Lance.

            I know that what I did was wrong; I have to live with the guilt every day and its no thanks to the other guys who keep pestering me with it. I came back here for one reason, to see my family, and that included Tiffany and my child.

            I had called JC the week before and told him I would be in town that week, and to let him know I wanted to see my son, but he had been very distant and very unsure. I think it had something to do with Tiff.

            “Jayce said I shouldn’t come down,” I told Justin later when I had arrived. Justin sighed and shook his head.

            “Yeah well you know Jayce,” he replied as if this answered my problems.

            “Yeah I do, but why wouldn’t he want me here? I’m allowed to see my son right?” I asked, again Justin’s face changed. “What is it J?”

            Justin shrugged and looked away from me. “Lance you up and disappeared on her, after four years. You didn’t want to have anything to do with Morgan, now you come back into her life? For what dude? For what?”

            “I never said I didn’t want to have anything to do with my son,” I said quietly but Justin seemed to disagree.

            “You did when you left her,” he said softly, I felt a twang of both anger and guilt.

            “I didn’t mean to,” I tried but Justin wasn’t having any of it.

            “Yeah, well trying isn’t good enough Lance,” he said, his voice rising in anger. “Look, I ain’t gonna tell you how you should live your life, but if Morgan was my kid I’d definitely want to be there. From day one.”

            “Well, I couldn’t be you know that,” I replied and Justin just looked at me in disgust.

            “Don’t give me that shit Lance,” Justin said, ‘You know what I mean. Anyways, look if you want to see Morgan then fine, but you’d better talk to Tiff first but I doubt she’ll be happy.” He got up and started to leave.

            “J wait,” I called to my friend but he was already half way out the door. I wondered if what he said was just that words, or truly from the heart. I hoped it was neither.
 

            I sat in my hotel room, wondering if I should call her. I mean I had the number right? Well, okay so I had forced it out of Jayce, but I still had it none the less.

            I knew that if I called her what would happen, she’d get angry and slam the phone down in my ear, but it was still worth it. I still loved her, and I always would have. After much turbulence in my head I decided to call. What the fuck, I thought, if I get rejected so what? But I knew that’s not how I really felt.

            “Hello?” she asked after the fourth ring. I paused and wondered what I was going to say to her. “Hello? Is anyone there?”
            “Tiff?” I asked, even though I knew it was her.

            “Lance?” she practically shrieked back. “What do you want?” Her tone was harsh and I knew I had to do something quick before she hung up on me.

            “I, um, wanted to call to say I’m back in town,” I replied unsure of what to say.

            “Yeah I know, Joshua told me. So what?” she snapped, obviously she was still upset.

            “So um, I wanted to know if I could see my son,” I said taking a deep breath in to what she was about to say.

            “No,” she snapped laving no room for argument.

            “Why not?” I asked, but I pretty much knew the answer.

            “You know why not,” she stated and click, she’d hung up on me. I sighed, and leaned back on the bed. This wasn’t going to get any easier was it?

            I sat outside her house, wondering if I should go in. I knew she was in the house, I’d seen her pull in a few minutes ago, but something inside me wouldn’t let me get out of the car and go to her.

            “Come on, get over yourself Bass,” I muttered to myself. I took a deep breath in and looked up and down the street. Hopefully she wouldn’t slam the door in my face as I knocked on her door. I sighed and decided that I should get over myself and go see her. I sighed and unbuckled my seatbelt and opened up the door, pausing for a second.

            As I got out of the car and walked slowly up the drive to the house, my heart beat faster and harder in my chest. I could feel it in my throat getting ready to jump out.

The one thought that dashed through my mind was this, would my son like me? I hoped he would. And would he know who I was? I knew I hadn’t been there for him, but hopefully she’d been kind enough to tell him about me. But then again, if I knew her, and I knew her, when she got mad she’d take it out on the people she loved the most and the consequences would be bitter.