As I hold and look at my twin baby girls Josephine and Justine in my hospital room after 3 days of labor I see their Father in them those cobalt blue eyes and brown hair that remind me of Joshua Scott Chasez who was taken away from me when I was 5 1/2 months pregnant with these angels when he was robbed in a parking lot in broad daylight and was shot and killed.
Police call it a case of mistaken identity because a big-time drug dealer looked like Joshua and one of his druggie friends got some bad drugs or something and he decided to rob Joshua because he looked like the drug dealer and robbed him at gunpoint and when Joshua denied he was the drug dealer the guy shot and killed him he was shot execution-style in broad daylight on the parking lot of the paint store there wasn't any witnesses as you all know he was a member of the biggest pop group, N Sync and was about to blow up as a solo artist known to his fans as JC but to me he was just Joshua the man I loved and cared for and the Father of my unborn children born after he was killed.
Joshua and I married after two years of courtship and it took us a long time to conceive these angels that I'm holding now in fact it took Joey and Justin to tell me to get over the fact that Joshua was dead they were my pillars holding me up at the funeral when I was 6 months pregnant and they were there in the delivery room when I gave birth three days ago that's why me and Joshua's daughters names are Josephine and Justine named after my husband's best friends.
I know that Joshua is looking down on us and smiling at me like he did when we first met when we were 26 and now I see that my husband is gone and it hurts I still wear my wedding ring on my finger as Joshua slid it on my finger at our wedding with Joey and Justin being Best Men at the wedding but I wear a special necklace it has Joshua's wedding band on a chain that I wear in rememberance of my beloved late husband Joshua Scott Chasez not JC Chasez superstar.
I'll never forget that day as long as I live I was in the unfinished nursery of our twin girls born 4 1/2 months from then and Joshua was at the paint store because he ran out of paint when he was painting the nursery when two police officers came to my door and told me the news that my husband was shot and killed and needed to be identified in the morgue so I went with the officers and as the morgue worker peeled back the sheet there I saw my husband laying there and started shaking and sobbing and saying "yes that's my husband".
I got to my feet and went over to Joshua as I saw a hole in his head from the bullet my tears falling on his cold skin I knew I had to contact my in-laws in Chicago as I called my Mother-In-Law, Karen and told her the horrific news I knew this wasn't a nightmare her and my Father-In-Law and Brother-In-Law and Sister-In-law, Tyler and Heather flew to Winter Park from Chicago and they held me as I cried and I had to do the unthinkable tell Joshua's bandmates I called each of them and most of all I had to tell his bestest friends, Joey Fatone and Justin Timberlake and they immediately flew to be with me at the funeral as did Chris Kirkpatrick and Lance Bass.
I remember the funeral vividly the rest of N Sync sung Boyz II Men's It's So Hard To Say Goodbye and placed roses on Joshua's casket as I wore my black maternity dress by Liz Lange and black hat and veil covering my tear-streaked face as the mourners gave me condolences I knew I had to raise my unborn twin girls on my own. I remember reading in the newspaper about Joshua's death "Grammy nominated singer and songwriter, JC Chasez, 32 was killed last week by an unknown shooter police are calling the homicide a case of mistaken identity as for comment Chasez's widow, Ashley had no comment he leaves her and their unborn twin daughters and as for comment from his former bandmates Justin Timberlake said in a statement it's a shame that JC was killed and I would have never thought he would be killed and leave Ashley as his widow and raise her little ones by herself", as I tore and threw the newspaper in the trash can my heart was shattering and tearing apart.
As the mourners left and Justin and Joey were talking I sat in a chair facing Joshua's casket covered with roses I got up and banged my fists and screamed out in rage against God and the man that took my husband away from me Joey and Justin ran and cradled me as I sobbed.
I went home that day and laid in me and Joshua's king-size bed and sobbed myself to sleep and had memories how we conceived our unborn children on that bed I got up from that bed and went into Joshua's studio and sat at the board where Joshua sat as he made masterpieces and went on his computer and saw the unsung songs he wrote lyrics to and could hear the last lullaby he sung to my belly to our babies the previous week and told my babies he was so happy to have their Mama and them in the coming months.
I found myself crying as Joshua's cell phone rang I didn't answer and heard the chime as he got a voicemail I checked the voicemail and it was from the president of his record company not knowing he was killed and they were screaming at him for not finishing his third solo album to be called "Joshua" an album filled with ballads and love songs I called the president of Jive and told him the bad news and he gave me his condolences.
Over the course of the months of my pregnancy winded down I went to the Grammy's where Joshua was nominated posthumoristy and accepted his Grammy for Best Male Performance and delivered a heart-felt acceptance speech and shortly after that I landed here to deliver my twins with Joey and Justin by my side and Justin cutting the cord of the babies in honor of Joshua.
Three days after I delivered the twins I went home and brought the twins to Joshua's gravestone that read Joshua Scott Chasez 1976-2008 and cried as I leave I feel a gust of wind blowing in my face knowing it's a sign from Joshua from Heaven telling me our angels are a symbol of our love for each other.
As my twin daughters grow up into little girls playing in the yard with their brown hair in braided pigtails chasing after each other I will see their Father in them as Joshua would chase me around when we were newlyweds that's one of the fondest memory I have of Joshua how his cobalt blue eyes twinkled whenever I would walk in a room and his pride for me when I would hold his hand during the hard times as Josephine and Justine grow up into teenagers I'll tell them what happened to their Father and our love story but for now I'll just have to see what the coming days come as I put them in their bassinets and have them sleep like angels knowing that it's sign from God that he gave me my daughters in exchange for my husband.
As I hold my necklace with Joshua's ring on it I think of how I slid it on his finger at our wedding and what it has engraved inside it "Mi Amour" J.S.C. + A.R.C. = 4-ever.
THE END
Number of reviews: 3
Print:
