He did it once again. He turned his head around as he walked away and flashed that smile. It seemed a lot like he knew what he was doing. I was pure and innocent. I was seventeen. I didn't understand what these kinda things meant. I only knew that he had kissed me and when a boy kisses you, no matter how big or small, it usually meant something. With Justin, though...did it? Was it a friendly kiss? Do friends in L.A. kiss on the lips? That kiss put an end to a lot of desires though. If anything, I began to dislike him. Slowly I began to see him as someone who was getting married who kissed a girl that wasn't the girl he was about to marry. The fascination with him ended there, right on my porch.

In order to love someone you must acknowledge them for what they are. And I did. I had viewed him as a man. But he was only a boy.

This is where the story really starts.

---

"I don't know what to do anymore." Justin slumped over on the bench with his elbows on his knees and a huge pout on his face.

"Oh please. You can't just buy a gift because you love her. The looking part is the most romantic part of it all. The fact that you dug through this whole town tryin' to find the one perfect house for her. That's love. So get off your ass and let's do this. I don't want this to go on for a week. It's not exactly a huge town, you know? We'll find it."

"Yeah, yeah. You know...I appreciate all of this, really. I'm sorry you have to put up with me and all but I really, really do appreciate it all. I don't know what I would have done if I had to do this on my own. I probably would have given up and bought the first house I saw. Besides...you're good company."

"Well, I'm only doing this for Jame's. But if you make her happy, well then, I guess I'll do my best to keep you happy, too." I felt that he was always pushing something. Trying to make a subtle point. But it was too subtle and I could never catch it. Good company? His eyes were directly on me when he said it. Maybe I was supposed to analyze that? I'm not too sure. I just knew to ignore it.

---

Two hours later

Justin ran his eyes back and forth across the house looking for anything he didn't like. "I think that we may have just found it."

We both looked at each other and smiled. This was home. 10 acres of home.

"You gonna wrap it up and put a bow on it? How's this supposed to work exactly?"

"Well...I don't know, actually. Any ideas? You're a girl. What do girls like?"

"I don't know. Be...spontaneous. And funny. Don't over do the suaveness. Make her feel like it's any other date but still...find a way to get her here."

Justin nodded, forming ideas in his head. "I think I have an idea."

"Already? What is it?"

---

A week later

"Do you have any thing I can wear, Adi?" Jamie made herself at home as she began rummaging through my closet, like she always does. Why she bothers asking, I'll never know.

"For what?" I asked, trying to be as nonchalant as possible.

"Justin and I are goin' out tonight. He's takin' me to dinner and stuff."

"And stuff?"

Jamie turned to me and gave me a 'think real hard' look. "Oh...ew."

"Did you just say ew?"

"No...yes. I don't know why..."

"Well, anyways. I need a really hot dress to wear."

"I don't exactly own hot dresses, Jamie, sorry."

"Oh? What's this?" She pulled out a knee length black halter dress and threw it on the bed.

"Oh yeah. That. I wore that to 9th grade homecoming. It doesn't even fit me anymore."

"Well, I'm skinnier so maybe it'll fit me."

"Oh gee thanks James!" I threw a shoe at her and purposely missed. She laughed at me as she grabbed the dress and begin changing into it. "I don't mean it that way. You look good with curves. I don't. That's just how it is."

"You are...so strange. What shoes ya gonna wear?"

"These really hot red heels I bought when I was in the N.Y. They'll go perfect. I saw girls where colored heels with black dresses all the time there. Man, I love New York. If I didn't love my family so much I'd move there. I never really felt like I fit in here, you know? I mean...I was born to be in the city. I felt...home when I was there."

"That's all that's keeping you? Family?" I admired how the dress fit her so perfectly. I was never jealous of Jamie, even though I probably should have been, but I knew that she was prettier than me. I know this because guys always look at her instead of me. I never cared too much until about 8th grade and I really liked this guy but he didn't even know I existed. He was quite aware of Jame's, though. We stopped being friends for about 2 days until we got bored and apologized so we could have fun again. I think I'm okay looking, though.

"Yeah...basically. I don't understand how people can move away from their family like that. I don't know how Justin does it. He loves his family and he's really close with them but he doesn't have any problem at all being away. That's so strange to me."

My mother had no problem leaving.

I think Jamie noticed what she had said when she saw me staring at the wall, caught in thought. "Sorry, Adi. You know what I mean." She stopped trying when she realized there wasn't a whole lot to say other than 'It's different because you're mother didn't love you.'

"I'll be right back! I'm gonna go get the shoes!"

I felt like a cripple sometimes. That's how people treated me here. It was a small town and every one knew everyone and everybody knew your story. My story was big for Smithville. It wasn't every day that a wife of 6 years and mother of a 5 year-old who seemingly had a perfect life just upped and moved away, leaving her entire life behind. Some people took it as a personal insult to their town while others secretly admired her. Others just pitied me and my father. Him for raising me alone and me for never knowing what a mother was like. But I think I would have. I think if she had stuck around I would be able to remember the things that happened when I was 3 and 4. I think when she left, after crying so long, wondering where she was...I just forgot what a mother was.

I had lots of moments like this. I would just sit and think about her. Sometimes it seems like a waste, trying to get to know someone who isn't even alive...but she was, at one time, a mother. My mother.

"So how do I look?" Jamie did a quarter turn with her hand on her hip and her chin towards her shoulder. "You look like a model. You're gonna have a lot of fun tonight, I can tell."

"I wish you'd find a boy so we could double date and all that stuff!"

"I'm okay, thanks. I'm still looking for a job. I don't have time to look for boys, too."

"But they're so much fun! You'd be a lot less stressed if you had a boyfriend."

"Jamie...go home and get ready."

"Fine. But I'm not gonna stop bugging you about this."

---

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Jamie had burst through my door with a huge smile on her face and I at once presumed that Justin had showed her the house last night.

"Good news I'm guessing?"

"IHAVEAHOUSEOHMYGOSH!"

"You have to calm down so I can understand you, James!"

"House! Justin bought us a house! You have to come see it, Adi, it's beautiful!"

I tried to act as surprised as possible as she drove me to the new house and showed everything off that I had already seen the week before. "This is so exciting! You're gonna be living on your own. With a boy!"

"I KNOW!" Evidently when somebody gets a surprise this big, they have to speak in their loudest voice.

"I'm gonna have so many parties! We have TEN ACRES, Adi! TEN!"

I thought she was gonna faint from all the excitement. Instead she ran into the dining room and slid across the floor in her socks. "I have been in the same house since the day I was born! This is...so cool! I can decorate however I want, I can mess it up however I want, clean it when I want, cook what I want...holy hell this is great! You have to get married, Adi! Just for the house!"

I laughed at her childlike excitement. This is what happens when medium-class 19 year-olds get engaged to rich 20 year-olds. For the first time since Justin had come into the picture, I was completely and only happy for her. For everything.

---

Jamie rushed around my living room, decorating and cooking for the party tonight. My house is always used for guests because it's bigger and, well, nicer. When me or Justin tried to help we just got our heads bitten off so she told us to shut up, sit down and take some time to get to know each other. We didn't argue.

"So uh...what is it you do exactly?" I had realized that I had no idea how this man just bought a $600,000 house without blinking.

"I sell airplanes."

"You...sell...airplanes?" I was thinking drug smuggler.

"Yeah. Pretty boring but I don't have to work a whole lot. I make 5% commission so basically...if I sell 2 airplanes a year I'm still making about 50 grand. And I'm charming so I usually sell more than that." He flashed the infamous grin to prove his point.

"So do you just go 'Hm...I think I'll sell an airplane today.' and go to work?"

"No, I usually work your regular 9 to 5 but since I got engaged and all, I've decided to take my vacation. And they're going to be transferring me to Austin so we can live over here. It's still an hour drive to work though. So I'll be gone 11 hours a day. Which Jame's is pretty upset about but she said she'd rather live here and have me gone 11 hours a day than live somewhere that she didn't know anybody and still have me gone 9 hours."

"I'm glad. I would hate to lose her. I know that I'd never visit her and she'd probably hate me for it and we'd wind up hating each other. And it would be all your fault."

"And I would hate to carry all that guilt."

"And you have yet to experience the guilt that I would treat you to."

"Is that a threat?" He said with a crooked smile.

"Oh, it's a promise."

He hit me with a throw pillow and started heading towards the kitchen for a snack.

"What are you doing? Sit down." Jamie pushed his chest back until he sat back down on the couch. Luckily, I had already sat back down before she yelled at me, too.

"Is she always like this?"

"She has to have perfect parties. She should be a party planner. But I don't think anybody would want to work for her." I paused and looked at her as she frantically set up a flower display on the coffee table in front of us, making sure it was perfectly centered and arranged. "That looks gorgeous, Jame's."

She mumbled a thank you before scurrying into the kitchen.

"How come she can go in the kitchen but I can't?"

"Because she doesn't want you getting full before dinner. She's always worried that she'll make all this food and it won't get eaten. Which is crazy because the people in this town live for events like this."

"Event? This is an event?"

"Yes, of course! It's the engagement party. Where you meet her friends and family and vice versa and everybody knows you're engaged and we all talk about the wedding and blah blah blah."

"I still think it's weird. Everybody who we've invited already knows we're engaged. As soon as we invited them they knew."

"Is Justy Wusty not a party person?"

"No, no. I love parties. I just don't like...this stuff."

"It's your stuff so you should be excited and enjoy this. Just think of it as a birthday. A stepping stone. Marking a change in your life."

"Isn't that what the wedding is for?"

"The wedding is a commitment. It's marking the end of a lifestyle. They're two completely different things, Justin."

"Do you just sit there and think of weddings and the meanings behind every detail of them?"

"Not quite. Actually, Jamie just gave me this speech this morning when I asked her what the point of an engagement party was."

Justin exhaled deeply and put his hands on the top of his head. "I'm getting married in two weeks. Five months ago I was single and going home with a different girl every night. Now, here I am, settling down. This is...insane. Do you think we're being stupid for all of this? Getting married so quick and everything?"

"Why does it matter what I think? If you love her...you love her. And that's it. Personally, I would never make such a rash decision...but that's just me. I don't really date so uh...I don't know how that works."

"Really? Why don't you date?"

"Just...busy I guess. I don't really like any of the guys around here. All the guys I know are my friends and...they think I'm a boy so...whatever. I don't really care."

"I don't know why they would think of you as a boy. Even the way you dress...it doesn't play down the fact that you're pretty. You're definitely a woman."

I could feel myself turning red and if I hadn't felt it, I would have known by the look on Justin's face. "I didn't mean to embarrass you. But you are."

I shook my head and laughed nervously. "Thank you."

"I think if I hadn't met Jamie first...you'd definitely be put into consideration."

I eyed him in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I don't mean anything by it." I could tell he was trying to take back what he said and reverse it. "I just think...you're different. I don't see a lot of girls like you. I'd have been...intrigued. Not like..." He sighed in defeat. "Sorry."

"Don't be. I know what you mean. And thank you." I didn't know what he meant but I could tell the situation was making him uncomfortable so I decided to change the subject without seeming desperate for it.

"You're so lucky to have her. I understand why guys look at her and want her...but when you actually get to know her, she's so much more than that. She's one of the nicest and most sincere people I've ever met. If I looked like her and got all the attention that she does...I'd probably be a spoiled brat."

"I know, trust me. When I met her, well, my intentions weren't exactly honorable. But she just...blew me away."

"She's my best friend." I looked at her and nodded, feeling secure in my words. Knowing that she always would be.

"Mine, too." I looked at Justin and knew he was thinking the same thing. What I didn't know was that in that look there was something deeper. An apology.