Chapter 4.

            He had sat there in utter shock, not knowing what to say as the doctor told him exactly how his acting skills weren’t as amazing as he thought they were.

            But now he was back in that bleak room which was supposed to be his for the next couple of weeks, and wondering where everything had gone wrong. The doctor had told him that until he perked up, and got himself together, there would be no more group sessions, nor would he be able to see his family and friends. At first this idea didn’t really bother him, in fact it appealed very much to him. But now, the more he thought about it, the more he ran it into the ground, the more the idea scared him.

            As much as he was angry at his friends and family for reasons even he didn’t understand, he still wanted to be able to see them while in that place. So he knew now, he had to step it up a notch, and maybe, just maybe, he might have a problem. But what was that problem?

            “So someone finally knocked some sense into you?” Jake asked with an authority to his voice that made him shiver. He grunted and rolled his eyes.

            “No one knocks anything into me,” he snapped back and kept his eyes glued to the TV.

            “Oh really? Because you’re acting different,” Jake said not wanting to be ignored.

            “And how would you know?” he grunted, “We’re not even friends.”

            “Who said anything about being friends?” Jake asked, “I just said you were different, that doesn’t mean we have to be friends.”

            “Well to know someone to know they’ve changed you’ve gotta be good friends with them, and we are not friends,” he replied with a low growl.

            “Look, I don’t care. All I care about is that you’ve changed,” Jake replied and he laughed at that.

            “And why is that?” he asked trying to contain his laughter and Jake shook his head.

            “Because it’s ruining not only my time here, but everyone else’s,” Jake replied angrily, “Your shit is ruining everyone else’s opportunities to recover.”

            “So?” he asked with a roll of his eyes, “I’m not here for you am I?”

            “Yeah, but here we work as a unit and if one link is rusty the whole unit falls,” Jake snapped back, “You know what it’s like to work in a unit don’t you? Seeing as you were one fifth of a boy band.”

            “Don’t talk about us like that,” he growled, he may have still been angry at Justin, but he still felt a need to protect their name.  “We are not a boy band.”

            “Yeah you are. I mean, you’re five pretty guys who dance and sing together,” Jake replied with a shallow laugh.  “And let your manager do all the dirty work.”

            “We do the dirty work,” he growled under his breath.

            “Yeah sure you do,” Jake replied sarcastically and slowly stood up. “That’s why you don’t get credit on any of your albums.”  He glared at Jake that had been the wrong thing to do.

            “Shut up,” he growled, “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

            “Sure I do,” Jake replied running a hand through his hair.

            “Then why are you sputtering lies?” he asked, himself now standing up to face Jake. “Because as far as I can see everything you’ve said so far is bullshit.”

            “Then why are you caring so much? I mean if I was lying, then obviously you wouldn’t get so mad you’d just let it pass,” Jake replied with a smirk, “Just like you did when they told you Justin was better than you.”

            “That’s not true!” he snapped, “I did not let it pass when they told me Justin was better than me okay? Otherwise I wouldn’t be here would I?” Just then Jake looked at him with shock and smiled.

            “I do believe you’ve got it,” Jake said. “You’ve finally realised what you needed to get yourself out of here. Congratulations.” And Jake was right, he had.

            The next few days passed in a blur as he tried to sort out his feelings and his thoughts. Now he may have admitted to Jake, his deepest and darkest fear, but right now he wasn’t going to tell anyone else about it and he hoped Jake wouldn’t either.

            It was true, when people had compared him to his best friend, telling him Justin was better than him, he hadn’t just let it pass because he knew it wasn’t true. They were supposed to be equals, brothers, and they still were.

            But the pressure of being like Justin, according to the press, had made him who he was today. Someone with no other goal in life other than drink himself away into a blimp.

            He knew what he was doing, and didn’t think it was bad. Because he thought he had it under control. But that day, when his four brothers had turned up and told him the truth, he had denied it, because he hated being wrong. Because being wrong was not something he wanted to be, being wrong meant he had to face his fear. A fear even he wasn’t sure of.

            When he finally went to see the doctor, he felt his temperature rising, unsure of what to say to her. He was unsure if she would believe him, but all he had to do was hope and put his ass on the line.

            He knocked very slowly on her door, his knuckles turning whiter with each knock, and he waited, holding his breath.

            “Come in,” the doctor’s voice called from the other side. He smiled softly to himself and pushed the door gently open. “Ah JC.”

            “Hi doctor,” he said timidly, his confidence seemed to have faltered the past few says.

            “What can I do for you?” the doctor asked looking up from her books and nodding to the empty chair opposite her desk. “Please sit.” He stood by the door and nodded, moving slowly to the chair and sitting down.

            “I just wanted to talk,” he said quietly and she raised an eyebrow.

            “About what?” she asked closing the file she was looking at and giving him her full attention.

            “Um,” he began and fiddled with the bottom of his shirt nervously. “My fear.”

            “And what would that be?” the doctor asked softly, and he sighed, closing his eyes.

            “Not being who people want me to be,” he said slowly opening his eyes again and rubbing them slowly.

            “What does that mean?” Dr Halley asked looking at him seeming distraught.

            “People always want me to be someone else,” he began and the doctor nodded.

            “And do you have idea of who this person is?” the doctor asked and he sighed.

            “Justin,” he barely whispered but the doctor caught it. He looked down at his feet, then back up at the doctor. “I know it’s wrong, the way I feel about him, because we’re supposed to be brothers…”

            “Why do you feel like people compare you to Justin?” the doctor asked, and he shrugged.

            “Because it’s always in the tabloids,” he whispered.

            “Do you think Justin feels the same?” the doctor asked and he slowly shook his head.

            “I know he doesn’t,” he hushed, “But it’s hard not to think that he thinks he’s better than me.”

            “And do you think that is what lead you to your problem?” the doctor asked softly easing into the subject. He looked at the doctor with tear stained eyes, and for a moment wondered how to answer that question.

            He looked down at his shoes, and took a deep breath in before replying, “Yeah, it is.”

            Being so honest with the doctor had really got his heart in a bunch, especially confessing to her his problems with being compared to Justin.

            A few minutes after he confessed he actually had a problem, he’d gone about bashing the tabloids and being compared to his best friend, even once in a while taking a pluck at Justin. And it had torn him apart.

            Now he was sitting around, waiting, and it was a few days later. He was waiting to actually have a one on one with Justin as the doctor had suggested. Saying the only way to begin getting to the root of the problem is talking out the case.

            But Justin was an hour late, and he began to wonder if his best friend really meant what he said when he’d called him the day before. Justin had said he’d love to come and talk to him, because they were brothers. But did he mean it?

            “He’s not coming,” he said to the doctor crossing his arms over his chest and glancing at the clock as the big hand hit the twelve.

            “Maybe he’s stuck in traffic,” the doctor suggested trying not to let him get his hopes down, but he shook his head.

            “No, if he was he’d have called,” he replied with a sigh, the hand had moved to the one.

            “Maybe his phone broke,” the doctor said and he laughed at that.

            “No, J loved the thing too much. If it broke he’d fix it in a jiffy,” he replied smiling at his friend’s addiction to the phone.

            “JC, he is coming,” the doctor re-stated. “He’s your best friend, your brother like you said, he won’t let you down.” Just on cue there was a knock on the door. Both people looked up. “Come in.”

            The door opened and he felt his breath heighten, knowing exactly who was behind the door. He wondered what he would tell his best friend. Justin walked in, and upon seeing his friend smiled.

            “Hey Jayce,” Justin said and looked at the doctor. “Dr Halley right?” Just like himself, Justin had turned on the charm that every woman loved about the two of them. It was a charm they had perfected together, being around each other so often.

            “That’s right, and you must be Justin,” Dr Halley replied standing up and shaking Justin’s hand. “Please sit. We’re glad you came, JC was beginning to think you weren’t coming.” Justin looked at his friend and gave a sheepish grin.

            “Oh yeah, sorry about that. My mom came into town this morning,” Justin replied and he nodded. He understood how important Justin’s mother was to Justin, and anything passed on that.

            “It’s okay,” he replied, “How is she?”

            “She’s good,” Justin said and the others noticed his face light up, but became sober again. “But we’re not here to talk about her; we’re here to talk about you Jayce. What did you wanna talk about?”

            Talk about cutting straight to the chase, he thought and took a breath in, waiting for the doctor to cut in.

            “JC do you want to talk? I’m just going to take notes if that’s okay,” the doctor said and Justin nodded in understanding.

            “Jayce? Please let’s talk for once,” Justin said, his voice laced in pleas.

            “I want to talk to you,” he whispered, “But at the same time I don’t want to hurt you. You’re my brother, I can’t loose you.”

            “You won’t man,” Justin said matching the softness in tone.

            “I know, but I can’t be sure,” he whispered, and looked up at his best friend with fearful eyes.

            “You can Jayce. I’m your best friend, not even that we’re brothers. Nothing you can say can push me away, as much as you’ve tried,” Justin said and he could trace a hint of a smile in his words.

            “Okay,” he said and closed his eyes nodding. “Here goes nothing.”