JC Chasez allowed his tears to flow freely as he slowly traced the name that was etched into the gravestone he was knelt before. Melissa Ann Clark. Just feeling her name made it more real to him that he would never see her again. And it hurt…hurt so damn bad.
There had been a time when he had given up on his own life. A time he wanted to be where she laid now. Tired of living a life as a high profiled celebrity with the high expectations that came with it. Being told what to do or what not to do. Being told how to live his own damn life.
There are certain people who are meant to come into your life making their mark and then leaving suddenly whether by their own free will or by fate. People who you might outlive…people who might outlive you…always hoping for the latter. You always hope that you would have time to say your final goodbyes if it came down to it…hoping that they would not be taken away suddenly. Sadly you know there would be a void in your life that could never be filled again.
Sometimes when God decides to bring a loved one home you may be left with words unsaid…or words you wish you would have never said. Regretting and knowing you could never make things right…or let them know exactly how much of an impact they made on your life.
The day he had planned to end his misery was the day he had bumped into her at a local Albertson’s. He was there to buy his last dinner…beer and steak. She was doing her normal weekend grocery shopping . She knew who he was, but unlike other fan encounters she said words to him that was needed to be said at the time. She thanked him for giving her hope and bringing happiness into her life through his music. She told him to never underestimate the effect he had on peoples lives. The way she just spoke to him had such a powerful effect he did not want to end the conversation. He invited her to a local park where they found a private spot and they talked…talked about his life and hers. He needed a friend who lived outside his celebrity world and she was it.
No matter where her life went as well as his own they always managed to stay in touch…either by weekly calls or visits when he was in town. It was as if he had grown up with her…she became like family to him…and he loved her as if she was.
While working on his solo album in Los Angeles he received the call that would ultimately change his life. It was Melissa’s Mom…which had shocked him at first…calling to let him know Melissa was very ill. She suggested he come see her as soon as possible. His heart was racing as a million questions floated around in his head, but yet his mouth was frozen shut. He tried to fight back his fear as he wondered what was wrong with her? Her Mom obviously trying to fight back her own pain finally gave him the answer.
Leukemia
The doctors were giving her only a few months…maybe even weeks to live…if she was even that lucky. Chemo…the treatments…nothing seemed to be working for her anymore. Her body was so weak even though her spirits were still high her Mom had told him.
Believing this was all a horrible trick someone was playing on him (That was not really her Mom…it was a prank caller) he booked the first flight from Los Angeles to Orlando, Chris Kirkpatrick had picked him up from the airport and quietly drove him to Arnold Palmer’s Hospital where Melissa was.
Please God don’t let this be true he silently prayed as he was led to a small room. He paused at the doorway at the sight that laid before his eyes…the girl who meant the world to him laying in a bed hooked up to IV’s and numerous machines. It was not a joke…this was for real.
Fighting back the tears….trying his hardest to be strong for her…he slowly walked into the room. He sat down and quietly took her hands into his own. Her eyes still shone like the bright moon in the nighttime sky. It was at that moment it hit him that one of his best friends was fighting a battle not meant to win.
The days of her treatments he would stay with her in the hospital. Nights she spent throwing up. Nights her body would shake so bad for it could not warm itself up in its weaken state. Her speech began to slur….her thoughts jumbled. The cancer spread into other parts of her body…her doctors finally coming to the conclusion nothing would be able to save her.
So JC along with her family made the decision to bring her home…under his own care along with an oncology nurse. He would clean her, fed her, and dress her. He held her when she cried. He rubbed her back when she was curled up in pain. Pushing aside his obligations he spent every moment with her not knowing if it might be her last. Still praying for a miracle to happen.
It was not meant to happen though.
On a clear September morning she never woke up. With her parents and his own looking on he had held her lifeless body in his arms. Sobbing. Begging her to open her eyes. Begging her to come back to him. Not wanting to let go.
That was three months ago. Since then he had closed himself off to the world and ignored his professional obligations. He with the help of Ambien slept his days away. At least then he would not feel the pain of knowing he would never see or hear from her again.
But there had been words unspoken…words he always meant to tell her and never did.
“Hi Melissa.” He finally spoke as he wiped a tear away. “I’m sorry I haven’t visited you in awhile, but baby it is so hard. I miss you so much. And there is something I always meant to tell you and I never did. I know it is kind of late now, but…” His voice trailed off. This was harder then he had anticipated, but he had to go on.
“No one knows about this. I never even told the other guys. I was getting tired of my life Melissa. I had lost touch with Joshua…felt like I was constantly being pulled into two different directions. The night we met I had planned for it to be my last day here. You were my Angel baby…my saving grace. You gave me hope. You made me realize there were still good hearted people in this world who cared about Joshua. And I never thanked you…thanked you for saving my life. I only wished I could have saved yours.”
The dam finally broke and he began to sob uncontrollably. Not noticing the hand that gently rested on his shoulder.
“I never told you I was in remission back then…I never told you I was ill until my Mom called you. I never told you that you helped prolong my life Joshua. And I never thanked you for all you did to make life easier for me. So while I was must say that you are welcome…I must also say thank you for you in a way did save my life. You made my last days on Earth bearable. Thank you.”
As he finally began to compose himself he never felt the light kiss that was placed upon his cheek before she left. All he felt was a strange calm warm his body…he felt comforted. A peacefulness he had not felt in a long time. And he knew it could only mean one thing…or at least he hoped.
She had heard.
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