Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

It's been two years since I walked out on Josh. I have so much to tell you, Josh found me about two months after I left. He told me he loved me and that he didn't see it until I left. I was in heaven as he poured out his feelings for me. Let me tell you, there's nothing better in this world than to hear the man you love say 'I love you' back to you.

He begged me to come back and of course me loving him as much as I did said yes without any other thoughts. I loved him and when you love someone you'll do anything for that person. I went back on tour with him and the guys and for a while it worked out great. The fans around the shows knew there was something going on with us and for the most part they were nice about it, but there were a few rude ones. You know those ones who declare their undying love and have those 'have my baby' signs.

He told me I was the one for him and none of them mattered to him. As fans they did, but nothing more than that. I knew he was telling the truth and I always assured him that it didn't bother me, although sometimes it did.

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

After a year Josh decided it would be a good idea to bring our relationship out of the bag so to speak and told the press. Everything started to unravel when the media started hounding us and you know how those tabloids love to start rumors. There were so many rumors about him cheating on me with all these other celebrities and 'random girls' I knew none of it was true.

He was very supportive again assuring me he was in love with me and there was nobody else and of course I believed him because when you love someone you trust them with your life, with your whole being. I just tried to ignore all the hype surrounding our relationship, oh how it was hard. So many times I would start crying and I felt so lonely, like nobody understood.

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do

It was almost two years into our relationship when I overheard the guys talking about us. They actually had the nerve to tell him to dump me. I knew it was hard on Josh to deal with everything, but here were his so called 'brothers' telling him to just send me packing. I was so mad, how dare these so called friends tell him this, especially in secret.

He knew that there were going to be these kind of issues when we first went to the press, but he said we'd fight it and it would be worth it. I only saw red after I heard them talking like that. What really pissed me off was that he was agreeing with them to a point.

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

A week later I walked into the hotel room we were sharing and found him in bed with some other girl. One of those girls he claimed meant nothing to him. Josh saw me and tried the whole 'I didn't mean to it just happened' bullshit line on me but I wasn't going to have it. I kicked her out of MY room and we had it out. Turned out he was cheating on me the whole time. THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME. I wanted to cut his balls off right then.

I loved him dammit, I still do. Deep in my heart there will always be a burning love for him. I should never have bought into his shit after I left, but when you love someone you will do anything for them, even if that means letting them go. I will always love him, but I lost a lot of respect for him and we're not as nearly as close as we once were.

So much for my happy ending

I'm a fool no more. Only this time, I mean it.