do you feel like a man when you push her around?
do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
She stays as quiet as possible as he shuffles around the apartment, looking for his keys. Eyes closed, she wills herself to not think about the events that just occurred. At the sound of the door slamming shut, she carefully picks herself off the floor, wincing at the sharp feeling in her chest.
Standing up slowly, she tries not to breathe in too deeply for fear of finding out for sure what she already knew. She'd rather be naive about the obviously cracked ribs inside of her body, than have to deal with the harsh reality of what had just happened.
Holding on to the arm of the sofa, she preys that the room will stop spinning. It was just what she needed to have to go to the hospital because of a concussion. Having already made numerous trips in the past few months, she was tired and burned out of finding ways to explain herself.
Why did she make excuses anyway?
Oh yes, because she loved him.
Why did she love him? Only God knew.
He was the most manipulative, obnoxious, hurtful, cruel, destructive person she had ever met. So it is now that she asks herself, as she standing crouched against the sofa of her now ravished apartment trying to put herself back together after he had just torn her down… once again, why does she love him? He doesn’t deserve her love, that’s for sure. She knows how bad for her he is, yet she keeps coming back to him.
Does she like the abuse? That’s what he claims, yet she doesn’t know the answer to that question. Could it be true? Could she like the way he torments her? Does any person like to be abused? She doesn’t think so, but then why? Is there any other reason?
Thousands of questions race through her mind, but she quickly shakes them away, she has worse things to worry about right now. Like how she is suddenly unable to focus on anything. She sits down on the sofa cautiously and tries to catch her breath. Tears fall from her face rapidly as she realizes that she’s not okay. Picking up the phone, she sadly dials a number that she now knows by heart.
“Hello?”
“It’s me. Can you come get me?”
Pause.
“Did he do it again?”
Silence.
“Yes.” she whispers.
“Damn it, are you okay?”
“I don’t think so. Can you take me to the hospital?”
“I can’t believe this is happening again! It hasn’t even been a week. Why do you keep letting him do this to you?”
“I don’t know.” She cries. He sighs.
“Give me ten minutes, I’ll be right over”
Cover up with makeup in the mirror
She walks back into the appartment silently, making sure he wasn’t around. After spending three days in the hospital, she wasn’t really up to dealing with his temper tonight.
“He’s not home, come on in.” She walks quickly to the bathroom and turns on the light.
“Look, you know I love you. You’re my best friend. But I can’t take this anymore. Do you know how it feels to be woken up in the middle of the night by your best friend, just to go pick her up and take her to the hospital? Do you know how I feel when every time I see you, there’s a fresh bruse on your face?” He askes. She sighs as she takes out her makeup case.
“I know, but there’s nothing I can do about that. If you don’t want me to call you anymore, I won’t.”
“There is something you can do, leave him!” She pauses and looks at him through the mirror.
“I can’t do that.”
tell yourself, it's never gonna happen again
you cry alone and then he swears he loves you
Sitting down on her bed, she is instantly consumed with tears. How could she let him do this? Not only was she being physically and emotionally abused, but she was also losing her best friend. The one person who actually gave a damn about her. She needed to end it. As much as she didn’t want to, she knew she had to. Leave now or you’ll be stuck in this prison forever, she told herself. With a sudden boost of confidence, she stand up and races to her closet, picking up her suitcase and dropping it on the bed.
Her happiness is gone in a flash and is now being replaced by dread as she hears the front door open and close very softly. Suddenly she is unable to move. She just stands there, frozen in place, as he enters the bedroom. He stops as he gets to the door, staring at her in silence for a few moments before he speaks.
“You’re leaving?” She is unable to find her voice. Clearing her throat, she replies just above a whisper.
“Yes.”
He stand there, shocked, for some time. His eyes get clouded over and for a second, when he begins to walk toward her, she thinks that he might attack. But much to her surprise, he steps forward and hugs her tightly.
“Please, don’t go. I love you. I promise baby, it’ll never happen again.”
That’s all she needed to hear, and then she was back wading through her endless abyss of pain and heartbreak.
a pebble in the water makes a ripple effect
every action in this world will bear a consequence
if you wade around forever, you will surely drown
I see what's going down
“You need to learn when to keep your fucking mouth shut!” He yells as he sends yet another kick to her now frail body, weeping softly on the floor. Pleading him to stop his torture. Flying high on a newly acquired rush of adrenalin, he swiftly kicks the weak body a few more times before clasping on the sofa, spent.
A few moment later, once he has calmed down considerably, he realize that he hadn’t heard any type of movement in a while.
“Oh God,” he whispers to himself as he looks at the body lying on the ground. She looked so small and helpless. Usually he would thrive off of that, but tonight…
Tonight he went too far.
Leaning down slowly, he hesitantly shakes her body. No response.
No, she can’t be…
A knock on the door pulls him from his sickening thoughts and he gets up quickly. Brushing off his clothes, he tries to make himself look as presentable as possible. He opens the door slowly and almost gasps at who he sees standing there.
“Sir, we’ve receive numerous complaints about some noise coming from this apartment. We’ve also had some reports from people hearing some type of fight going on. Can we come in and take a look around?” He gulps as the police officer enters the apartment.
The moment the officer looked at the body lying on the ground, the man ran as fast as he possibly could out of the apartment. Fearing more for the safety of the woman, he said something to his partner who was waiting in the car, and bent down to attend to her.
“Ma’am, can you hear me?” She stirs slowly, but doesn’t speak. She falls in and out of consiusness and knows that she is on the verge of death.
“Don’t worry, Miss. Help will be here soon.” He says softly as the sound of sirens begins to fill the room.
She had let him do it again, and this time it almost killed her.
one day she will tell you that she has had enough
it's coming round again
Sighing softly, she enters her brand new apartment two months later. Boxes lined her walls but she really didn’t care. She had packed up her belonging as quickly as possible and found the farthest apartment she could in the city. Turning on the light, she gasped at what she saw. She had never expected to see him again.
“I thought you were in jail.” She said softly, and she walked slowly backwards toward her end table near the kitchen.
“Surprise.” He said, walking menacingly toward her.
“Please, just go away. I’ll call the police.” He laughed loudly and continued his pursuit.
“No you won’t. You love me too much.” It was true. As much as she hated to admit it, it was.
“Please, just stop,” she whispered as tears began to run down her face. He smiled as he stepped in front of her. His lips brushed against hers ever so gently.
Then, in a flash, she was pinned to the floor with her face being smashed onto the floor.
“You just don’t get it do you? No matter what I do to you, you’ll always welcome me back with open arms. You’re weak baby, and you realize that I’m the only person that will ever love you.” He says softly into her ear.
She smiles.
And suddenly, she understands. Suddenly, she is no longer afraid.
“That’s where you’re wrong,” She says with a smirk on her face. He looks at her with his head cocked to the side, confused.
That’s when she brings her leg up and he is thrown to the side. She stands up proudly and walks to the drawer beside the couch. Pulling ut an object, she moves to stand in front of him. He looks up at her with a scared and flabbergasted expression on his face. She just smiles as she looks down at him and sees him for the pitiful excuse of a human being that he is.
“Goodbye, Justin.“ She says simply, as she cocks the gun.
face down in the dirt,
she said,
"This doesn't hurt"
she said,
"I finally had enough."
The smile gracing her lips grows wider as she looks down at him once more. The person she thought would inevitably be her demise. It’s funny how the tables can turn so quickly.
“I’ve finally had enough,” she says, as she pulls the trigger.
The shot rings through her ears as she sets the gun down and walks over to the phone. The smile has not left her lips.
“Hello?”
“It’s me.”
Pause.
“You sound different. Are you okay?”
“Can you come over?”
Sigh.
“I’ll be right over.”
She hangs up the phone and walks slowly to the couch. She stares down at the body until she hears a knock at the door.
“Hey, are you okay?” He asks as he enters the room, not seeing the body on the ground. He looks at her in surprise at the smile on her face.
“I’m fine,” She says softly. “It’s finally over.”
do you feel like a man when you push her around?
do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
as your lies crumble down, a new life she has found
She stands there, staring down at the headstone. Flowers are clutched tightly in her right hand as she reflects on her past. A strong, comforting hand is placed on her shoulder and she instantly smiles.
“Are you okay, sweetie?” He asks her as he pulls her body close to his.
“Yeah, I think I am,” She looks up at him and sighs. He had always been there for her. He never judged her, even after all the times she come to him when she had been just a shell of a person.
“Good. Now we should get going, the kids will be home from school soon.” He said softly. She nodded and smiled at the thought of her two beautiful children. She never knew life could be so perfect. Not after all the hell she had been through.
“I’ll be right there, JC.”
Taking the flowers she had forgotten were in her hand, she placed them on a headstone across from the one she had been looking at, for that headstone deserved no flowers. The person lying down there had put her through hell. The person lying down there had made her stronger and weaker at the same time. And now he was gone.
She’d finally had enough.
face down in the dirt, she said,
"This doesn't hurt"
she said,
"I finally had enough."
Lyrics: Face Down - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
