For Justin Timberlake the year 2005 wasn’t the best really. If he could sum it all up in one word, gruelling came to mind. He had finished recording his second solo CD, had co-produced an album with Pharrell, laid down a total of 8 different tracks for different artists, and finished filming two movies. He was physically exhausted, working an average of 17 hours a day. He had almost become a hermit. He hadn’t seen many of his friends in a while, at occasional parties and award shows that he was forced to attend, which he would rather have slept.

            But he didn’t work his ass off for no reason; it was the New Year, 2006, almost March. His album was to released in April, one movie June and the other August. Then he was finally going to be back to tour by October. This was his take it easy and promote year. That’s all he was doing, parties, functions, interviews and for once he was actually looking forward to all that junk. Most of all he needed time to relax and heal from the past year.

            He may have been physically drained but that wasn’t it, he was emotionally spent as well. His rocky two year romance to Much Music vee-jay Leah Millar had just ended a couple of months of go and it couldn’t have come at a worse time.

            Just when he was going to be able to relax and actually spend time with her, he ended it. He had pushed her away over the past year, and he made the relationship more of a job then a joy and now he was paying. It was such a strain just to talk to her on the phone for minutes because he didn’t have time for anything, especially her.

            He’d admit, he also wasn’t the best boyfriend when he was stressed out and could get kind of cranky. Stuff she didn’t deserve from him but she received anyway. Well it didn’t matter now, he had a new girlfriend, which was more of a rebound then anything but for another month or so she’d do. Plus, the media coverage he’d get from her would be great.

Who would've thought that you could hurt me
The way you've done it
So deliberate, so determined
And since you have been gone
I bite my nails for days and hours
And question my own questions on and on

            She sat quietly at the back of the large, crowded room filled with reporters, and vee-jays from all over North America. This was one of the first huge TV broadcasted press conference Justin Timberlake had done in about three years and there was so much people wanted to know. Justin was going to be all the news could talk about, from his music to movies, and his past relationship to his new one.

            Well she wasn’t here by choice. No way did she want to be in a room for hours with her ex-boyfriend. Of course, in her spot he wouldn’t be able to notice her, but everyone got at least one question and if she didn’t ask one, Much Music would rip her head off.

            It wasn’t as if she was forced to come. It was her job, she couldn’t just refuse especially when she had been the one to ask to do these and she had done many before. Now she regretted it, she regretted everything. She questioned everything now.

            She didn’t want to watch as he talked about all the beautiful accomplishments he had completed while he should have been with her. How successful she knew he was going to become in the next year. She wouldn’t be able to walk past a newsstand without seeing his face, Much Music was going to be playing his videos non-stop, the radio would be also being playing his songs and his movies would be in the theatres for weeks. Everything was against her.

            How do you get over a guy when he is constantly being flung in your face? Should she quit her job? Move somewhere else and pursue something else? Should she suck it up, the way he had? He didn’t waste anytime finding a beautiful new girlfriend and who better to pick then the one girl Justin knew Leah couldn’t stand, Lindsey Lohan.

            She knew it was mostly likely rebound but her and Justin only broke up three months ago and Justin and Lindsey went public a month ago. They were also all she saw and heard about. But she hated Lindsey, Justin knew that, why would he do that to her. It’s like adding gas to a fire.

            If she was recognized all hell might break loose. She knew people suspected that she wouldn’t be coming but she had and even though she was as far as humanly possible from the front and she was somewhat in disguise, at least she still went. She was slouched down in her seat, a baseball cap over her head with her locks pulled back. She went more casual then usual hoping she might be overlooked. She could just use everyone else’s answers. Hopefully one of them would ask her question. But considering there was maybe 5 reporters from Canada and like 75 from the States, her simple question about Canada would most likely not get asked unless it came from her mouth.\            Her hands were shaking as she held them over the Much Music logo on her microphone. She stared at her short stubby nails in disgust. All her life she had never bit her nails but all of her life she had also never had a broken heart. She guessed one came with the other.

            Cameras began flashing rapidly. Oh God. Justin was entering the room. He wore a white polo shirt and crisp blue jeans, his head almost covered with small blonde curls back and he smiled beautifully. She couldn’t do this. She didn’t want to look at him but she couldn’t take her eyes off of him. This was the first time she had seen him since the break-up which he had done on the phone. So she actually hadn’t seen him in about 4 months.

            But the reaction he stirred within was the same. She loved him. He had been the first and only guy she had loved and she wondered if he’d be the last. She didn’t understand how anyone else would make her feel the way he did, or understand her the way he did. She didn’t believe she could give her heart away to another guy.

            Even though their relationship had been rocky, the first year was pure bliss; they spent plenty of time together, getting to know each other, having fun with each other, simply just loving each other.

But she guessed their love just wasn’t enough.

So tell me now, tell me now
Why you're so far away
When I'm still so close

            But the second year, that’s what killed her. It tore her apart. There was constant arguing and she tried to understand and be supportive and patient with his career. She also knew how it was to be busy but Justin had made it nearly impossible.

            There were always accusations of cheating, the thoughts always lingering in their minds even when they had both denied it numerous times. He became snappy and had blamed things on her which she had no control over. She understood he was stressed, but she couldn’t take false accusations. 

            She couldn’t just sit back and let him ripe her up in shreds. She knew how to give as good as she got. And Justin knew how to give it good.

He waited impatiently, as her phone rang several times. Finally she picked up on the fifth ring.

            But regardless, she felt closer to him now then ever.

But he couldn’t even sense her presence.

(But) you don't even know the meaning of the words, "I'm sorry"
You said you would love me until you die
And as far as I know, you're still alive, baby
And you don't even know the meaning of the words, "I'm sorry"
I'm starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive
A woman's heart

            He had been wondering for the last two weeks if she would be at this press conference. They were always her job but as he had scanned the room countless times, he couldn’t see her. Well obviously if he was her, he wouldn’t want to come either.

            She was just so strong; he didn’t think she would let even this get in the way of her job. He had to admit he wanted to see her. See what would happen, if maybe he could just apologise for the last year and especially for the way he ended things. He just wanted to tell her that he was sorry but she was right when she told him he had no idea what the words meant.

            When you apologise to someone it means you believe them, you were wrong and that you would try better in the future and perhaps change a bit. But he didn’t do any of this. He never believed her, or believed she was innocent, and he always accused her constantly. If there was one thing he couldn’t question about Leah was her loyalty to him, her love. She was in love and one thing she never compromised was her loyalty.

            He just wished she had come, he prayed for it every night. He was never going to see her again, unless he went back to Much Music which he definitely would not be ready for, for a long while.  He still loved her but he fucked it up royally. Maybe they weren’t meant to be.

            These people kept plying him with questions, at least they were still all work related. But when one asked about Leah or Lindsey he knew it’d be a whole new game and album and movies would be overlooked. How would he be able to talk about her and keep a straight face? It was eating him away inside, he would definitely cry, and everyone who had ever seen him cry had told him, he looked like one ugly fuck when he cried.

            He thought back to the time when he had broke up with her.

       “I said I can’t make it. Like fuck Leah what don’t you get about that?” He snapped into the phone, pacing back and forth in his hotel room, a habit he had when he argued with her.

            The next reporter stood. Leah checked out her microphone People. Oh no a gossip magazine, Leah knew this was the opening question that all the other reporters were waiting for. They all had no shame.

            “So Justin it is quite obvious that you are now dating Lindsey Lohan, after just breaking up with long term girlfriend Leah Millar, why the rush into a new relationship?”

I tried so hard to be attentive
To all you wanted
Always supportive, always patient
What did I do wrong?
Wondering for days and hours
It's clear it isn't here where you belong

            Justin cleared his throat and paused for a few seconds before flashing a smile to the cameras. Hoping he was seeming unaffected by the question.

            “I admit it was quick, but I’ve met Lindsey before and she was always a sweetheart and she’s very beautiful. We’ve just really clicked lately, so we’re just going to see where this takes us.”

            “…to the bedroom.” Leah mumbled under her breath, obviously louder than she thought since all the reporters around her all turned to look at her. She crouched down in her seat and pulled her cap down lower.

            “There was much speculation to who broke up with whom in your relationship with Leah Millar, it was said that someone had a wandering eye and did much more than just look. Anything to say about it?”

            “Um just that the details of the break up are private and will remain that way.”

            “Well how are Leah and Lindsey different? It has been heard that Leah doesn’t like Lindsey much. Are you trying to get back at Leah by dating Lindsey?”

            Wow, she had to admit these people could put two and two together very well. Little did they know their questions were ripping a hole in her heart and she had the urge to run from the room.

            “Um well first off, if Leah doesn’t enjoy Lindsey’s company that is her personal business. But no I am not seeing Lindsey to hurt Leah. Leah is a vee jay and Lindsey is an actress.”

            “Thank for stating the obvious.” She muttered. He was playing it safe, trying to avoid talking about her as much as possible, also he seemed unaffected with talking about her. How? How wasn’t he dying? Was he actually over her? Did he really like Lindsey? Did he ever really love her?

            Oh God, she was after this next reporter, how would she be able to talk.

            “Justin just months ago, you were saying how in love you were with Leah, how did that just change all of a sudden? You did give her a promise ring didn’t you? Did that mean nothing to you?”

            The entire room became dead silent, everyone awaiting this answer. Leah even stood, attracting the attention of the other reporters who had been observing her for the last while.

            “It is her."

            “That’s Leah.”

            “She actually came.”

            “I can’t believe.”

            Oh God, the word was spreading through out the room that she had attended. Many were turning around to stare at her, as if not believing she would be here. The room was no longer silent.

            “Um…” Justin spoke into the microphone and the reporters turned back to him all wondering if he knew she was here. “Things with Leah were complicated. I do love her, um I did love her but we both…things just happened. The ring was a gift which the media perceived as a promise ring, Leah would have never accepted a promise ring. It was just…just a gift.”

            A reporter cut in front of her turn. She was annoyed but somewhat thankful. She wanted to leave but she didn’t want to ask a question.

            “Well Justin what would happen if you and Leah came face to face? How bad was the break up which you wish to keep private? As we all know you kept the reason of you break up with Britney Spears a secret and as everyone learned she had cheated on you. Should we come to the conclusion that things ended very badly?”

            “Asshole.” Leah said quite loudly. The reporter turned and glared at her.

            “Leah will always remain a special person to me, just as Britney is. We just are no longer in a relationship. Come up to any conclusion you wish, it’s not like you actually want proof before you print the garbage you do. Things have an end, good or bad, they are over and we’ve both moved on.”

            Moved on? Now who the hell was he talking about because it could not have been her. Moved on? That was really funny. How dare he speak as if he knew she moved on, as if they still spoken, as if he even cared that he had broke her heart. What an asshole. He just dumped her high and dry and went to the first whore that would give him some. She just wanted to throw her microphone at him. She definitely wasn’t over him apparently the way he was over her.

            Her feelings in their relationship were true unlike his. That jerk. Lindsey would learn and when she did, she would laugh. He obviously did not care for her.

            Oh shit, everyone was looking at her now. It was her turn to ask a question. She looked up at Justin as he stood up and leaned over the table trying to get a closer look at her. He recognized her, she could feel it. That asshole…well now she was just pissed at him she couldn’t even remember what her question was about.

            “Hi, Leah Millar, MuchMusic Canada,” she introduced herself in a mocking tone, “I was just wondering if you have any advice for getting over a bad break up since you do it so well.” God, she was so mad at him. They had so much they needed to say to each other and God help him, she was going to use this public conference to do so or else she would never get the chance.

            “Uh…” But before he could say anything she started up again.

            “Or is rushing into a pointless relationship the best way?” She asked bitterly. “Like how do you get over someone when they are all you ever hear about? Or how do you get over someone when they are all you can ever think about no matter how hard you try and all you do is see them all over the place, flaunting his new girlfriend to the entire world. It just seems like the entire relationship was fake. You know what I mean Justin? It just feels like you weren’t even loved at all.” She didn’t know when the tears started but she could feel this slowly trickling down her cheeks.

            “Like you give yourself to someone completely, to just have them throw it back in your face? When you built your entire future in mind, having them by your side the entire way and then all of a sudden everything changes. And it’s just all over. The stupid jokes, the late night conversations, the feeling like no one else in the world feels quite as happy as you. It just seems pointless to exist. When every time you see them your heart breaks all over again. Now could you please tell me, how the hell do you get over that in one month, the way you fucking did so?” She stared up at his broken face, he looked torn apart. Good! That’s exactly how she wanted him to feel, exactly as shitty as she felt. She wanted him to feel every single bit of it. The entire room was silent waiting for Justin’s answer but he just remained quiet, his mouth slightly hanging open, pictures being taken of her and him repeatedly.

            She couldn’t take this. She said what needed to be said and somehow she would move on. She shoved her microphone in Pat, her cameraman’s chest, and fled the room.

            “Leah!” Justin called out, but her retreating figure didn’t slow. “Wait.” He shouted, hopping over the table and running through the room after her.

Anyhow, anyhow
I wish you both all the best
I hope you get along

            “Leah! Would you stop?” She stopped, but only because the elevator hadn’t come yet. He finally stopped running as he stood only a few meters from her. He could hear all the reporters standing behind him but he had to do this. He would never have this chance to talk to her again and he had to get everything out in the open. “Turn around. Please.” He nearly begged, thankfully she slowly turned around, her cheeks tear streaked.

            “What do you want?” She asked desperately, just waiting for the elevator to open, she’d run inside. She couldn’t do this. She knew she had started it with all her questions but she had said what she wanted. Now she could go back to Toronto, probably start looking for a new job and move on.

            “We need to talk.” He demanded, as he watched her stare at her shoes.
           
            “I said all I needed to say.” She said her eyes blazing with anger, but he saw the pain behind that anger. Maybe she thought he couldn’t read her every emotion but he could.

            “Well I didn’t.” He argued, starring at her sad profile. Oh how he still loved her, she had no idea. “I still have to answer your questions.”

            “I don’t want your answers; I want to get as far away from you as possible.” She spat out.

            “I’m not over it. Not at all. I could never forget about you Leah. I can’t give any advice on getting over a break up because I have no clue how to do it myself. You may not be splashed across the radio and TV screen but you’re all I hear or see Leah. In my mind, there’s only you, all the time, like those late night infomercial, they just repeat over and over and over again. It hurts. I can’t escape you, you’re everywhere to me.” She had begun crying again and he so wanted to comfort her but he had to get it all out first. If he hugged her, she might reject him and couldn’t deal with that. This was his last chance to get her back, and like hell he was going to do it.

            “It wasn’t fake. You can’t say that. Not at all. I loved you. I still love you. Leah I love you.” He declared, making eye contact with her, watching a slight smile appear on her face. “I built my life around you too, I really did. I want you by my side now and forever. You’re everything to me Leah. It’s like I’ve haven’t been breathing right it hurts so much to be away from you. I want you back Leah, please.”

            Everyone waited and watched. It was the moment of truth. The elevator had dinged and the door slowly opened. Was she going to walk in or walk into Justin’s arms? She turned around and looked at the elevator, and then she looked back at Justin before slowly walking into his arms. The entire room erupted into applause.

            “What about Lindsey?” She whispered into his shoulder.

            “She’s nothing. Nothing compared to you. She was an attempted distraction that didn’t work at all. I love you and only you.”

            “I love you too Justin.”