Chapter 11.

            “Okay Jayce, one last drink then we gotta go,” Justin told him as he downed his last beer and ordered another, “I gotta get up early tomorrow to kick off my tour.”

            “Yeah yeah,” he grumbled and greedily drank the remainder of his own drink as another was placed in front of him. “Just have fun J, tonight’s your last night of freedom before you’re drowned into work and more work!”

            He heard Justin chuckle slightly at his comment, but thought nothing of it as he pulled the new drink to his lips and began gulping it down in large amounts.

            “Whoa Jayce slow it down dude,” Justin said placing a hand on his arm, he roughly pulled away from his friend and glared at him.

            “Don’t tell me what to do,” he snapped softly and Justin sighed running a hand over his shaven head.

            “I just don’t think you should be drinking if that’s what you’re trying to fight,” Justin replied and looked at him, “Where are you staying tonight Jayce? You going back to the center? You know you can’t go back there drunk.”

            “I dunno,” he shrugged and slugged on more of his beer, “Suppose I’ll just crash at some cheap ass motel or some shit.” Justin sighed at his friends words and shook his head.

            “No you won’t,” Justin told him and finished off his own beer before standing up and stretching, “You’ll crash at my place tonight ok? And tomorrow before I head out I’ll drive you back to the center.” Justin then noticed how his friend’s eyes went as big as saucers and he looked away from him. “You didn’t tell them you left did you?”

            “Not exactly no,” he replied and finished off his drink, standing up next to Justin. “Can we go?”

            “Oh my God Jayce, I can’t believe you let me believe…” Justin began but his voice trailed off as his friend stalked out in front of him. “Jayce, you gotta go back like NOW.”

            “And say what J?” he spun around to face Justin; there was anger in his eyes, “Tell them I felt like a drink so I skipped rehab? I don’t think that’ll go down too well.”

            “We can make up a story Jayce,” Justin pleaded as he turned around and continued walking out, “We can tell them you just wanted to see me or something. Just please listen to me, you need to get back there and get better. I’m not asking you for me or anyone else but for yourself.”

            “Fine,” he sighed as he stopped in the doorway, slumping his shoulders in defeat, “We’ll go back, to hell with what they’ll do to me, and I’ll go back if it’s what you want.”

            “It is Jayce,” Justin nodded and put a hand on his shoulder, “And it’s what you want too.”

            He woke up with sweat running down his back and took in deep breaths. He wondered why it was now that he was remembering everything, now after it was too late. He tried to go back to sleep but the images refused to leave, flooding his mind even more.

            He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He stood up and didn’t even bother to stretch as he took long strides to the door and swung it open.

            “Davie?” he snapped, waking the other man from an induced sleep. “Get up; we’re going to see the doc.”

            “What?” Davie asked, rubbing his eyes confused at what was going on. He nodded and not waiting for Davie to reply he strode down the hall, taking quick steps as he did so.

            He didn’t get that far however, when a familiar figure stepped out into the hallway. He groaned as he forced himself to a stop, almost causing Davie to bump into him.

            “What do you want?” he asked running a hand through his hair hoping this wouldn’t take long. Jake grinned slyly and said nothing, as Davie complained about being woken up early in the morning. “Well are you going to say something or what?”

            Jake rolled his eyes and still stood there watching him. He sighed and shook his head, and pushed past Jake seeing as he had somewhere he wanted to be.

            “Wait!” He spun around and faced Jake, nearly hitting Davie in the face as he did so. Davie protested but he was ignored as he focused his attention on Jake.

            “What?” he asked with a snarl and Jake grinned.

            “I wanted to apologize you know,” Jake said with a gesture of his hands, “For being nosy and all that.”

            “Yeah well…” he shrugged, not knowing what to say and looked at the clock that was situated on the wall. “I have to go.” Jake nodded and both men turned to go separate directions, before Jake spoke again.

            “Besides I figured this will make us even, especially after that night,” Jake spoke and he stopped in his tracks, turning around slowly wondering what he was talking about.

            “What the fuck are you talking about?” he hissed and glared at Jake. Jake turned around as well and shrugged. “What night?”

            “Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten what happened a few months back?” Jake asked with a gleam in his eyes. “We were both drinking and…”

            “I don’t remember much from any of the nights I was drunk,” he retorted with a roll of his eyes. “So if it was something important…”

            “Oh it was very important, and that woman…” Jake began but he held up his hand to silence him. He didn’t want to hear any more of Jake’s crazy insane ideas.

            “I don’t care. I have to go see the doc, so if you’re done..” he began but Jake cut him off.

            “What so you no longer have time for me now? After everything we went through that night?” Jake asked and he looked at him with curiosity.

            “What are you talking about? What night? And what did we go through?” he questioned confused. Jake laughed coyly and shook his head.

            “Never mind, you’ll figure it our seeing as your memory seems to be jogged quite easily these days. And when you do remember, then we can talk,” Jake stated and then without another word he disappeared into one of the many doors that lined the hallway.

            “So JC,” the doctor’s voice was calm as he sat opposite her and looked at his feet. “I’m glad you remember more from that night.”

            He nodded slowly and took a deep breath in, he wished he hadn’t remembered.

            “I wish I hadn’t remembered it,” he whispered barely audible.

            “Why is that JC?” Dr Halley asked, he looked up at her finally and shrugged.

            “Because it’s just more evidence to prove I was with J at the time of the accident, and to prove I am guilty,” he told her with a hint of sadness to his voice.

            “But JC, we can’t assume that’s what happened. Maybe you and Justin left the bar, Justin suggested you go to your parents’ house instead and he dropped you there then the accident happened. You yourself said he’d been drinking as well,” the doctor reasoned.

            “Yeah but why would he drop me off at my parents? And whose to say he was driving?” he asked looking intensely at the doctor.

            “Maybe you both were afraid of what might happen if you came here,” Dr Halley suggested and he shrugged. “And I’m just suggesting that maybe he was the one driving.”

            “I guess,” he shrugged, not wanting to believe it. “But I still don’t believe it.” Dr Halley smiled at him sympathetically and placed a hand on his.

            “I know it is JC,” she smiled and he looked up at her slowly, “But what else is there to believe?”

            The doctor was right, what else was there to believe? But if Justin was driving, that would mean he wouldn’t be the one responsible for the accident. Well not physically, but deeper than that he knew that it was not true. He knew, if the dreams were real, that he had been the one to drag Justin out and Justin had only agreed because he was a good friend and didn’t want him to do something stupid. But he did do something stupid, and now his best friend was lying half dead in a hospital bed.

            He sat up and took a deep breath in. The doctor couldn’t have been right, how could he believe that the accident was Justin’s fault.  He rubbed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair and sighed. He had to figure out what really happened that day, or else it would kill him.

            “Hey you ready yet?” Davie poked his head to the door and he grunted.

            “Why?” he asked angrily and swung his legs over the bed, stopping as blood rushed too quickly to his head.

            “You have a visitor,” Davie grinned and moved forward, “Now move it, you don’t wanna keep them waiting now do you?” He scratched his head and looked at Davie.

            “Who’s here?’ he asked, mentally running through his mind, trying to figure out if anyone was scheduled to come see him today. Davie grinned and pulled him up by the elbow.

            “A few of your friends,” Davie confirmed. “Now hurry up and get ready.”

            He stumbled into the room and scratched his chin, the room was bright and he had to squint to see who was around.

            “Hey Jayce,” Chris said sitting at the far side of the room; he let a small smile form on his lips. “How are things going in here?”

            “They’re ok,” he nodded and noticed Joey and Lance sitting near Chris as well, “Hey guys.”

            “Hey Jayce,” Lance nodded, but he noticed his friend didn’t make eye contact with him.

            “Hey dude,” Joey said with a somewhat smaller smile than usual.

            “What’s up guys?” he asked trying to suppress a yawn and sitting down at the table, “Have you guys seen J? How is he?”

            “Uh, that’s why we’re here Jayce,” Chris replied looking down at his shoes, also avoiding eye contact. He looked around the room, and the looks on his friend’s faces made his heart drop so fast and made his heart beat stop.

            “What about him?” he asked, his voice was shaky and he ran a hand through his hair, telling himself to calm down.

            “Uh…” Lance cut in, Joey cast his eyes away and Chris played nervously with the end of his shirt. “He…”

            “He what? Please guys you’re killing me here,” he pleaded looking at each of them.

            “Jayce…” Joey began and looked at him, “We thought we should be the first to tell you…”

            “Tell me what?” he interrupted with agitation.

            “Jayce,” Chris took over and looked at him, “J passed away last night.” It was right then and there his heart stopped beating, and a part of him disappeared as well.

            “Jayce? Jayce? Talk to us Jayce.” He could hear the voices but couldn’t process them. His vision was blurry and his head spun. He took in deep breaths and placed his head between his knees.

            “This isn’t happening, this can’t be happening,” he mumbled and shook his head. “How can this happen?”

            “The doctor’s said there were some internal injuries they hadn’t detected,” Lance’s voice said and patted him on the back.

            “How can they not detect them?” he asked and slowly looked up to his three friends, “They’re doctors for fuck’s sake! Oh God, what have I done!” He placed his head in his hands and shook his head.

            “Jayce it’s not your fault,” Joey sympathized, he looked at his friend.

            “But if I hadn’t forced him out… none of this would have happened,” he said and pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes.

            “But no one has proven the accident was your fault,” Lance assured him, “its all speculation remember.” He looked at Lance and took a deep breath in; he had to tell them about the dreams.

            “No it’s not,” the whispered and looked away as his friend’s glanced at him with confusion, “I was with J the night of the accident.”

            “No you weren’t, you said you weren’t,” Chris argued, “You told me you weren’t.”

            “That was before… before the dream,” he muttered and shook his head again.

            “Dream? What dream?” Lance asked confused, he sighed and closed his eyes.

            “I had a dream that I had gone to J’s house and forced him to come out and get drunk with me,” he said, he felt so ashamed telling his friends this as they all stared at him, “Then after he realized I had lied to him then he begged, pleaded with me to go back to the center and I agreed for him to take me back reluctantly. This is my entire fault.” He placed his head back in his hands and groaned, waiting for the guys to run him through.

            “Jayce, can you remember anything after that?” Lance asked and he shook his head.

            “No,” he whispered, “But I know it was my fault.”

            “Stop saying that, you don’t know it’s true,” Joey snapped and he looked at Joey.

            “But…” he began but Lance cut him off.

            “No buts Jayce, it was an accident you can’t blame anyone,” Lance pointed out.

            “But what if…” he started.

            “What if what Jayce?  It doesn’t matter who was driving, if it was you or J because you both had a few drinks in you, the accident would have happened. Right guys?” Lance asked and Joey nodded, “C?” Everyone in the room turned to look at Chris who had slouched down further in his chair.

            “I can’t believe you did that Jayce. You force J to…” Chris began slowly and cut himself off.

            “He didn’t force J to do anything,” Lance snapped at Chris, “J made the decision himself.”

            “Yeah after Jayce lied to him!” Chris snapped angrily and sat up straight to glare at Lance then him. “You lied to J for your own selfish reasons, and now he’s dead! Because you couldn’t stay away from booze, because you’re weak!”

            “I…” he began and Lance cut through glaring at Chris.

            “Shut up C! Stop pointing fingers! We swore we wouldn’t do that didn’t we? But here you are doing it! And J should have had the sense to see that he was drunk and stop him right then and there but he didn’t did he? No, J allowed him to go out and get even more drunk while he watched!” Lance yelled, Chris glared at Lance and stood up slowly.

“No, he was watching out for him!” Chris screamed back.

“Really? Is that what you call it these days?” Lance yelled back, standing up as well. Joey frowned and stood up waving the two apart as their noses were nearly touching.

            “Okay guys shut up! Stop screaming at each other!” Joey bellowed and looked at the two before turning to him. “You okay Jayce?” He had retreated so far back into his chair, listening to his friends argue and blame him and Justin for the accident that he felt his whole world crumbling around him. “Jayce? Shit, someone go get that doc.”

            “I’ll go,” Lance mumbled and headed out the door. Once he was gone Joey turned to Chris.

            “Nice move asshole,” he snapped, “Say you’re sorry.” Chris just looked at him in shock, not knowing what to say. “C, come on, apologize.”

            “I’m sorry Jayce,” Chris gave in and waited for him to respond, “I shouldn’t have…”

            “It’s all my fault,” he mumbled and put his head back in his hands, fighting back the tears.

            “No Jayce, stop saying that,” Joey said squatting down in front of him and placing his hands on his shoulders.

            “But C is right Joe,” he wailed and shook Joey’s hand’s off his shoulders. “I lied to J for my own selfishness and now he’s dead. I lied to my best friend just because I wanted a drink.”