Josh hugged his mother.

“Yeah, I know. But me and your father need a little time with her too. I thought you would be happy to have a little ‘daddy’ time.” Karen smiled at him and got into the car. “I’ll call youtomorrow. And don’t worry, she’ll be fine.” Josh stood there and watched his mother back outof the driveway and start off down the street.

Going back into his house, he wondered what he was going to do. Grinning, he ran up the stairs. Walking into his closet he started stripping off the sweat pants he was wearing. He grabbed a pair of jeans off of a hanger and put them on. Josh slid he feet into a pair of sneakers and grabbed a button down shirt. He left the closet, picking up a watch on his way out.

He walked into his bathroom strapping the watch to his wrist. He turned on the tap, running his hands through the water, then moved them up to his hair. He quickly ran his fingers through his hair, dampening it so that his curls would not just go wild. That done, he squirted mousse in his hands, rubbed them together, and then scrunched his fingers through his hair. When he was satisfied that he had effectively moussed down his hair, he left the bathroom. He grabbed the button down shirt off of his bed and put it on while going down the stairs. He grabbed his wallet, keys and cigarettes from the kitchen counter before going out the door into the garage.

Locking the door behind him, Josh headed toward his Porsche. He hopped in, raised the garag edoor, and took off down the driveway. Josh stopped at the end of his driveway to make sure that the garage door went down, then took off down the street.

Fifteen minutes later, Josh was on the freeway, headed toward Chicago. At 2:30 in the afternoon, there was virtually no traffic. Josh uttered a small prayer of thanks. Traffic was one of his largest pet peeves. . .EVER. He drove on, singing loudly to the radio.

When he got into the city, he turned onto Michigan Avenue. Almost before he knew it, he was pulling into a parking lot close to the Art Institute. He smiled. It was a perfect day to wander aimlessly, looking at student work. In fact, it was one of his favorite things to do.

Josh bounded out of his car, locked the door, then set the alarm. He got a ticket from the attendant and walked out onto the sidewalk. Walking up to the large stone building, Josh began to get a nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach. He walked to the entrance and entered. He smiled at the lady behind the desk, and turned down the right side hallway. That would take him to the actual gallery. The left side hallway would take him to the actual school and all of the student studios.

Josh couldn’t keep the smile off of his face when he saw the painting hanging on the wall. He stopped every few feet to stand in front of one and just stare. This was probably when he was at his happiest. Well, other than the time he spent with his daughter and his family. Josh could stand in front of paintings and sculptures for hours without moving, just wondering what the artist was thinking and feeling. Sometimes he would get lost in the swirling colors and vibrant lines, then realize that he had tears on his cheeks.

Josh sighed and moved on. A loud laugh brought his attention from the painting to a group of people standing about 3 yards away. Josh smiled; they looked like they were having fun. Oh, to be young again. He turned his attention back to the painting.

A glimpse of green caught his eye through his peripheral vision. His head turned toward it automatically. Standing there, not 2 feet from him, was his dream woman. It was HER.

He took a step forward, his legs working against his brain. The message his brain was sending was ‘run you idiot, run’. He did, but it was toward the object of his desire.

“Um, hi. I’m Josh.” He grinned at the woman, finally looking her in the eye. “Would you like to maybe go get some food with me?”

“Hello, I’m Emily.” She smiled back. “I would love to go get food with you.”

Josh was fuming. Never again. He was never just going to go up to someone like that again. So it turned out not to be HER. That much was fucking obvious. Josh slammed the door leading from his garage to his kitchen hard enough to make the hanging rack of cookware rattle.   He had just spent 3 hours with the most narcissistic woman that he had ever had the displease of meeting. He knew one thing for sure, his woman wouldn’t be like that.

Josh sat down at the snack bar and put his head in his hands. He sighed loudly even though there was no one there to hear him. What he needed was a change. He just wasn’t sure what kind.

A slow smile began to spread across his face. He would temporarily move. He would buy a loft in some obscure city. Ok, maybe not too obscure. Which city? Pittsburg? No, too dirty. Boston, Josh liked Boston. No, too far away from his parents. Getting a baby sitter would be hell. Hmm, where to go? Suddenly, Josh had the perfect city. He’d go to St. Louis. It had football, baseball, hockey, and museums. Plus, it was only 5 hours from his parents. He’d be happy, they’d be happy, Madi’d be happy. Skipping up the stairs toward his bedroom, Josh couldn’t keep the smile off of his face. He’d call his realtor in the morning.

~~**3 months later**~~

Josh sighed and stared out the window. It wasn’t snowing, but it was freezing cold out there. The wind was blowing from the north so that just made it colder. He glanced away from thewindow and looked at his daughter. She had been so good. They hadn’t been outside in 2 days and she hadn’t fussed about it a bit. That made him smile . She had even taken to the move well.

It took his realtor 2 weeks to find him a fantastic loft in historic St. Louis. As soon as he saw the place, Josh fell in love. The place had hardwood floors throughout, and he loved the ceilings with the beams. There were several beams throughout the living room that made the decision for Josh. That and the fact that the downstairs was completely open. He could stand in the kitchen and see Madison perfectly, anywhere in the living room. The bedrooms were upstairs, and there were only 2. He didn’t need anymore.

Madison adapted to the move better than Josh had expected her to. They had walked into the loft and she looked around. She had walked over and looked out the floor length window. Then she had ran back over to Josh and asked for Nemo. He knew right then that this would be home as well. They had moved in less than a week after that.

Christmas in the new place had been different, but his parents, brother, sister and nephew had been there. They were happy, Madi was happy and because she was happy, Josh was happy.

Thunder drew his attention back to the window. Gray clouds were rolling in and it looked like it could rain anytime. He sighed. Josh really didn’t want Madi to be inside the loft one more day. He knew she was getting bored. They had watched Nemo 5 times the day before.

Walking over to the kitchen snack bar, the only thing that separated the 2 rooms, Josh grabbed the phone book and flipped to the yellow pages. He stood there and idly thumbed through the book, looking for something to do. Too bad that it was so cold and rainy, or he’d take Madi to the zoo.

He felt a pull at his pants leg and looked down. Large blue eyes looked up at him and she raised her little arms. Josh bent and lifted the little girl into his arms. Madi sighed and laid her head on her Daddy’s shoulder.

“I bored.” She twirled one of Josh’s curls around her little fat finger. “Outside, pease.” She smiled.

“It’s too cold love. But we’ll go somewhere to get out of the house, ok?” Josh kissed his daughters cheeks. “Let’s go get ready Madi-bell.” He started upstairs toward the bathroom.

Forty five minutes later, they had both bathed and gotten dressed. Josh was just finishing up Madison’s hair, trying to tame her curls and finally giving up. He pulled her long thick hair up into pigtails. He patted her on her pamper and grinned at her.

“All ready baby girl. Run and get your shoes ok.” Josh’s heart swell when the little girl came running back to him with her black Mary Jane’s in her hands. She sat on the rug at Josh’s feet and raised her leg in the air.

When Josh got her shoes on her and found his and put them on, he grabbed his wallet and car keys. Picking Madi up, he set the alarm, locked the door and stepped out into the hallway, pulling the door closed behind him.

They walked to the elevator and got in pushing the down button. When they arrived in the parking garage Josh walked quickly to the Escalade and put his daughter in her seat. He quickly jumped in the driver’s seat and started the ignition. It was cold out there.

As he pulled out onto the street Madi began singing to herself. Smiling, he adjusted the rearview mirror to look at her. She noticed him watching her and smiled widely at him.

“We go?” Madi asked after driving a while. She was getting restless, kicking her little feet.

“We’re gonna go look at pictures baby. Remember, we’ve been there before. The place with the big park, and the huge statue.”

Josh pulled into Forest Park and looked around. Generally people were everywhere on a Saturday, but with the weather like it was, hardly anyone was out. He figured that the art museum would be packed. He was ok with that. He wasn’t going to see any particular exhibit, although he would love to see the one on the tombs of Ur. It wasn’t leaving for at least another 3 weeks, so he’d have time. Most people would probably be going through that, so he and Madi would be able to wander aimlessly without crowds.

He parked the Escalade and got out. Opening the back door, he caught Madi’s shoe before she threw it out. He grabbed her foot gently and put the tiny shoe back on her fat little foot. Pulling the hood of her coat up on her head, he got her out of the SUV. He grabbed his messenger bag out of the floor board and slung it over his left shoulder. Messenger bags were a lot more manly than diaper bags, and he generally carried one anyway since he didn’t go anywhere without his journal. You know, just in case. One never knew where inspiration would strike.

They climbed the steps to the gallery and walked in through the large glass doors. Josh walkeddirectly to the help desk and asked to check their coats. The gentleman whose name tag read‘Victor’ complied with Josh’s request right away.

With their coats gone, Josh began walking toward the section of eastern art. He loved looking atall of the buddahs, their mere presence calming him immediately. The whole museum calmed him. It was one of his favorite places in St. Louis so far, and he could tell that he and Madi would be in Forest Park quite a bit this summer.

Over the course of the afternoon Josh and Madi wandered up and down the stairs, through most of the exhibits, and even hit the snack bar and the restroom. She had been good, so Josh was content to sit and just stare at Monet’s Water Lilies. It was most definitely one of his favorite paintings there. He had others of course, but it was the only one whose name he could remember.

Madi was curled up in her daddy’s arm, sound asleep. Her mouth was hanging slightly open and tiny little snores were being emitted from her mouth. Josh smiled down at her, jumping slightly when a voice broke through the fog in his brain.

“She is one of the most beautiful children that I have ever seen.” He looked up to see a reddish-blond haired woman standing beside him. Apparently, she had been watching Madison snore too.

“Thank you. We’ve had a long day.” He smiled at the woman and patted the seat next to him. “You can sit down if you’d like. I won’t take up the whole bench I promise.” He looked at her again and all of a sudden it hit him. This was HER. The woman he saw on the street at Challenge for the Children. The one that he had seen everywhere since then.

Josh’s heart almost stopped when she sat down next to him. “Thanks, my feet were getting kind of tired.” She smiled at his and held her hand out. “I’m Amber.”

Unable to take her hand due to Madi filling his arms, he waved briefly with the hand around her back. “Uh, sorry. I’m Josh and this is Madison.” He smiled at her like he was an idiot. “Do you come here often?” Blushing and realizing that it sounded like a line he tried again. “I mean, we’re new in town and we’ve been here almost once a week since we got here in November.”

Madi began to fuss then and Josh’s attention immediately went to the little girl in his arms. Humming softly to his daughter, he began to gently rock back and forth. Within seconds, she was settling down again, sticking her thumb in her mouth.

Amber just laughed, then smiled at Josh. “Yeah, I love to come here. It makes me feel better after a long day and really it just relaxes me.” Josh was nodding at her like a maniac. Amber just smiled at him, loving the way that his curls bounced.

After what seemed like forever, but was really about half an hour, Amber cocked her head. “I don’t want to be too pushy or something, but do you guys want to go get something to eat? I would love for you to join me for dinner.”

Josh’s face lit up. “Yeah, I think that we would. She’s gonna be hungry when she wakes up.” He shyly bowed his head. “Thank you for asking us.”

 Josh had been in town and exploring long enough that he sort of knew his way around. Amber suggested a place in South County and he agreed. They decided to meet at the mall, then he would follow her to the eatery.

The pair exchanged phone numbers and Josh practically ran to his Escalade. As soon as he had gotten Madi settled into her seat he got in and started the ignition. Smiling broadly, he dialed his brother’s cell phone number.

“Tyler, dude. I met her. Her name in Amber and she lives here in St. Louis. Me and Madi are going to meet her for dinner. “ Josh let out a squeal of excitement.

“Josh, are you sure it’s her?” Tyler didn’t want to appear skeptical, but at the same time he was worried about his older brother. They joked about Eva, but in reality she had hurt Josh more than anyone in the past. He never wanted to see his brother that depressed ever again. In fact he, Justin and Chris had all called the conniving bitch and told her what they thought of her skanky ass. Josh had been hurt so many times and he didn’t want this to be another one of those instances.

Apparently during Tyler’s inner tyrade Josh hadn’t stopped talking because before Tyler knew it Josh was saying, “ Well, I had better go dude. I’m here at the mall and she’s there waiting for me. Love ya bro. I’ll call you later.” Before Tyler could say a word Josh hung up. Damn, damn and double damn. Tyler said a silent prayer that this woman would be nice and not crush his brother.

Just as soon as he got off of the phone with his brother, Josh pressed the button on the console to lower the window. He smiled at the woman in the other vehicle. “So where to now ma’am?”

Amber laughed at his teasing tone and returned his smile. “I definitely think we should go and eat. I am starving. If you want you can just follow me, it’s really not that far.”

Josh nodded, “Lead the way.” He pressed the button again and with window came back up silently.

Over dinner the two talked for what seemed like hours. By the time that desert had been served and they were both feeling the strain on their waistbands, Madi was getting fussy. Josh looked at his child and willed her not to be too cranky. He was really enjoying himself with this woman, even if he did bring his daughter on their first date. He glanced back over at Amber, she obviously wasn’t minding Madison’s presence.

Josh paid the bill, ignoring all of Amber’s objections, then stood. He lifted a very tired Madi out of her high chair, then held his hand out to help Amber up. She took it gratefully, just looking for an excuse to touch him. They exchanged a smile as they walked out of the café hand in hand.

She stood beside his Escalade as he put Madison in her car seat and strapped her in. After he kissed the little girl on the forehead, he shut the door. Amber smiled at him. He smiled back.

“I really don’t want the evening to end.” She confessed as she studied her shoes.

“Yeah, me neither. Unfortunately Madison is getting really tired. When she gets tired she gets uber-cranky.” Josh smiled at shook his head.

“I’ve got an idea. Why don’t we go back to my apartment? It’s not that far and you can lay her down. That way we can still talk.” Her cheeks flushed a dull red when Josh’s face lit up.

“That would be great. I mean, we won’t be imposing or anything will we?”

Amber just smiled patiently. “Well no. You’ll be fine silly boy.”

They went back to Amber’s apartment and started talking. They talked about everything and absolutely nothing at all. Hardly any subject was left untouched, from political issues to movies.  It was nearly 2 in the morning before Joshand Madi left. Even then, he realized that he was falling in love with her. Really, all it took was the first hello.

~~**3 weeks later**~~

Amber and Josh were lying on the couch in his living room, watching Madi bounce around while watching The Wiggles. They were laughing between lazy kisses. He was idly wrapping her hair around his fingers, then letting it go. It was the picture of a perfect young family, so happily in love.

“I’m gonna have to leave in about 2 weeks ya know?” Josh had buried his face in her neck. He loved the smell and feel of her skin. He nuzzled enough to make her giggle then raised his head again.

“I don’t want you to leave. You have to stay here with me.” Amber wrapped her arms and legs around Josh and squeezed. He grunted and slapped her ass playfully.

“You trying to kill me?”

Amber giggled at him then kissed his shoulder. “Naw, I wanna keep you for a while I suppose.” She giggled again as he became all skinny fingers, tickling her mercilessly.

They settled down after a few frenzied minutes of Josh tickling and Amber shrieking in his ear. Madi had ran over and scolded both of them because she couldn’t hear the television.

“I don’t want you to leave. It’s like over the past 3 weeks, I don’t know. It’ll be weird without you here with me.” Amber settled back into his arms with a sigh. She nuzzled into his neck, just to hear him giggle.

“I know. I’ve been happier these weeks than I’ve ever been in my life.” Josh didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. He was extremely happy, but at the same time he was sad. He wanted her with him all the time. “But we’ll see each other soon enough. I’m only gonna be gone for 2 months.”

“But that’s 2 months to long.” Amber sighed into his shoulder.

~~**2 weeks later**~~

Josh had taken Madi to his parents the day before. He wanted to say goodbye to Amber on his own, not with a 2 year old chaperone. They stood in her living room, clinging to each other like they would never see the other again.

Josh sighed and wiped the tears from Amber’s cheeks. She wiped tears from his. A month was a short time, but to the pair, it had felt like an eternity.

Josh was murmuring confessions of love and rocking Amber slightly back and forth. His words of love startled her, but comforted her at the same time. She knew he loved her, and she knew that she loved him. The words, however, had remained elusive. Until now, that is. It only caused her to cry harder and repeat them over and over to him.

Pulling away slightly, Josh stroked his hand down the side of Amber’s face. “Hey, we have to stop this.” He smiled through his tears and wiped the tears from her cheeks. He looked at his watch and grimaced. “Baby, I’ve really got to get going. My plane leaves in an hour and a half.”

After a few more tears and a few more kisses, Josh finally got into his Escalade and started off down Tesson Ferry Road until he came upon the ramp to get on 270W. He signaled for a left turn and pulled into the turn lane. The light changed from red to green and Josh stepped on the gas pedal gently. As he pulled fluidly onto the interstate, tears began to obscure his vision just as rain began to obscure the windshield.

He drove a while longer with the tears slowly coursing down his cheeks. By the time he came to the exit for Manchester Drive, he was sobbing so hard that he could barely breathe, much less see the road. He pulled off of the interstate and into the parking garage of the west county mall. When he came to a complete stop and put the vehicle in park, Josh laid his head down on the steering wheel and sobbed. After his tears abated, he picked up the phone laying in the passenger seat and began dialing.

Amber was sitting in her living room floor while her insane cat bounced off of the walls. Though she still sniffled occasionally, her tears had mostly dried up. She knew that Josh had a career and had to leave, but that didn’t mean that it didn’t suck. She also knew that he would come back to her.

She sighed and attempted to cuddle the kitten running around the room. Unfortunately, el gato de los diablos decided to chew on her head. Smiling despite herself, Amber set the cat back on the floor. The cat then took off around the room, upsetting a potted fern and spilling potting soil all over the place.

Amber scolded the kitten, then laughed. She got out the vacuum cleaner and plugged it in, preparing to clean up the mess. Hearing the roar of the vacuum, the kitten took off. She darted under Amber’s bed and hissed at the strange noise.

Getting on with her task, Amber began vacuuming her living room floor. The cleaner was so loud that she barely heard the pounding on her door. She quickly turned it off and rushed to the door.

“Who is it?” Amber called through the door.

“It’s me. Open the damn door, it’s raining like a son of a bitch.” She barely heard the muffled reply over the rain. She recognized the voice though.

Amber flung open the door and gasped when she saw Josh standing on the other side. She immediately threw herself into his arms and began kissing him all over his face while gently pulling him back into her apartment.

“Why are you here? Why aren’t you on a plane to LA?” Amber continued to kiss Josh on his face, occasionally brushing his lips.

Josh smiled, “I just realized that I needed to come home.”