Based on and containing the song “On My Own” as it appears in the musical Les Miserables.

She pushed her way through the hotel lobby, trying to get to the doors leading to the sidewalk.

Her eyes caught the flash of headlights and she picked up her pace, desperate for the freedom of the night air.

Minutes later, she was standing on the sidewalk, hugging her coat around her thin frame to trap her natural warmth.

Two limos pulled up to the curb, waiting to pick up high-priority clients from the party inside.

She shook her head, wondering how she’d ever gotten mixed up in this crowd.

How had she gone from being just plain Cat to becoming Catherine Winters, hair stylist to the stars?

The lights across the street flashed, telling her that it was safe to cross.

A billboard scrolled with flashing red letters, announcing that it was 3:18 AM.

She smiled as she walked across the street, the heels of her boots tapping loudly as she moved.

The guys would be heading up to their rooms soon, ready for a deep sleep after they’d partied all night.  Security would be all over them, not even noticing that a member of the crew was unaccounted for.

If the stars were present, then the rest were a minor worry.

As long as she showed up in the morning, nobody would miss her.  They would just assume that she’d already gone to her room, catching the sleep needed to pull the early morning shift required of the hair and make-up crew.

A taxi passed her on the street, sending a gust of wind through the denim covering her legs.

Her pace sped up, heading away from the hotel as thoughts flew through her head.

It wasn’t as if anyone worried about her, anyway.

She was pretty much a ghost on the tour, keeping her stuff in order and getting her job done.  At least, that’s how she saw herself, how she preferred it to be.

Over the past few months, the group had made it their personal mission to draw her out, to get her to open up.

To laugh.  To have fun.  To let her own hair down and enjoy the ride, allowing herself to smile and enjoy the company.

And she had.

Growing closer to those guys had been a blast, a real head trip.

But even now, sometimes she just liked to take these walks, to escape for just a little while.

She could be alone, get away from the madness that surrounded what had proved to be a stressful job.

And whenever she felt lonely . . . she could think of him.

And now I’m all alone again, nowhere to go, no one to turn to
Without a home, without a friend, without a face to say hello to
And now the night is near
And I can make believe he’s here

Sometimes I walk alone at night when everybody else is sleeping
I think of him and then I’m happy with the company I'm keeping
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head

She finally reached the entrance, turning to make her way into Central Park.

During the day, New York was a gorgeous city, full of life and people.

In the daylight, the park was a gem, busting at the seams with artists, tourists and vendors.

But at night, it took on a whole new persona.

The city itself throbbed with life, fairly dancing as the streets overflowed with party-goers and clubbers.

And the park became a dark, forbidding, frightening place, its dimly lit trails and paths deserted.

But she didn’t care as she walked along one of the main trails, letting her mind wander.

If she concentrated hard enough, she could hear his laughter, his voice, his soft breathing.

The breeze blew stronger, sending her teeth to chattering.

She hugged her arms around herself, wondering if it was natural for her to be able to feel his embrace when he wasn’t there, when he wasn’t even thinking of her.

Shrugging it off, she shoved her hands into her pockets, moving further down the trail.

A branch broke loudly somewhere to her right and she jumped, trembling in fright, before closing her eyes.

If she looked into herself just so, she could see his smiling face, blue eyes, and soft, dark hair.

The thought of him made her feel secure, safe.

A small smile graced her lips at the thought.

She turned off the main trail, calmly making her way through the trees.

It had rained that afternoon and the air was thick with the smell of damp leaves.

Drops of water fell from the branches above and she turned her face up, grinning as the moisture trickled down her face.

Her eyes opened and she marveled at the stars shining brightly just beyond the trees.

In a city full of lights, you could still find a place where you could see the stars.

She turned around a bend, her eyes adjusting as she came upon a lamppost.

The light cast shimmering rays across the wet sidewalk, glittering like ribbons of silver stretching out before her.

Directly in front of her was a bridge, making a way over the small stream flowing through the park.

She stepped up until she was at the bridge’s peak, directly above the rippling water.

Her fingers grasped the railing as she leaned out, her eyes taking in the pale reflections of the lights in the water.

The lights moved across the stream’s dancing surface and, for just a moment, she allowed herself to imagine that he was standing there with her.

On my own, pretending he’s beside me
All alone, I walk with him ’til morning
Without him, I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way, I close my eyes and he has found me

In the rain the pavement shines like silver
And the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever

Here, in the darkness, she could pretend that all was right.

That he was hers.

In the night, she would lose herself in her dream world, satisfied with the illusion of the two of them together.

Even if it was just for a little while, she could see herself grasping the happiness that had eluded her for so long.

Until morning, her heart would be lighter, her spirit soaring.

But whenever the sun’s light graced the sky, her world always changed.

She was forced to leave those dreams behind, to put on her mask and hide everything away from him.

A timid smile formed as she lost herself in the river’s gentle current, mulling over the unexpected events of the night.

Tonight . . . tonight things were different.

Her mind wandered, the details appearing before her in vivid color.

She’d been standing on the outskirts of the party, keeping to herself as she always did.

And he’d noticed her, approached her.

“Come on, Cat.  Dance with me.  Please?”

Even now, hours later, she could hear the grin in his voice as he cajoled her.

He’d wanted a dance.

And she’d been longing for the chance.

By some miracle, there he was, offering her his hand with a smile.

She’d hesitated for only a moment before reaching out, allowing him to take her hand and lead her out onto the floor.

The lilting melodies of a ballad had carried over the room and she’d taken a deep breath as he’d pulled her close.

They’d started to move to the slow rhythm, her arms automatically going around his neck as his had tightened around her waist.

Here on the bridge, she closed her eyes, reliving the strength of his arms holding her, the feel of his breathing against her.

The sound of the current caught her attention once again, pulling her eyes down, and she smiled when she saw the mirage in the water.

There, in his arms, she’d felt safe, secure.

She’d wondered if he knew how right it felt, if he could read her thoughts as they moved to the music.

The scent of his cologne had invaded her senses, branding itself in her memory.

And then the music had faded away.

He’d led her back over to the side of the floor, kissed her on the cheek and walked away.

Leaving her alone, once again.

Watching him walk away, she’d gotten the keen sense that he was taking a part of her with him.

There, in the middle of that party, she’d dreadfully accepted what she’d been fighting against.

She’d begun to fall in love with him weeks ago.

Now, she was a goner.  Head over heels.  Completely wrapped up in him.

It had been an accident, coming from nowhere to embed itself into her being.

Love.

The most extreme of emotions.

Irrevocable.  Irresistible.  Consuming.

But, in this case, it was also unrequited.

She knew that as well as she knew her own name.

He would never love her.

Not in the way that her heart longed for him to.

In her mind, her soul, she knew that it was impossible.

But even that knowledge couldn’t keep her heart from dreaming there was a chance for them.

And I know it’s only in my mind
That I’m talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say there’s a way for us

As she stared down into the water, she sighed as their dancing mirage slowly began to fade, leaving the water dark and empty.

Her head tilted as she gazed at the current, wondering how long she would have that same dark, empty feeling.

When the sun rose in a few hours, the water would be given new life, brighter colors, renewed energy.

How long would she have to wait for her own sunrise?

She tucked the thoughts away, allowed the images to disappear into the back of her memory and swallowed hard, finally accepting the beginnings of a very deep heartbreak.

A tear slipped down her cheek as she stepped back and away from the bridge railing, carefully making her way down from the wooden planks.

Somewhere in her mind, she realized that she’d have to do more than just try to forget about him.

No matter how oblivious he was to her, to her feelings for him . . . there was no way that she could be around him on a daily basis.

Her heart just couldn’t take it.

She would have to move on, separate herself from the hurt.

A deep sorrow set over her as she thought about leaving the group behind.

Images and sounds flashed in her mind.

Lance’s quiet laughter.

Justin’s confident strut.

The five of them harmonizing in the hallway.

Chris’s devilish eyes.

The crashes and laughter echoing from the Toy Room.

Joey’s warm smile.

And him.  For him . . . she’d remember the dance.

Each one would always have a special place in her memories, in her heart.

But they would forget her.

Hairdressers were a dime a dozen in this business and nothing about her was special.

They might think of her for a day or so . . . until one morning, she just didn’t cross their minds.

She would be replaced.

His days would continue to run like clockwork, he would be the same happy, beautiful person.

And she would be forced to find another job, to put her guard up as she grew accustomed to a different crew.

She had to start over.

But maybe, somewhere along the way, she’d find the happiness she’d been hoping to find.

The happiness that had remained just beyond her grasp her for so many years.

Someday, she would learn how to let the dream of him go.

She would learn that there were others out there to love.

And someone out there would love her in return.

I love him but when the night is over
He is gone, the river’s just a river
Without him, the world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers

I love him but every day I’m learning
All my life I’ve only been pretending
Without me, his world will go on turning
A world that’s full of happiness that I have never known

I love him, I love him, I love him
But only on my own

Her gaze traveled around, the night taking on a dangerous feel as the dreams of him faded away.

Wiping her face, she turned to walk back in the direction she’d come, winding her way along the darkened path through the now menacing trees.

The sound of her boots echoed through the woods as she walked quickly around the bend, anxious to break free of the reaching branches, to escape the scraping and scratching sounds coming from beyond the edge of the path.

Her head jerked to the side when she heard male voices arguing in the bushes ahead.

Moving to the far side of the path, she tried to quietly ease by as the voices got louder.

The limbs began shaking, the leaves rustling and she knew that they were fighting over something.

Two men fell out of the bushes and onto the cement, struggling, punching, cursing violently as each tried to take control.

They blocked the entire path and her first instinct was to run in the other direction.

Before she could turn, the sound of metal hitting the pavement made her freeze.

She heard the blast, saw the flash.

Then she felt the punch to her chest, felt herself falling to the ground.

The impact of her body slamming to the sidewalk was nonexistent, the crack of her head against the pavement not even registering in her mind.

She lay on that cold pathway, staring up at the starry sky, fighting to breathe, vaguely aware of the sound of pounding feet as the men ran away from her.

Her throat worked desperately as she tried to cry out, to call for help.

But her voice wouldn’t come forth, the pain too great.

With every bit of strength she had, she raised her arm, her hand finding its way to the front of her jacket.

Tears trickled from her eyes when she felt the warmth of her own blood soaking through her clothing.

It flowed from the left side of her chest, almost directly underneath her breast.

Just a few inches away from her heart.

She gasped for air, the bitter irony setting in.

Her fingers tightened in the sticky fabric as she struggled to stay awake.

She blinked repeatedly, trying to clear her vision, to focus on the stars above.

His voice echoed in her head yet again.

“Come on, Cat.  Dance with me.  Please?”

Her first dance with him would be her last.

At least she’d had that one small piece of heaven on Earth.

One moment in a lifetime.

The blackness closed in, the icy cold spreading through her heavy limbs.

She felt herself fading, a small smile gracing her lips when she saw his eyes and his smile above her, heard his laughter floating on the night breeze.

As she fought for one last breath, a last, lucid thought drifted through her mind.

She wouldn’t be missed . . . until morning.