JC was restless but he forced himself to lay on his bed, quietly. He was waiting.
In New Orleans they were staying in a beautiful, renovated mansion. JC had no idea how they had access to such a creation. It seemed like it should be in a museum or something. A historical landmark that didn't need 20-something pop stars and all their handlers and guests violating it's walls. But that was the way it was.
They had already been in New Orleans for a week, working on the songs, working on the stage, working hard. Pushing through the heat, all the long days, dealing with Wade and all the other choreographers, trying to imagine just exactly how they were going to keep a stadium of people entertained for 90 minutes.
Things hadn't been going smoothly. The whole process was just so clunky, so large. A tour of this size wasn't easy. Then there were the delays. They couldn't get the stage right, the dates right, the venues right. The CD release date was pushed back and JC was getting so frustrated. He just wanted to get out there. He wanted to show them the music. He wanted to sing, he wanted to groove to the rhythms, to breathe into the mic. He wanted to look down at all the people and the flashing lights and hear those other voices in his ears and think, yes, yes, this is what he loved to do. This is what he was born to do. He was put on this earth to be on that stage and throw his head back and just sing with four of the best people he knew on earth.
But that wasn't happening. Not right now.
And there was the other setback. Laura.
Johnny had been mad. He sat in front of Johnny's desk after he was summoned and waited a long while for the older man to calm down enough to speak.
"What are you thinking?" Johnny finally said. Quietly. That was the worst. The quiet anger. But JC kept his eyes on Johnny's steadily.
"I was thinking," JC said. "That it's my life."
"That's your first mistake," Johnny said curtly.
"It was something I did," JC said. "I can't take it back."
"No..." Johnny said. That was semantics, though. JC could take it back and they both knew it.
"I should have told you," JC conceded.
"You're damn right, JC." Johnny leaned back in his chair and sighed. "I don't know where to go with this."
"Does it really matter that much?" JC mumbled, finally looking down at his lap. It seemed like no one was going to be happy for him. Johnny wasn't happy. His parents weren't too happy to hear about this. The group wasn't happy. Oh, Lance, Chris and Joey tried to be courteous but JC wasn't dumb. He could see through that. At least Justin didn't try. Justin told him how he felt, honestly. Justin had gotten up close and personal with his feelings. JC appreciated that. Really.
But it didn't make him feel any better.
"I don't want to let anybody down," JC had said, back in Johnny's office. "You know I don't. You know this means more to me then anything. That the group does. You know this, Johnny." JC sighed, breathing though his nose. He willed Johnny to understand.
"Yes, I know that. I know that, JC. But... JC, you should have figured this out by now." Johnny leaned over the desk, closer to JC. His eyes weren't full of anger and disappointment now. They were glazed with sympathy, tinged with sadness. "You can't have both worlds. You can't have your private life and your public one. They don't exist separately . It's all one thing. What you do in private, you do in public. There's no separating the JC in Nsync from the JC who's going to get married. And that's the truth."
JC knew it was the truth. Sitting alone in his room, he also knew that he didn't like it.
He dialed Laura's number again after he picked up his cellphone. It rang and rang. The voicemail picked up.
"Baby, it's me..." JC trailed off for a moment, wondering what those words really meant. "Please give me a call back. I know you know that everyone knows about us. Please. Talk to you soon."
He hung up without saying he loved her.
A mistake? Or...
It was just a message. JC flopped back and pulled the pillow over his face for a moment but it was too hot to stay like that for long.
He wasn't having doubts. He wasn't having regrets about what he did. He just didn't understand why nobody backed him up. Not one single person had looked at him, honestly, and said, JC, it's okay, we'll get through this. It's not the end.
He had to believe it wasn't the end. That was the last thing JC would want. In fact, the proposal was strictly to keep Nsync-- his life, his music-- together for many years to come.
They didn't understand that. And they wouldn't. Not unless he told them the truth.
But that wasn't going to happen.
JC got out of bed and walked to the window. From his window he could see the ocean, the smooth expanse of blue that rose up over an imaginary slope and just went on and on into infinity. He leaned against the clean glass and let the waves hypnotize him so he wouldn't have to think quite so much anymore.
He knew he was supposed to be happy. One part of his self should be happy, despite everything.
But at that moment, JC felt like the loneliest man on earth.
* * *
Justin was used to sitting in the passenger's seat. He leaned over and touched his ankle carefully. It still didn't hurt. It still felt right just as good as it did when she first put that jelly stuff on him. He sat back in the seat, trying not to looked as miffed and excited as he really felt.
Of course, as used as Justin was to being carted around, this wasn't a typical transport. The young woman driving him was dark and mysterious. She was quiet and the radio played something softly, some sort of blues music, no words, just music. Justin liked it. He wished she would turn it up.
He wished she would talk.
He watched Kashia's hands on the steering wheel. Her hands were firm, the fingers long, fingernails neatly trimmed. She gripped the wheel right in the grooves and sort of leaned into her turns sometimes, but drove very well, very smoothly, definitely like she was commanding the car. It didn't seem like she had an ounce of fear in her. About anything.
Her lips were closed and her eyes were focused on the road ahead, although Justin could sense that this was all familiar ground. It wasn't familiar to him. He let his eyes slide over to the passenger side window. Houses passed, if they could be called houses. They were so small, much smaller then what he was used to. Maybe some people would consider these house shacks. There were trailers too, crammed into a flat, tight areas that looked prone to tornadoes and hurricanes. The neighborhood was poor, rundown. They would pass blocks of nothing, empty lots, abandoned buildings, areas that had become landfills and trash dumps. People hung out on the sidewalks, on the side of the road, on porches of apartment building with the paint chipping off, sitting and staring and talking and playing games. But when Kashia drove by, with Justin looking out of the window, the people stared at him and he felt very conspicuous from behind the window pane. He lowered his gaze, looked up again once they had moved past the onlookers. After this same sequence happened a couple of times, Kashia startled him by breaking the silence.
"They aren't going to rob you, you know," Kashia said. "I know you're not used to being in this part of town."
"Oh no, it's not that," Justin said quickly.
Kashia didn't look like she believed him. "Maybe it's not you," She said. He didn't know what to say.
"Thanks for the ride," Justin tried. "Really."
"Yeah."
"You really know your way around." Actually, Justin was hungry for a conversation. He had something he wanted to tell her but he had to find the right way to say it.
"Well, I live here, Justin." Kashia didn't take her eyes off of the road.
"How long have you lived here?"
"My whole life."
The conversation could have stopped there. Lapsed into silence. But Justin had to be a pusher. He had no idea why this girl wasn't warming up to him. He was Justin Timberlake, for goodness sake. That should be reason enough for people to do anything.
"You just live with your grandpa?" Justin tried.
"Yep."
Well... that was the type of answer that ended things. He didn't know her at all. He couldn't say, where's your mom and dad? Or, why aren't you in college? Or something like that. He couldn't really go anywhere if she was going to give him curt answers like that.
"Do you have any siblings?" Justin finally asked, finding a topic he could work with. They passed a group of small children playing in the weak stream from a fire hydrant. He had always wondered how people got those fire hydrants to go off like that.
"It's just me," Kashia said. Her fingers tapped the steering wheel, maybe to some sort of beat. He had forgotten about the music.
"I like that." Justin nodded towards the radio. "That music."
"You do?" Kashia looked at him for the first time. She looked like she didn't believe him.
"Yes." Justin felt slightly insulted, although he wasn't sure why. "I like all types of music."
"I like music worth listening to," Kashia responded. "I don't listen to your kind of music much."
Justin ducked his head down, sort of sheepishly. "I don't blame you," he said quietly. "It's just supposed to be for fun, I guess."
"Don't sell yourself short on my account," Kashia said. "I'm sure you and your music are loved all around the world. I'm just one girl and I don't count much."
"Sure you do," Justin said brightly. He had to find that Timberlake charm. Where was it? Why wasn't this working with her. "I try not to take myself too seriously."
"Sure," Kashia said, blandly, sarcastically and she looked at him again. He couldn't forget her piercing eyes, that amber, that reddish brown color.
She saw right through him.
"Okay. I take myself seriously. Too seriously. Maybe most of the time." Justin said.
"You'll be okay," Kashia told him. She pointed ahead. "The Pinsler place, right? That's where you're staying?"
"I guess." Justin peered forward and then nodded. "Yeah, that's where I came from. We didn't call it the Pinsler place though. I've never heard it called that."
"Of course not," Kashia said, maybe mostly to herself. Then, to Justin, "It's a local name. Used to belong to the Pinsler family. Before they left. Everyone in this area left. Anyone with any money, that is. The Pinsler's had money."
"Why did they leave?" Justin asked.
Kashia tapped her fingers on the steering wheel and didn't answer for a couple of minutes. "Just... cleared out. Too close to the water." She paused again. Justin could tell there was more behind her words. Lots more. Then she added, "Something about bad vibes."
He knew it. Justin blurted out the question before he could think about it. "So it's true about what your grandfather said. Something about voodoo?" He knew Kashia was going to interrupt him but he pressed on, his voice getting louder. "She got a spell on him! That's what he said. He said, a spell. Is that what you're talking about? I've heard about it here. In New Orleans, they have it here. What do you know about it? Is it important--"
"Justin, stop it," Kashia said sharply, very harshly and he was shocked that she spoke to him like that. Then he felt ashamed. He was acting like such a lunatic. But he had to know. Kashia spoke again. "I don't want to talk about this."
"Kashia..."
"It's not real. We are not discussing it. Show me some respect, Justin. You don't even know me."
Justin took a deep breath. "I know... and I'm sorry. But I'm wondering... it's like your grandfather was reading my mind. See... my friend, my best friend, my bandmate... he got engaged. To this woman, his girlfriend. They've only been going out for five months. It's not like him to do these things. I mean, he has girlfriends but he never... he never gets like this. He's never talked about marriage before. We're about to start our tour, we have a new CD. He knows this screws everything over. JC has always been so focused on us, on our music, I just know... I just don't believe that he would do this on his own! She might have done it. The voodoo. Laura's from New Orleans too!"
"Justin, voodoo doesn't mean putting spells on people, okay. You're thinking about it in the wrong context. Everybody does. They have their own preconceptions. That's not what it is. It's not inherently evil." Kashia suddenly took a sharp turn. Justin was thrown into his door and that sort of cleared his head. He wanted to forget about what he had just said. It sounded crazy. Insane. But he couldn't take it back now. He wasn't going to take it back.
"I'd like to know more about it then," Justin said quietly. "I'd like to learn."
"Read a book, Justin." Kashia turned off the car. He took a sharp breath when he heard the car click off. "We're here. So."
"Can I have your number?" Justin asked patiently . This wasn't a time for games, for smoothness, for pick up lines and playful banter. He had to be straightforward with Kashia. He had to be truthful with her.
"No," Kashia said.
"I really want to talk about this," Justin said steadily. He wasn't looking at her. He couldn't. He didn't know why, he just felt so strange right now. "I really believe... I just need to know some more. I believe that maybe you can tell me. Maybe there's a reason we met today. Do you ever feel like that? Maybe it's fate."
"No, no, no," Kashia said and her voice wasn't so calm anymore. "It just... it can't be, Justin. You'd better get inside. Before your ankle goes out again."
"You know about it, you know." Justin leaned down and grabbed his ankle. "You did this for me. The jelly stuff you used... it's voodoo right? But the good kind? Or whatever. I don't know. Please, Kashia. One more favor, Kashia, I need to talk to you."
"You don't know me, Justin, you don't know me." They met eyes suddenly. He was taken aback by her unusual eyes again. No matter how many times he saw them, they were still striking and breathtakingly unique. "If you did, you wouldn't want to be seen with me again. Now get out of the car. Please."
"What are you..." Justin couldn't look away. He didn't want to. "I don't believe that, Kashia."
"You don't belong in this world," Kashia said. "You belong there. Where the rich people used to live. Where you are comfortable Justin. You have everything in the world going for you. Don't waste your time on this. On something my senile grandfather said. On this dead end part of town. It's not worth it. I don't want you to even know what I'm talking about. I don't want you to ever understand. Now go." Kashia shoved Justin hard on the shoulder.
"W-wait... Kashia..." Justin stumbled out of the car. His ankle still felt fine as he stood up on it. "I just--"
"Have a good career," Kashia said slowly. She pulled the door closed roughly. She backed up and then sped down the street. He watched her old beat up red car become smaller as it got farther away and then she took a turn and he couldn't see her anymore. He took a deep shuddery breath and let it out slowly. He was standing at the top of the long driveway that led to the headquarters. The guard was staring at him as he started towards the house.
"Who was that?" the security guard called. "She was hot man. Way to go! I wondered why it took you a whole week to start scamming on the locals."
"Shut up!" Justin yelled. He wasn't in the mood for anything, no joking, no anything. He wanted information.
He wanted to talk to JC. He had to warn him.
It was real. He knew it.
Justin traveled to the house at a fast walk, almost a run. All the cars and trucks that the group and staff used where in the main parking lot of the house so he knew nobody was gone. JC would be inside and Justin could talk to him.
Then Justin noticed another car. A sleek black Chrysler Sebring parked in the very last slot that nobody used. He stopped walking and stared. He hadn't noticed the car when Kashia had pulled into the driveway. It must have gotten there before Kashia. But the person in the car hadn't gone inside yet. He watched her step out, close the door, check her lipstick in the sideview mirror and toss her dark hair over her slender shoulder.
Laura.
He couldn't believe she was there. Or maybe he could. She thought she was untouchable. She thought nobody would ever find out.
She thought wrong. Two could play this game.
"Laura!" Justin called. He watched her turn around. Some would call her beautiful. Those people didn't know anything.
"Hello, Justin," Laura said. She paused, waiting for him to catch up. "What are you up to?" She looked down and asked, unconcerned. "What happened to your knees?"
"Just back from a run," Justin said easily. He didn't answer her question because he knew she didn't care. He grabbed her left hand and pulled it up. He looked at the ring on her finger. "We heard. Congratulations."
"I know," Laura said.
"What did you do to snag a guy like JC?" Justin asked with a smile he didn't mean. He dropped her hand without a second glance at the ring.
"You know me." Laura flashed him a smile and started for the front door. Justin stayed back and watched her.
She was wrong. He didn't know her. Nobody knew her. JC didn't know her. Justin knew this. JC didn't know her at all.
But Justin was going to find out the truth about Laura. With or without any help.
That was a promise.
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