Chapter 9.

            Yes time, he didn’t have much of it left, and he knew it. He knew that somewhere along the line something was going to happen that would change his life for good.

            He walked into the little room, and had to shield his eyes from the bright light. He took a deep breath in and looked around him, sitting at the long, rectangular table sat Dr Halley, Johnny and two police officers.

            “JC,” Dr Halley was the first one to greet him as he sat down next to Johnny, who didn’t even give him a second look.

            “Hi doctor,” he replied in a low voice and cast his eyes down ward. “What’s going on?”

            “Jayce, this is Officer Tawny and his partner Officer Jaclyn. They’re here to ask you a few questions about the accident,” Johnny said looking at him for the first time now. He noticed Johnny’s eyes laced with fear and wondered what it meant.

            “What about the accident?” he asked, looking up at the officers. The male officer looked at him and pulled a small notebook out of his pocket with a small smile.

            “Mr Chasez, I’m Officer Tawny,” he began and uncapped his pen. “Can I ask you where you were the night an accident involving a Mr Justin Timberlake occurred?” He looked at the officer then at everyone else, his throat was caught. He didn’t know what to say, because he didn’t know where he was.

            “I was…” he began but Johnny cut in front of him.

            “JC was out that night,” Johnny replied because it was the truth, but not the whole truth. The female officer raised an eyebrow and leaned forward.

            “Mr Chasez is this true?” she asked, he nodded slightly not daring to look her in the eye.

            “Yeah,” he whispered and could feel his feet getting cold.

            “Mr Chasez, can you tell us the events of that evening as witnessed by yourself?” the male officer asked. He hitched his breath in, and closed his eyes hoping everything would go away.

            “No,” he replied, knowing that he would receive glares from both officers, but he had no clue what else to say because he couldn’t remember.

            “No?” the female officer repeated and he nodded. “Why not Mr Chasez?”

            “Because,” he answered, “Because…”

            “Mr Chasez, you do know it is the law that you answer these questions truthfully? Why are you not able to tell us what happened that night?” Officer Tawny interrupted. He opened his eyes and glared at both officers.

            “Because I don’t remember okay?” he snapped, he was beginning to get agitated with all the questions and accusations. “I don’t remember what happened that night because I was drunk. Is that what you want to hear? I don’t know what happened to my best friend.”

            “Jayce!” Johnny hissed in his ear as the male officer wrote down every word he just said.

            “What?” he asked and glared at Johnny, “It’s the truth, and right now they need to know the truth. I don’t need more shit to deal with than I already have.”

            “But JC,” Dr Halley interrupted softly, “That was not the best way to go about it.” He looked at the doctor and nodded, he knew she was right. But lying about where he had been? He didn’t need that, he had been lying enough as it was.

            “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap,” he said and looked at the officers. “But it’s the truth, I don’t remember. I know it must sound…”

            “Thank you Mr Chasez,” the female officer replied and stood up abruptly. “I think we’ve got all the information we need.” She motioned for her partner to stand as well; he did and placed his notepad back in his pocket.

            “Nice meeting you Mr Chasez,” the male officer said with a nod, “We’re sorry if we inconvenienced you but if you can’t remember any events from that night then we can’t question you further. Have a nice day.”

            And without another word both officers left, leaving the three remaining occupants in the room to wonder is what had been said was a good thing, or a bad thing.

            “Jayce, tell me...” Johnny began looking at him with eyes that he couldn’t read. He sighed and leaned his head back against the wall; the craving was creeping back on him.

            “I can’t Johnny,” he replied and shook his head from the thought of another drink, “What I told the officers was the truth, I can’t tell them where I was that night because I don’t remember.”

            “Are you sure?” Johnny asked, he nodded silently and opened his eyes to look at Johnny. “Because you know they could hold it against you.”

            “I know, but I had to tell the truth Johnny,” he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “And I know that it’s gonna make me sound like an ass that intentionally hurt his friend, and with the evidence of why I’m here…”

            ‘You’re not only in here because of that JC,” Dr Halley interrupted, “I thought we established that.”

            “Yeah we did, but it was the first reason I told you about right? And once they find out I’ll look even guiltier than ever. They won’t care about the other stuff I have to sort out in my head,” he retorted and looked at the doctor, who just sighed in defeat.

            “Is that how you feel about it?” Dr Halley asked him softly, “You feel as if they’re right?”

            “I’m beginning to yeah,” he nodded and looked down at his shoes. “I can’t remember where I was that night, for all I know…”

            “Stop acting so negative Jayce,” Johnny interrupted and stood up. “You even said yourself that you know you couldn’t have done it right?” Johnny walked over and placed a hand on his shoulder. He looked up at his boss and nodded.

            “Yeah that’s what I said,” he answered softly, “But I don’t know anymore. I only said it because…”

            “Because you guys are brothers, you would never hurt him intentionally,” Johnny finished and he nodded before Johnny turned to the doctor. “What now Doc?”

            “I need to work with JC a bit more,” Dr Halley said standing up herself and stretching, “Because he needs to believe in himself again, he has to know he didn’t do it.” He smiled slightly at the doctor’s words as she walked over to the two men.

            “But the evidence...” he began and shook his head; the police officers’ visit had really shaken him up.

            “That’s not the important thing here JC,” the doctor said looking him right in the eye, “What’s important is that we help you get better, so you can handle this situation better.”

            He knew that he had believed that he could never hurt Justin, but now he was beginning to doubt himself. If he could get out of rehab and get drunk, if he could give into his cravings, then what was it to say that he couldn’t have hurt his best friend?

            The feelings were all there, he knew they were. The feelings of anger and hurt towards Justin and being in his shadow. He knew Justin hadn’t meant to hurt him, he would never do it intentionally, but he had and he wanted to stop the hurt and anger. Was this is how he did it? By hurting his best friend, instead of talking it out and finding another solution?

            He shook his head and sighed heavily, placing his hands in his head. He was confused, too much so. What had really happened that night? And why wouldn’t God let him remember? Was there a reason for all that?

            “I couldn’t have, could I?” he grumbled to himself and rubbed his eyes. He sat up slowly and looked out the window at the rain falling outside and shook his head again. “No I couldn’t have.”

            “Yes you could.” He groaned and forced himself not to leap up and grab Jake by the throat and strangle the living daylights out of him.

            “What the fuck do you want?” he growled, and set his eyes on the falling rain.

            “I just wanted to tell you, you could have caused the accident,” Jake replied with sarcasm laced in every word, “And in my opinion you probably did, I wouldn’t put it past you.” He shook his head and tried to ignore Jake, who he realised had anger as well as rudeness embedded in his words.

            “I couldn’t have,” he mumbled and ran a hand through his hair. “I would know if I did.”

            “Well you were drunk,” Jake answered, “You don’t know what you know.” He snarled and turned around slowly in his chair.

            “I know I didn’t cause that accident!” his voice rose as he stood up to his full height and cowered over Jake, as if to reassure himself of his innocence.

            “And how do you know that?” Jake countered matching his height and his glare. “Can you magically remember the events of that night?”

            “What is it of your business what I know?” he snapped and glared at Jake.

            “Because I’m living under the same roof as you,” Jake replied and he snorted with a shake of his head. “And it’s affecting me!”

            “Wrong, all you are is some psycho fan who wants to rub his nose in my business where it doesn’t effect you!” he yelled, he’d had enough of Jake and his butting in. “So stay the fuck out of my life like I do yours, got it?” He glowered at Jake and waited for a response. The other man didn’t respond for a while, but soon Jake just nodded angrily and turned on his heel storming out of the room.

            “Thank God I got rid of him,” he muttered once Jake had left, and he let himself relax as he slinked back onto the bed. Hopefully he’d gotten rid of Jake for good, because he really didn’t need anymore people nosing around in his life.

            “JC, we need to talk this through,” Dr Halley sighed and rubbed her temples. He looked at the doctor and shook his head; he had no clue where to begin.

            “I don’t know where to even begin,” he told her, not letting his gaze drop. The doctor sighed and looked up at him; he could tell she hadn’t slept in a few days.

            “I know JC,” she smiled weakly and picked up her fallen pen. “Why don’t we start on how things have been going for the past few days? I heard you and Jake Mulley exchanged a few words, is that so?”

            “Yeah, I told him to keep his nose out of my life,” he answered and rubbed his hands together, “He’s always nosing around, wanting to know what I’m doing in my life.”

            “But JC, maybe it’s not a good thing to be pushing people away?” Dr Halley asked, “You said so yourself, one of the reasons you began drinking was because you felt lonely and invisible. Isn’t pushing people away what your doing to yourself?’

            “But he’s an ass,” he protested and the doctor shook her head. “Besides, I already feel alone here. I mean my friends won’t even come see me after the accident, and I’m not allowed to know what’s going on with my best friend let alone see him. Jake is another stress I didn’t need.”

            “I understand,” the doctor nodded after awhile of thinking about what he said. “So this situation is making you feel more lonely? Are the cravings coming back?”

            “Only when I get agitated,” he admitted and looked at the desk in front of him. “Like after the cops came and after the argument with Jake.”

            “But you can control them?” the doctor inquired and he nodded.

            “I can, but that’s only if…” he stopped for a moment and tried to figure out how he was going to say what he wanted, “Only if I think about J in the hospital.”

            “Why do you think that is?” she asked with a raised eyebrow and he shrugged.

            “I don’t know, but every time I think I want to drink I remind myself that maybe my drinking just lost me my best friend,” he answered, the doctor smiled and put down her pen to look at him.

            “JC, we don’t know you caused the accident. That’s all speculation remember? Are you beginning to doubt yourself?” The doctor asked and he nodded.

            “Yeah,” he replied quietly and looked down at his hands, “I mean if I could give into my cravings and get drunk then…”

            “Then we need to come up with a plan to stop you from giving into those cravings, and I don’t think thinking about your friend in hospital is an option,” Dr Halley said with a small smile not wanting him to finish his thought.

            “And how will that help?” he asked, “How will it help Justin?”

            “It’ll stop another one of these episodes from happening again,” Dr Halley replied calmly and looked up at him. He nodded slowly and looked at her.

            “Okay, so what would this plan be then?” he asked rubbing the bridge of his nose to get rid of an itch.

            “Well what makes you happy JC?” she asked, and he smiled slightly as he thought of an answer for that.

            “My family, the guys, my music,” he listed off the words each with a smile.

            “Well then why don’t we pick one of those? What about every time you get a craving think about how it will affect your family and friends?” the doctor asked writing everything down. He nodded and leaned forward.

            “Yeah, but it already has effected…” he began and she snapped her head up and shook it at him.

            “No, we don’t know that JC,” she sighed and rubbed her eyes. “Okay that’s not going to work. How about you think about how your career will be affected by your drinking?”

            “I could do that,” he nodded and began to think. His career was already half affected, if anything had gotten out to the press…

            “Alright,” the doctor interrupted his thoughts and smiled at him. “I want you to think about it JC, and let me know next time we meet up okay?”

            “Okay,” he answered, with a nod, “Um, the time…”

            “I know our time is up,” she nodded glancing at the clock as well and noting their time was up. “I’ll see you in a few days okay? And if there’s anything let me know.” She smiled warmly at him and he stood up slowly with a nod.

            “I will doctor thanks,” he said and began heading out the door, already knowing his career was already affected by his decision to drink and the doctor’s plan was not going to work. Not this one anyways.