Watching the scenery pass him by, the man, now at the age of 30, he seemed to zone out as he once again passed a wheat field. As he saw the stems dancing in the wind, he found himself in the past. He could feel the resentment he had held in his heart for his father along with the heat of the summer’s sun. Along with the bad came the good though, and he could also see the sweat, the moonlight and the lace that struck memories every time they were seen. He was back in his young seventeen year old body once again staring awkwardly at the woman who would forever change his life and touch his heart.
I went to work for her that summer
A teenage kid so far from home
She was a lonely widow woman
Hell-bent to make it on her own
We were a thousand miles from nowhere
Wheat fields as far as I could see
Both needing something from each other
Not knowing yet what that might be
“Why do I have to go? Why can’t I just be a normal teenager and hang out with my friends until I have to go back to school?”
“Joshua,” His father sighed. He was sick and tired of having this conversation with his eldest son. “I’m not going to argue with you about this any longer. You know I need this job with the agency and I’m going to be gone all summer long until the end of august. I know you think it’s unfair that Tyler and Heather get to stay home, but I don’t need you getting into trouble this summer like last year. I arranged for you to stay with Ms. Anderson and I expect you to keep out of trouble. Her husband passed away a few months ago so she‘s lonely. Besides, I think getting out of the city will do you some good.”
“Psh…she’s gonna make me shovel cow shit.”
“Watch your mouth. Ms. Anderson isn’t all that bad and yes, I told her you’d be happy to help her out with the farm work. You better not give her a hard time.”
“You know I won’t, Dad.”
Patting his son’s leg, Roy said, “That’s my boy. Don’t worry, I’m sure this summer will fly by and you’ll have a great time.” If only his father knew the true depth of his words.
As Roy pulled into the Anderson’s long driveway, Joshua had to fight the urge to roll his eyes. This place was huge and he could tell already this lady was going to work him to the bone. It was going to be one long, tiring summer.
When the truck came to a stop, Joshua and his father got out of the pickup truck and walked to greet the woman who ran the farm by herself. During their ‘hellos’, Joshua couldn’t help but to size the older woman up. She was a petite woman, standing about five foot six and probably not more than a hundred and fifteen pounds. Her brown hair was clipped up and a few stray strands blew around her face. No make up adorned her naturally beautiful face and flawless skin and Joshua felt an immediate attraction to the widow. He couldn’t remember her exact age but he knew she was no older than twenty six. There was an immediate hardness in her hazel eyes and he knew she was going to be tough on him right from the get-go. It hadn’t taken long her him to see just how right he had been.
After his father left the farm, Ms. Anderson showed Joshua to his room and allowed him an hour to unpack and get settled before putting him to work. She showed him the barn and the stables and where the animals’ food was kept. She informed him what to do, when to do it and what not to do,. She said if he had any questions he could ask her, she did after all want her farm to be run with perfection.
For the first few weeks the two pretty much steered clear of one another, sleeping at opposite ends of the house, making their own breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and doing their own chores silently. When they did run into one another, they didn’t really speak and when their chores for the day were through, they were busy doing their own thing. Joshua tended to sit in the den watching television or talking on the phone. Occasionally he would take a walk down to the lake and take a dip. Ms. Anderson however tended to stay in her room most of the time she wasn’t working. Other times she would go for long walks at night by herself, once in a while she would take Jet along with her. Jet was her six year old Brittany Spaniel. Where she went he didn’t know, what she did he didn’t know. She was a quiet, mysterious woman Joshua knew nothing about and yet he was completely drawn to her. He found himself wanting to go to her at night and speak with her, but he never would. He felt as though he would be bothering her. The woman seemed to enjoy her privacy so he let her be.
‘Til she came to me one evening
Hot cup of coffee and a smile
In a dress that I was certain
She hadn’t worn in quite a while
There was a difference in her laughter
There was a softness in her eyes
And on the air there was a hunger
Even a boy could recognize
It wasn’t until the third week he had been there that she came to him, hot cup of coffee in her hand and a warm smile graced her beautiful face. She wore a summer dress that Joshua assumed she hadn’t worn in a while.
Sitting beside Joshua on the old wooden porch swing, the woman stared up at the starlit sky. “So Joshua, you’ve been here for three weeks now and not once have you tried speaking with me. A little rude, don’t you think?”
Looking over at Ms. Anderson, Joshua felt his cheeks redden. Not just from her words, but her voice and her looks and what she did to him every time she was near. “I’m sorry, Ms. Anderson. Its just, you hadn’t tried speaking with me either so I assumed you wanted to be left alone. I would be lying if I said I hadn’t wanted to speak to you. I was just a little…”
“Scared?” The woman offered before chuckling lightly. “Yeah, I tend to come off as a bit tough and scary apparently. And it’s not that I’m a hard ass, bitter old widow. I’m just hell bent on making it on my own. I hate feeling like I need help running this place and keeping it afloat…It makes me feel…”
“Inadequate? Yeah, I know the feeling quite well. And just for the record, I don’t think you’re old, Ms. Anderson.”
“Well, you might not Joshua, but your words beg to differ. Calling me that makes me feel ancient. Please, call me Emmy.”
“I’m sorry, Emmy.” Smiling in gratitude, Emmy looked back up to the heavens, continuing to speak with him and getting to know her summer guest better, as did he her.
As the next few nights passed, Joshua noticed a change in her demeanor. Her laughter was no longer forced, but real and she seemed to genuinely enjoy herself with him now. He also noticed the softness that was present in her eyes now where the walls and anger had once been. Joshua felt the hunger in the air as well, something even a boy could recognize. And for the first time since he had gotten there, he knew what it was they needed from each other.
---
Driving along the seemingly endless road for the first time in thirteen years, Joshua felt the nervousness as well as the excitement coursing through him as memories swept through his mind and body. He hadn’t known what it was, but something pulled at him for weeks, causing him to finally pack a bad hop into his large SUV, and drive all night long to the place that was the reason for the greatest summer of his life. Joshua didn’t even know if Emmy would even remember him after all the time that had passed, but he just needed to see her again. She invaded his thoughts so often, when he held another woman, it was rare her face wouldn’t appear before him. And every time he passed a wheat field, watching it dance with the wind, he felt her hungry arms again. Although he knew it wasn’t he real, he always gave in to the memories.
She had a need to feel the thunder
To chase the lightening from the sky
To watch a storm with all its wonder
Written in her lover’s eyes
She had to ride the hear of passion
Like a comet burning bright
Rushing headlong in the wind
Now where only dreams have been
Burning both ends of the night
That summer wind was all around me
Nothing between us but the night
When I told her that I’d never
She softly whispered ‘that’s alright’
And then I watched her hands of leather
Turn to velvet in a touch
There’s never been a summer
When I have ever learned so much
As they lay on the blanket in the middle of the wheat field far from the house, only one thing was on Joshua’s mind. He had no idea how to even begin to approach the subject. He allowed his head to turn so he was no longer watching the stars, but he was surprised so see Emmy’s beautiful hazel eyes staring back at him. For a moment he forgot his nerves and any repressions he had about not acting on his feelings and just watched the smile slowly spread across her luscious lips that he wanted nothing more than to feel against his own. Slowly he lifted his right arm so his hand gently ran across her cheek and he smiled as he felt its warmth and softness beneath his fingers. He watched as Emmy’s eyes diverted to his mouth and then back to his eyes…she wanted the same thing he did and he knew it. He knew of no other reason to not go for it, what did he have to lose?
Slowly he lifted his head and moved his face towards hers. He stopped mere inches from her face and it was only a second or two before she lifted to meet him in the best kiss he could ever remember. As she rolled onto her back on the blanket, Joshua lifted himself on top of her, their mouths moving in unison. As she felt his tongue move along her bottom lip, she opened her mouth and allowed him entry. The kiss deepened and was full of so much heat and passion, he wasn’t sure he could contain himself any longer. He needed more and he was pretty sure she felt the same.
Somehow their kiss had turned into full blown passion and ecstasy and they found themselves naked in the field, nothing to stop them from doing what they needed so desperately. But Joshua found himself stopping. He broke their kiss and embrace and when she asked what was wrong, he told her. He had never done anything like this before.
He was a virgin and he was embarrassed about it, knowing full well she was experienced. When he had expected her to laugh at him, he didn’t hear the laughter. He just felt soft kisses along his shoulder, up his neck, across his jaw line and over his mouth.
“It’s alright. That’s nothing to be embarrassed about.” She assured him, and he believed her and allowed her to show him things and allow him to feel things he didn’t know he could ever feel. He watched as her hands of leather turned to velvet with just one touch. Something inside him sparked and he was filled with more passion than he had been minutes ago.
There was never another summer that he had ever learned, or one that he had loved, so much.
We had a need to feel the thunder
To chase the lightening from the sky
To watch a storm with all its wonder
Written in her lover’s eyes
She had to ride the heat of passion
Like a comet burning bright
Rushing headlong in the wind
Now where only dreams have been
Burning both ends of the night
I often think about that summer
The sweat, the moonlight, and the lace
And I have rarely held another
When I haven’t seen her face
And every time I pass a wheat field
And watch it dancing with the wind
Although I know it isn’t real
I just can’t help but feel
Her hungry arms again
He was getting close now, he knew it. Only about ten more minutes and he would be there. He would be back in his past with the woman who had forever changed his life. He saw the familiar sign for the Anderson’s farm and made his left hand turn. He felt his heartbeat quicken as he neared the long driveway he would be parking in.
Putting the SUV in park, Joshua turned off the engine and looked around him. Everything was exactly the same. Wheat fields as far as the eye could see, chickens walking everywhere…the cows in the field to the left and the horses in the back. It was still as beautiful as he could remember it being. Deciding he couldn’t sit in his car any longer, he got out and shoved the keys into his pocket. Going up to the wooden porch with the old swing still hanging there, Joshua took a breath, said a quick ‘here goes nothing’ and rang the doorbell.
He heard footsteps but knew they didn’t belong to Emmy, they were to fast and light…as if they belonged to a child. Had she gotten re-married and had children? He didn’t know, he hadn’t heard anything about her since he left there thirteen years ago. But apparently she had remarried for a little girl answered the door clad in her jean shorts, tank top and sneakers.
“Hi. Can I help you?” The little girl said. He was afraid to think of what age she might be.
Finding his voice after a moment, Joshua said, “Hi. I’m Josh. Your mom home?”
“Yeah. Hang on a sec.” The girl left the inside door open and he watched as she ran down the hallway calling for her mother. She disappeared when she made a right into a room and he knew she was going upstairs. He had been standing there for about a minute waiting for either Emmy or the girl to return when they both came to the door. He hadn’t expected her to recognize him, but he could tell in her eyes she immediately had.
Her eyes never leaving his, Emmy said to her daughter, “Jaycee, honey why don’t you go and take Macie out for a ride?”
“Ok, Momma.” before running to the back where the houses were milling, the girl named Jaycee said it was nice to have met Josh. Emmy called a “be careful” to the girl before slowly meeting Joshua’s gaze once again.
“Joshua Chasez. I never thought I’d be seeing you again.” He couldn’t help but to question the fear in her eyes. Why was she afraid to see him? What did she have to hide?
“What can I say? I couldn’t go one more day without seeing you.” He replied, shrugging his shoulders. “Your daughter is beautiful.”
“I know.” Josh saw the soft smile form on her lips and he had to fight the smile that threatened to show on his own.
“I’m guessing you remarried?”
“No, I didn’t.” She shook her head.
“Oh.” Josh said in pure shock. So was Jaycee just the result of a one night stand or…?
“Joshua, I think you better come in. We need to talk.”
I know we do, he thought. It was a talk that should have taken place thirteen years ago he had a feeling. As they made it to the living room and sat down, Joshua watched as Emmy moved with unease. She was incredibly nervous. It may have been years since he had seen her last, but he still knew her well, she hadn’t changed much. “Would you like something to drink or anything?”
“No, I’m good thanks.” It was silent for a few moments, neither knowing quit what to say or how to say it. “so…Jaycee. How old is she? She looks like she’s almost…”
“Thirteen?” Emmy cut him off, unable to look him in the eyes any longer. “She’ll be thirteen in April.
Nodding in compliance, Joshua’s mind ran ragged. How could she have never told him? How could she allow a child to run around the earth without knowing who her father was? How could she allow a man to go without ever knowing he had a child?
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He whispered, watching her pick at her nails. A single tear rolled down her cheek and his heart threatened to soften. She didn’t respond and it was driving him insane. “Emmy, I thought about you all the time. I couldn’t pass a wheat field without thinking about that first night with us, I couldn’t hold another woman without ever seeing your face. You invaded my dreams and those nights replayed for me over and over again. Did you not once ever think of me or feel guilty for keeping this from me?” Again silence filled the air aside from her sobs. “Please, say something!”
“Of course I thought of you. I think of you everyday because everyday I see you in Jaycee. You have no idea how guilty I felt about keeping her from you but I had no other choice. You were seventeen and in your last year of high school. What did you know about raising a baby? What would your father have said? He trusted me to keep you out of trouble, not get you into more.” Emmy sighed and fell back against the couch as more tears fell from her red eyes. “Every time I began to write a letter it all started with ‘I know you’re so young but…’ or ‘I don’t know what to do.’ I’ve picked up the phone so many times and when u answered I just hung up, I couldn’t get myself to tell you anything. So I just gave up and hoped we would never cross paths again.”
“Has she ever asked about me?”
“Questions haven’t come up until recently. She asked me if she had a daddy and if he was a bad guy, that’s why she didn’t know him. But I told her the truth. That she was unexpected her daddy didn’t know about her. She of course got upset but she understood. She’d incredibly smart and mature for a twelve year old. You would be proud of her.”
“Do you think I could be in her life now? As a father?” Seeing the plea and agony in his eyes, Emmy’s heart broke a little more. How could she have done this him? He was such a good man. He would have been there for her through everything, and she knew it then as well as she knows it now. But she can’t go back and change the past but she can make it a better future with all of them. “Do you think she would accept me as a father?” He looked so nervous and worried, it made her smile.
“She will love you. I don’t think there is a better man for the job.”
She had a need to feel the thunder
To chase the lightening from the sky
To watch a storm with all its wonder
Written in her lover’s eyes
She had to ride the hear of passion
Like a comet burning bright
Rushing headlong in the wind
Now where only dreams have been
Burning both ends of the night
Rushing headlong in the wind
Now where only dreams have been
Burning both ends of the night
*Song lyrics - That Summer by Garth Brooks
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