Welcome to My Life
Chapter 5

Philadelphia, PA
September 10, 2006

Shelby had been nervous all day and now that she was moments away from going on stage, she felt her stomach knotting up. She had a feeling that Joey was out there and he wasn't going to show himself until after the show.

"Shelby, we're on in five, let's go." Ryan said ushering her away from the mirror.

"I can do this." Shelby nodded then took a deep breath and slowly let it out.

"Relax." Scott said seeing her wringing her hands.

"I'm trying. Soon as we're on, I'll be fine." Shelby nodded.

Unfortunately for her, Shelby looked across the stage and saw Joey talking to Justin. My word she was going to hurl. Not only was Joey going to watch, apparently Justin was too.

"Hey man what are you doing here?" Justin asked embracing his former band mate.

"Came to see a friend." Joey answered cautiously.

"Shelby?" Justin asked surprising Joey by mentioning her name.

"Yeah. She called me yesterday." Joey nodded.

"I talked to her briefly. I have Cameron here now so I'll be busy and won't have to worry about her." Justin answered bitterly.

"Can't wait to see your show." Joey said changing the subject.

"It's pretty good. JC's too."Justin nodded. "This'll be the first time I've seen Broken Angel perform though. Well, the first time I've seen the full band play. The first time I saw them, she wasn't there."

"It'll be good." Joey said focusing on the front of the stage. The music had started signaling that the show had begun.

Shelby was magical on stage. Joey couldn't keep his eyes off her. She had true stage presence and it shined. She held the crowd in the palm of her hand and she wasn't even the lead singer.

Justin was just as floored with their performance and her part in it. He too couldn't take his eyes off of her. She was beautiful, breathtaking even. She had matured so much since the last time he'd seen her. Pull yourself together man, this is Shelby.

Cameron broke Justin from his trance when she put her hand in his and kissed his ear. "Hey baby," she purred.

"Hey Cam." Justin said putting an arm around her slender waist.

"They're pretty good." she said leaning against him.

"Yeah. They have a unique sound." Justin nodded.

"Thank you Philly, you've been a great crowd. How many of you are excited for the next to performers?" Shelby asked and got a screaming response from the crowd. "How many JC fans do we have in the house?" She waited again for the screaming to die down. "Any Justin fans here tonight? I happen to know these boys and I can tell you that they are going to rock the house. Again we are Broken Angel and you can buy our EP back at the merch table."

"Some of us will be signing after the set if you'd like to meet us in the back, we'd love to hear what you have to say." Ryan said getting a response.

"Now how many of you would like to hear a song that our very own Shelby wrote?" Scott asked.

Shelby looked at Scott and shook her head. She did not under any circumstances want to do one of her songs, especially not with Justin listening in. The only song of hers they knew well enough to play was 'All That I'm Living For' and that she definitely did not want him to hear.

It seemed everyone was going against her on this one, they'd already started playing the chords for it.

"We don't want to slow things down guys." Shelby replied making one final plead to save herself.

"We have one more song after that, we'll pick it back up, besides its not really a slow song." Ryan assured her.

"Looks like I have no choice here." Shelby chuckled. She began to play with the band and felt she should say a few things about the song.

"This song means a lot to me and I hope you guys like it. This is for my hero, dare I say from Velma."

All that I'm living for,
All that I'm dying for,
All that I can't ignore alone at night.

I can feel the night beginning.
Separate me from the living.
Understanding me,
After all I've seen.
Piecing every thought together,
Find the words to make me better.
If I only knew how to pull myself apart.

Shelby felt herself loosen up as the song progressed, she began to really pour her heart into it and closed her eyes. She thought about all the times she was with Justin, the happy times. The times they were together.

All that I'm living for,
All that I'm dying for,
All that I can't ignore alone at night.
All that I'm wanted for,
Although I wanted more.
Lock the last open door, my ghosts are gaining on me.

I believe that dreams are sacred.
Take my darkest fears and play them
Like a lullaby,
Like a reason why,
Like a play of my obsessions,
Make me understand the lesson,
So I'll find myself,
So I won't be lost again.

Joey felt more proud of Shelby now more than he ever had in his life. She was making a serious impact on Justin was standing mere feet away from him. The emotions on his face were hard to hide as he tried to pull the mask back over them, especially because of Cameron. She was up there singing her heart out, this beautiful, powerful, emotional song that she'd written--dedicated to Justin.

All that I'm living for,
All that I'm dying for,
All that I can't ignore alone at night.
All that I'm wanted for,
Although I wanted more.
Lock the last open door, my ghosts are gaining on me.

Guess I thought I'd have to change the world to make you see me,
To be the one.
I could have run forever,
But how far would I have come
Without mourning your love?

Justin felt the song rock him to the core. He did the best he could to hide his feelings. He wanted to cry, he wanted to scream, he wanted to be alone, he wanted to take Shelby in his arms and shelter her from the world. He prayed that Cameron wasn't reading more into it than she should be. This is for my hero, dare I say from Velma. What did she mean by that?

All that I'm living for,
All that I'm dying for,
All that I can't ignore alone at night.
All that I'm wanted for,
Although I wanted more.
Lock the last open door, my ghosts are gaining on me.

Should it hurt to love you?
Should I feel like I do?
Should I lock the last open door,
My ghosts are gaining on me.

Justin was glued to the spot he stood. He could not believe the feelings he'd just experienced. A feeling of numbness took over his body. Shelby had tears in her eyes as she finished the song with such passion that took his breath away.

Cameron looked at Justin's expression then back at the girl on stage. She was puzzled at the reaction he was giving to the song. Maybe it had something to do with Britney. Justin was still hung up on her, Cam had put up with it for their entire relationship, but it was really starting to get old. She'd always assumed it was Britney, but with this reaction, she wasn't so sure anymore. Something started deep inside of Cameron that she hadn't felt in a very long time. Jealousy.

Shelby saw Justin and Cameron out of the corner of her eye and tried desperately to ignore them. She looked at Joey who smiled at her and waved. She smiled back then turned her attention back to their final song.

The Broken Angel set ended and Shelby walked over to Joey, ignoring the couple to his right.

"You were great." Joey smiled at her.

"Thanks. I see you made it." Shelby smiled shyly.

"Yes I did. Come here." Joey said pulling her into his warm embrace.

Shelby let herself be pulled into a hug and wrapped her own arms around his waist. She inhaled deeply, his scent taking her back to a happier time. A time when she was with Justin and life was so much simpler.

"Don't you ever leave like that again." Joey rebuked.

"Don't worry, I won't." Shelby smiled.

"Hi, do I know you?" Cameron asked Shelby, her voice dripping with sweetness.

"I don't think so. I'm Shelby." Shelby replied holding out her hand.

"I'm Cameron. Justin's girlfriend." she said stressing the world girlfriend as if marking her territory.

"Nice to meet you." Shelby nodded. "If you'll excuse me, I need to find my girls."

"Of course. See you around I'm sure." Cameron replied haughtily.

Shelby and Joey walked to Broken Angel's dressing room. Shelby got changed as Joey chatted with the girls and Ann, the girl watching Gracie and Danielle tonight.

"You know JC is going to pick them up after the show?" Shelby asked Ann as she prepared to go.

"Yes ma'am, we'll have a grand time until he gets here." Ann smiled.

"See you girls, be good for Uncle Josh too." Shelby said giving them both a hug and a kiss.

Shelby and Joey left, intending to watch the rest of the show from the VIP section. After that they were going to Joey's room to order room service and talk.

"You know Cameron is probably going to be here too." Joey said sitting in the small VIP area.

"Yeah whatever, she seems nice enough. Does she know about me?" she asked.

"I think she knows of you, but she doesn't know it's you. From what I gather she thinks you're Britney. If you know what I mean." Joey answered.

"She thinks he's still hung up on Britney? That girl is a bitch." Shelby scowled.

"I personally don't like either one of them. You are the only girlfriend of his I've ever really liked." Joey added.

"What do I say to that? Look how well that worked out." Shelby shrugged.

"We're going to enjoy the show and not talk about this til later." Joey said grabbing her hand.

"Thanks." Shelby smiled.

Just then Justin and Cameron came into the box and Shelby fell silent wishing she was anywhere but here.

"I thought you were married to Kelly." Cameron told Joey noticing their connected hands.

"You got married?" Shelby asked turning to Joey.

"Yes. We tried to contact you, but you left no trace. Kel wanted you to be a brides maid." Joey nodded.

"I'm sorry, I had to leave." Shelby said trying desperately to hold back tears.

Joey squeezed her hand without saying anything. Knowing Cam was already beginning to speculate things about her relationship with them.

Shelby was spared any other questioning when the lights went down and JC's set began. Shelby watched her friend with a smile on her face. She wasn't familiar with any of the songs, but she did like what she heard. The rest of the show went really fast. Justin put on an amazing show also. Shelby couldn't tear her eyes off of him. She was very careful to keep a mask on her emotions, not expressing anything more than anyone else would.

Watching the interaction between Justin and Cameron was really hard on her. She could tell he really cared for her, or maybe it was just for show. Either way, it hurt for Shelby to watch.

When it was over, Shelby couldn't help but feel relief. They didn't stick around very long, wanting to get their talk started. Joey had booked a room in the same hotel on the same floor as the others. JC was watching the girls in Shelby's room so they could go to bed in their own room. When they were finished talking JC would return to his room, if he wasn't sleeping.

"Thank God!" Shelby said as she closed the door behind her.

"You did well." Joey assured her.

"Thanks I'm definitely going to try avoiding her from now on. I always thought she was nice, but I guess looks can be deceiving." Shelby said sitting on the sofa in his sitting area.

"I loved your song by the way, it was very good. A bit heavy, but the vocals were awesome. You and JC would hit it off well if you put your heads together for a song." Joey said on the end opposite her.

"Thank you. I wrote a lot during that time." Shelby smiled sadly.

"What happened? You just left without saying a word. After the tour ended we went to your apartment, but you were completely moved out and nobody knew where you went." Joey asked getting right to the point.

"It's quite a long story, you better get comfortable." Shelby said pulling her feet under her.

Shelby explained what all happened with Tony and what Justin had received. A few tears were shed as she told her side the story.

"What did he say when you told him?" Joey asked.

"He really didn't give me a chance to explain. He just jumped down my throat. It hurt so bad, Joey, to hear him take Tony's side over mine. He didn't want to believe me, he just assumed I was lying. I would never have cheated on him." Shelby answered.

"Never in my wildest dreams did I think something like that happened. I knew it had to be bad for Justin to snap like he did, but this is just...wow." Joey leaned over and grabbed her hand and held it tightly.

"Hey said so many hurtful things, Joey, and I didn't even do anything. I never could find it in my heart to hate him though. How could I when he gave me the best gift ever."

"Danielle?" Joey asked.

"Yes. I found out I was pregnant bout three months after I left. I was so distraught those first months I didn't even notice that I missed my period. It wasn't until I had morning sickness when I figured out what was going on. If it weren't for the boys, I don't know how I would have made it. I had a decent pregnancy physically until the end. She was two weeks late and she pooped in me and they had to do an emergency c-section. I lost a lot of blood and I almost died." Shelby explained.

"Are you going to tell him?" Joey questioned.

"I don't know. If we're ever on real speaking terms again, maybe. But I don't want Miss Thang around my daughter."

Joey laughed at that and totally understood her reasoning. Cameron would have nothing to do with Danielle.

"I understand why you wanted to leave Justin, but why couldn't you at least keep in touch with us? We were really worried about you Shelby."

"I know, but I couldn't see. I couldn't have any contact with anyone that reminded me of Justin. I knew he hated me and at the time I figured he would probably spread lies about me and why I wasn't there any more. It took a long time to get where I am now. That first year killed me. I have to say I'm glad that I had my daughter, because she gave me hope."

"Yeah. I forgive you for leaving, and I guess I can understand. Just don't ever do that again. We want you in our lives, Shelby, that may be hard to understand, but it's true. Even if you never talk to Justin again, Kelly and I want you in our lives."

"Thanks Joey. I won't leave again." Shelby smiled covering a yawn.

"Wow, it's already 2am. We better get to bed. I figured you could use a friend, so I'll be here for a week."

"Thank you Joey, for everything." Shelby said hugging him tightly.

"Of course baby, anything for my Shelbbers." Joey said returning her hug.

"I'll walk you back down to your room." he said pulling away.

"I'll be fine." Shelby shook her head.

"I insist." Joey disagreed.

"Okay, then." Shelby nodded.

Joey led Shelby to the door and together they walked down the hallway to Shelby's room. She knocked a few times and when she didn't get an answer she opened the door with her key card and turned on the small lamp. The sight in front of her made a memory inside her heart. JC was curled up on her king bed with a girl on each side of him snuggling close. She felt a lump in the back of her throat as she smiled.

"You wanna come stay with me?" Joey asked seeing the trio.

"You sure that would be okay? You only have one bed." Shelby said gathering some stuff.

"Yeah, it's fine. It's not like we haven't slept together before." Joey nodded.

Shelby gathered her stuff and went back to Joey's room, leaving a note for JC. They went to bed shortly after returning to his room and fell asleep right away, just like old times.

*SONG All That I'm Living For by Evanescence