Chapter 12.
Chris had driven home a bullet in his chest, and he couldn’t remove it because he knew it was the truth. He had caused Justin’s death by not being able to control his craving for one more drink.
He wanted to be woken up from this nightmare, and be told it was all just a horrible dream. But every time he would open his eyes he would be faced with it as a reality.
“JC?” Dr Halley cut through his thoughts gently, bringing his mind back to the present situation. “I know this is not what you want to talk about, what with the recent news, but it’s important.” He sighed and shifted in his seat so he was sitting higher up and nodded.
“I know,” he said softly and creaked his neck, “It’s just that…”
“Would you rather discuss that?” Dr Halley asked with sincerity. He paused for a moment and looked at her, to see if she meant what she said.
“If it’s alright,” he responded and the doctor smiled.
“Of course it is,” she said and looked at him, “What’s on your mind?”
“I was just thinking about what Chris said to me earlier, and he was right,” he sighed and closed his eyes, letting his body fall further into the seat.
“Why do you say that?” the doctor asked placing her hands face down to the table. He opened his eyes and looked at her before saying anything.
“Because it’s true. I lied to J, just because I wanted a drink and I didn’t care how I got it,” he began and the doctor gently cut him off.
“But couldn’t it be interpreted as you wanting to see Justin and using the drinking as an excuse?” she questioned, “Maybe, because this had all taken place after you guys had that hear-to-heart, you found it hard to give Justin a good reason for wanting to just hang out. Maybe you thought that if you asked him to come to the center and hang out he would freak out on you?”
“I guess,” he said confused and rubbing his chin, “But it was the guys who wanted me to come here, so I don’t think he would freak out on me.”
“I suppose you’re right. But what I am asking you is the question of why you went to Justin’s house and not any body else’s. Why did you pick Justin that night? Was it because you were lonely?” the doctor wanted to know. He sighed and shook his head.
“I was really lonely when I first came here, and I guess I did feel closer to J after our heart-to-heart,” he agreed, “So maybe yeah. I went to him because I needed to be around my best friend. But that wouldn’t explain why I went there drunk and lied to him.”
“Maybe you were nervous?” Dr Halley suggested with a raised eyebrow, “Maybe you were afraid that he would reject your request to go out, and playing that consequence in your head, the consequence of rejection and loneliness, made you drink as much as you could without realizing it.”
“So I lied to him when I was drunk so that he wouldn’t reject me?” he questioned and the doctor smiled softly with a nod.
“Maybe so,” she agreed and wrote something down on a piece of note paper before tearing it off and handing it to him. “This is what I’d like you to do for me before we meet again.”
“What is it?” he asked looking at the paper not really reading the words, then back up at her.
“It’s an exercise I get most of the patients here to do. I want you to try and remember that dream again and write it down. Once you’ve done that, try and come up with all the possible explanations for your actions that night. Maybe we can then find out why you did what you did,” she explained with a smile and closed her file.
“O-Okay,” he said in a shaky voice, unsure if he could remember everything, “What if I can’t remember everything?”
“Try and see what you can remember,” she responded and he nodded as they both stood up. “So I’ll see you tomorrow okay after group?”
“Yeah okay,” he smiled and looked at her, “I’ll try not to come before then.”
“JC, you are welcome to come any time, but we do schedule meetings for a reason,” she replied and lead him to the door, “But my door is always open. Remember that.”
“Okay I will,” he nodded and walked out the door. “Thanks doctor.”
“No problem JC,” she replied before closing the door, he sighed and leant against the wall, wondering how and if he would be able to remember the events from that night.
“Panicking again are we?” He could hear the smirk in the words as he groaned and opened up his eyes to see Jake standing in front of him.
“Yeah we are,” he said without any sarcasm at all, “My best friend just died because of me. What do you want?” Jake smirked and stood beside him, leaning against the wall himself and rolling back and forth on his heels.
“I thought you might like to know more about that night a few months back, since you forgot and all,” Jake said and eyed him. He shrugged and closed his eyes again, allowing his head to fall back and gently hit the wall.
“Yeah well right now all I want to remember is what happened to get my friend dead,” he grumbled and Jake sighed.
“I’m only trying to help,” Jake retorted and pushed himself off the wall. “Besides it’s important.” He opened his eyes and looked at Jake, not believing him.
“If it’s important why did you take this long to tell me that we knew each other out of rehab?” he asked pointedly. Jake faced him and ran a hand over his face.
“I didn’t tell you because I thought you wouldn’t want to know…” Jake began but cut himself off with a shake of the head.
“What? Finish now that you’ve begun,” he snapped and Jake shook his head, turning to leave.
“Nah never mind,” he said with a sly smile, “I’ll tell you later. Besides it divulges a few things I’m sure you’re not ready to know about yourself yet.” He shook his head at Jake and pushed himself off the wall.
“Well nice to know you just wasted a good fifteen minutes of my time,” he retorted rolling his eyes, “I’ll talk to you later.” He shoved past Jake and strode down the hall back to his room where Davie would be waiting for him, and as he did so he refused to admit that he was getting a bit curious as to what Jake’s real story was.
He groaned and rubbed his face as he stared down at the paper. He had finally managed to remember the dream, but the stack of papers around him had accumulated so much so around him, with so many explanations for that night. And the one that stuck out like a sore thumb was the only one that he had been told so many times over again.
He had lied to his best friend because he was afraid, afraid of being rejected. So in the process he’d gotten more drunk than he could remember ever getting. He had had enough of the thoughts running through his head; he had been through it so many times he was beginning to get annoyed with it.
He sighed ad pushed away the papers, and slowly stood up. He stretched and rubbed the back of his neck, and walked to the window. He frowned, seeing the sun so bright and flipped the blinds closed before yawning and taking a step back.
He knew he had to go and talk to the doctor, but he was scared, scared to admit that everything was his fault. So instead he holed himself into his room, and just thought. Thought about his best friend and the loss he had given to everyone.
He had helped Lynn loose a son, he had taken away a brother to his friends, he’d taken away a hero from millions of people, and he’s taken away a best friend from himself.
He sighed, closed his eyes and took as many steps back as he could until the back of his knees hit the bed and caused him to fall backwards. He let his body fall back on the bed and allowed his head to hit the pillow. He needed to rest; he felt worn out and tired. He frowned and placed his arms above his head, allowing his body to shut down, and for him to fall into a deep sleep.
“J wake up.” He shook his friend one last time and frowned when there was no movement. “J, come on man this is no longer funny.” He could feel his chest tightening up inside of him, and didn’t like the feeling as he looked around him. He closed his eyes and prayed that this was all a bad dream that he would snap out of, either that or his friend would wake up and tell him he’d been Punk’d.
“J, come on dude,” he pleaded in a shaky voice and tried again to wake him up. He pulled his hands away and noticed that the red stain on his hands. He looked down at his friend and saw a trickle of red liquid flowing out gently from behind his head. “Oh God no. J come on you gotta wake up.” He shook his friend even more violently the next time, but stopped abruptly and a wailing sound over took his ear drums.
“What the fuck?” he questioned and let go of his friend to cover his ear, he looked up and saw the twinkle of red and blue lights ahead of him. “Oh shit.”
He sat up right, bolted awake by the images of red and blue lights flashing through his mind. He rubbed his eyes and looked around him a few times to make sure he was where he thought he was. Then he took a deep breath in.
“Glad you’re awake,” Davie’s voice came from the doorway where he stood, “Get out of bed let’s go.” He looked to his left and eyed Davie suspiciously.
“Go? Where?” he asked, Davie sighed and rolled his eyes, taking one more step into the room.
“To the meeting room, the cops are here to talk to ya,” Davie said and reached for his elbow. He nudged Davie away and sat up, swinging his legs over the bed and standing up.
“Again?” he asked, although he wasn’t surprised. He had a sinking feeling in his stomach that something more was up.
“Yes again,” Davie chuckled and motioned for him to move to the bathroom. “Now let’s go.”
He could feel five pairs of eyes on him as he entered the room, and his stomach felt as if it was going to come out his mouth. He took a breath in, and plastered a fake smile on his face.
“JC,” the doctor said from next to one of the officers, “Have a seat.” He felt his smile falter and nodded, pulling out the chair next to Johnny and sitting down in it.
“Jayce,” Johnny began, placing a hand on his shoulder, “This is Officer Jaclyn you remember her right? And our lawyer John Davenport. Uh, the officer wanted to ask you some things.” He nodded at the officer and the lawyer.
“Hi,” he said and cast his gaze across the room to where his father sat, this did not look good. “So, uh, what did you want to ask me?”
“Mr Chasez,” Officer Jaclyn smiled wryly as she looked at him with distain, “I’m sure you are aware of the passing of Mr Timberlake?”
“Uh, yeah the guys told me about it,” he answered nervously and licked his lips, “What about it?”
“Well as you are aware you are one of the key suspects…” the officer began but was cut off by both the lawyer and his father.
“Jack, can you please…” his father began and looked at him, “It was never proven that Josh…”
“Right, sorry Mr Chasez. Officer isn’t this all speculation?” the lawyer asked looking at the officer. Officer Jaclyn sighed and glared at the lawyer.
“You’re right Jack it was. But as you are well aware, now that Mr Timberlake has passed, therefore your client can well aware be arrested for murder once all the documents are in place,” the officer told him, not letting her eyes falter.
“Murder?’ eh whispered and could feel his heart begin to pound in his chest.
“But he is in a government facility, you cannot arrest him,” Dr Halley put-in, “Right Jack?”
“That is correct Doctor. Officer, you cannot arrest this man for murder without any solid evidence linking him to the crime,” the lawyer confirmed and the officer rolled her eyes.
“I am well aware of that Jack. But unfortunately, your client was seen leaving the crime scene as soon as our officers arrived on the scene,” Officer Jaclyn said staring at him with distaste.
“But that’s all speculation!” his father called, standing up from his chair, “My son was with me that night. Right Josh?”
“Mr Chasez, there is no point lying to anyone to try and protect him,” the officer stated calmly.
“He’s not lying, Jayce was with him that night,” Johnny confirmed and the officer sighed.
“If he was then how do you explain why our officers saw him running from the scene?” the officer questioned and his father shrugged.
“I don’t know, all I know is that Josh was with me and my wife that night,” Roy confirmed with a nod. He sighed and leaned his head back, his father was trying to protect him yes, but he wasn’t doing such a good job of it.
“I was with my parents officer,” he said and opened his eyes to look at her as his father who gave a triumphant smile, “But like I said before I don’t remember what happened that night, only that I woke up at my parents house the next day.”
“And is that the story you are sticking to Mr Chasez?” the officer asked, he nodded and glanced around the room at everybody’s fallen faces.
“Yeah it is,” he whispered. The officer nodded and stood up.
“Good,” she said straightening out her jacket. She looked up and didn’t offer him a smile as she headed for the door. She reached it and turned to face him, “But remember Mr Chasez, I’ll be back later with my partner, and we will put you under arrest for the murder of Justin Timberlake.” And without looking at anyone else in the room, Officer Jaclyn walked out. He felt his heart drop as soon as the door shut behind her.
