It was Christmas eve, and JC and Melody just came from their honeymoon four days ago. It was the first time have seen him in about two months, and I was scared by the intensity of my feelings. When I saw him at the alter marrying Melody, I thought my feelings for him couldn't grow anymore.

    Boy was I wrong.

    My feelings grew and grew every day. I knew my feelings were kind of like of like a child who couldn't get a toy...

     but despite all that, my emotions seemed to have sharpen by my long dreams of him, when I was laying awake at night, alone in my bed.

      When he stepped out of the car and onto the winding path to the mansion, both him and Melody's skin seemed tan from the tropical sun. Their hair was a lot lighter, bleached by the summer air.

       But JC seemed different.

       He was bronzed and lean, when he once used to be as slender as me.

      He was perfect.

       He was happy.

      We were having a little Christmas get together, and he brought all the guys of *NSYNC, minus Justin. (THANK GOD!)

      We were all gathered around the fireplace, reminising on past memories. Chris was currently telling some story about when Justin had a little too much to drink.

       "Now you'd think after about seven bottles of beer, he'd have enough," Chris said bitterly. "But nooooooo. Justin was  reallly drunk and picking fights with everybody, when we all know Justin is a punk ass white kid from Tennessee."

      The guys shook their heads in agreement, all the while laughing.

     "So anyway, he decided to pick a fight with Mike, our body guard. And let me tell you, Mike must have had Justin over his head, twirlin' in the air, and laying on the floor in about two seconds flat," Chris grinned. "And that's when Justin stopped trying to pick fights with us. Instead, he decided to go make-out with the tree we had in the backyard."

      The room filled with laughter, but I barely heard a word he had said. It has been so long since I've seen JC.. How could I ever think that other men were hot or exciting when JC was in the world?

      Melody, however, was the only thing that separated us. She clung on JC as if she would never ever let him go.

      My mind was wondering, if only I could get him alone, with his tall body leaning over mine, pulling me up on my tiptoes, and holding me for a long, long time.....

     I sighed. If only he could remember those times that we used to have, just him and I. When we looked up at the stars and he quoted this one poem (what was the name of that poem?) and it sounded so beautiful, so regal.

      Or that time when I sprained my ankle and he carried me home in his arms at midnight.

     Or when we would spend Friday nights sprawled on my couch watching some chick flick that I knew he hated, but for some reason he watched anyway.

      Would he remember?

      There were so many memories that would bring me back to the days in Maryland before he hit it big, before he was JC and was just regular Josh,

     before he met Melody.

    When it was just him...and me.

      I will no I have to let him know

    Because maybe...just maybe he would remember, too.

~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     A couple of days later, JC had to leave to go back on tour. The past week was beautiful, shimmering, dreamlike, and it left as fast as it came.

      I hurried to capture every moment of JC, not knowing when his tour will be over. Smiling when he smiled, being silent when he talked, following him with my eyes that each line of his chiseled body, each lift of his eyebrows, each quirk of his mouth would be engraved in my mind.

      I sat in the living room holding his present.

      Now I don't know if you know this, but back in JC's *NSYNC days, he used to have a lion necklace that he wore everywhere.

      But one day some crazy fan tore it off his neck and didn't return it.

      I looked everywhere to find one, and I mean EVERYWHERE. Until one day, I passed by this little store, and they had it.

      I wrapped it in a little box, which was currently sitting on my lap.

      My ears strained to hear any trace of JC. It felt like I was spending hours in that room, knowing the moments were slipping by quickly.

      I thought of all the things I was going to say to him during the week, but I had no chance to say them.

     So many things to say, but so little time!

      After what seemed an eternity of waiting, I heard the sound of his shoes clunking on the floor.

     He was alone. Melody must've been sleeping.

     When he came down the stairs, his eyes were somber. He was trying to smile, but his face was as white and drawn as a man bleeding from an internal wound.

     "JC," I begged abruptly, "May I go to the airplane station with you?"

     "Please don't. It's harder to say goodbye." His voice cracked.

      "Then I won't go," I said, "But JC, I have your present."

     Handing the present over shyly, I watched him as he unwrapped the box.

     He looked at me in utter amazement. "Brooke! A lion necklace? I never thought....I never thought I would see one of these again," he grinned. "You didn't have to do this for me."

      "Oh, but JC I'd-"

      I was about to say, "I'd jump off a cliff if you wanted me too," but instead I finished, "I'd do anything for you."

      "Would you?" he questioned and some of the frankness lifted from his face. "Then, there's something you can do for me Brooke, something that will ease my mind when I'm away."

     "What is it?" I asked curiously.

      "Look after Melody for me."

      "Look after Mel?"

      My heart sank with bitter disappointment. So this was what he wanted to ask from me? I yearned for something more, something beautiful. Anger flared throughout my body. This was supposed to be my moment with JC, and mine alone. And yet, though Melody was asleep, her pale shadow lay between us.

      He must not have noticed the look of disappointment in my face because he continued.

     "Yes, keep an eye on her, take good care of her. She's so...frail, and she doesn't realize it. She's so gentle and timid, and you're strong and defiant. Will you promise?" his blue eyes looked into mine.

       "I promise," my voice lowered to a whisper, "Please don't leave JC."

      "I have to...you know that Brooke," he said, wiping the tears that were coming from my eyes.

     "Oh, JC," I whispered happily, thrilled of his touch on my face. "Nobody else but you ever-"

      "What? Ever made you feel beautiful? Ever trust you? You are beautiful Brooke, I know you better than most people in the whole world. If people are too blind to see that, then they are fucking deedeedees," he smiled.

     He stopped speaking and his hands dropped from my face, but his eyes still clung to mine. I waited a moment, breathless for him to continue, hoping him to say those three magic words. I searched his face frantically, my lips quivering.

     I looked out the window to see his limo pulling up in the driveway.

      "Good-bye, Brooke," he whispered very softly.

     I don't know what's gotten into me at that point, but I whispered back, "Kiss me. Kiss me, JC"

     To my surprise, his arms went around me gently, and he bent his head to my face. At the first fouch of his lips on mine, my ams wrapped around his neck. And for one quick moment, he pressed my body close to his. Then...his muscles seemed to tense up, and he swiftly pulled away.

     "No, Brooke, no," he said in a low voice, confusion sketched upon his face.

     "I love you," I said, choking, "I've always loved you. I've never loved anybody else. Oh, JC, I just married Charlie to hurt you. I love you so much. I'd walk across this whole goddamn country to see you. Say you love me JC...." my voice lowered,  "Please...just say you love me."

       I looked back into his eyes and saw that it was the unhappiest face I have ever seen, a face from which all understanding had fled. It had a look of shame and despair.

     "Good-bye,Brooke, " he repeated hoarsely.

      The door clicked, and a gust of cold wind swept across the house and my heart at the same exact moment.