Waiting, the waiting was killing him and in the dark it killed him even more. He had no sense of time, and even if he did it wouldn’t help him. He had no one to sit and wait with since Mike still hadn’t come back from visiting his family and Anna had to step out to do some work for the doctor. So here was alone, Justin Timberlake was alone.
He sighed and wondered if the lawyers would call him or Johnny. Deep down he hoped it would be Johnny because he knew he wouldn’t be able to speak so intimately about that day to any lawyer.
He leant back on the bed, slowly as not to loose his balance, and tried to forget about the phone call. He tried humming a few new tunes in his head which was something he’d been trying for days now but with no luck, and this time was no different. Justin tried not to cry as nothing came up in his head, because he just couldn’t understand why he found nothing to write about.
Dr Hart had previously suggested that it might be a good idea for him to re-visit his music, as sort of a therapy for him. He hadn’t actually sat down and wrote anything in a long time, since the accident in fact, and he’s agreed with the doctor maybe it would help. But nothing was coming, not even an ounce of creativity was flowing from him. Even though he knew he had so much to write about. He had to write about his pain, his loss and his needs, but he just couldn’t and he couldn’t understand why.
He remembered the days when he could write music, he could write about a fish and make it good. But now he couldn’t write about anything, and it was tearing him to shreds.
He walked silently along side Mike as they made their way to group a few days later, using the wall for support. He still hadn’t heard from Johnny and wondered if Johnny would be there today to tell him what the lawyers had said.
“Justin? We’re there, turn to your left,” Mike’s voice said interrupting his thoughts and making him stop. He smiled gratefully and carefully turned to his left.
“Thanks Mike,” he muttered as Mike helped him into the room. He walked a few more steps and stopped, wanting to hear a familiar voice but heard nothing. “Where is everyone Mike?”
“They’ll be here kid,” Mike’s voice replied from behind him, “We’re a few minutes early, why don’t you sit down?” He nodded and let Mike help him sit down. Once he was seated he gently tapped his foot, unknowingly, to an unknown beat.
After a few minutes, he heard footsteps hurrying into the room, and he moved his head around to where the sound was coming from.
“J sorry we’re….” Chris’ voice came but stopped short as he realized he wasn’t really at all that late. “Good we’re not late, hurry up Joe.” Justin smiled at the sound of Chris’ voice.
“Hey C,” Justin replied, unable to hide the smile in his voice. “Is Joe here?”
“Hey J,” Chris’ voice replied, he sounded closer. “Yeah Joe is here, somewhere you know how slow…”
“I’m here! I’m here!” Joey’s unmistakable voice said as he barged into the room, and Justin heard Chris being shoved out of the way. “Hey J, what’s happening?”
“Hey Joe,” Justin answered, trying not to laugh, but with Joey it was impossible. “I’m doing well, sounds like you’re still your old self.”
“Yeah you could say that,” Joey’s voice replied as a chair was pulled up. “Let me catch my breath for a second.” There was heavy panting coming from Joey and Justin heard Mike chuckle.
“Man Joe, you’re so bloody violent,” Chris’ voice put-in, and the sound of another chair being pulled up was heard. “Sorry about that J, you know how immature Joe can be.”
“Oi!” Joey’s voice interrupted and Justin laughed.
“Its ok C,” Justin replied with a nod and sighed. “So where are the others?”
“I dunno,” Chris’ voice replied, “They told me to pick Joe up and head here, so technically they should be here but their not. Joe you know where the others are?”
“Beats me,” Joey’s voice answered, he had fully recuperated. “I think…”
“Oh good God,” JC’s voice interrupted Joey by the door. “Hey Lance, we got here just on time.”
“What? Oh good,” Lance’s voice replied, “Hey J.”
“Hey guys,” Justin replied with a smile, “Glad you made it.”
“Where have you two been? You’re late,” Joey’s voice told JC and Lance as Justin heard Joey tap his watch.
“Nah, you’re early. For once,” JC chuckled as his footsteps neared the group. “Now don’t worry J, we weren’t going to leave you here with these two.”
“Ha-ha, very funny,” Chris’ voice came sarcastically, “Don’t listen to them J. They’re just jealous of me and Joe, right Joe?”
“Right!” Joey said a little too enthusiastically and Justin laughed. It was nice to be with his four friends, goofing off as usual.
“Ahhh good, everyone’s here we can begin,” Dr Hart’s voice came interrupting the conversation the boys were having. “Why doesn’t everyone pull up a seat?”
“Wait, my mom, dad, Trace and Johnny aren’t here,” Justin said before she could say anything else.
“They’re not coming today J,” Lance told him softly.
“Lance is right Justin,” Dr Hart told him, “I just wanted the guys here today, so we could have a more focused group and talk about your needs as a group.”
“Okay,” Justin nodded in understanding, and reverted back to himself. This meant he’d have to tell the guys about his inability to write music, and he didn’t know if he could do that.
All Justin wanted was another chance, another chance to go back and not buy the bloody bike, another chance to be able to see the faces of the people he loved. If he could do that then everything would be okay, or so he felt.
But he knew he would never get that chance, and that’s what killed him the most. He would never be able to back in time and change everything that had taken place since the accident.
After the group session, after he was able to confess to the guys that he couldn’t write music anymore and wanted to turn back time, the guys had told him it was okay to feel that way, that they understood where he was coming from. But he knew they had no clue what he was going through.
Even though he was grateful to them for trying to console him, a part of him still wondered. What if this had never happened to him? Then what? There would be no feeling of emptiness, no feeling of loneliness and there’d be no case.
Johnny had called after group and told him he’d spoken to the lawyers, and that they’d be there in a few days to discuss the next steps that needed to be taken since Justin had agreed to go ahead and sue the driver of the truck and the truck company.
Now all Justin had to do was figure out if he could re-live the events of that day. The day when his world changed.
