In the darkness that he was enveloped in, Justin began to think, think a lot more than he’d actually ever done in his life. He thought about his life, what Chris had said and his future, how each one was affected by the events of that day.
He sighed and rolled onto his side, making sure he didn’t go to close to the edge of the bed by feeling around him. He hadn’t slept all night, in fear, fear of what he didn’t know.
After a few more minutes of not sleeping Justin got himself up, feeling around for the bed support, and then carefully felt as he lifted his feet off the side of the bed. He wanted, needed someone to talk to. Someone that would understand him, and in his darkened state, he just had an inkling of a feeling of who.
He knew he could talk to his family and friends, but they really, as much as they tried, had no clue of what he was going through. Like Chris had told him earlier, they would never be able to understand, no matter how hard they tried.
Justin sighed and felt his way around the bed, and out the room. He wondered what time it was and if anybody was awake.
“Mr Timberlake? Is everything alright?” A voice asked him from somewhere not to far off. Justin stopped walking, feeling the roughness of the wall next to him under his fingers and shrugged.
“Um, what time is it?” he asked, wondering where the person, whoever they were, was standing.
“Almost seven,” the voice replied again and Justin nodded.
“In the morning?” he asked and there was a silence, and for a minute he thought the person had left.
“Yes,” the voice replied and Justin sighed. “Is everything alright?”
“Yeah, um, is Doctor Hart in yet?” Justin asked and the voice chuckled. Justin heard a few steps coming towards him and tensed up.
“It’s alright,” the voice, which now sounded more feminine and older, said, “Yes luckily she came in a bit earlier than normal today, do you want to go see her?”
“Yeah,” Justin said not relaxing as the person got closer to him. He didn’t like the thought of a stranger being this close.
“Alright then,” the person said, “I’ll take you to her myself.” Justin hesitated for a moment before he felt a hand on his back and he knew it was alright.
“Okay,” he whispered and let himself be led down the hall to the doctor’s office, where the familiar smell of oak awaited him.
“Ahhh, Justin,” Dr Hart greeted as she glanced up at her notes. She wasn’t at all surprised when he walked in, she’d been expecting him. After he’d talked with his friend Chris, Chris had given her he heads up that Justin might want to talk.
“Hi doctor,” Justin said feeling his way into the room and sitting on one of the old familiar oak chairs opposite her. Dr Hart smiled at him, even though she knew he couldn’t see her.
“So what can I do for you?” she asked pushing aside the papers she’d been looking at and giving him her full attention. Justin shrugged, but gave her a small smile.
“I just wanted someone to talk to,” he said softly and she nodded. She was glad he’d finally taken the initiative to want to talk to her.
“Okay,” she said softly, “What did you want to talk about?” Justin sighed and shifted a bit in his chair before answering her.
“About everything,” he replied, “After I talked to Chris today, well it made me think.”
“Think about what?” she asked softly urging him on.
“About my life and where it was heading,” Justin said in a whisper, “I don’t know what’s become of me anymore.”
“What do you think you’ve become?” Dr Hart asked gently as she leaned forward in her chair and Justin shrugged.
“A lost child,” he replied, “I mean I used to be someone you know? But now I’m just... lost.”
“You still are someone Justin,” she said reassuringly, “You just can’t see.”
“But isn’t that what it’s about?” He asked sitting up, “My life I mean, it was about that. I was able to see what was ahead of me, and now I can’t.”
“Yes you can,” she replied softly, “Maybe not physically but mentally yes.”
“I know,” he replied with a silent sigh, “But being me, being who I am, I can’t afford this.”
“Who is that?” she asked with a softer voice, and Justin paused before answering. His fingers twitching in his lap.
“Justin Timberlake, pop icon, bachelor of the year,” Justin said reciting the names he’d been given over the years from memory.
“I think you can still be all those things,” Dr Hart said.
“But it’s not what people expect you know?” Justin asked and she nodded in understanding, but he couldn’t see it. “People expect me to be Mr Perfect, Mr Amazing. And now, well now, I’m not, if I go back into the public eye like this, I’ll be letting down so many people.”
“But you won’t Justin,” Dr Hart said with a smile.
“What do you mean?” Justin asked intruded as he cocked his head to one side.
“Well I think that yes, people may not see you as the same person, but you’ll be viewed as a hero of sorts to them,” Dr Hart replied, and Justin sighed.
“A hero?” he asked with a doubtful voice and Dr Hart nodded.
“Yes, for being able to overcome a difficulty most people usually can’t,” Dr Hart replied, “You’ll give hope to millions.”
“But I haven’t over come anything,” Justin said with a sigh, “I’m still struggling, I’m still fighting it.”
“Yes, and that’s part of the process Justin,” Dr Hart said with a soft voice, “It’s part of the process of overcoming your obstacles.”
“But what if I don’t?” Justin asked sounding very scared, Dr Hart smiled and shook her head.
“You will Justin,” she said, “Just give it time, we have to work on it but you will. Trust me.”
“Okay,” he said in a whisper, “I will. Thank you doctor.”
“For what?” Dr Hart asked surprised and Justin smiled at her while turning his head to face her.
“For listening to me,” Justin said, “Thanks for listening.”
