Chapter 7.

            “I promise not to let it happen again.”

            “JC, wake up.” He felt himself being shook awake, violently. At first he stirred, and then his eyes flew open.

            “What? Where am I?” he growled angrily glaring around the room wondering where he was.

            “It’s okay; you’re just at the center.” He re-focused his eyes and looked up, to see the doctor looking down at him.

            “Doctor?” he asked, slowly trying to sit up but she made him lie back down.

            “Davie called me in here to try wake you up,” she explained to his unasked question, “It seems you were having a bad dream.”

            “Would look like it,” he grumbled and rubbed the back of his neck, “I could swear I was…”

            “Do you want to talk about it?” the doctor asked with concern sitting on the edge of the bed, he shook his head.

            “No it’s okay,” he whispered, still shook up from his dream. He could swear it was real.

            “Are you sure?’ she questioned placing a hand on his shoulder. He nodded and pulled away from her.

            “Yeah I’m sure,” he mumbled and swung his legs over the side of the bed, as he did so the doctor stood up. “I just need to see J to know he’s alright.”

            “Well you know what the answer to that request is JC,” the doctor said with a heavy sigh.

            “I know, but couldn’t I at least…” he began but the doctor cut him off.

            “No I’m afraid not JC,” she replied and he sighed.

            “But it might help...” he tried again but she cut him off.

            “Somehow I don’t think it will,” she responded walking out of the room. “I’m sorry JC, I really am.”

            “Well this is a fine turn out,” he mumbled to himself as he walked into the room to see only his mother, father, brother, sister and Johnny sitting in the room or group. He knew where the others were, with Justin, where he should have been.

            “Ah JC, good now we can start,” Dr Halley said with a smile as he walked in and sat down. He just grunted and rolled his eyes.

            “I don’t want to be here,” he mumbled and he heard his father sigh.

            “We know Josh, but it’s for your own good,” Roy put-in, he snorted at that.

            “Well like I said...” he began but Johnny cut him off.

            “You can’t be there Jayce and you know why,” Johnny said softly, he gasped and looked at Johnny in shock.

            “What? You’re denying me from seeing my best friend?” he asked and Johnny shook his head.

            “No, you’re only denying yourself of that. If you hadn’t…” Johnny tried, now he cut it.

            “Well I did,” he snapped, “But that still doesn’t give anyone the right to deny me seeing my best friend.”

            “Jayce…” Johnny began but this time his mother cut in.

            “It’s not us Josh,” his mother replied, “It’s Lynn, she thinks…”

            “She thinks you caused the accident,” Johnny finished softly, he let out a short gasp.

            “What? But how can she?” he asked looking around the room frantically.

            “It’s the rumours,” Tyler, his brother hushed, “The rumours have been flying around like crazy.”

            “What rumours?” he asked angrily, he knew what the doctor had said about rumours but she hadn’t given him specifics and he wanted to know.

            “Josh, they said you were there. That you were at the scene of the accident,” his sister Heather said softly not able to look at him. He looked at her.

            “But I wasn’t, I would remember if I...” he began but the doctor silenced him.

            “JC we’ve been down that remember? You don’t remember…” she began and he glared at her.

            “I know anything from that night. I remember,” he sighed heavily and looked around.  “I wasn’t there, I’m sure of it.”

            “But there were witnesses Jayce,” Johnny began, “People saw you there.”

            “How do they know it was me?” he countered and his mother sighed.

            “People know who JC Chasez is Josh,” she whispered, and he nodded.

            “I know but…” he tried.

            “But nothing Josh,” Heather interrupted, “You were there they saw you. And…”

            “And what Heather?” he snapped at his sister, “What else are they saying about me?”

            “And...” his sister paused for a while, wondering what to say, “And people say it was you who caused the accident.”

            He woke up again from another sleepless night in utter panic. He glanced around the room and wondered where he was, his eyes looking around him to find some clue.

            He sat up and took a deep breath in before trying to remember the dream and everything that had been said to him that day. Had it all really happened? Had he really… No, he wouldn’t believe it, he COULDN’T believe it. He would never…

            Oh God, he thought and rubbed his face with his hands, what if I did? What if it I put J in that hospital? Again, just thinking about this made his heart beat slow down and his breath stopped coming.

            He shook his head and swung his feet over the side of the bed as he made his way over to the window and looked out.

            Could the rumours be true? Was he to blame for Justin’s accident? After all he could not remember anything from that night, and even if he wasn’t there he couldn’t prove it. He sighed and looked up to the sky. There were no stars out, just clouds.

            He then had a shaky feeling come over him, a feeling that began in his toes and was slowly creeping up his spine. His problem, his craving it had comeback and he hadn’t stopped it. Why? Because he wanted that drink.

            He held back the tears as they forced to come, because even though he wanted that drink he knew he should have stopped himself but didn’t. Now he had to face the consequences. Like the doctor had told him that day not to long ago, next time he drank it would cost him more than his memory and she was right. It had cost him his brother.

            Waking up to the sounds of birds chirping outside his window was not the way he wanted to wake up. He groaned inwardly and rubbed his eyes, here it was yet another day having left to wonder.

            He sighed and slowly rolled out of bed, just before Davie walked in and pulled the curtains open.

            “Glad to see you’re up, get dressed,” Davie told him, not wanting to look him in the eyes.

            “What’s the rush? It’s not like I gotta be anywhere important today anyways,” he mumbled but he stood up anyways and headed for the bathroom.

            “You got a visitor,” Davie stated, still not looking at him. He stopped in his tracks and raised an eyebrow at Davie.

            “And who would that be?” his sarcasm had returned over the past few days due to the fact that everyone had been treating him like a criminal. Davie turned and looked at him.

            “He says his name’s Chris; he’s a friend of yours?” Davie asked and he groaned inwardly, he knew exactly why Chris was here, he was here to tell him the truth.

            “Jayce look at me.” The older man sat across from him, trying to get him to remember that night. The night when the craving had gotten the better of him.

            “I didn’t do it C,” he mumbled under his breath, and Chris sighed not believing him.

            “Jayce how can you say that? You don’t even remember where you were that night, for all we know…” Chris began but he cut him off.

            “No, I know okay? I know I don’t remember, but I just know that I wasn’t there I couldn’t have been,” he sighed and looked at his friend. “You believe me right?”

            “I want to Jayce but…” Chris’ voice trailed off.

            “If I did that to J why would I just leave him there to die?” he asked, because he knew Chris wouldn’t argue on that one although he did.

            “Because you were drunk?” Chris asked with a raised eyebrow, “Would you want to be caught by the cops driving drunk?” He looked down at his feet and sighed.

            “No I wouldn’t C,” he replied and ran a shaky hand through his hair. “But why, I mean how…” He cut himself off in mid-sentence at a loss for words.

            “I don’t know why or how Jayce,” Chris replied placing a hand on his arm. “All I know is what the cops have said and the rumours that we’ve heard.”

            “Which are what exactly?” he wanted to know, still not knowing the full details.

            “They are that you were there, running as fast as you could away from the accident…” There was a pause as Chris wondered how to form his next sentence. “Running away from J, your brother, leaving him there to die.”

            He couldn’t believe what he was hearing, his ears were screaming with pain. Had it really happened like that? Had he left his best friend for dead? He shook his head as Chris gave him a puzzled look.

            “Jayce? Are you alright?” Chris asked and he blinked, trying to figure out how it could have happened. He didn’t remember a thing from that night, and maybe this was why? Maybe he’d been so traumatized by what he’d done he’d blocked it out? “Jayce? Hello can you hear me?”

            “W-What?” he asked and looked at his friend, “Sorry C, what did you say?” Chris looked back to him with a small smile.

            “I asked if you were okay,” Chris said softly.

“Yeah, I’ll be okay,” he grumbled under his breath and turned away. Chris sighed before continuing.

“I know it wasn’t what you wanted to hear but that’s what people are saying,” Chris reasoned and he shook his head. He couldn’t, wouldn’t, have done what they were saying.

“I know C,” he replied with a sigh, “But I…” He stopped short, wondering where to begin and where to end. He didn’t do it, he knew he didn’t. It had to be a mistake.

“Jayce you need to tell the truth,” Chris said placing a hand on his friend’s arm, “So you can get yourself out of this mess and for Lynn to let you see J.” He looked back at his friend with sad eyes and shook his head.

“But how can I do that C? I don’t even know what happened that night,” he replied and Chris sighed.

“You have to try and remember Jayce,” Chris said with sincerity, “If not for yourself then do it for J.” He looked at his friend and nodded, but he knew he would never be able to remember what had really gone on that night.