I sigh when I finally make it to the top of my favorite hill. It is rare for the sky to look so tranquil and peaceful. Normally the sun is glaring at you like an angry eye. The heat is often unbearable but today’s a good day. Today is one of those days that I can’t help but stay out late. The beautiful arrangements of red, orange, and pink colors remind me of what I am going to miss.  I know my mother will reprimand me to no end but I don’t care. At least I’ll be yelled at for something I did. Today is especially important to me because I leave for the United States tomorrow. Ethiopia has been a great home to me all my life but I need to spread my wings. I need to explore what else is out there. My parents were dead set against it and it took a lot of convincing from my older brother Aidan for them to let me go.

I am so nervous I can barely stand it. I look at the beautiful tall tress hosting countless monkeys, birds, and many more animals. The noises they make calm me. This is my life; I can’t believe I’m actually going to leave it. But I need to. I need to get my doctor’s license and the only way I can get a decent one is if I go to America. That alone terrifies me because I don’t know anyone. My school has called in a favor with a government official and they have found me a home to stay at. I have to go live with white people that probably won’t like me anyway. They have been persecuting us for years in our own country, what will they do to me in theirs?

I’m letting fear control me again. Why? Why do I always do this to myself? I know what I need to do and I know how to do it. I love my family and I want them to have the best medical care. We can’t afford any medicine right now and my father is deathly ill. I don’t want to think about what will happen to him if he doesn’t get help soon. Than there’s my brother Angel. Oh sweet, sweet Angel. He is so full of life, so much so that you wouldn’t know he has nearly died from Malaria, twice. My family isn’t the only people who need my help. I have lost countless friends to diseases that can be cured by a pill in America. I have seen people die from battle wounds that were infected and all they needed was a little Penicillin. I can’t stand by and watch the people I love die off without doing anything. I have the brains, the drive, and now I have the opportunity to help. I can’t let a little thing like fear get in the way.

I wrap my arms around myself and draw my knees under my chin when I felt a chill from within. I best be going. My mother is going to throw a fit and tell me that I am not a boy. Not that I didn’t already know that fact. She’s so protective of me but she said she wouldn’t have to worry so much if I would just hurry up and get married. Ha! Like that will ever happen. At least not for a while. I’m not the marrying type. My goals are set in place and I do not want to be forced into and awkward union with someone who is twice my age. I hate this about my culture sometimes. People never marry within their age group. Girls are always forced to marry older men and older men prefer younger women. If you reached age 19 without being married, you’re said to be cursed. Guess how old I am? I am 22 years old… I am way past my married period. Most of my friends were married at 15 or 16. I couldn’t do that because I know I was put on this earth for something more.

I arrive at our big hut in no time. I’m going to miss this place. There are some fond memories here. I will be back but it won’t be for a while… three years at least. I wonder how my baba (dad) is holding up. I should go check on him. As soon as I step in the house my mother bombards me with questions.

“Where did you go? Who you with? Why you leave so long?” She says angrily. I fight the urge to roll my eyes, something I learned from my school mates.

“I didn’t go far mama, I just went to the hill. I wanted to see it one last time.” Her face falls and her anger fades. I regret bringing up my departure… the pain in her eyes almost breaks my heart. She embraces me suddenly.

“I go miss you BiBi,” She says. Her English isn’t the best but at least she learned, thanks to me. I smile slightly and take a look at her beautiful face that somewhat resembles my own. Her brown hair is in loose braids and her eyes look tired.

“Where’s baba?” I ask breaking the embrace.

“In his room. Today not a good day for him.” I frown at that. My baba has been doing very well lately, what has happened now?

I leave my mom in the small kitchen and head towards my father’s room. I find him staring up at the ceiling for no reason at all. Uh oh. This is not a good sign. My father never lies around. He’s always active, even during his sick days.

“You ok baba?” I ask making my presence known. His eyes land on me and he gives me a weak smile. I kneel beside his bed and take his hand. We didn’t say anything for a few minutes. He is holding my hand like he never wants to let go… why am I leaving again?

“BiBi, when you leave?” I sigh. I don’t really want to answer that because then he’ll just sit here counting the seconds.

“That doesn’t matter baba, I’m not leaving yet.”

“But will you go soon?”

“Yes.”

“I go give you something. It in my box.” I walk over to his brown box and bring it to him. He pulls out a bracelet made out of beads with the colors red, black, green, blue, and purple. This bracelet has been in my family for generations. The father is supposed to hand it down to the oldest son in the family… why is he giving it to me?

“Baba I can’t take this. You were going to give it to Aidan.”

“I know, but he will wait. This will protect you in America and remind you of home.” His statement brings tears to my eyes. I could never forget where I come from. I’ve been here for 22 years and I’ve been a part of every horrible thing that has happened to this tribe. My people are my soul.

After my talk with my father, I went in search of my sister, Malika.

“BO!” Malika screams from behind me making me scream and jump. She laughs hysterically and falls to the floor.

“It’s great to know that my fears are amusing to you.”

“Did you see your face?” She says in between giggles.

“Of course I didn’t stupid… it’s not like there’s a mirror around her, duh!” I reply with a smile. She pats the spot next to her on the floor and I sit down. Her bright smile starts to dim as the silence goes on.

“So do you know how long you’ll be gone?” Why is everyone asking me this today? Duh BiBi, maybe it’s cause you’ll be gone by morning.

“No sis, I don’t. I’m sorry… I almost wish I didn’t have to go. I’m going to miss everyone.”

“We’ll miss you too BiBi but you need to do this. We need help in more ways than one around here. Sure we’ll miss you but the rewards we’ll gain from all this will be tremendous. Plus you’re going to America. I know you’re not very enthusiastic but everyone here appreciates what you are doing.”

When did my sister become so philosophical? She’s usually all about fun, she hates being serious, not that I blame her. Before we could continue our conversation my brothers, Aidan and Angel, walk into the narrow hallway and sit with us. Angel plants himself on my lap and I grunt when he lands against my chest. The boy keeps forgetting that he his eleven years old. Aidan isn’t looking at me. He is the one that convinced my parents to let me go but deep down he doesn’t want me to go, none of them do.

“Hi sissy!” Angel says rubbing my hands together with his.

“Hi Angel.” I say while making kissy noises against his cheek. We all laugh when he starts to laugh uncontrollably. Aidan finally meets my eyes and I get the hint that he wants to talk to me alone.

“Malika, go get Angel ready for dinner please. Mama’s almost done cooking.”

Malika nods her heads and reaches for Angel’s hand. Aidan and I step outside into the unusually cool breeze. I look at Aidan and he seems to be deep in thought. Why is he being so silent? Usually I can’t get him to be quiet.

“What is wrong Aidan?” He sighs and finally looks at me.

“Promise me you’ll be careful in America. I do not want anything bad to happen to you.”

“Must you always do this?” I ask in exasperation.

“I’m you’re big brother and it’s my job to protect you. I don’t know if I want you to go BiBi.”

“Than why did you work so hard to convince mama and baba?”

“Because I know you were born to do more than marry and bear children. You were meant for great things BiBi. I want you here for my own selfish reasons, as does the rest of our family but we know you won’t be much use to us if you are here. I just need you to promise me you won’t do anything stupid.”

“You know me Aidan; I’ve never been the easily distracted type. I know what I’m doing, please don’t worry.”

“I always worry about you sister.” He says and pushes my shoulder. I smile and push him back. “What time do we leave tomorrow?” he continues.

“The bus departs at 7am so we’ll have to be there by 6:30.” I reply with a frown.

Aidan drapes an arm around me and leads me towards the door. “Everything will be alright. Let us go eat before I starve.” He jokes.

Dinner is extremely quiet tonight. I feel bad because my family is never quiet. They are always making fun of each other, there’s always something to say about the farm, and there’s always new gossip to discuss about the neighbors. But tonight I hear nothing but chewing and no one is looking me in the eyes. The sadness I fell is making my heart heavy. This will be my last meal with my family for at least three years.

As I help my mama clean up I notice that she is tearing up again. I don’t know what to say to make her feel better. I don’t know if I can make her feel better.

“Thunka Ji BiBi,” she says in our native tongue. I embrace her tightly.

“I love you too mama.”

Morning came sooner than I would have liked.

“Time to go BiBi,” I hear Aidan say. I rub the sleep from my eyes and drag myself away from my sheets on the ground. After getting clean and getting dressed I walk into my parent’s room and kiss them goodbye. I say goodbye to Malika and I quietly make my way to Angel’s room. He is wide awake almost like he was expecting me.

“What are you doing up Angel?” I ask as I sit next to him on his crumbled sheets. We had only made enough money last year to get my parents a bed because of my father’s illness but I wanted to get Angel a bed… I was just too busy with school to work.

“How long will you be gone BiBi?” He asks innocently. I don’t want to break his heart but I don’t want to lie to him either.

“I won’t be back for a while but you will be so busy you won’t even know I’m gone.” I reassure him. I can tell he doesn’t believe me but he nods his head and shoves a tiny object into my hands. It was the little ducky he had found two years before. He had sworn that it was a good luck charm.

“Awww thank you Angel but why are you giving this to me?” I ask. He shrugs and smiles.

“Because it will keep you safe and give you good luck. Come back safely BiBi. I love you.” He says and tightly grips my midsection. Tears well up in my eyes but I refuse to let them fall. I have to be strong for him.

“Thunka Ji Angel,” I say hoarsely. I hear Aidan clear his throat at the door and I know it is time to go. I give Angel one last squeeze and kiss before I get up and head out the door.

As I sat in the car, I take one last look at the hut that has been my home for 22 years. The straws are firmly planted in place and the firmness of the place is evident.

I feel my body jerk forward as Aidan pulls away from the front of our home. We ride in silence and a tear slips out my right eye as we pass by our neighbors… some wave, some just stare. I take one last look at the ripe corn, the numerous watermelon and the cows off in the distance. At least I know my family won’t starve this year.  I take a deep breath as the reality of my situation hits me. I’m really leaving the security of my family and my friends to pursue a dream that I might not even accomplish. The anxiety finally sets in and I almost cry from helplessness.

Aidan and I arrive at the bus spot and they started to load luggage. Without a word he turns off the car and retrieves my luggage. He walks inside the yellow and green worn down bus, and puts my luggage above my seat. I hear chatter, singing, and crying all around me. But I don’t really pay attention, I’m too busy trying not to cry.

I sigh as Aidan rubs his arms together. I know I’m in for a speech so I prepare myself.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to preach at you,” he says with a chuckle. I fake disappointment.

“Why not? I was actually looking forward to it.” I say with a smile. He smiles in return but it fades when the driver says we have five minutes. He sighs and embraces me tightly. The tears I had been holding in start to trickle out my eyes. He pulls away from me and wipes my tears away.

“Have fun ok BiBi. I know you have your goals set but remember this is America, you only get a once in a lifetime chance to go there. Don’t be all work, try to have fun. Call me whenever you get the chance and try not to let any American boys mess with your head ok?”

I had to laugh at that last part. Me and boys? Ha! That’s hilarious.

“Don’t laugh at that BiBi… you’re beautiful. They might not resist trying to get you, just don’t get too distracted ok. Ok I’m done preaching, I better go before the bus pulls off with me in it.” He embraces me one last time and kisses my head.

Aidan has never been an affectionate person but I won’t see him for three years so I guess it’s only appropriate. He quietly walks off the bus and I take a seat. As the bus pulls off I wave to my brother and to the life I know so well.