Justin supposed he should feel worried when the nausea didn’t grab him as he finished his jump. After so many jumps, he was getting used to it. And now he was sure what he was going to do. He only needed to get his timing right.
The Virgin Megastore was filled to the brim, so his appearance was completely unnoticed by security or the fans
That was his plan all along: just like at the Latin Grammys, he needed to stay on this particular time as long as he could. And this time he wasn’t going to mess things up by talking to future Backstreet’s wives.
Very, very carefully, trying not to call attention to himself, he edged towards the wall. He kept an eye on the crowd, assuring himself that he wasn’t going to trip anyone. He was very near the table where in minutes, he knew they all were going to sit down and sign some albums, still unaware that they had managed to break every single sale record that very same day.
Thanks to that fact, he remembered that day pretty well. It had been marked by his mom as the day where everything started to fall in place for his stardom to begin, and he agreed with her. Only now he knew it was not only his career. It was everyone’s. And if he couldn’t return to 2001 to stop his younger self from destroying the group, he was going to make sure that someone in 2000 held to *N Sync with teeth and nail.
He lowered his head just a little as he saw himself past next to him, followed by Lance, Joey and JC. Counting his steps, he turned around. He remembered that day, Chris had been just a couple of minutes late, due to some problem with the wardrobe. So he had at least 4 minutes to try and convince Chris that what they were doing were worth fighting even Justin’s stubborn desire to have a solo career.
But he also had the feeling that Chris wouldn’t just believe the same story Justin had told his younger self. Chris would ask questions that Justin wasn’t ready to answer. Some that Justin didn’t know how to answer, so he had to do something he hadn’t done in years.
He had to act, and act humble.
Grabbing a couple of water bottles from a nearby table, he looked at himself in a nearby window. He knew that he didn’t look as if he had been working in retail, but he was willing to try and fool Chris. It only had to be for a few minutes. As soon as Chris believed him, he was going to jump anyway.
“Mr. Kirkpatrick?” He asked, knocking on the door to their dressing room.
“Just a second!” Chris’s voice came from behind the door, but Justin didn’t had time to make an excuse to enter as his friend came out, looking stressed. “What?!”
“My.. uh…manager though you might want some water,” Justin answered, offering him the bottle in his hands. In his head he kept chanting the mantra of ‘You’re not his Justin, he’s not going to be nice to you’.
“Oh, thanks,” Chris smiled grabbing the bottle, before looking at Justin again. Justin bit his tongue, nervous. This was it, the trial of fire. “Say, has anyone ever told you that you look just like an older Justin?”
“Until they see me dance,” Justin tried to smile, hoping it would look modest. “Got two left feet.”
“Still… The resemblance is amazing. Are you related to Lynn Harless?” Chris was still studying him with his eyes, making Justin feel nervous. But at least, he didn’t feel the nausea that accompanied the jump. He still had to make a difference
“Not that I know,” Justin managed to say. He knew Chris wouldn’t launch into the story of his life in front of a total stranger, so he had to steer the conversation quickly, before he lost his only chance because Chris was finishing his drink and getting ready to go up to the table with the others “Mr. Kirkpatrick? That’s a great group you have.”
“Chris,” his friend said, pointing with the bottle. He looked surprised. “And thanks, but it isn’t just my group. We all work together on this.”
“Not really,” Justin insisted, speaking quickly. “I… I’m a fan. I know that you were the one who put it all together. And I have the feeling that you guys? Are going to get big. This store? It will be nothing compared to the places you will fill.”
“Thanks, man,” Chris was starting to look at him with suspicion, and more than a little fear. Justin knew that look. It was the look they all got when they were about to look for security. “I… I’ve got to go now.”
“I know what it sounds like,” Justin hurried to say. “But I have a great eye for that. Just, if you want the advice from the waterboy? Don’t let fame get to your head. I mean, you don’t look like someone who would let it get to your head, but… don’t forget your friends. And don’t let fame get to his head.”
He finished, pointing to himself, and as Chris turned to see where he was pointing at he started to feel the familiar pull of the jump.
Justin had only time to feel puzzled when Chris looked back at him, right in the instant the world started to ripple around him.
* * *
The world focused around Justin again, and he took a deep breath before paying attention to his surroundings. He closed his eyes, trying to brace himself to whatever was waiting for him now.
When he opened them he was a little disappointed. Everything looked the same as he remembered. The same as his own timeline.
He rose from his couch and walked towards the kitchen, taking inventory of everything. The walls looked the same, the floor looked the same. There wasn’t any clue of what he had done, or if he had done something.
There was no note tacked to his refrigerator.
He went to his bedroom, still trying to find anything, any sign that he had changed something, but he couldn’t find any.
In fact, it looked pretty much as his own time. As if the last seven jumps in time hadn’t happen at all.
“Oh, boy,” he muttered, suddenly realizing that he might be home.
* * *
Justin arrived to the Jive’s office building a little before ten, just in case. In his own timeline, he had had a meeting before everything had happened. That morning, Cameron had been in his bed and kissed him good morning before leaving to meet her agent.
He hadn’t even felt relief upon seeing her. He was feeling numb.
The first thing he did, however, was to call Joey, who had been home and quite surprised to hear from him.
He and Kelly were getting ready to drop Briahna at Chris’s house, because they were leaving to Chicago.
“Joey, please, don’t go,” Justin had pleaded in the very instant he heard the name of the city. “Please, wait until tomorrow. Don’t leave tonight.”
“Justin, Kelly and I have been planning this trip for months. I just can’t cancel,” Joey answered, trying to sound conciliatory.
But Justin had begged, all the way to Jive. He had first tried to blackmail Joey, then coaxed him, promised to reunite all the group, and finally almost cried until Joey finally realized that Justin was being serious, and had caved in.
Not before handing Kelly the phone.
Justin had been parked at the Jive’s parking lot for twenty minutes before he managed to convince Kelly to take a different flight, paid by Justin.
When he finally hung up, he had been crying tears of relief. He knew that if he was in his own timeline, there was a lot of work ahead to make *N Sync exist again, but at least he had managed to save Joey and Kelly. The Fatones were safe, and everything else could work.
At the Jive lobby, he was greeted by the cover of Future Sex/LoveSound with Keli, Outkast, Too Short and Pink. No sign of JC’s album or anything out of the ordinary. As he was directed to the elevator, he browsed briefly through the Jive directory. Backstreet Boys and JC were still there, and there were no other surprises. No Nigels 11 or Chris Kirkpatrick.
It was disappointingly normal.
Johnny’s secretary let him in the office, and Justin entertained the idea that maybe it all had been a dream. Maybe he had fell asleep while watching his old album and everything else had been a stress induced nightmare. The funny thing was that the thought didn’t made him feel better. Maybe after that first jump he had wanted nothing but to go back to this, but now that he had seen all the missed chances with the guys, all the futures without their friendship, the fact that he was back on the top felt somewhat empty.
“Justin, hi, I’m glad you could come,” Johnny ushered him on, inviting him to sit down. Justin didn’t even bother to really pay attention in the minute Johnny mentioned the Japanese release of FutureSex. He had been in that meeting already; he only needed to go through the motions of it.
“I’ll get that ready as soon as JC and I are done with his tracks,” he said once Johnny finished his speech. “By the way, when are we going to get JC’s release date?”
“What?” Johnny stopped in his tracks, surprised.
“You know, JC’s release date? We’re working our asses off with that album, so I was wondering when it’s going to come out.” Justin looked at Johnny, waiting for the answer. Even if he was back to square one, he was not going to repeat the mistakes of the past. Even if everything had been just a dream, he was going to change the future.
“Justin, you don’t need to worry about it,” Johnny smiled, still looking confused. “You have time to finish the mixing work. We’ll reschedule if necessary.”
“No, I don’t think that’s fair,” Justin rose from the chair, not wanting to spend one more minute there. “JC and I will probably finish tomorrow, so you will have the material. If you guys really wanted, it would be out in time for Christmas.”
“Justin, are you feeling all right?” Johnny frowned again. Justin shook his head. Why he hadn’t noticed that careless attitude about all his former bandmates before? He knew the answer. He hadn’t noticed until it had been directed at him,
“Of course,” Justin smiled. “By the way, Johnny, I should tell you. I’m planning to talk to the guys. All that stuff I said about how we couldn’t do anything more as *N Sync was totally wrong. I’m going to see if they’re interested in getting back together.”
“Justin, what are you talking about?” Johnny looked confused. “You know that pop groups aren’t exactly selling right now. You agreed it was a good decision to distance yourself as much as possible from all that.”
“Well, I was wrong,” Justin said, going out of the office. “You wait and see. If Backstreet could get back together, we can too.”
He closed the door behind him before he Johnny could answer.
* * *
Justin smiled, grabbing the wheel of his car at the Jive’s building’s parking lot. The meeting with Johnny had confirmed that he was back. He was right on the correct timeline and now all he had to do was to work into getting the group back together. It wasn’t going to be easy, he knew that both Joey and Lance were pretty much content with their lives at the moment, but if he could just convince JC and Chris, Justin knew they could get back together.
And of course, there was the matter of Chris. Chris had been happier in all the timelines where he was with a guy. Even the disastrous ones looked as if he had had some good times before Justin appeared. Justin had on good authority that Chris and JC were bisexual, Chris himself had told him, so he only needed to give him the right push towards JC and everything would be fine. The present might not be the perfect future, but now he knew what he had to do.
He pulled out his cell phone, and dialed memory five, Chris’s phone.
Chris didn’t answer, but he got Chris’s message machine. It was all right, Justin knew exactly what he was going to say.
“Chris? It’s me, man. You’ve probably talked to Joey who I’m sure told you I’ve gone nuts. And I probably did, but hey, we need to talk, and soon. So I’ll drop by your house as soon as I’m done with JC. Call me if you can.”
The world was in place again. He could work with that.
* * *
Practically whistling, Justin drove all the way to the studio feeling great. It was funny how everything had fixed itself in the same way that the mess had started. He only needed to talk to Chris, and fix everything. He didn’t even try to call Lance. He was sure that if he did a cursory search on the People magazine’s website, he would see the recent cover with the smiling face of his friend.
Since Joey wasn’t going to die, Justin felt in top of the world.
JC was waiting for him at the studio entrance, still dressed in that same pink shirt. Justin still didn’t know if he hated the shirt or if he loved it, since it was his touchstone. His way of knowing it was still the same day, and that this time, he had been in time to make things right.
Still, he didn’t say anything until they were inside the recording booth. He knew they had to work, so he went through the motions until they finished the first track.
“JC, I’m going to tell you something, and I want you to listen carefully,” Justin said, turning off the console. “I had the strangest dream yesterday. I suddenly was able to travel trough time.”
“That’s cool,” JC said, smiling.
“Not really,” Justin sighed. Now came the hard part. Explaining to JC why it might not have been a dream. “Everything kept getting worse. No matter what I did, the future always was worse. Except one time.”
“What happened in that time?” JC looked interested. But then, in every reality Justin had been in, JC always looked interested in his story. Except for that one time when Chris and Justin had been together.
Justin shook his head. He didn’t want to think about that reality. “We never disbanded.”
There was a long silence before JC put his hand on Justin’s shoulders. Justin turned to look at his friend, surprised to see the understanding smile on JC’s face. “J. You know that the hiatus is meant to be temporary, right? Chris never meant for it to be permanent.”
At that, Justin felt his blood drain from his face. That was something different. He remembered the discussion quite clearly. Chris had always been against the hiatus. “What did you say?”
“Justin, are you feeling all right?” JC asked instead of answering. He looked honestly worried.
“Don’t worry about that,” Justin took a deep breath. “JC, just tell me… whose idea was to take a break from *N Sync?”
Inside, he was chanting ‘please say me, please say me, please say me’. But part of him, a very large part, wished for it to be different. He didn’t want to be back home. He wanted to believe that his jumps were real. That he could still fix his mistakes, despite everything.
JC looked at him, with the intensity he reserved for complicated music sheets. “You’re serious,” he said, after a moment. “You really don’t remember why Chris needed time away from all this?”
Justin shook his head. He now had the proof he needed. He wasn’t home, not yet, and that meant that he had changed something else. Something bigger, if Chris of all people had asked for the group to temporary separate.
“Shit, Justin. That must’ve been a hell of a dream to forget that.”
“A hell of a nightmare,” Justin sighed, not bothering to say that he was still on it. “I did everything I could, you know? To try and fix things up. I talked to Chris, to myself… Even to AJ at one time. But everything I did just ended up making things worse.”
“Maybe that was the whole point of your dream,” JC said, with a sad expression in his face. “That some things shouldn’t be changed. You can’t control life.”
“I did,” Justin smiled, remembering the good timeline. “If I dreamed that again, I think I would plan the changes better. I’m pretty sure that knowing the future, you can change things for the best.”
“I don’t know.” JC got up from his chair, stretching his back. “I would be terrified of that power. Nothing comes without sacrifices, you know? And if you had got something for one change, that would mean someone lost something too.”
Justin nodded. That made sense, and he had experienced it, first hand. A couple of times, actually.
But JC didn’t know that he had finally gotten it mostly right. Sure, they weren’t together as a group, but that could be easily solved.
“I’m going to talk to Chris,” Justin finally said. “I’m going to choose to believe that my dream is a sign that we can be a group again.”
* * *
Justin arrived to Chris’s house around seven. Even if it wasn’t his timeline, he was not going to let Jive delay JC’s album any longer, so they kept working until every track they were supposed to finish were done.
He hadn’t asked JC if Chris was single, because he figured that their love life could come second to the group. If they were together, getting everything else fixed would be easier. He had to convince Chris, and if he had a partner, too bad.
“Hey, Justin, what a surprise!” Of course, he didn’t expect Howie Dorough to open the door. It shouldn’t have been that much of a shock, he figured. Chris had gone through almost all the Backstreet Boys already. Apparently, Justin just couldn’t find a timeline where Chris was with a woman.
“Hey, Howie. Is Chris home?” The one good thing about all that jumping was that he had finally learned how to roll with the punches. No matter what reality threw to him, he could act as if nothing was wrong.
He had to stop thinking in that lines, he knew. Every time he challenged reality, reality decided to bite back.
“No, he had a meeting with Nova Celete tonight. They’re getting ready to record,” Howie let him in. “Can I offer you something to drink?”
“Sure, a beer is fine thanks,” Justin sat on the living room couch, looking up surprised to see Howie grimace.
“Sorry, Justin, you know Chris and I don’t have alcohol in the house,” Howie said, tense. “I can offer you water, diet coke, or iced tea if you want.”
“Diet coke is fine,” Justin tried to sound calm. While he wouldn’t go and call Chris an alcoholic, at least no to his face, in the past years he had gotten used to see Chris with a drink in his hands at parties. Justin didn’t know if Chris drank alone in his house, but that was mostly because he never went to visit Chris at his house. Taking a deep breath, he decided to fish for more information. He knew Nova Celeste’s name. JC had mentioned Chris’s sister’s band a couple of times in his original timeline. “So Chris is doing the manager thing full time now?”
“He said he wasn’t going to, but you know Chris,” Howie smiled, bringing two glasses with him and giving one to Justin. “I think he misses the whole business side of everything, even if he won’t admit it.”
“You think he also misses the performing side?” Justin asked, curious, sipping his glass. That was an important question, if this Chris didn’t want to be on the stage anymore, it was going to be harder to finish his plans.
But Howie looked happy, and if Chris looked happy, Justin was going to try and make this work.
“Everyday, if you ask me,” Howie shook his head. “I miss it too, to be sincere. We both kind of envy you and JC for still doing it.”
It took considerable effort from Justin’s part not to look surprised at that bit of news. Since he had seen the Backstreet Boys in the Jive’s directory, he had assumed they had gone on and done Never Gone. Howie’s tone made it seem as if they hadn’t. “You could still do it, if you want to. I’m pretty sure that there’s still one more good record for both Backstreet and *N Sync.”
“A couple more for *N Sync, if you can convince Chris,” Howie laughed. “In fact, I will help you if, because I’m sure that he really wants to do it. But Backstreet is pretty much over, J. It just took us this long to accept it.”
“Oh, don’t talk like that Howie!” Part of Justin’s mind was wondering exactly why he was encouraging one his band’s rivals to record again, but the other part insisted that, if Chris was with Howie, he would want to see him happy too. And if getting the Backstreet Boys in the studio was what made Howie happy, well, Justin was going to help in that department too. “I’m sure if you talk to Kevin, he’ll come out of retirement at least for one more album.”
“Retirement?” Howie frowned. “Kevin hasn’t retired. Last I knew he was doing Chicago in Toronto, and he and Lance were talking about a new show or something.”
Justin nodded, dumbly. He had been sure that the only reason why the Backstreet Boys would stop recording was because Kevin had announced his retirement, even if they weren’t as stuck on the idea of all for one and one for all as *N Sync had always been. “I just got confused for a second there, sorry. But then why not try it? I’m sure you can get everyone to agree for a little studio time”
“It wouldn’t be the same without AJ,” Howie shook his head sadly. “We used to think it would get easier to accept he’s gone with time, but the truth is that we still miss him too much.”
* * *
Three hours later, Chris arrived to the house and Justin could see for himself how his friend had been doing. As in all the realities where he still was working doing music, Chris looked happy and living life at his fullest. This time, he was wearing his hair short, still spiked. He was wearing a black t-shirt without any logos on it, and there were almost no visible tattoos on his arms. As he was still thin, he looked as if he hadn’t aged a day after the Pop Odyssey tour.
“J! Nice to see you man!” Chris smiled at him, hugging him without reservations before moving on to softly kiss Howie on the lips. At least, Justin figured, this time he hadn’t alienated Chris by complaining or mocking his relationship with a man. Either he had grown a bit more open – minded this time, or the time difference between Chris getting together with Howie –and Brian the last time, his brain supplied- and the time he had got involved with Nick had been enough for Justin to change his mind.
Seeing Chris walk to the kitchen to grab a glass of water, Justin realized that in all the other timelines he had never really watched his friend with his partners, only in the one where he had been with JC, and that hadn’t been on purpose. He had just happened to be there while Chris kissed his then boyfriend.
So while he had assumed that Chris was the happiest with JC, the truth was that he really didn’t know. The only one with whom Justin was sure Chris had been miserable had been with AJ, and possibly with Brian, and even then he couldn’t be completely sure that they hadn’t been happy couples. For all he knew, those had been their only fights.
And now AJ was dead, and Justin couldn’t figure out how the hell he had managed to land in a reality where that had happened.
“How’s Taylor doing?” he asked, forcing himself to remember that he had to act normal. Even when he was now thinking that he had to get home, find out how AJ had died, and find the place to jump to stop that from happening, he didn’t want to miss seeing his friend happy.
If nothing else, Justin realized that it was a way to remind himself why he was jumping. Why it was important to get it exactly right.
“Every day bigger,” Chris shook his head. “I swear that I blink and I miss everything. They have the samples ready for me to start looking for producers.”
“Why not go to Jive? I’m sure Johnny could find them great management,” Justin offered. He wasn’t exactly sure of that, not given the way their manager was treating JC, but it was a possibility.
“I don’t want her to be promoted as the sister of an ex-*N Syncer,” Chris explained. “And you know that’s what Johnny would do. They’re talented, and they don’t deserve that treatment.”
“I guess you’re right,” Justin sighed. After that, the conversation went through some fairly harmless subjects for Justin. His album, future tours, his relationship to Cameron. Justin realized that there had been a reason why he had thought he hadn’t jumped at all, the only apparent difference between this timeline and the one he came from was that AJ had died.
And he couldn’t ask how or when that had happened, not without raising their suspicions.
He stayed an hour more, since he didn’t want Chris to think that he didn’t enjoy his company, not anymore. He broached the subject of an *N Sync reunion, but this time Chris shrugged him off, saying that they had done all they could do as a group, that it was better to move forward.
It was a kick to Justin’s stomach to hear his own words said against him now.
* * *
When Justin returned home, the first thing he did was to check his dvd collection. While he wasn’t as obsessed as Joey with collecting footage of the group, he always had a very good stash of it. It took him one hour to find the correct tape.
An interview with them all, in September 2001, for CNN. They were all dressed in black, and Justin could see Chris’s reddened eyes when the camera focused on him. They all talked about how terrible it had been to lose AJ, how no one had seen it coming.
There was no tape from any interview with the Backstreet Boys, but Justin remembered the interview he was seeing, more or less. Only that when he had done it, it had been because AJ had been admitted to a rehab clinic. Alive.
Justin didn’t remember that day particularly well, and even back then, he hadn’t paid much attention. He knew that Kevin had found AJ in his room, but not the particulars. A grim faced Lance explained that much on the screen, so the difference between what had happened here, and what had happened in Justin’s timeline had to be minimal.
Like Howie dating Chris.
“Shit,” he muttered, turning off his TV. He had already pretty much figured he couldn’t stay in that current timeline. Not when in every single other one AJ had managed to turn his life around. He just couldn’t live with the knowledge that he had exchanged a lot of their friends’ happiness for AJ’s life.
However, this clearly meant that he had to plan things a lot better. He wasn’t going to be taking any risks.
JC said that there was nothing to be gained without sacrifices, and Justin was determined to prove him wrong.
He was about to pull out the photo album to look for a new place to jump, determined to save AJ, when his phone started ringing.
“Fuck, no,” he muttered under his breath. He didn’t want to answer, and hear Lance, JC or Chris telling him what new tragedy had happened to the Fatone family. But he forced himself to do it.
After all, he had already decided to jump. He just couldn’t live with the knowledge that he had indirectly killed AJ.
“Hello?” he answered, bracing himself for the worst.
“Justin? Man, I just… I have to know, how did you know it was going to happen?” It was Joey’s voice, scared and nervous. But alive, and that was a small consolation.
“What do you mean, Joe?” he asked, puzzled.
“We saw the bulletin on the news during dinner,” Joey explained, calming down a little. “Kelly recognized the flight number. The plane we were going to take to Chicago, it crashed just half an hour ago. And if it hadn’t been for you, Kelly and I would’ve been there. So I have to know, man… how did you know?”
Justin took a deep breath. He couldn’t tell Joey the truth, not when he was planning to undo everything. Still, it gave him hope. He had been able to stop Joey and Kelly from getting to the doomed plane once, he could do it again.
“I had a bad feeling about it, Joe, I couldn’t sleep thinking that you guys shouldn’t be on that plane,” he said. “Look, I’ll talk to you later, ok? There’s something I need to do.”
“Sure. Kelly and I, we’re not going to Chicago anymore, so I’ll go to your place tomorrow, is that ok?”
“I’ll be waiting here,” Justin lied, smiling as he hung up the phone.
Now he knew he could fix things. He could save Joey, he could save AJ, and he could keep Chris happy.
It was just a question of finding the right photo, and pray that the doors still would open for him.
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