Chapter Nineteen
There had been a period in Alana’s life where sleep was avoided like the plague. Anytime she closed her eyes, horrible visions flashed before her, each more horrifying than the last. She had always been somewhat of an insomniac, but for awhile, that term couldn’t even touch her.
She glanced over at her sleeping boyfriend and then leaned over to place a soft kiss to his cheek. He stirred slightly, but didn’t open his eyes. For that, she was glad. She climbed off to the bed and in the dark, she made her way to her suitcase. She was quiet in pulling out a pair of sweatpants and a tank top before heading into the bathroom to change.
As she was pulling her hair up into a bun, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. The circles under her eyes had already begun. She looked exhausted. She felt exhausted. But there was no way she could sleep.
It had started a week ago, the night after the two of them had shared an amazing ‘first date’. The first night, she had rolled around in bed trying desperately to find sleep, and by the time that three in the morning rolled around, she’d given up and decided to exhaust herself the only way she knew how: working out.
Once she had secured her hair, she headed back out of the bathroom, closing the door behind her. She looked to the bed to ensure that her boyfriend was still sleeping, and once she was satisfied that he was, she stepped out of the bedroom, having slid the keycard into her pocket.
The guard on the night shift was stationed at the elevators. It was his job to ensure that no fans managed to sneak up onto the floor. They switched up every week, but this week, her favorite guard was on duty.
“Hey Randy,” she greeted. “You know the drill, right?”
“Yes Miss Alana. I’ll make sure no one goes into his room.”
“And if he comes out?”
“I won’t let him leave,” he assured her with a smile. “Have fun.”
“Thanks Randy,” she said with a smile. She pushed the button on the elevator and yawned as she waited for the doors to open. It was going to be a long night.
~*~
When JC rolled over in bed at three thirty in the morning and found his companion’s side empty, he immediately assumed the worst. Something had happened to her. Someone had broken into the room with the intention of taking HIM, and was met by her!
But then, after he wiped the sleep from his eyes, he realized if someone had come into the room, he surely would have heard them. He climbed from the comfort of the bed and stepped into the bathroom long enough to wash his face to wake himself up. When he went back into the bedroom, he turned the light on, the harshness of it practically blinding him. He found the shirt that he’d discarded before bed and pulled it on.
As soon as he stepped out into the hallway, he spotted Randy and headed in that direction. “Hey man. Have you seen my lady at this ungodly hour?”
Randy nodded. “Sure have, boss. She’s down in the gym.”
“The gym? What the hell is she doing down there at this time of night?”
He shrugged. “She goes down there every night,” he explained. “At least she has while I’ve been on duty. She stays down there for a good couple of hours.”
“Are you serious?”
“No, I’m lying,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Why would I make something that stupid up?”
JC tossed Randy a bored look before hitting the button on the elevator.
“Ah, I can’t let you go down there.”
“Why not?”
“Orders from the boss lady.”
JC rolled his eyes. “Surely you aren’t scared of her!”
“She’s a fire cracker! I wouldn’t want to piss her off.”
JC stepped into the elevator once the doors opened, ignoring Randy’s protests. “I’ll take care of her. Don’t worry about it,” he said as the doors closed, cutting Randy off from saying any more.
~*~
He could hear the whirr of the treadmill as soon as he stepped into the gym. From the doorway he could see her clearly. Her face was red. Her breathing was labored. Her body was covered with sweat. He had no idea how long she’d been at it, but she looked like she was ready to fall out any minute!
He stood still for a minute, wondering how to approach her. She had no clue he was in the room with her. As far as she was concerned, he was still fast asleep and none the wiser of her late night gym sessions. If he just waltzed up to her and called her name, it was likely he’d startle her and that was the last thing he wanted.
Just as he was about to make his move, he watched in horror as she stumbled, crying out as she barely caught herself on the handle of the treadmill. He’d seen enough.
He made his way over to the machine she was on and reached out, pressing the ‘stop’ button. Once the treadmill came to a stop, she turned, fully intending on giving him an earful until she realized just who it was.
“Josh! What are you doing up?”
“I should ask you the same question,” he said, holding out his hand to help her down off of the machine. He was pleased when she took it and stepped down without an argument.
“I couldn’t sleep,” she said softly, avoiding his gaze.
“You’ve been unable to sleep for a week?”
“It’s not really a big deal.”
“Bull. You march yourself over to that elevator now. You’re going upstairs, taking a shower, and then going to bed. We’re going to have us a nice chat in the morning.”
She whirled around, her eyes blazing angrily as she poked him roughly in the chest. “Now look here, buddy! You aren’t my father, and I don’t have to listen to a word you say!”
He let out a snort and glared right back at her. “Is that what you think? I’ve got news for you, sweetheart. I’m NOT your father, but I AM your boyfriend. And I’m not going to let you run yourself ragged! So when we get upstairs, you ARE taking a shower, and then you ARE going to bed! End of discussion!”
Her first instinct was to hit him. She wasn’t quite sure why she was so angry with him, but she felt her blood boiling and she wanted to hit him right in the face. But getting arrested for assault wasn’t high up on her ‘to do’ list. And neither was getting dumped. So she settled for letting out an outraged squeal before stomping her feet childish on her way to the elevator.
JC rolled his eyes heavenward and let out a sigh.
“Lord give me the strength!”
He climbed into the elevator with her, though he didn’t bother talking to her. He knew she was angry with him, and he was pretty sure that anything he said would only make her angrier. Once they arrived at their floor, he watched as she stalked out of the elevator and breezed past Randy. The guard opened and closed his mouth as if he was trying to say something, his eyes wide as he glanced to JC.
JC shook his head. “Don’t even worry about it man. All that anger is directed at me right now.”
“Ooh… I’d sleep with one eye opened if I were you man. She is pissed!”
“You don’t have to tell me,” he said with a sigh as he headed towards his room. As soon as he stepped inside, he saw the light flickering under the bathroom door and heard the sound of running water. At least she was in the shower like he’d said. Hopefully she’d be feeling a little more rational when she stepped out and wouldn’t crush his larynx.
He walked over to the bed and sank down, deciding that he’d wait until she came out before trying to sleep. He really wanted to talk to her, to find out what the problem was, but he highly doubted that would be possible.
It was almost fifteen minutes later when the sound of the running water stopped, but he didn’t miss the pitiful sounds coming from his girlfriend. Was she in there crying? No way.
He waited patiently until the tell tale sign of the door creaking alerted him to the fact that Alana was coming out of the bathroom. One look at her face and he could tell that she HAD been crying. And he felt like a big jack ass!
JC watched as Alana pretty much stomped around the room, tidying a couple of things up before she was ready to crawl into bed. When she finally made her way over to the bed, JC reached out a hand, frowning when she jerked away.
“Don’t touch me!”
He recoiled immediately, though the pained look remained on his face. “Why are you being like this baby?” He asked softly. “I just want to take care of you.”
When she heard the sadness in his voice, she realized she had hurt him, and she hadn’t meant to. “I’m so tired.”
The statement was so soft, that he wasn’t quite sure he’d heard her correctly. He reached his hand out once more and this time she allowed him to pull her gently towards him. Once she was pulled to him, she sank down on his lap, her arms wrapping around his neck.
“I’m so tired,” she cried. “I’m so tired Josh. I just… I want to be able to sleep without the dreams.”
He frowned slightly. She’d been having bad dreams? She hadn’t mentioned that to him. “Baby, if you were unable to sleep, why didn’t you just tell me?”
“It wouldn’t do any good,” she sniffled. “I’m so tired,” she repeated, dropping her head to his shoulder to weep openly.
JC had no idea what he could say to make her feel better. He held her in his arms, rubbing her back gently as he cooed softly into her ear, assuring her that she was okay. It wasn’t long before her weary body finally stopped fighting sleep and she drifted off in his arms.
He shifted carefully so that he could lay her down on the bed before he kissed her gently. He pulled away and pushed a stray piece of hair from her face before he spoke softly. “What are you hiding from me, baby?”
~*~
A feeling of shame washed over Alana the next morning when she opened her eyes. The memories of the previous night flooded her brain and she couldn’t believe how childishly she’d acted. JC had only been trying to take care of her and she had reacted horribly to his concern. She felt terrible for that.
She sat up in the bed, rubbing the sleep from her eyes as she glanced around for her boyfriend. He was nowhere in sight, though the sound of running water pretty much gave away his location. She glanced over at the clock. It was only 7:30. She’d had only a few hours of rest, but to her, it made all the difference in the world.
She climbed out of the bed and stretched her arms over her head, letting out a satisfied groan before she walked over to the window and yanked the curtains in to let the sunlight fill the room. She hadn’t even realized that she was no longer alone until she turned and let out a squeal at the sight of her boyfriend in nothing more than a towel!
Instinctively, she covered her eyes, though the image was already burned into her mind. Mmm, it was an image she could definitely get used to.
“Sorry,” he laughed, though his ears were burning. “I didn’t know you were awake,” he said as he walked over to his suitcase to pull out some clothes. “You can uncover your eyes now. I’m going back into the bathroom!”
She finally uncovered her eyes and then walked over to the bed to sit down. She owed JC an apology and she planned on paying up as soon as he was out of the bathroom—fully clothed this time.
It was only a few minutes later that the bathroom door opened and out stepped JC, clothed in jeans and a white t-shirt. She offered him a small smile.
“Good morning baby,” he greeted with a smile. “Are you feeling better this morning?”
She nodded and patted the spot beside her on the bed. “Can you come sit with me for a minute?” She asked softly. In no time at all, he’d crossed the room and was at her side. He reached for her hand and linked their fingers together as he pressed a soft kiss to her lips.
“What’s up, sweetheart?”
“I need to apologize to you for how I behaved last night,” she said quietly, looking down at the carpet. “I was just so tired and I get really cranky and I’m sorry for how I spoke to you.”
“Apology accepted, Al. I just wish you would tell me when things first start bothering you. Not until they’ve gotten so bad you feel like you can’t handle it anymore,” he said, brushing her hair back out of her face. “You want to talk about what’s keeping you from sleeping?”
“Not really,” she said.
“You know I’m not going to let you get away with that, right?” He asked, nudging her gently. He just wanted to see her smile. He frowned slightly when it didn’t work. “What’s going on Al? Did I do something wrong?” He asked.
Immediately, she lifted her head and shook it vigorously. “Oh no. Please don’t think that this has anything to do with you,” she said, her eyes filling with tears at the thought of making him doubt himself!
He saw the tears in her eyes and he wrapped his arms around her. “Baby please talk to me,” he pleaded. “You’re worrying me here.”
She pulled away and pressed the heel of her hand against her eyes, letting out a sharp breath. “I’ve been having nightmares,” she said softly, sniffling.
“About what baby?”
“About you.”
He was slightly taken aback by her comment. “You’ve been having nightmares about me? What kind of nightmares?”
“Not… not about you specifically… It’s stupid really. But the letter that was sent to you. It brought back some very… very painful memories for me and it started the nightmares.”
He didn’t quite know what to say to that. Part of him wanted to press her for details, knowing in his heart that if she had someone to talk to, that she’d feel better. He reached over and rubbed her back gently. “You know you can talk to me, Al.”
She nodded, sniffling once more as she looked up at him. She had never been very good with sharing her life story with people. Not only was it painful for her, it allowed people to get inside of her head, inside of her heart. It made her vulnerable. And that was the last thing that she wanted.
But JC… he was different. The two of them had not been together for very long, but it didn’t matter to her. There were close and she wanted nothing more than to share things with him. To let him know her on a level that no one else did.
And that was the deciding factor in sharing her past with him.
“The whole reason that I ever got into the FBI is because of my sister,” she said softly. “And sometimes… the situations I find myself in with various cases bring back memories that are… hard to deal with. Being here with you though… with the threatening letters… it’s almost identical to what was happening to her at the time.”
He had a bad feeling about whatever she was going to tell him. He nodded and brushed her hair off of her face once more, whispering words of comfort to coax her into speaking against. “Go on baby,” he cooed softly.
“She was killed. When I was fifteen,” she said. “She was four years older than me and the perfect daughter, you know? She started getting threats… from a boy she had dated the year prior, and she refused to tell our parents. She thought she could handle it herself.”
He watched the way her jaw clenched at the memory and he felt his heart breaking for her. He opened his mouth to speak, but stopped when she continued.
“It was hard to deal with. I knew about the threats, and I didn’t speak up until it was too late. After she… after she died, it was like my parents forgot they had another daughter. I only had my brother, you know?” She let out a sigh as she ran a hand through her hair. “The dreams I had when she was killed… they were horrendous. I would go a couple of days without sleeping until I passed out from exhaustion. It was the only way I could sleep without the nightmares. I was too tired to even dream,” she said, looking up at him.
“Oh baby,” he said softly, wrapping his arms around her. He had never imagined that what she had to tell him was this terrible.
“It was all I could see at night, Josh,” she whispered. “Every time I closed my eyes, I could see her face and she was accusing me, asking me why I didn’t help her. Every time. And now… with all that’s happening here… It’s like Ashley all over again,” she said. “Except now, her face is replaced with yours.”
There were a million things he wanted to say to her, to assure her that everything was going to be okay, but he couldn’t promise that. Nothing he could say would erase the pain that she’d held inside for all these years. Nothing he could do could give her the peace of mind that she so desperately needed. But he could hold her, he could rock her gently, and he could love her with everything he had.
And that’s just what he did.
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