It had been the few days since that conversation with Dr Hart, and Justin thought things would get better. But something was tugging at his heart, something that wouldn’t go away.
He woke up in a beating sweat, and for the first time ever he couldn’t remember what he had been dreaming about.
“Mike?” Justin called out; he heard the covers on the next bed rustle.
“Justin? Are you okay kid?” Mike’s voice asked, now getting panicky him. Justin tried to breathe and shook his head, trying to calm down.
“Yeah… No… I mean I don’t know,” Justin whispered softly, and he groped for the sheets. He heard the bed next to him squeak and a few footsteps.
“Kid, what happened?” Mike’s voice asked softly. Justin felt someone sit on the bed in front of him and he shrugged.
“I just woke up in a state, it’s nothing Mike,” Justin whispered but Mike didn’t believe him.
“No it’s not Justin. You’re sweating off the rocks,” Mike said and Justin nodded, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to pull one over Mike’s eyes.
“I…” Justin began before, by some wondrous miracle, he began to slowly shed tears. “I need to speak to my mom.”
Lynn Harless rushed down the halls of the center, eager to see her son. It was very early in the morning, just before dawn, but that didn’t father her. She was not at all tired, because waking up to the phone call that your son wanted to speak to you, made her wake up in a minute.
“I’m here,” Lynn said in a lost breath as she rushed into Dr Hart’s office, and the sight she saw made her take a step back.
“Mrs Harless,” Dr Hart said from behind her desk. The doctor looked calm and wide awake for someone in her position. “Please have a seat.” Lynn nodded and looked around the room; Mike smiled and got up from the seat next to Justin to let Lynn sit down.
“I’ll be outside if you need me,” Mike whispered into Justin’s ear who just nodded, and Lynn was sure her son had not even heard a word Mike had said. Justin was a mess, and she could tell by his heaving shoulders that he was crying.
“Justin honey?” Lynn asked rushing over to her son and putting a hand on his shoulder, thoughts of sitting down forgotten. “What happened?”
“Mamma?” Justin asked in a scared vice, “I don’t know… I just…” His voice trailed off as he began to cry again.
“Yeah baby it’s me. Dr Hart?” Lynn asked looking at the doctor, who just let her soft eyes fill with confusion.
“I’m not sure,” Dr Hart said calmly, “Justin just said he wanted to talk to you.”
“Is this true Justin?” Lynn asked him, Justin just nodded mutely. “What about baby?”
“I’m sorry mamma,” Justin sobbed even louder, and Lynn could swear her heart was breaking at the sound of her son’s sobs.
“Sorry for what baby?” Lynn asked soothingly, rubbing Justin’s back softly to calm him down.
“Mrs Harless, why don’t you sit down? Then we can talk,” Dr Hart tried but Lynn just shot her a glare, and the doctor kept silent.
“Justin?” Lynn asked softly. “Sorry for what honey?” Justin now managed to look up to his mother direction.
“I’m sorry for everything,” Justin said softly and Lynn looked at him.
“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” Lynn said softly and Justin shook his head.
“No there is,” Justin whispered.
“Like what honey?” Lynn asked her son as she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close.
“I’m sorry I brought the bike,” Justin whispered, in a voice so low not every one heard it. But Lynn did, and she smiled sadly at her son.
“It’s okay,” Lynn said holding him tighter.
“But you were right,” Justin answered as he sobbed harder, “You’ve always been right, and I should have listened.”
“Yes, but Justin all that is in the past baby,” Lynn responded caressing his curly hair, “That’s all in the past.”
“But I should have listened,” Justin pleaded, wanting to be heard. “I was selfish, and didn’t want to listen.”
“No Justin you weren’t selfish,” Lynn soothed in a soft voice.
“Yes mamma I was,” Justin said between sobs. “And I’m so sorry.”
“Justin,” Lynn said in a stern but soft voice. “Stop saying that. You were not selfish.”
“Yes I was!” Justin cried desperately. Justin knew that his mother was telling the truth, but he felt he should be taking the blame for everything.
“Justin, why do you feel like that?” Dr Hart’s voice came up from all the rukus. Justin stopped his hysteria and tried to think.
“Because I didn’t listen when she told me not to buy the bike,” Justin replied, hiccups now taking over his cries.
“And why didn’t you listen?” Dr Hart asked in a kind voice.
“Because I was selfish. I wanted the bike and nothing else,” Justin whispered softly.
“Justin gets sutubborn when he wants something,” Lynn’s voice put in a fond voice, “But he wasn’t being selfish.”
“Justin, stubbornness is not the same as being selfish. A lot of people are stubborn, but their not selfish,” Dr Hart explained, “And sometimes stubbornness can be a good thing.”
“But in my case it wasn’t,” Justin said in a small voice.
“Yes, but Justin you have to understand that sometimes stuborness can turn into a mistake, even when we don’t intend it to become one,” Dr Hart reasoned and Justin shook his head.
“I wasn’t making a mistake, I knew what I wanted and didn’t want to listen to anyone until I got it,” Justin said in a hushed voice.
“Yes, but did you know this would happen?” Dr Hart asked, and Justin sighed.
“No but I knew it was a possibility,” Justin answered slowly.
“And so did Chris,” Lynn put-in rubbing his back.
“Wiat, what’s this about Chris?” Dr Hart asked, obviously lost.
“Chris brought a bike on the same day as Justin brought his,” Lynn filled her in, and Justin heard the doctor ‘ahhh’.
“Well your mother is right Justin,” Dr Hart’s voice said with a smile. “Even Chris knew the possibility and he still brought a bike.”
“Yeah, but he didn’t have the accident,” Justin said angrily, and it was then that everyone in the room knew that Justin was still trying to over come the accident. No matter how hard he was trying it didn’t seem to be working.
