When Justin woke up the next morning, his panic that had begun regularly after a nightmare began. At first he believed it was because he’d had a nightmare, but them when he thought about it, he couldn’t remember even dreaming. It was after this that he realized what had happened, Mike had left.

“Mike?” Justin called out and waited for the usual answer that greeted him but found nothing but silence. Justin took a deep breath in and tried counting to ten, but it didn’t work. “Mike!”

His blood pressure rose and Justin stumbled off the bed. As he felt the cold marble beneath his feet he knew he had gotten off the bed. He stumbled around the room, letting his arms spread out in front of him so he could feel what ever obstacles were in his way and go around them.

Justin felt around and took long strides forward, then to the right. He had no clue where he was going; all he knew is that soon he could feel a wall and bump of a door knob. He turned the door knob and pulled the door towards him, it opened and he heard it creak on the hinges. When he was sure it was fully open, he stumbled out to what he presumed to be a corridor, and keeping a hand on the wall to his right, he fumbled helplessly down the corridor.

“Mike?” Justin called again a few minutes later, but there was nothing but silence yet Justin kept going. He needed to find Mike, heck; he wanted to find someone, anyone. “Mike?” He called again and walked a bit further.

“Justin?” Dr Hart’s voice asked from somewhere, maybe a few feet, ahead of him. Justin moved his head up and in the direction of her voice.

“Dr Hart? Where’s Mike?” Justin asked in a panic, he stood still as he heard her walking towards him. He soon felt a small hand on his shoulder and heard her voice in his ear.

“Are you okay? What Happened?” Dr Hart asked, Justin tried to regulate his breathing so he could think, wondering where Mike was. “Justin?”

“I..I..” Justin began knowing that he probably won’t find Mike. He felt the doctor put a hand on his back and rub it gently, trying to calm him down as he breathed heavily.

            “Justin, take a deep breath in,” she instructed with a soothing voice. “All right, why don’t we go back to my office and we can talk?” Justin stayed mute and just nodded, not knowing what else to do. At least he’d found someone. “Okay, take my hand. Come on Justin.”

            “I..” Justin began not willing to take her hand, he didn’t trust her but he knew that going with her would be better than staying out here, alone and lost. “Okay,” he whispered and she gently took his hand, keeping one hand on his back and led him down the hall.

            After what seemed like forever to Justin, they reached a stop and the doctor gently turned to the left so that they could enter her office. Justin heard a door open, and knew from the minute he stepped into the room where he was. He could smell that old oak smell again, and for some reason it calmed him down a lot more as Dr Hart helped him into a chair.

            “Are you okay now Justin?” Dr Hart asked after a while. Justin nodded and felt around him, needing to feel the contact of her to know she was still close by. She noticed this and reached her hand over the desk and took his hand. “It’s okay, I’m still here. I haven’t gone anywhere.”

            “I just panicked,” Justin whispered after a while, “I woke up and Mike wasn’t there.”

            “It’s okay,” Dr Hart said soothingly, “Mike just went home for a few days.”

            “What? Why?” Justin asked beginning to panic again, feeling alone again.

            “Calm down,” Dr Hart replied, “Johnny asked him to leave for a while, so that you could learn to be more independent.”

            “I am independent!” Justin called getting upset by this news. “Why would Johnny do that?”

            “Justin, you are not independent. You depend too much on Mike, you need to be able to cope with your disability by yourself,” Dr Hart said softly, “And it wasn’t Johnny’s decision to let Mike go, it was mine.”

            “Yours? How can you do this to me?” Justin asked trying to breathe, “How can you ask Mike to leave me here alone?”

            “Justin,” Dr Hart began reaching for Justin’s hand, but Justin pulled it away. “You’re not alone, you have me here, and the other doctors as well as the other patients.”

            “But you’re all strangers to me,” Justin said become stubborn again, Dr Hart sighed.

            “I know we are Justin,” she replied, “But we’re here to help you.”

            “I don’t need your help,” Justin snapped, “All I needed was Mike’s help. If he was here I’d be fine. Now thanks to you I’m helpless.”

            “You’re not helpless Justin,” Dr Hart said trying to reassure him. “You just need guidance.”

            “That’s what I call helpless,” Justin snapped with a teary voice, “My whole life I’ve never needed anyone, but Mike to protect me. But ever since the bloody accident people keep telling me I need more protection. I wish I’d never gotten into that accident then I won’t be here.”

            “But you are here Justin,” Dr Hart reasoned. “And you have to deal with that, not dwell in the past.”

            “But my past was my life,” Justin said with a cry. “This, being here isn’t. I just wish I could see again.”

            “I know you do Justin,” Dr Hart replied. “But you can’t and we’re here to help you come to terms with that.” Justin didn’t say anything for a while as his tears flowed freely, he was upset and felt like his whole life had ended.

            “I can’t come to terms with it Dr Hart,” Justin sobbed, “Because it’s not what I’m used to, it’s not what I want.”

            “We can’t have everything we want Justin,”  Dr Hart replied as Justin felt her hand on his shoulder, he didn’t even hear her move. “Sometimes, life gives us things we don’t want and we have to live with it.” Justin nodded and cried harder, he knew what she said was true.

            “I know, but I feel as if I’ve lost the sense of myself,” Justin said softly.

            “That’s okay,” Dr Hart said, “It’s natural to feel like that, and you can regain your sense of self as long as you let people help you.”

            “But I don’t know how,” Justin sobbed and Dr Hart rubbed his back soothingly.

            “You do, it’s in you somewhere. You just have to find it, and I’ll help you,” Dr Hart replied, Justin nodded.

            “But how can you?” He asked in an almost whisper. “How can you help me find myself, if I don’t know who I am any more?”