She lost the baby.

The man said it as if it were a set of car keys or something of the like. She just lost it.

He hadn’t even been aware of the fact that she was pregnant - with Brad’s child. Brad had been back in Minot for almost a month and a half now, had he even known about this?

Justin clenched his jaw tightly. Just moments ago he was saying how he didn’t like Brad. Now he liked him even less. He remembered that just seeing them together in nothing more than towels had made him about to pounce on the guy. Clearly he still had some territorial issues towards her, but she had obviously moved on. Why was he still dwelling on the past?

Hearing the doctor clear his throat, Justin was brought back to the problem at hand. Shelby was in the hospital—because she had lost her baby.

“I’m sorry for the loss; I know it must be very difficult. Miss. Murphy is in room 24B; you can go see her if you like.”

Justin mumbled a thank you and found himself hurrying down the hallway to her room. He wasn’t sure why, but he needed to make sure she was all right, to be there to comfort her. When he came to the entrance of her room, Justin could only stare at her. The last time he had been in the hospital with Shelby was something nearly as tragic. She had cut herself so badly she was close to bleeding to death.

And it was all because of him.

He had never forgiven himself for hurting her, even when he thought she had hurt him just as badly.

Justin allowed a soft hello to leave his lips as he slowly made his way towards the broken girl. She never looked up at him, only stared down at her hands as she wrung them together in her lap.

“I expect he told you.” It wasn’t a question.

“Yes, he did.” Justin whispered. “Did Brad know?”

“No one knew.” Shelby felt the tears stinging her eyes one again as she shook her head. A low sob escaped her throat as she tried to speak. “I didn’t even really want this baby and I am so horrible for that.”

As she sobbed into her hands, Justin felt the overwhelming urge to go to her, to wrap his arms around her and tell her it was fine, everything was going to be alright. So that’s exactly what he did. Sitting beside her on the bed, Justin wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to him, allowing her to cry into his chest.

“You’re not horrible for feeling this way. You already have one daughter and you’ve taken another in. You’re not even twenty-three yet. A third baby is not what you need right now, especially when your band just got signed.” As her crying subsided, she remained in his arms. She didn’t dare to pull away, nor did he push her away.

“You’re being so nice to me, Justin. You could have left me where I was, not looking back. But instead you brought me here and you stayed. You’ve been avoiding me a lot this past week. I thought there was something that I did wrong.”

“Shelby, I would never have, in a million years, left you there. I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you lately. I’ve just had a lot on my mind and I’ve been a little reclusive to everyone.”

Pulling away from the gentle, comforting embrace for fear of falling once again for the man she could never have back, Shelby looked into his blue eyes and all she found was sincerity. She could feel the familiar flutters begin in her stomach as they had every time he looked at her like that, with those beautiful eyes. She pushed the feelings down and tried her best to smile.

“Justin, I know I’m in no position to ask any favors of you, but,” she paused to take a deep breath then continued, “could you please not tell anyone where we were today? I don’t really want to deal with it.”

Seeing the pain and sorrow etched in her eyes, Justin smiled somberly as he reached out to brush a strand of stray hair from her eyes.

“Don’t worry, Shelby. If you don’t want it known, I won’t tell a soul. I swear it. Mike knows, but I know he won’t tell anyone and I told JC that you were here, but we can tell them something else if you would rather do that.”

“Thank you, Justin--for everything.” Her voice was nothing over a whisper and it did things to him, things he couldn’t quite explain, things he never knew he shouldn’t be feeling for someone who wasn’t his girlfriend.

“I told you, I could have never left you there.” Justin’s hand remained on the side of her face, his touch being the only thing she longed for anymore. The bed was small, so they were close, so close it would be insanely easy to lean forward and kiss him. If the doctor hadn’t chosen that moment to walk in, Shelby knew she would be kissing Justin right then.

“Sorry, to interrupt guys, but I’m just here to let Miss Murphy she can leave now. A nurse will be in shortly with your discharge information. I expect you to bleed for the next day or so with heavy clots. It’ll seem like a period only heavier. Was this your first pregnancy?” the doctor asked.

“No sir, I have a three year old.” Shelby said shaking her head.

“Well, sorry just the same. Any other questions for me?” he asked.

“Can I get a prescription for birth control so this doesn’t happen again? I love children, but this was totally unexpected.” Shelby asked.

“I can do that, but I want you to wait until the bleeding stops before you start taking it. Everything has to pass before you can safely take it. I’ll leave that with the nurse. When you run out just see your regular doctor.” He said nodding.

“Thank you, sir.” Shelby said.

At that the doctor turned around and left leaving the two occupants of the room feeling awkward. They wanted to say something, but neither of them knowing what to say. They were saved when the nurse came back in with Shelby’s discharge papers.

They finished up and Justin left the room so Shelby could change back into her clothes, then they went out to the waiting room to meet up with Mike.

“How are you doing honey?” Mike asked with sympathy.

“I’m doing okay. I just want to get out of here.” Shelby nodded.

“Let’s go.” Mike said directing them to the door.

Justin lagged behind so he could call JC and tell him what was going on. He told the older man that Shelby had a stomach virus and they gave her an antibiotic and sent her home. He let them know that they were on their way back to the arena.

“Is that JC?” Shelby asked Justin who was walking a few paces behind.

“Yeah.”

“Can I talk to him?” Shelby asked.

“Sure. Here’s Shelby, she wants to talk to you.” Justin handed the phone to Shelby and fell in step with them.

“Hey Shelby, how are you?” JC asked when heard Shelby’s voice.

“I’m good; they gave me some good drugs.” Shelby said hating the lie that formed so easily.

“I’m glad.” JC answered.

“Is Ryan or any of the other boys around?” Shelby asked.

“No, I haven’t seen them in a while. I think their in sound check. Why?” JC questioned.

“I just wanted to talk to them. We’re on our way to the club. Will you let them know that I will be playing tonight?”

“I can tell him. Are you sure Shelby? The virus Justin said you had didn’t sound very good. Don’t push yourself too hard.” JC warned.

“It’s okay C, I’ll be fine. Thanks for your concern though. I’m going to get going, here’s Justin again.”

Shelby handed the phone back to Justin and noticed he was staring at her. She figured she was going to get a lecture for playing the show tonight after what had just happened, but who was he to tell her what she could and couldn’t do.

Justin knew Shelby was going to put up a fight about playing the show tonight, but there’s no way she was going to perform after what just happened. He hoped that her band would try and prevent her from trying to play, but if not, then it was up to him.

They arrived at the venue they were playing and went to Broken Angel’s dressing room. She opened the door and found everyone waiting there for her.

“Did I miss the party invitation?” she smiled trying to be humorous.

“We wanted to make sure you were really okay. And to make sure that you were up to play.” Ryan answered.

“She’s not up to play. I don’t want her to go on.” Justin said protectively.

Don’t you think it’s up to her if she plays?” Ryan challenged.

“I do.” Shelby answered.

“You were just in the emergency room; you can’t go out there tonight Shelby. I don’t care what anyone says. The doctor said you were supposed to take it easy. Taking it easy does not include you going on stage tonight.” Justin tried to plea with her.

“I can and will play tonight.” Shelby argued.

Justin grabbed her hand and led her out of the room. He kept pulling her along until he reached his own dressing room down the hall two doors. He ushered her in and shut the door behind him and locked it. He faced her and inhaled deeply.

“You cannot play tonight Shelby. It’s not healthy. Please tell me you won’t.” Justin pleaded.

“Why do you care? We’re just friends remember. It’s my choice whether I play tonight or not. I feel fine. Those pills they gave me took all the pain away.” Shelby answered.

She couldn’t believe the fight Justin was putting up when all she wanted to do was go out and play tonight like nothing had happened. It was her choice wasn’t it? And why was he making such a big deal out of it?

Justin took a few steps closer to her so he was standing merely inches away and looked down at her tenderly. “I’m just worried about you Shelby, what if you start bleeding worse and get weak. Please don’t play tonight honey, it worries me.”

Shelby felt her knees weaken. How could she possibly deny anything he wanted when he looked at her with those tender eyes and spoke to her in a voice that made her want to cry. She felt herself give in before her mouth even opened to voice her reply.

“Okay, I’ll sit tonight out, but only tonight. Tomorrow night I’m back to the grind.” She answered.

“We’ll see how you feel tomorrow. Thank you Shelby, I feel a lot better knowing that you’re not going out there. I know how much your fans mean to you.” Justin said cupping her cheek in his hand.

“Thank you Justin, I don’t know what I would have done without you.” Shelby replied with a hint of shyness in her voice.

“Oh Shelby,” Justin sighed. He was really struggling with his feelings. She was looking up at him with an intense look in her eyes that could be classified as love. He couldn’t seem to control himself as his head descended and his hands gently touched her waist gathering her close to him.

Shelby sighed in content as she felt Justin’s lips softly touched hers in a long awaited kiss. She felt her hands slide up to rest on his chest as she leaned into his kiss. Her senses were in over drive as she inhaled his masculinity. It felt so right to be in his arms.

Their tender moment was interrupted when an incessant knocking penetrated the passionate fog surrounding their brains.

They quickly stepped back from each other and looked at the door just as it opened. JC stood there looking between the two of them. It was hard not to notice both of them had lips that looked as if they’d just been well kissed.

“Am I interrupting something?” JC asked feeling intrusive.

“No, I was just leaving.” Shelby said quickly running out the door he’d just opened.

JC watched her flee the room then turned back to his younger friend and saw him sigh then run his hand over his head.

“What are you doing Justin?” he asked getting to the point.

“What do you mean?” Justin asked.

“You know what I mean. Kissing Shelby when both of you have significant others. You have to be careful around her, man. She can’t say no to you, can’t you see it? She’s still in love with you Justin.”

Justin blanched at the mention of love. It was the second time today he’d heard someone tell him that Shelby was still had feelings for him. What was he going to do about this? He loved Cameron. And if she was still in love with him why was she with Brad.

“What am I going to do?” Justin asked.

“I don’t know, but I do know that you can’t keep kissing her. She’s going to get the wrong impression. You have to decide what you want, Justin. You can’t have a girlfriend you claim to love then behind her back kiss Shelby. It’s not fair to either of them.” JC answered.

“I know.” Justin sighed and plopped down in one of the chairs in the room.

“Is she going to do the show?” JC asked changing the subject.

“No, she’s going to sit this one out.” Justin answered with the shake of his head.

JC left the room and went to make sure Shelby was okay. He found her on stage sitting on a stool at her keyboard playing a soft melody. Nobody else was around so he thought maybe she wanted to be alone, but then she called out to him.

“It’s okay if you come over here JC. I don’t bite.” Shelby said looking his way.

“You okay sweetie?” JC asked standing next to her.

“Just confused.” She answered honestly.

“About?” JC probed.

“A few things, but mostly Justin.”

“I figured. How are things between you guys?” JC asked sitting on a speaker next a few feet in front of her.

“Their good I guess. I think we’re friends again. I don’t know what to think any more. He ignores me for a week and then he kisses me. I don’t understand him. Sometimes I wish I could just love Brad and be done with Justin. That would make things so much simpler. But then again it wouldn’t be easier because someday I have to tell him about Danielle.” Shelby sighed playing a more aggressive melody.

“I honestly don’t know what to say. I know you still love him and that you are both in a relationship. I don’t know why you are with Brad, but I know he claims to love Cameron.”

“This whole thing just pisses me off. Do you want to hear a song I wrote last week when he was ignoring me?” Shelby asked.

“Sure, I know you’re a good song writer.” JC nodded.

“It’s not a keyboard song, but I wrote it while playing around on here. It’s a harder song, a lot of aggression. I could always plug in Ryan’s guitar.” Shelby said looking around for the aforementioned instrument.

She grabbed the guitar and plugged into his amp and turned it on. She started playing the intro then began singing the song

Just talk yourself up
And tear yourself down
You've hit your one wall
Now find a way around
What's the problem?
You've got a lot of nerve

So what did you think I would say?
No, you can't run away, you can't run away
So what did you think I would say?
No, you can't run away, you can't run away
You wouldn't

I never wanted to say this
You never wanted to stay
I put my faith in you, so much faith
And then you just threw it away
You threw it away

I'm not so naïve
My sorry eyes can see
The way you fight shy
Of almost everything
Well, if you give up
You'll get what you deserve

So what did you think I would say?
No, you can't run away, you can't run away
So what did you think I would say?
No, you can't run away, you can't run away
You wouldn't

I never wanted to say this
You never wanted to stay
I put my faith in you, so much faith
And then you just threw it away
You threw it away

You were finished long before
We had even seen the start
Why don't you stand up, be a man about it?
Fight with your bare hands about it now

I never wanted to say this
You never wanted to stay, well did you?
I put my faith in you, so much faith
And then you just threw it away

I never wanted to say this
You never wanted to stay
And I put my faith in you, so much faith
And then you just threw it away

Shelby let the last note sound through then stopped, opened her eyes and saw JC staring at her.

“What?” She asked feeling a bout of self-consciousness.

“That was amazing. You have a really good voice, honey. I don’t know why you didn’t use it before. And your song writing skills are amazing. I say we need to work on something together some time.” JC smiled.

“Thanks JC.” Shelby blushed shyly.

“I’m serious. You are really good. It’s a raw natural talent that I haven’t seen in ages. You are really going to go places, Shelby. I know you want to share vocals with Ryan, but don’t be surprised if before long you start singing lead more. Fans are really going to love you.” JC smiled at her.

“Thank you JC, it really means a lot to me. I didn’t know that I had this desire inside of me to perform, but when the boys asked me if I wanted to join the band I started learning and I just became passionate about it.” Shelby explained.

“I totally know what you mean.”

“I really want to play the show tonight, but I know I shouldn’t after what happened. I’d rather not collapse on stage of all places.” Shelby sighed taking the guitar off.

JC watched her put it back in its place and shut off the amp next to it. “Are you really okay? When Justin called me the first time he sounded really scared.”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Shelby said with a reassuring smile.

She hated lying about what happened to her, but she spoke the truth when she’d told Justin she didn’t want anyone else to know. She didn’t even want Brad to know and it was his baby. Was that wrong of her? Did that make her a bad person? She dared to hope not.

“Should we maybe get out of here and go see what the others are up to?” JC asked jumping off the speaker he was perched on.

“Yeah, we probably should.” Shelby nodded.

They turned their back on the stage and made their way back to Broken Angel’s dressing room where everyone sans Justin sat waiting.

* Song is For a Pessimist I'm Pretty Optimistic by Paramore