She was wearing a black pleated skirt with white around all the seams and pockets hanging three inches above her knees. She wore a black spaghetti strap shirt with a tiny pink bow at the top and pink lace around the bottom. She did her make up in a pink and black fashion putting emphasis on her eyes. She'd outlined them with thick black and added pink around the lids giving her a fairy look and her hair was parted to the side with a small pink clip with a skull on it holding it in place. She wore a pair of bright pink fishnet stockings and a pair of high top Chuck's adorned her feet.

"Thank you." she said blushing.

"Your welcome. Come on, let's go downstairs to meet the others." Ryan said holding out his arm.

Ryan was wearing a pair of jeans and a black button down shirt with a red tie and black wrist warmers. He his hair was parted to the side and he looked truly like the lead singer of a band. There was no question as to why all the girls loved him and right now Shelby felt honored to be escorted by him. He was one of her very good friends; more than just a band mate.

Shelby rolled her eyes at the whistles that came from the party they were about to meet up with and just ignored them. Everyone said their hello's and 'you look hot's' then decided where to eat and set off for their big night of adventure. Their party consisted of Shelby and her band Justin, Ryan, Scott; and JC. They decided to go to somewhere simple and just get some fast food. It only took them about a half hour to eat then they went to The Neon Blade, a hot spot owned by a woman named Violet.

The ensemble was ushered in right away without having to wait in line because of JC's celebrity which Shelby was very grateful for because she was having memories of the last time she went clubbing.

A half an hour later, they stood outside the club, waiting to get in. There wasn't a really long line so it didn't really bother them to stand in line. When they got to the bouncer, he asked for ID's and while Shelby was getting hers out, all the guys went in. Shelby showed him her ID, and he took it.

"Sorry miss. You have to be 18." he said handing her the ID.

"But, I'm with them." Shelby said pointing in the direction which the guys had went.

"Yeah, step aside." he said turning to the next person in line.

"LANCE!" Shelby called when the door to the club opened.

Shelby waited for Lance to turn around, but when he didn't she sighed. Now what was she going to do, they weren't going to let her in the club and she had no where to go.

"Please sir, you have to let me in." she pleaded one more time.

"Look miss, you're not 18 and we can't let you in. Now, please leave before I call the cops." the bouncer said.

Shelby was near tears when she realized there was nothing she could do. She couldn't talk her way into the club, her only choice was to sit outside and wait for them. What if they didn't know she was gone? What if some creep tried to mug her? She stood next to the building and made herself invisible in the shadows for a few minutes, then sat down and sighed. Her only option was to wait, wait for somebody to remember that she wasn't with. If only she'd put her cell phone in her purse, she could call Lance, or one of the guys and she wouldn't be sitting out here all alone.

Coming back to the present, Shelby payed close attention to the boys in front of her so she didn't get lost in the sea of people. She didn't know why she agreed to come when she didn't really like big crowds. She followed them upstairs to the apparent 'VIP' section and looked around. There weren't many people up there, just a few people loungin around and the bartender.

The VIP section was a room above the rest of the club so if you went over to the railing you could look down and see the rest of the club along with the dance floor. Shelby really wanted to go down there and dance, but there were so many people she just didn't want to. She rested her arms on the ledge and watched the going ons downstairs.

The moment Shelby spotted Justin she froze. He was dancing with some blonde with long legs and big tits and Shelby just rolled her eyes. This wasn't the first time he'd seen him dancing with some virtual stranger. She again was brought back in time to another time, a time in the past.

Next a fast song came on and Lance invited Shelby to stay out on the dance floor and she agreed. Shelby wasn't a dancer, but she was natural and she flowed with the music, getting lost in the beat. In truth, she was a better dancer than Lance.

JC shook his head in disgust at Justin. He was out on the dance floor mere feet away from Shelby, dirty dancing with some blonde bimbo who looked like she should be on the street.

"He's being an asshole." JC commented to Joey.

"Who?" Joey asked paying attention to JC.

"Justin. Look at him." JC pointed to Justin who was still going at it with bimbo.

"Shit." Joey said.

At that moment Shelby saw him dancing with her, she felt her heart pound and a blush flush her face, she couldn't believe he would dance so provocatively with someone he didn't even know.

"I'm going to go get a drink," she told Lance needing to get off the dance floor and away from Justin.

Pushing herself away from the balcony, Shelby made her way down to the floor before Ryan stopped her. He insisted on buying her a shot before she went to go get her groove on. Shelby knew better than to argue, so she took the shot and gasped as the clear liquid burned the back of her throat. She inquired as to what it was and was shocked to find out she'd just taken a shot of straight vodka.

Shelby was never much of a drinker, so she was considered a light weight. Ryan knew what he was doing when he was having her drink shots with him. He wanted her to loosen up which she wasn't going to do if Justin was around. The alcohol was to get her to relax, who knows maybe it would even do her good. He grabbed her hand and led her down to the dance floor determined to stay by her knowing she was going to go into her shell if she didn't have anybody to keep her out.

~*~

Justin felt like an ass. Here he was dancing with some chick who threw herself at him and he was just pretending. He really just wanted to go to the bar and drown himself in alcohol. Maybe even find a dealer and lose himself to a high. It'd been months since he got high and right now he really wanted it. The only reason he went out tonight was to get a glimpse of Shelby. He was drawn to her more and more with each passing day. The more he was around her, the more he came to the realization that she really was a good person that he thought she was before all that shit went down.

He longed to pull her aside and just talk to her without any distractions and without them yelling at each other. If he was being honest, he longed take her in his arms and steal her away. Then he would be reminded of how bad she'd hurt him. She'd ripped his heart out. She knew everything that he'd went through with Britney, but she still took his heart--and never gave it back.

He felt his world come to a abrupt halt when he spotted Shelby. She was across from him a few feet away. She was dancing with the boys from her band, she looked very relaxed as she danced to the beat. Justin knew Shelby was never much into the dance scene, but apparently that was one of the many things that had changed about her.

He continued to watch her for several moments before their eyes met. She immediately stopped moving and stared at him. She looked at the girl he was dancing with and rolled her eyes in disgust then walked off the floor. She headed for the bar, Ryan following hot on her heels. He watched her turn her attention to Ryan who had caught up to her.

"He really pisses me off." Shelby said angrily.

"I know, here take this. It'll take your mind off of him." he said handing her another shot of vodka.

Shelby took it without batting an eye and demanded another one. Ryan bought her one more then led her back out to the dance floor making sure Justin was no where to be found. Ryan was seeing red as he danced with Shelby. Justin was being a cocky prick and there wasn't any other way to describe him. Prancing around with that chick made Ryan want to scream. Couldn't he see how Shelby was hurt by it? Couldn't he see how much she still loved him? Obviously not. Still that's not an excuse to hurt her, he decided he would go to Justin later and talk to him about his behavior man to man--or fist if need be.

Shelby wanted nothing more than to just go back to the hotel. She felt buzzed from the shots she had taken, but that wasn't enough. She wanted to just grab a large bottle of some kind of alcohol and drown herself in it. She wanted to lose herself in it for a moment. She didn't want to think about the past, or the present, or her pain. She pushed her way over to the bar and ordered another shot of vodka then took it right away, ignoring the pleading look Ryan was sending her. She took another and then headed for the door.

Ryan tried to follow her, but by the time he made it to the door she was no where to be found. He looked up and down the street, but he couldn't find her. Shit. Where did she go. He went back inside to find the others, maybe they knew where she went. He asked JC who looked perplexed and didn't see her leave. Ryan made his way over to Justin and tapped him on the shoulder.

Justin turned around and saw a very angry Ryan standing behind him. He opened his mouth to talk, but Ryan beat him to the punch.

"Why are you such an asshole?" he asked seething with rage.

"What are you talking about?" Justin asked raising an eyebrow.

"Shelby you fucktard. She lit out of here soon after she saw you dancing with that other girl. I tried to stop her, but I didn't get to her in time. She's drunk Justin. She's out on her own and she's drunk. Do you know what she's capable of when she gets by herself and she's dwelling on her pain?" Ryan didn't wait for an answer he just turned on his heel and headed for the door.

Justin paled at the thought of Shelby by herself. He had a fleeting memory of their last clubbing experience together.

"What's a pretty little thing like you doing out here all by yourself?" a scraggly looking man asked Shelby.

Shelby was terrified, she didn't want to answer him and there was no one around. He was getting closer as she tried to disappear into the wall behind her.

"You didn't answer me sweety, what are you doing out here all by yourself. Don't you know it's not safe out here." he said running his dirty hand along her cheek.

Shelby felt tears fall down her face as he pushed himself against her and she jerked her head away when he tried to kiss her. "Leave me alone." she exclaimed.

"Oh, come on. You know you want it." he said trying once more to kiss her.

Just as Shelby was about to respond, he was gone. Shelby heard fighting as she huddled against the wall and closed her hands over her ears to make it all go away.

"Come here honey," Justin said after he'd taken care of the man.

Shelby melted into his embrace when he slipped his arms around her. She broke down and started trembling, she was too shocked to cry any more, but she just trembled in his arms.

Justin led her out of the ally and onto the sidewalk where he hugged her tightly. "I'm so sorry," Justin inhaled her scent as he held her.

He knew where she would be. He moved quickly to the door and hailed a cab and was soon on his way back to the hotel.

crawling in my skin
these wounds they will not heal
fear is how I fall
confusing what is real

Shelby made her way back to the hotel as best she could. She walked a good five city blocks before realizing she'd never make it if she continued to walk. She got a cab and was able to tell the driver what hotel she was staying at. She hadn't felt this numb for years and it was scaring her. She couldn't handle it. She had to get her mind off it somehow.

there's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
consuming/confusing
this lack of self-control I fear is never ending
controlling/I can't seem

She went up to her room on the 5th floor as quickly as she possibly could in her condition. She was staggering the whole way trapped in her pain, her memories, and the drunken state she was in. She went into her room and opened the window as wide as she could. She willed the wind to come and give her some much needed air.

to find myself again
my walls are closing in
(without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
so insecure

She felt herself being pulled and pushed with every horrible memory she was experiencing. Oh they were happy memories all right, but right now they were horrible. She couldn't take much more of this feeling. It felt as if someone was sitting on her chest stopping the air from getting through her lungs. She wanted to go to the bathroom and throw up, but she couldn't move. She was trapped. Trapped in her mind.

crawling in my skin
these wounds they will not heal
fear is how I fall
confusing what is real

Please make it stop. Somebody help. She wanted to scream, she wanted to be heard but nothing--not a sound was coming out of her mouth when she opened it. She almost felt as if some other kind of presence was in the room stopping her from saying anything, from crying out for help. The pressure is too much. I can't handle it. Her heart nearly stopped when she saw a razor blade sitting on the floor next to the bed.

discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me
distracting/reacting
against my will I stand beside my own reflection
it`s haunting how i cant seem

Where did that come from? That was not hers, it did not belong to her. Why is it here, why is my past coming back to haunt me. She reached out and grabbed it in shaky hands. She walked over to the mirror and looked at her reflection. She saw nothing but a pale face staring back at her. It lacked life. It lacked anything real. How easy it would be to just release the pressure in one small line on her arm.

to find myself again
my walls are closing in
(without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
so insecure

I need help. Please help me. Shelby stumbled toward the door and jerked it open. She staggered out into the hallway, everything looking blurred in her euphoric haze. She had to get someone to take this away from her. The pressure had to go. She thought of only one person. One person that could take it all away. She had to remember what room it was. There was only one other room that looked a live. She walked toward it and prayed someone was there.

crawling in my skin
these wounds they will not heal
fear is how I fall
confusing what is real

She made it to the door and knocked as hard as she could. She was afraid no one would hear her if she didn't knock loud. She held tightly onto her stomach, razor blade still cradled in her hand. Her face was pale as it could possible get, hair hanging limply at its side. The door swung open and she nearly fell inside, the person catching her only as quick as he could.

crawling in my skin
these wounds they will not heal
fear is how I fall
confusing what is real

Shelby looked up into the eyes of the man who's strong arms held her. She immediately recognized them and felt so many emotions she could hardly stand it. She saw the concern in his eyes and felt it to her soul. He wasn't going to shut her out, he could help. He would help her. I need help. Please help me. I can't do this alone. I can't beat this without your help. Her mind was crying out to him, but she couldn't get her lips to form a single word.

there's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
consuming,confusing what is real
this lack of self-control I fear is never ending
controlling,confusing what is real

Shelby was really starting to scare Justin. She hadn't said a word since she came to his door, she just stood there trembling in his arms. She was ten times whiter than she normally was. There was something seriously wrong with her and he was worried. "What's wrong?" he asked breaking the silence.

Help me. Her mind shouted. She managed to unclench her fist that contained the razor blade but her hand still held it. She held it out to him, but she couldn't seem to show him what it was. She could feel the warmth of the blood that had spilled when she'd tightened her grip on the blade. She willed him to help her, to take it out of her hand.

Justin understood what she wanted. He opened her hand and what he saw there made his stomach drop. His arm tightened around her waist and he gently took the blade away from her. He led her limp form to the bathroom and set her down on the toilet seat. He grabbed a wash cloth from the towel rack and ran the water so it was cool and soaked the wash cloth in the water. He kneeled down beside her and pressed the cloth into her cut palm his eyes never left her face. She hadn't yet come out of her fog, but he could tell that she knew that it was him and he was helping her.

He turned his attention back to her hand and tenderly wiped the remaining blood from her hand then grabbed a large Band-Aid from the first aid kid he kept with him in case of emergencies. He gently placed it on her hand then curled her fingers back around it. He wanted to reach inside of her and take away her pain, but he didn't know what causing her such distress. "Please tell me what's wrong." he pleaded tenderly touching her cheek.

Shelby trembled harder willing herself to stop. She leaned into his touch, taking from the warmth his hand offered. She was cold so cold. She couldn't feel anything she was still so numb. Please help me. She wanted so much to cry out for help or something but she couldn't think. She looked into Justin's eyes and saw real concern. He wasn't going to shut her out.

Justin saw how cold she was. She was in some kind of shock and she wasn't responding to anything. Propriety and past be damned as he gently picked her up into his arms. He felt her curl against him and cuddle against his warmth. He went to the bed and laid her down his heart tugging when she frantically grabbed at him when she thought he was leaving. "I'm just going over here to get the blankets." he assured her grabbing his own blankets from the bed he was on moments ago.

He got into the bed beside her and pulled the blankets over them. He drew her in his arms and held on tightly. She began to stop trembling and moved as close to him as she could. Justin began to softly hum in her ear, holding her tightly in his strong embrace. In a moment the damn burst and Shelby began sobbing like never before. It hurt him to see her crying so, but he knew it would help her if she got it out. He murmured in her ear softly as she cried it out.

"I was so scared." she whimpered moments later after calming down.

"Scared of what?" he asked gently.

"Cutting. I was so numb and I saw that blade on the bedroom floor and I just lost it. There was too much pressure and I couldn't deal with it. It almost made me sick when I saw that there. I couldn't do it and I knew I needed help." she answered holding onto his shirt tightly afraid he would disappear or worse leave her.

Justin nodded unsure what to say. He tightened his embrace and realized there was no need for him to say anything. His presence and comfort would be enough. He deeply inhaled her scent and he couldn't help but remember how right she felt in his arms. It was a perfect fit. He was having a hard time remembering that she'd hurt him and that he was still dating Cameron.

Shelby was so sleepy and with Justin's arms around her she felt safer than she had in years. It was like nothing ever happened and she longed to keep it that way. She thought nothing of the past, nothing of the future, only of the present and the feel of his arms around her holding her tightly. She sighed and closed her eyes as blissful sleep began to over take her body. For the first time in nearly four years Shelby fell asleep in Justin's arms.