"You know what I miss?"

"What's that, Cass?"

"The snow. This is my first Christmas without snow." Cassy looked away from the view out her
window and looked at her best friend, who nodded in agreement.

"I know. I always said I hated it, but when you don't have it, you miss it." Walking over to
Ashley, Cassy sat down next to her on the couch and wrapped her arms around her, knowing
there was more to that statement than she was going to let on to.

"It's going to all work out, you'll see. For both you and the lil baby in here." Ashley couldn't help
but to laugh as Cassy started rubbing her tummy and talking to it. "I'm gonna go take Kit out for
a walk. Wanna come?"

"Yeah. I need to get out for a little while."

"Ok. Come on baby. Come on." Cassy put her leash on the dog and after putting on their jackets,
the girls walked out and down to the street.

"So, how's JC? I feel like I've been seeing less and less of him lately."

"We both have. I know he's busy and everything with figuring out what's going on with the guys
and planning his second album, but he's been a lot different since we got back from Buffalo. I
just feel like since he found out about Jerry's feelings, he's been trying to distant himself from
me, ya know?"

"Cassy, don't be stupid. He's probably just busy, like you said. He calls you everyday, right? Or at
least he tries to get in touch with you."

"Actually, no. He hasn't called me today. Lately it's been like I have to call him if I want to talk to
him at all. And I'm not asking for a three hour conversation everyday, just maybe a quick ‘hello,
how are you' type of thing so I know he's thinking of me. I just don't feel it anymore."

Putting her arm around her comfortingly, Ashley said the only thing she could think of. "It'll turn
out alright. I promise." But the truth is, she didn't know if it was all going to be alright. She
noticed the same change in Lance right before she found out he had been cheating on her with
the little skank. Well, before he started smothering her with gifts and flowers and things, which
obviously turned out to just be for the guilty conscience. Now if JC started doing that, she knew,
it probably wasn't going to be pretty between he and Cassy.

"Thanks Ashley. But I just don't know anymore." Tugging at Kit's leash, Cassy said, "Come on, Kit. Let's go home."

~*~

"You know, I figured that as soon as you got back in town you would have gone back to Cassy's place. Not here." Chris said, handing JC a beer before sitting on the couch next to him.
"I was going to but...."

"But....what?"

"I don't know. It just feels like nothing's the same anymore with us. It's not that she's acting
differently or anything I just...."

"You don't want to be with her anymore."

"I honestly don't think I do. I mean, yes. I love her. I know I always will. But something just
seems really off. Am I a complete jackass for feeling this way about her?"

"No. You're not. Feelings change and you can't do a damn thing about it. But I will think you're a
cowardly jackass if you don't tell her. It's not fair to you and it is definitely not fair to Cassy if
she's going around thinking ya'll are still in the great relationship you were in a month ago."

"I know, Chris. I have to tell her before the charity thing in a couple weeks."

"You're gonna break her heart before the one thing she cannot wait for? The one thing she's
extremely excited about?"

"You're right. I'll do it after the ceremony." Chris and JC decided to play a game of Foosball when
they heard Chris' doorbell sound. Leaving JC in the basement alone, Chris went up to see who it
was at the door.

While Chris was upstairs, JC decided he should probably call Cassy and tell her where he was.
Was he a complete coward for not wanting to face his loving girlfriend? The woman who finally
completed him after three years of loneliness? He felt like the biggest asshole on the face of the
earth.

After three rings, she picked up the other line. How could you be so in love with someone, and
yet not want to be with them anymore?

"Hey baby." Hearing her voice immediately brought both a smile and a frown to his face. "What
you doing?"

"Oh, Ashley and I are just hanging out around the house, putting up some decorations for
Christmas. What about you? I thought you were suppose to be back tonight?" She questioned
him, and he felt even more guilty.

"Yeah. I got in about an hour or so ago. I should have called you but I stopped by Chris' and we got a little carried away with talking and playing some foosball."

"Oh. Ok." Was all she could say. See, now this is what she was talking about with Ashley. He did
not seem as though he wanted to be around her anymore, and that thought scared her more
than anything else in the world. JC was the only man Cassy had ever truly loved, and she could
honestly see herself with him forever. But it didn't seem like they were going to be together even
remotely that long.

"Yeah, well chris is coming back down so I'll see you tomorrow. I'm going to take you out to
breakfast before to have to be at work."

That thought made her smile. At least he seemed like he was trying. "Ok. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Ok. By baby." Hanging up his phone, JC looked towards the room door just in time to see Chris
walk in with Justin.

"Shouldn't you be with your girlfriend?"

As soon as JC's eyes landed on Justin, he went off. "Don't even talk about her."

"Well someone's gotta take care of her while you're away, not even bothering to call to find out if
she's alright." Was she still talking to him? Well she wouldn't be anymore if he had anything to do
with it.

Charging toward him, JC stopped just mere inches from Justin's face. "If you so much as talk to
her again, you will no longer have that pretty voice everyone goes nuts over." His voice was so
low and husky it would have scared anyone who knew JC. He was always so calm and the
peacemaker between the guys. chris couldn't think of a single time he had completely lost it in
the past.

"Are you threatening me, Mr. Chasez?"

"You bet your ass I'm threatening you. No one tries to rape my girl and gets away with. no
matter who the hell that person may be." Turning away from Justin, JC looked at Chris. "I'm
gonna go. I'll talk to you later, man." Then he was gone and Justin was breathing heavily. He
tried not letting it show, but he was scared shitless of JC. Would he actually follow through on the
threats he made very apparent?

Chapter 27

"See you in a week, Guss Guss." Ashley called to her partner. After meeting Guss at the job, she
had immediately warmed up to him, calling him Guss Guss from Cinderella. He hated it because
he had been called it all his life, but coming from her, it didn't seem so bad.

"Later, Ash." Lightly punching her co-worker in the arm, Ashley pretended to be upset with him
using the name she disliked so much. But lately, everyone had been calling her Ash instead of
Ashley, she didn't mind so much anymore. "Have a nice Christmas."

Laughing, Ashley added a "you too" and said one more "Bye" and then got into Cassy's car to
head home. For the past month Ashley had been living with Cassy and whenever she was off, she
would let Ashley take her car to work.

After arriving home, Ashley yelled for Cassy as she entered the apartment. Noticing all the lit
candles and red rose petals on the floor, she figured Cassy and JC were having a night in. But as
she walked down the hallway to her bedroom, she noticed, her door was where the rose petals
stopped. Looking over her shoulder, Cassy's bedroom door was wide open, with Cassy nowhere
in sight.

Taking a breath, Ashley slowly reached her hand out to the doorknob and turned it, her breath
catching in her throat as she took in the sight before her. Looking around her bedroom, Ashley
found red roses everywhere you could think of, and tall white candles outlining the room in the
perfect light. Rose petals were thrown all over the floor and the neatly made bed. Something was
definitely up, and Ashley had a feeling she knew exactly who it had to do with.

Then she heard it. That deep southern voice that drove the girls wild. Turning around towards
her bathroom door, her eyes landed on an impossibly gorgeous man standing in front of her clad
in a pair of black slacks and a black button-down shirt that was open at the top, un-tucked, and
the sleeves were rolled up to the elbows. His hair was freshly washed and spiked just the way
she liked it.

Damn him.

He did this on purpose. He knew that was exactly the look she loved him in. It made a girl want to "rip you clothes off and have her wicked way with you," in her own words.

But then the question finally made it to her mind. "How did you get in here?" Among many others. But there was time for those later.

"Cassy gave me her key. She's staying at JC's place tonight." Well, that made sense. NOT! Cassy hated Lance's guts since he did that to her best friend. And her just giving him her key, to HER home, that just did not sound like the Cassy she knew. Well, unless he groveled at her feet for an endless five hours straight. Then it would all make perfect sense.

"Oh. What are you doing here?" She finally asked, already knowing the answer to that question.

"Look, Ashley, I know I made the dumbest mistake of my life when I cheated on you and lost you and I didn't try harder to get you back. But please, I just need you to listen to me before you kick me out."

"Alright, fine. I'm listening. But you better make this good because I'm still pissed at you!" And that was true. She was still completely pissed at him. But she loved him more than anything in the world at the same time. And that pissed her off more than what he had done.

"Ok, well, first, I need you to listen to something besides me for a few seconds." Turning toward the stereo, Ashley had just noticed Lance had her remote in his hand. Hitting ‘play' on the remote, Lance turned back to Ashley, wanting to see her every expression to the song.

I don't know when we fell apart
The love that we had was like a work of art
I used to see heaven in your eyes
Now angels are falling from your skies
Outside the winter seems so cold
Your heart is frozen like the snow
And there's no one home, to keep you safe and warm
Your eyes are red because you cried
You fell asleep by the fireside
But there's one thing you should know
On this Christmas baby, you don't have to be alone

Stopping the song at that, Lance looked to Ashley. Seeing the tears falling down her cheeks, he immediately went over to her and wrapped her in a protective embrace.

Ashley hugged him back just as tight, but soon realized who this was, and what he had done to her. Pushing him away, she hugged herself, unable to look him in the eye, for fear that if she did, she would surely let her guard down.

"Ashley, baby, I am so sorry for what I have done. I love you so much and I could never hurt you again. I know there is nothing I can do to make this up to you, but if you'll let me, I'd like to spend the rest of my life trying." Finally meeting his eyes, Ashley's hand shot up to her mouth as she saw him crouch down onto one knee. Pulling out a small black velvet box, Lance opened it and held it up to Ashley. "Will you marry me?"

And then the tears began to fall harder. "How can I trust you enough to know that this is what you really want? That you're not just doing it because I'm having your baby? How can I ever trust you again after knowing you cheated on me? Lance, please, tell me how."

Standing up, Lance took her hands in his. "Ashley, I love you more than anything. I want to be a part of our family, for the rest of our lives. But I would never marry someone only because there was a baby in the picture. I want this. And I know you want this just as badly. Please, I'll never be able to live with myself if I can't get you to forgive me. So please, say you'll stay and spend the rest of your life with me."

Looking up to Lance's eyes, she found nothing but sincerity and love in them. This was it. He really wanted to be with her and their baby, forever and always. And so did she.

"Yes."

~2 Weeks Later~

"Alright, I'm off to Lance's. See you tonight, right?"

"Yep. Tonight."

"Alright." Hugging Cassy, Ashley grabbed her dress and shoes and then left for Lance's house, which was soon to be theirs again. Ashley was in the middle of moving her things back.
Tonight was the night of the charity event JC was taking Cassy to. And she was extremely excited. It would be their first big public appearance since they had begun dating. Yes, they had gone to public places before, but never had they gone to a big event with other celebrities and the press. And Cassy was ready for the world to know she was with the most amazing man she had ever met, and would hopefully be with him for a long time.

Little did she know, it was all about to come crashing down around her.

CHAPTER 28

JC stopped in front of her door. Apartment number 2497, he could never forget it, having been there so many times over the past few months. Leaning his head against the wooden door, JC ran his speech through his mind one more time. Was he really about to do this? He knew that nothing he told her would ever be good enough to make her understand. But this is how he felt. This is what he had to do.

Taking a deep breath, JC raised his fist to the door and knocked three times. After a moment or two, Cassy opened the rectangular piece of oak, smiling brilliantly at the man of her dreams.
JC took a sharp inhale of breath. She looked positively stunning. Breathtaking even as she stood there in her strapless black gown. Her long brown curls cascading over her shoulders and down her back.

"Hey baby. Come in. I'll just be one second." JC entered the apartment that suddenly felt different for some strange reason. It didn't feel so warm and welcoming anymore. Maybe that was God's way of telling him he wouldn't be welcomed here anymore after tonight. And he knew it.

After grabbing her purse and shawl, Cassy turned back to tell JC she was ready. Stopping short, she noticed he looked different, upset. Walking over to him, she asked, "Are you alright, JC?"
Looking away briefly, JC answered her. "No, Kitty Cat. I'm not."

"What is it? What's wrong?" JC could tell she was worried. Scared even. And in a minute, she would be completely and utterly pissed at him. And Cassy would have every right to be.
"Cassy," He took another deep breath. "Please, just hear me out." He said, taking her hands in his.

"Ok. Just tell me JC. You're starting to scare me."

"I can't do this anymore." He blurted out.

"What can't you do? This charity thing? So just tell the guys, I'm sure they'd understand." Cassy said all in one breath.

"No, Cassy that's not what I meant."

Looking away, Cassy said in a small voice, "Oh. Then what did you mean?"

"This. I can't do this anymore."

"You don't want to be with me anymore. Is that what you mean?"

"Yes." Turning around, Cassy slowly walked over to the window and sat down. She felt like her entire world was crashing down around her. JC was life to her. And now he no longer wanted to be a part of that life. How could you live without life? Exactly, you couldn't. "Cassy, let me explain." Putting her hand up, she began pacing around the room. "I never wanted to hurt you, I just..."

"Ha! You never wanted to hurt me? Well what the hell do you think you're doing? You knew I didn't trust easy! You knew I've been hurt before. Badly. You promised to never hurt me! You swore it!" Cassy's voice grew louder and louder with each statement. How could he do this to her? She didn't understand at all. She thought he loved her. But apparently she was very wrong. "Did you ever even love me then?" She whispered, hugging herself tightly, trying to hold back the tears that would inevitably fall.

"Yes, Cassy. I loved you then, I love you now, and I'll love you always."

"Then why are you doing this?" She was crying now. And JC hated himself for putting those tears there. But he had to do this. It wouldn't be fair to let her believe nothing had changed.

"We never see each other anymore. I'm always gone and you're always at the hospital. And honestly, I don't think we could ever work."

"Why not?"

"Our lives are too different."

Looking away, Cassy whispered, "Please go."

"Cassy, I still want us to be friends..."

"I don't think I can do that." She cut him off. How did he expect her to be friends with him after
this? She couldn't. "You know that saying ‘I'd rather have you in my life as a friend than not have
you in my life at all?'" JC nodded in compliance. "Well that means shit to me! I don't think I could
bear looking at you and know that I will never be able to touch you or kiss you the same way
ever again. To know that we can never be so please, I'm asking you, as the Kitty Cat you grew to
love. Just go."

Nodding, he turned to leave. "Bye, Cassy."

"Goodbye, JC." And then he was gone. Cassy had been strong through her little speech. But as
soon as he was out that door, Cassy completely lost all control. She felt like she was dying. Like
the world was caving in on her. She couldn't breathe. And it felt so much worse than all the
others. Why was that? It was because she was never in love with them. She had given JC her all.
And it came back to bight her in the ass.

~*~

JC had made it to the dinner and all the guys gave him questioning looks. Since Chris had been
sitting next to him, he leaned over and asked JC where Cassy was and why she wasn't with him.

"She's at home."

"So, why didn't she come? Did she get sick or something?"

"No. We broke up and she kicked me out." JC whispered back.

"Dude, you did that tonight?"

"You told me to if I wasn't happy anymore!"

"Not tonight! Do you have any idea how badly she wanted to come to this? She's never been to a
charity event like this and she was really looking forward to it! Because she could spend it with
you and the world would finally know you were hers!" Chris sighed and put his head in his hands.
"I cannot believe you, man." Chris stood up and left the table.

"Where are you going? Where is he going?" JC asked the other guys when Chris didn't answer
him.

"Probably to make sure Cassy isn't destroying her apartment, or herself."

"You know what Justin? No one asked you!"

"Yeah, well someone has to watch out for her well being!"

"And you're the last person to do that!" JC yelled before storming out of the hall after Chris. None
of the guys noticed all of the people at the dinner staring at the scene going on between the
guys.

As soon as Chris made it out of the hall, he called Cassy's apartment only to have the answering
machine pick up. So he then called her cell phone, but he also got her voice mail. He should have
figured she wouldn't answer. JC had probably all but killed her. Cassy confided in Chris enough to
know that she had given him her all. JC didn't seem to know what he had when he was with
Cassy. Chris would have given anything to be looked at by a woman the way Cassy looked at JC.
How could he just throw it all away because he didn't see her that often? Boo-fucking-hoo! Any
girl who takes the risk of being with someone famous takes the risk of barely seeing them. So
how can he be so hypocritical?

On his way to the girl's house, Chris tried calling the apartment phone again, only to have it
disconnect.

~*~

Cassy sat on her couch, knees up to her chest, sobbing uncontrollably into her arms. Finally having had enough of the phone ringing non-stop, Cassy picked it up and lunged it across the room and against the wall. Having an overpowering feeling wash over her, Cassy stood up and ran to the bedroom. Unable to control the urge, she picked up a picture of JC that was sitting on her nightstand and threw it with as much force as she could muster up. Hearing the shatter of broken glass when it hit the wall brought on a sense of comfort to her. No longer did she feel sad about him leaving her, now she felt completely enraged. All she wanted to do was destroy everything and anything that had any significance to JC Chasez in her home.

The next thing Cassy knew, she was punching the wall in her living room. She had destroyed everything in her bedroom and she had moved back out to her living room. As soon as her hand had gone through the wall, she backed up, satisfied with what she had done, not even acknowledging the pain in her hand, or blood gushing from it.

As soon as she had moved over to her entertainment stand, there was someone banging on her door.

"Cassy! Cassy, open the door!" She heard someone yell through the door.

"I swear, if that is anyone who has anything to do with JC Chasez, I do not want to see you!"
Cassy yelled back, throwing another picture against the floor.

Upon hearing the shatter of glass, Chris backed up and ran to the door. "Whoa!" Chris smiled at himself. He definitely did not expect the door to give on one try for him. Especially him. His little moment was completely lost once he saw the shape her apartment was in. He then looked up at Cassy. She stared at a glass figurine JC had given her as a gift just because he thought of her. Looking over at Chris, she said, "JC gave me this three weeks ago. He was at a video shoot and he saw this on the secretary's desk. He gave her a lot of money just because he thought I would like it. And I did. I loved it. But I loved him even more for thinking of me. But you know what I think of him now? JC can go fuck himself!" She then threw the glass animal against the wall as hard as she could, leaving a large dent in the wall, and the animal shattered and broken on the floor.. Turning back to Chris, Cassy sniffled. "I gave him everything, Chris. I gave him my heart, my whole heart."

"I know. And he feels the same for you."

"Then why did he do this to me? Why did he have to come here, and rip my heart out? Why Chris? Why?" She cried hard. Chris ran to Cassy and tried to envelope her in a hug, but she pulled away. "No! Don't touch me! No man can ever touch me! All they do is hurt." She cried even harder, and Chris wrapped his arms around her again, this time fighting with her until she fell limp into his arms, crying into his chest as they fell to the floor. "Why?"

"I don't know, Cassy. I don't know." Chris softly said as he rocked her like a child, running his fingers through her hair.

JC figured Chris was on his way to Cassy's apartment so he hailed a cab and went there also. Paying the driver, JC ran as fast as he could up to number 2497. He was a little shocked, hell, a lot shocked to see the door had been busted in. The last thing he expected to see was that someone had to bust in the door to get to her. Seeing the apartment was even worse. What had he done? Looking over to the opposite side of the room, JC saw Chris cradling Cassy in his arms. Chris just shook his head at JC then said something softly to Cassy. He saw her nod her head and Chris led her to her bedroom. JC slowly entered the room, taking everything in. Slowly turning around, still looking at the damage she had inflicted upon her home, his breath all but stopped when he saw the hole. Cassy had probably been imagining it was his face. And right now, JC wished it had been. Cassy was the one girl who ever truly cared for him, because he was himself. Not JC the pop star. It was almost as if he were just Josh again, who he truly was. And she meant the world to him. How could he have hurt her so badly?

A few minutes later, Chris came out of the back room with a wash cloth in his hands. Noticing it had blood all over it, he slowly asked, "How is she?"

"A mess. A bigger one than her home is right now."

"I imagine so. And it's all my fault." He said softly. Almost too softly for Chris to hear. But he did.
"I can't believe she did this."

"Well what the fuck did you expect to happen?" That made JC jump back in surprise. He was in no way expecting Chris to explode on him like that. "Did you think she would just say, ‘ok, if that's what you want'? That she would just shrug her shoulders, sigh and move on with her life? She gave you everything, JC. That fragile little girl in that room," he pointed down the hallway. "is the same girl you met back in June! She is just a mere shell of the woman she grew to be in the past seven months! The girl we all grew to love. The woman you fell in love with. How could you destroy her like that?"

"You just don't understand, Chris."

"Then tell me! Make me understand, JC! Jesus Christ! What the hell could possibly be so bad with
her you had to rip out her heart and stomp on it that way?"

"I couldn't stand never seeing her anymore like that!"

"Oh, so you make it so she'll never want to be near you again. That's a hell of a lot better JC, let me tell you."

"What do you know?"

"Obviously nothing." Chris spat at him.

"I don't need this right now."

"Then leave! If Cassy wakes up right now, you are the last person I know she would ever want to
see. Just leave and maybe we'll talk about this later."

"There's nothing more to discuss."

"There's plenty to discuss."

"Fine. I'll go."

"Good." Ok, so maybe Chris was being a little stubborn, but so was JC. And he had just hurt one
of his new best friends. Even if JC was like one of his brothers, when it came to close friends,
nobody got away with hurting them. And Chris would make sure JC didn't get away with basically
taking the life out of her.

CHAPTER 29
A/N: The one part is from Have U Ever, so you know. I did get permission from Michelle to use it.

Cassy had woken up around seven-thirty in the morning but laid there motionless until nine. Deciding a hot shower would do her some good, she got up and went into the bathroom. After undressing, Cassy looked at her reflection. She saw nothing. Nothing but emptiness and regret. Regret of ever moving to Orlando. If she had never moved there, she wouldn't have started dating JC, and she wouldn't be feeling as though the world had ended right now. Maybe she would have gotten back together with Jerry, and she would be happy. But then she wouldn't have some of the great friends she now has. Either way, it was a lose-lose situation for her, and that's how it always ended up for her. Would she ever get the fairy tale ending every little girl wanted and dreamed of? As of now, she had absolutely no hope of that happening.

After she got out of the shower and got dressed in a pair of sweats and a hoody, Cassy went out to the living room. Only to find Ashley and Chris sitting on the couch talking and watching some movie. At the sound of one of the floorboards squeaking, both turned their heads to see Cassy awake and walking towards them.

"Hey sweetie." Chris smiled warmly at her.

"Hey. You been here all night?"

"Yeah. Both of us." Ashley answered.

"Why? You didn't have to. I'm fine."

"Yeah, well better to be safe than sorry. Especially after last night."

Nodding, Cassy took a quick look around her apartment. Everything was cleaned up. "You guys, you didn't have to clean up the place. I could have done that."

Chris got up and walked over to her. "Nonsense. We weren't about to go to sleep, so we figured we'd help you out a bit." throwing her arms around both of her friends, Cassy tried not to cry again.

"Thanks guys."

"No biggy. Now, you hungry?"

"No. I don't think I could eat."

"Ok, I'll make you something."

"But Ash...." Ashley started humming and went into the kitchen to make a breakfast that Cassy
knew would just go to waste. "She's too stubborn for her own good."

"So are you." Chris said seriously. There was not one hint of playfulness in his eyes. Not saying anything, Cassy hugged Chris again, tightly.

After taking a few bites of the eggs and toast Ashley had prepared for her, the three friends sat on the couch, listening to the radio playing softly in the background.

So faithfully
Holding tight to every dream I thought our love would ever be
As the scent of hope slips through my fingers plain for me to see
I can feel now in your eyes the changing way you look at me
Where's the love we knew would last us eternally?
And will you arms still hold me
And your eyes console me, baby
Please don't turn you back and just pretend
That your heart still needs me
And your soul completes me
Can we find a way to fall in love again?

Not wanting to be the first to bring up the question that was on both Chris' and Ashley's minds, they just sat around, looking at each other. Finally getting fed up with the silence, Cassy threw her hands in the air, frustrated. "Will one of you just ask already? I know you're dying to know. Both of you."

Caught a little off guard by the little outburst, Ashley and Chris just looked at one another before Ashley decided she'd be the one to ask. "Ok. Why did he break up with you? How did he do it?"
Taking a deep breath, Cassy spoke in an extremely shaky voice. "I don't really know why he did it. He said that he just couldn't do this anymore. That we never saw each other so what's the point?" She laughed incredulously, wiping away the few stray tears rolling down her cheeks. "So what the fuck did he think this was gonna do? Make me want to quit my job and go everywhere he goes? I'm not like that! I like being able to support myself. I don't want to depend on a guy just so I can survive. And besides, even if I were like that, I would never quit my job. I love it at the hospital too much."

It's hard for you
When your heart has opened up to feelings that you never knew
Never thinking that you'd doubt our love
You don't know what to do
I'd give anything, my heart, my soul
If I could pull you through
Just to find again my love we hold so true
And will you arms still hold me
And your eyes console me, baby
Please don't turn you back and just pretend
That your heart still needs me
And your soul completes me
Can we find a way to fall in love again?

"What are you going to do?"

"What do you mean what am I going to do, Chris? I can't answer that. But I can tell you what I'm
not going to do. I'm not going to sit here and wait around for him. I'm not going to expect him to
come back here begging and pleading for me to take him back. I have more respect than that."
She stopped talking and tried to compose herself. But she couldn't. Down came the waterfalls of
tears once again, and they came faster than she could wipe them away. "what did I do wrong? I
loved him enough, didn't I? I didn't give into Justin or Jerry when they told me they wanted me. I
didn't because I really thought JC was the one. I didn't want to do anything to hurt him. I mean,
before I met him I was so...scared." She said in a small voice. Chris just wanted nothing more
than to reach out and hold her. But he knew she needed to get this out. Usually after you got
your feelings out, you could start trying to heal and move on. hopefully this would do her some
good. "I was scared to live. It seemed as though everyone in the world was out to hurt me, and I
felt that there was no reason for me to keep on living. No one guessed that I was so depressed.
My mutual friends thought I was fine, so did my family. Except for Ashley and Jason that is. They
were the only ones who seemed to care to know what was really going on in my head. And I'm
thankful for them. I mean, I acted normal in public, like I didn't have a care I the world. And I
put up this huge act of confidence and self respect when I really didn't care about anything at all.
I wanted to die. And again, only they knew it. Other than them, no one knew how I really felt
about anything. I never told anyone else. But there was just something great about JC.
Something unexplainable. It was like an instant attraction with us, and it made me feel as though
I had known him for years when it had only been days. I didn't know what it was though, to this
day I still don't. But there I was. Living my life with him. Loving him, doing anything I could for him. And I stopped feeling so alone. I stopped feeling so...invisible."

Cassy stopped talking and looked at her friends...her family. Both had tears in their eyes. Ashley of course knew all of this, but it was still so emotional when you saw your best friend in so much pain. And after all the pain Cassy had been through over the years? This was the last thing her heart needed.

And as every night goes by
With every lonely tear I cry
It's so clear to me
I need you by my side
And will you arms still hold me
And your eyes console me, baby
Please don't turn you back and just pretend
That your heart still needs me
And your soul completes me
Can we find a way to fall in love again?

"And wouldn't it be nice for him to just realize he lost the best thing that has ever happened to him? But I'm obviously not that, so I should just stop dreaming. And that's just what I'm going to do. I'm not going to wait around here for him to decide he needs me in his life. Like I said before, I have more respect than that." Looking at Chris, she continued. "You asked me what I was going to do, Chris. I'm going to get my stuff together, and I am going back home. Too many things here remind me of him and our time spent together. If I stay, I won't be able to move on. I mean, he obviously has, so why shouldn't I?"

"Cassy, he hasn't moved on. It was just too hard for him to be in a relationship where he didn't
get to see his girl often."

"So he figured being out of a relationship and never seeing me would be better? Fine. Then I
really have no reason to stay."

"But what if he doesn't want you to go?"

Looking away from Chris, Cassy thought for a second. Suddenly, something came to her. "Wasn't
it JC who was quoted for saying ‘don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened'?"

"Yeah, that was JC."

"Tell him that then. Because that's what I'm going to do. I'm not going to shed one more tear on
him! Never again will I cry because it's over, but I will smile because it happened."

Can we find a way to fall in love again
Oh baby, I need you to love me for the rest of my life
If we fall in love again
Would you love me for the rest of my life...
(Fall in Love Again- Jessica Simpson)

CHAPTER 30
~2 Weeks Later~

"You sure you're going to be alright?"

"I'll be fine, Ashley."

"I don't believe you, Cass."

"I don't believe it myself, but I'm sure I will be. I just need to go home for a while. Figure things
out for myself." Giving Cassy a hug, Ashley said goodbye one last time.

"Remember, I'm only a phone call away if you need anything. And I mean anything."

"I know. Thank you. But I'll be fine. I promise. Well, I'll see you soon. Goodbye Ashley. Bye
Lance." Hugging Lance, she whispered into his ear so Ashley wouldn't hear. "You take care of
her, and the baby. I don't want a repeat of last time. Only if you do it again, you will no longer be
considered a man."

"Don't worry, Cass. I couldn't do that to her again."

"You better not." Picking up her carry-on, she said one last good bye before boarding her plane
back to Buffalo.

"Do you think she'll be ok?" Lance asked as he put his arm around Ashley's waist.

"I hope so, Lance. I hope so."

~*~

Sitting in her room, Cassy hugged her legs to her chest as she watched the outside world pass her by in silence. She never even heard her bedroom door open and shut, or when her mother sat down beside her.

Reaching over to her daughter's long dark hair, Carol ran her fingers through the soft curls. "How
are you holding up, sweetie?"

Shrugging, Cassy looked to her mother. "Just a little broken. And I'm not so sure I'm fixable
anymore." Pulling Cassy to her, Carol held her baby as she sobbed into her chest. As happy as
she was to have her little girl home again, she wished it were under different circumstances.
Looking over her shoulder, Carol saw her husband standing there and she knew exactly what he
was thinking. "I told you all this would happen." From day one he hadn't approved of the
relationship. He knew it wouldn't last and in the end, his fragile baby would be the one getting
hurt. But when would she start listening to him?

~3 Weeks Later~

"So you guys are coming up next week?"

"Yea. I still have no clue what we're going to tell my parents."

"Just tell them the truth, Ashley. You're an adult, you can make your own decisions. They can't
tell you to not have his baby. Well, yea they could, but they can't expect you to listen to them.
You've started your own life in Florida. You're about to start a family. And they need to learn to
accept your choices."

"Thanks Cassy. You always knew what to say."

"What can I say? I'm the best." She laughed at herself. she never could be conceded, or act like
she was.

"So, what you doing tonight?"

"Oh. I ran into Jerry a few days ago and he wants to ‘hang out' tonight. My mom thought it was
a great idea since I haven't been out since I got here."

"Yea, I agree with Carol. It'll do you a lot of good to go out with him."

"I know. But whatever. I have to go get ready. I'll see you next week."

"Yep, bye Cassy."

"See ya." Hanging up her phone, Cassy grabbed a few things and went into the bathroom to take
a shower. After getting out, she blow dried her hair straight and then put a few curls near the ends. Then, after putting on a little make-up, she went into her closet and dug for the right outfit. Not knowing where they were headed, she settled on a pair of low-rising black pants and a rose colored dressy tank. After getting dressed, she heard the doorbell and knew Jerry was there to pick her up.

"Cassy, he's here." Her mother poked her head into her bedroom.

Smiling nervously at her mother, Cassy put her black leather boots on before grabbing her coat
and purse. Before heading down to greet him, she took one last look in the mirror.

"Goodbye, JC. Today, I start a new life, without you." Walking down the stairs to Jerry, she
couldn't help but to smile upon seeing him.

"Hi." He beamed at her.

"Hi." He stared at her in awe for a few moments before he realized what he was doing. "Oh, uh,
you ready to go?"

"Yes." Helping her put her coat on, Jerry said goodbye to Cassy's parents, as did she, and they
were gone. "So you going to tell me where we're going, or do I have to wait?"

"I think you can wait." He winked at her. She really wasn't a girl too fond of surprises, but for
him, she would make an exception. Making light yet comfortable conversation, it felt as though
the car ride was only a short while when in fact it had been a little under a half hour. "Here we
are."

"You're kidding right?"

"Why?"

"Utopia? I haven't been here in years." She laughed at him. She hadn't been here in so long.
Could they really just go back and pretend the past two years hadn't happened?

"So? Time to delve back into our past." Grabbing her hand as they exited the car, he pulled her
towards the club, and back into the past she had escaped so long ago.

~*~

Pulling into Cassy's driveway, Jerry walked to the passenger side and opened the door for her.
All night, Jerry and Cassy hadn't had one problem finding something to discuss, but as soon as they reached the door, neither could think of a thing to say.

"So." Cassy started, unsure of what to say that wouldn't suggest anything. Although that in it's own said all there was that needed to be said.

"So." Jerry too felt the nervousness.

"I had a really great time tonight. This was exactly what I needed."

"Me too." And then there was silence, again. "Well...I guess I'll talk to you tomorrow then."

"Yeah." Looking down, Cassy began fiddling with her keys. What was she doing? It was a well-known fact that when dropping a woman off after a date and she fiddles with her keys instead of going right in, she wants you to kiss her. But is that what Cassy really wanted? Sure, she had thought about it, more than once, since she had begun talking to him again. But it had been almost three years. Could they really pretend they hadn't happened and start over from where they had left off? She wasn't so sure. But before she could think anymore of the night and what she wanted, Jerry spoke again.

"Well, goodnight."

"Goodnight." Cassy responded, but neither showing any motives to move from their positions on the porch. After what seemed to be an eternity, he spoke again in barely a whisper.

"I might kiss you."

Looking into his beautiful brown eyes, Cassy felt the fire burning within her core. The fire she didn't think she'd be able to feel for a very long time, if ever again. "I might kiss you back." She admitted.

Then it happened. Jerry leaned forward and closed the gap between them. Jerry's lips were just as soft as she had remembered, she felt as though they were moving in slow motion as it all played out. But it seemed so perfect.

Slowly, Cassy brought one hand up to his neck and the other to run through his hair, pulling him closer and closer to deepen the kiss. Every sense in her body had awoken. Every little place Jerry's fingers went, her skin felt on fire, even through all the clothing, something they both wished would just go away.

Breaking the kiss, Jerry softly spoke, afraid anything above a whisper would ruin the moment. "I guess I should go now."

"Yeah." Cassy agreed, but neither was ready for the date to end here at Cassy's front door. So Jerry took a dive. What's the worst that could happen? She'd say no?

"Come with me."

Cassy didn't need to think about her answer. She needed to move on with her life, past JC. And this was the only way she knew how to do that. If she was with Jerry, then there was no way JC could enter her mind. But he just had, hadn't he? Well, that would be the last time.

"Ok."