Justin couldn’t remember the last time his heart stopped beating like that, but he had a feeling it was sometime after he found out about Britney. But this time the feeling was worse. He couldn’t breathe properly, his head was spinning and worst of all he didn’t know where he was.        

            He had become accustomed to knowing where he was after the accident, but now it was worse. He really had no clue; all he knew is that he was sitting in a room somewhere. Surrounded by people, people that loved and cared for him.

            “J? Can you hear us?” Trace’s voice seemed far away and distant, as if he were not there with him. He tried to move his head in a small nod, but nothing happened. “J, if you can hear us…”

            “Justin, say something,” his mother’s voice cut in front of Trace’s and Justin wondered why he couldn’t move.

            “He’s just in shock,” Dr Hart said in a soothing voice, “Everything will be alright Justin.” His head was beginning to hurt, now that the spinning had stopped, and he somehow placed his head in his hands.

            “Justin, you’ll be okay,” his mother said rubbing his back gently, “You’ll over come this.” He lifted his head, but didn’t say anything just shook his head.

            “You will J,” Trace’s voice came from somewhere nearby. “Don’t say that you won’t, because you know you will.” He took a breath in and tried to relax, because he knew Trace was telling him the truth. But it was a truth he somehow couldn’t face.

            JC had heard the news from Joey, who had heard it from Lance, who had heard it from Chris, who had been told by Johnny. When JC hard the news, it was like a slap in the face, not only for him but the four other guys as well, especially Justin.

            He actually wondered how Justin was coping with this news, and when he walked in for their weekly group sessions that week, he knew instantly. Justin was sitting with his head in his hands, surrounded by three people. The Doctor, Trace and his mother.

            JC’s heart went out to his younger friend as he watched him; his body was shaking slightly from what JC presumed to be tears. JC sighed and shook his head before walking over to his younger friend.

            “J?” he asked approaching his friend, everyone looked up as he approached. “J, it’s me Jayce.” His voice was softer now as Trace made room for him beside Justin and JC knelt down by his side.

            “Jayce?” Justin’s voice was cracked, full of hurt and anguish.

            “Yeah kid it’s me,” JC replied softly and placed a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “How you holding up?”

            “I….” Justin’s voice trailed off and JC understood with a nod. He looked around him, and the other three nodded in agreement, giving him a silent approval.

            “You wanna talk about it?” JC asked, and he saw Justin nod slowly. “You wanna go outside?”

            “Yeah okay,” Justin replied, he sounded defeated as if he’d let anyone and anything happen get to him.

            “Okay then,” JC got up slowly and reached for his friend’s hand. “Come on, take my hand.” Justin nodded quietly and groped for the older man’s hand. He found it and took it with an appreciative smile.

            “Thanks Jayce,” Justin responded, as JC began leading them out of the room.

            “J.” Johnny had appeared in the doorway just as they were leaving, and stopped them. His voice seemed sombre, as he knew the situation. “Are you okay? Jayce what’s going on?” Johnny gave JC a confused look.

            “It’s okay, we’re just gonna go outside for a bit and chill,” JC replied with a knowing smile, “We’ll be back in a few, when the others come can you tell them to head on outside with us?”

            “Um, yeah okay,” Johnny replied nodding in understanding at what JC was getting at. “Better you guys go grab some fresh air and hang out for a bit. Just you guys, you haven’t done that in a while.”

            “Thanks Johnny,” JC said with an appreciative nod. “Come on J.” Justin nodded as JC tugged his hand gently and led him out into the courtyard where the sun shone brightly onto the grass.

            They walked over to an empty bench and JC helped Justin sit down on it, before sitting next to him.

            “So J, let’s talk,” JC told the younger man after a while of silence. “How you handling things?” JC looked at his friend, and before he even replied he knew exactly what Justin was going to say, because that’s how close they were. They were as close as blood, if not closer.

            They sat in silence for a while before either of them spoke. Then Justin broke the silence, his voice cracking at the seams.

            “I can’t do this Jayce,” he whispered, he had been afraid about everything.

            “What do you mean?” JC’s voice asked, and Justin sighed. He tried not to let the tears form back in his throat.

            “I mean everything,” Justin began, “I can’t finish what I started here, and I can’t sing for shit.”

            “What do you mean J?” JC voice was laced with confusion and Justin shrugged.

            “Everything that classified me as me, that made me Justin, well it’s all been taken away from me,” Justin replied, his voice had become lower, but JC caught it.

            “J, you’re still you,” JC tried to reassure Justin, but the younger man shook his head.

            “No Jayce, I’m not. My music was me, it made me who I am, and now it’s been taken away from me,” Justin replied and sighed heavily.

            “Justin,” JC began knowing he had to reassure Justin, “Yes, your ability to produce music may have been taken away, but you still know the music. Besides, that’s not what makes you you, what makes you is who you are inside. Trust me, I’m your best friend and I know you better than anyone, and this is what I’m telling you.”

            “But Jayce…” Justin’s voice was teary as he listened to his friend talk, he knew he was right but he couldn’t believe it.

            “No buts J, you know I’m right,” JC’s voice said softly, “I know right now you feel like shit, as if a part of you is missing, and it is, but you’ll get it back and I’m willing to help you on that.”

            “How do you know I’ll get it back? The doctor said that the possibilities were thin,” Justin argued, his voice becoming strained.

            “I know because I know you,” JC’s voice reaffirmed, “You’re a fighter J, like Joey told you that day in the hospital, it’s in your bones. You’re a fighter, and a stubborn one at that. I can tell you want that ability back.”

            “Thanks Jayce,” Justin said after a short while, realizing his friend was right. “You’re right, I do want it back, badly.”

            “Then fight for it J, go back in there and practice or do what ever it takes,” JC’s voice said, “And I’m sure, no I know, everyone will support you in that, and they’ll help you get to where you were before the accident, in all aspects of your life.”

            “Thanks Jayce,” Justin told his friend, and produced a small smile. “I will, I’ll go back in there and fight for it.”

“You’ll fight for what?” Justin heard the grass squish behind them, as someone bounded over.

            “Hey, guys,” JC’s voice greeted the new comers, “J’s gonna try get his musical ability back and we’re gonna help him.” JC was sort of bossing the others around, as if assuring Justin that it would all be okay, Justin smiled at the thought.

            “Okay yeah cool,” Chris’ voice said as Justin felt him plonk himself down next to Justin and put an arm around him. “Hey kid, how’s it hanging? Ready to let me help ya?”

            Hey C,” Justin said with a smile as he heard the cheeriness in Chris’ voice. “I’m doing better, thanks to Jayce.”

            “I didn’t do anything,” JC’s voice came bashfully and Justin shook his head.

            “No you did a lot thanks,” he replied with a smile.

            “Yeah, Jayce can’t do anything.” Justin let himself laugh as he heard Joey’s voice, “So why are we all out here freezing our balls off?” Justin felt Chris being shoved aside and someone pull him into a hug. “Hey J.”

            “Hey Joe,” Justin whispered and hugged his friend back. “We’re just chilling, right Jayce?”

            “Right,” JC affirmed with a small smile. “So Joe, where’s Lance?”

            “I’m right here,” Lance’s voice came and Justin felt Joey let go of him, and someone else hug him. “Hi ya kid.”

            “Hey Lance,” Justin replied, “I’m glad you’re all here. I thought you weren’t coming.”

            “Of course we’d J, you’re our little brother, we can’t not come. Especially after we heard the news,” Lance responded and Justin noticed his friend’s voice fall a hitch.

            “I’ll be alright,” Justin reassured them; actually it was more for himself.

            “Of course you will J,” JC’s voice cut in. “And we’ll all be there to help you if you need us, right guys?”

            “Right,” the other three said simultaneously, and Justin smiled because now he knew he could do it. He could fight to get his life back, what ever it took.